Cereal Killer
November 12, 2005 9:25 AM Subscribe
I love the cans.
posted by inconsequentialist at 9:35 AM on November 12, 2005 [1 favorite]
posted by inconsequentialist at 9:35 AM on November 12, 2005 [1 favorite]
Next up: Mayostard! It's Mustard and Mayonnaise in one bottle!
Why waste time spreading condiments from TWO bottles when it's all packed together in one!
posted by papakwanz at 9:39 AM on November 12, 2005
Why waste time spreading condiments from TWO bottles when it's all packed together in one!
posted by papakwanz at 9:39 AM on November 12, 2005
Why waste time spreading condiments from TWO bottles when it's all packed together in one!
Uncle Sam: "Let's get the HELL out of here!"
Or was that Mustardayonaise?
posted by Mayor Curley at 9:51 AM on November 12, 2005
Uncle Sam: "Let's get the HELL out of here!"
Or was that Mustardayonaise?
posted by Mayor Curley at 9:51 AM on November 12, 2005
Fruit, Peanut Butter, Chocolate? I'm holding out for something more healthy, maybe soybean based. How about a Soylent Green liquid cereal?
posted by jmccorm at 10:00 AM on November 12, 2005
posted by jmccorm at 10:00 AM on November 12, 2005
Why give it a semblance of nutrition? I want liquid chocolate cake and liquid cinnamon rolls. I'm so glad they're saving me the time it takes to chew.
posted by wendyfairy at 10:03 AM on November 12, 2005
posted by wendyfairy at 10:03 AM on November 12, 2005
...college kids really liked Liquid Cereal. They were saying things like, ‘When I was young, I used to have Fruit Loops,’
You are not permitted to wax nostalgic about something you still can (and probably do, judging from college students I have known) eat every single day.
the $337 billion convenience store and petroleum-marketing industry’s “must-attend” event.
And I missed it.
posted by Wolfdog at 10:13 AM on November 12, 2005
You are not permitted to wax nostalgic about something you still can (and probably do, judging from college students I have known) eat every single day.
the $337 billion convenience store and petroleum-marketing industry’s “must-attend” event.
And I missed it.
posted by Wolfdog at 10:13 AM on November 12, 2005
To make this stuff digestible, in the absence of chewing, they will have to add artificial saliva to it. Anyone checked the fine print on the Contents label?
Note to manufacturer:
The chewing process releases saliva -- containing a different set of enzymes than those produced in the stomach. The salivary enzymes, produced and mixed into the food along with mastication, are part of digestion, and are needed for cereal grains to be properly digestible.
Lacking these, undigested carbohydrate goes into the intestine, where bacteria digest it, producing flatuence.
Oh -- for the kids' market, that's a feature, not a bug?
Nevermind.
posted by hank at 10:29 AM on November 12, 2005
Note to manufacturer:
The chewing process releases saliva -- containing a different set of enzymes than those produced in the stomach. The salivary enzymes, produced and mixed into the food along with mastication, are part of digestion, and are needed for cereal grains to be properly digestible.
Lacking these, undigested carbohydrate goes into the intestine, where bacteria digest it, producing flatuence.
Oh -- for the kids' market, that's a feature, not a bug?
Nevermind.
posted by hank at 10:29 AM on November 12, 2005
Next up: Mayostard! It's Mustard and Mayonnaise in one bottle!
Why stop there? This (sorry, Portuguese) mades me shudder every time I see it at the grocery store.
But the liquid cereal? Ew. Anything that comes pre-chewed is wrong. (Unless you're a baby bird.)
posted by wallaby at 10:33 AM on November 12, 2005
Why stop there? This (sorry, Portuguese) mades me shudder every time I see it at the grocery store.
But the liquid cereal? Ew. Anything that comes pre-chewed is wrong. (Unless you're a baby bird.)
posted by wallaby at 10:33 AM on November 12, 2005
Best statistic: 98% of people could identify the product from reading the label.
Hmmm. If only it had mushrooms...
posted by Busithoth at 10:38 AM on November 12, 2005
Hmmm. If only it had mushrooms...
posted by Busithoth at 10:38 AM on November 12, 2005
Those BevNET product reviews are priceless.
Apple & Cinnamon Liquid Cereal definitely lives up to its name as the product truly does taste like apple & cinnamon flavored cereal.
Another triumph!
Peanut Butter Liquid Cereal is one of the only (if not the only) peanut butter flavored beverage we've sampled.
There's a reason, people. There's a reason.
posted by chrismear at 11:30 AM on November 12, 2005
Apple & Cinnamon Liquid Cereal definitely lives up to its name as the product truly does taste like apple & cinnamon flavored cereal.
Another triumph!
Peanut Butter Liquid Cereal is one of the only (if not the only) peanut butter flavored beverage we've sampled.
There's a reason, people. There's a reason.
posted by chrismear at 11:30 AM on November 12, 2005
Beer is my liquid cereal, thank you.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 11:43 AM on November 12, 2005
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 11:43 AM on November 12, 2005
Still waiting for "Nuts and Gum" (together at last!).
posted by neuron at 11:44 AM on November 12, 2005
posted by neuron at 11:44 AM on November 12, 2005
Items like this make me wish that Inconspicuous Consumption was still around. So many weird products, so little time...
posted by JDC8 at 1:44 PM on November 12, 2005
posted by JDC8 at 1:44 PM on November 12, 2005
I love how the can says, "Made With Real Cereal."
posted by mowglisambo at 3:44 PM on November 12, 2005
posted by mowglisambo at 3:44 PM on November 12, 2005
mowglisambo: Yes, harvested from the cereal forests of Ecuador. Although there's some controversy over that. Multinational corporations are coming in with their fertilizers and genetic engineering, and they are devastating the local environment. Why, the chemicals they use to make the genetically-modified Chocula Bush are so toxic to other plants that the Cheerio Tree is nearly wiped out.
posted by papakwanz at 4:30 PM on November 12, 2005
posted by papakwanz at 4:30 PM on November 12, 2005
Pepsi + Blue = ?
posted by clevershark at 4:36 PM on November 12, 2005
posted by clevershark at 4:36 PM on November 12, 2005
I swear that this kind of thing has been around for years already. At least ten.
posted by sjvilla79 at 7:26 PM on November 12, 2005
posted by sjvilla79 at 7:26 PM on November 12, 2005
Pepsi...Cereal? PepsiMilk? Eww.
Peanut Butter Liquid Cereal is one of the only (if not the only) peanut butter flavored beverage we've sampled.
The hell you say!
Chocolate-Peanut Butter milkshakes are good enough to die for. Literally. You can get 'em at Sonic, but they mostly suck compared to more gourmet offerings.
Also, if you get a ChocoNillaBerry Neopolitan shake from In-n-Out, for some reason it tastes like peanut butter occasionally. I merely pray that this is not due to "special sauces" added by the staff due to my absurd In-n-Out ordering style.
posted by loquacious at 2:17 AM on November 13, 2005
Peanut Butter Liquid Cereal is one of the only (if not the only) peanut butter flavored beverage we've sampled.
The hell you say!
Chocolate-Peanut Butter milkshakes are good enough to die for. Literally. You can get 'em at Sonic, but they mostly suck compared to more gourmet offerings.
Also, if you get a ChocoNillaBerry Neopolitan shake from In-n-Out, for some reason it tastes like peanut butter occasionally. I merely pray that this is not due to "special sauces" added by the staff due to my absurd In-n-Out ordering style.
posted by loquacious at 2:17 AM on November 13, 2005
I love how the can says, "Made With Real Cereal."
Yeah I'm getting into the upscale gourmet market with my new Mama Gravy Homemade Liquid Cereal Line: "Cereal and Milk just like your mama makes!"
Now in 3 Great New Flavors:
Fruity Pebbles 'n Half & Half
Wheaties 'n Lowfat Milk
Capt'n Crunch 'n Whole Milk
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 9:25 AM on November 13, 2005
Yeah I'm getting into the upscale gourmet market with my new Mama Gravy Homemade Liquid Cereal Line: "Cereal and Milk just like your mama makes!"
Now in 3 Great New Flavors:
Fruity Pebbles 'n Half & Half
Wheaties 'n Lowfat Milk
Capt'n Crunch 'n Whole Milk
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 9:25 AM on November 13, 2005
Dear Mr. Metafilter,
Thank you for the interest in our Breakfast On The GoTM brand of nutritional drinks made with Real Cereal. To introduce you to our new Office MateTM brand of Liquid Lunch, we have enclosed this coupon good for $1.00 off your next purchase of 3 cans of Office MateTM available in three great flavors:
New! Tacos 'N Pepsi
New! Ham & Swiss on Rye 'N Cream Soda
New! Cheeseburger & Chili Fries 'N Chocolate Shake
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 9:37 AM on November 13, 2005
Thank you for the interest in our Breakfast On The GoTM brand of nutritional drinks made with Real Cereal. To introduce you to our new Office MateTM brand of Liquid Lunch, we have enclosed this coupon good for $1.00 off your next purchase of 3 cans of Office MateTM available in three great flavors:
New! Tacos 'N Pepsi
New! Ham & Swiss on Rye 'N Cream Soda
New! Cheeseburger & Chili Fries 'N Chocolate Shake
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 9:37 AM on November 13, 2005
Mmmm . . . brightly colored over-sweet gritty milk sludge. And so many more untapped markets for various canned breakfast residues; finished plates across America with troughs and deltas of bacon grease, yolk snot and pancake syrup are like little chemistry sets covered in dollar signs.
posted by dgaicun at 11:29 PM on November 13, 2005
posted by dgaicun at 11:29 PM on November 13, 2005
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posted by empath at 9:30 AM on November 12, 2005