The poor man's escape velocity
November 4, 2005 5:40 AM   Subscribe

Acid Round the Clock : stories. No, not stories about acid. (Or are they?) "This isn't my fucking persona," he said, louder, more forcefully, turning over more tables as he headed for the door. But instead of using the door when he got there, he jumped through the plate glass front window beside it, and, while he was still in midair, continued intoning, even louder, "And THIS isn't my fucking persona EITHER!"
posted by Drexen (11 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
The article on Wal-Marx is hilarious. Is this the Onion w/ more attitude - Satire is good!
posted by flowfeel at 5:58 AM on November 4, 2005

"What's a MetroPass?" she said. "There's no such thing. I'm afraid the DMV does not issue or honor MetroPasses."

I started getting impatient. "It's something you flash," I said. "Characters in science fiction stories have them all the time. They walk up to people or windows or whatever and flash their MetroCard or MetroPass or OmniTicket. It goes by a lot of different names depending on the story. But they're all the same."

"This isn't a story, sir. This is the DMV. Are you here for a driving test?"

"The DMV IS a story!" I corrected her. "The DMV is a STORY in MEATSPACE!" I explained. "What's a driving test?"

"So you can get or renew a drivers' license."

"What's a drivers' license? Is that like a MetroPass?" I asked.

"So you can legally drive a car in the state of California," she said, not getting impatient at all -- but that's because everybody was so fucking hang loose at the New DMV.

"Why the FUCK," I said, really beyond all reconciliation with time at this point, "Why the FUCK would I want to drive a fucking car in the state of California!!? -- and even if I DID (want to drive a fucking car in the state of California) -- Why the DOUBLE FUCK would I want to do it LEGALLY??!!"

posted by Drexen at 6:08 AM on November 4, 2005

People at nearby tables politely choked on their food or spit out their coffee. The sound of stifled, unrequited vomit could be heard.

This is where they lost me. I mean, I've overheard some conversations over the last few years, in restaurants, which were pretty shocking. I don't believe in anyone's innocence anymore, just a power struggle.
posted by nervousfritz at 6:17 AM on November 4, 2005

I'll 'ave a double 'elping of everything -- and don't skip on the pate.
posted by gorgor_balabala at 6:44 AM on November 4, 2005

Amusing, edgy, elusive.

When you/I die, you/I don't want to do it lying in bed or in a coma. You/I want to be conscious and sitting in a chair -- so you/I can stamp your/my feet rhythmically as you/I chant your my dying words: "RE-FUND! RE-FUND! RE-FUND."

posted by snoktruix at 7:14 AM on November 4, 2005

At which point I'll get all massively self-righteous and unload.

I'm with nervousfritzon this one... sounds like some angst-ridden teen's fantasies after watching (insert hipster film of choice here)
posted by prostyle at 7:34 AM on November 4, 2005

What the hell is unrequited vomit?
posted by MrMoonPie at 7:38 AM on November 4, 2005

*yaaaawn* Sub-Burroughs, sub-Aylett clumsy try-hard. Subversive art is dead.
posted by RokkitNite at 7:52 AM on November 4, 2005

Good post. Fun reading.
posted by StarForce5 at 8:27 AM on November 4, 2005

Interesting. Too red though.
posted by Smedleyman at 8:28 AM on November 4, 2005

There's some raw talent there. Unrefined, uncooked talent - but talent nonetheless. They need to edit more. And maybe stop watching Fight Club.

Nonetheless I shall return. The "RE-FUND" piece is pure poetry.

Thanks for the link.
posted by poweredbybeard at 9:46 AM on November 4, 2005

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