Collect em' all...

December 1, 2005 2:40 AM

"I would get a doll that cried or peed when you pressed its stomach, and think it was pretty lame. I'd be like, 'Mom, I don't want this. Can I return it for a camping set?'" With NSFW accessories? I guess a plain, old creepy doll is now out of the question as a gift?
posted by Rothko (35 comments total)

Where is rent boy Ken?
posted by DrDoberman at 3:07 AM on December 1, 2005

I was going to say, "how do those dolls dress any differently?" until I saw the leather harnesses...
posted by provolot at 3:13 AM on December 1, 2005

Considering what many lesbians have been complaining about over the years regarding Barbie, and unrealistic patriarchal beauty standards, these dolls sure do hew fairly closely to those same playbook standards.

Where are the liberated dyke dolls?!
posted by dgaicun at 4:42 AM on December 1, 2005

Won't these dyke dolls set a biased stereotype for young girls? Why do impressionable children, or their parents, have to choose between Barbie (with unrealistic, impossible-to-emulate physical features) or Dyke Dolls (stereotypical butch haircuts, pornographic and promiscuous accessories)?

Why can't children's toys be modeled after realistic, rational professional women? Such as a erudite female professor with a PhD who enjoys suffering on the weekends, maintains a svelte figure because of her athletic recreation, and whose sexual orientation is a private, personal matter left to the child's imagination? (Comes with a long-board accessory.)

Oh, that's right. Malibu Stacy will always win over Lisa Lionheart.

Or these dolls are marketed to lesbians who collect dolls. To each their own.

And this post actually seems to be about a boycott over a band that states "I Can."

Well, [newsfilter], they're women. They can and they will.
posted by Colloquial Collision at 4:54 AM on December 1, 2005

Get yer Andrea Dworkin dolls here.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 4:56 AM on December 1, 2005

GOD DAMN IT ALL TO HELL.

That's suppossed to be 'surfing' not 'suffering'.

I need sleep.
posted by Colloquial Collision at 4:56 AM on December 1, 2005

This will probably be funnier in a few hours. WTF, Mike.
posted by Colloquial Collision at 4:58 AM on December 1, 2005

Colloquial Collision:

There are plenty of good roll model dolls out there.
posted by terrapin at 5:10 AM on December 1, 2005

Still waiting for Teen Pregnancy Barbie and the Crack Whore Doll...
posted by londonmark at 5:15 AM on December 1, 2005

That's suppossed to be 'surfing' not 'suffering'.

That's too bad, because I thought that was really fucking clever.
posted by dgaicun at 5:22 AM on December 1, 2005

Can you get one with Kung-Fu grip?
posted by three blind mice at 5:33 AM on December 1, 2005

Colloquial Collision, what do you mean by "promiscuous accesories"? I really don't see how a vibrator, or even something specifically designed to be used with a partner, such as a strap-on, equates with promiscuity.
posted by amarynth at 5:45 AM on December 1, 2005

That's supposed to be 'surfing' not 'suffering'.

Thank your lucky stars I didn't link to the picture on this page instead.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 5:58 AM on December 1, 2005

BTW, that last link is probably NSFW.

Sorry.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 5:59 AM on December 1, 2005

Peter: That Shari doll ties in nicely with Rothko's Dalek post too.

Someone's shopping for their naughty list, me thinks ;)
posted by terrapin at 6:05 AM on December 1, 2005

Oh, lordy, Rothko -- thank you. First decent smile of the day.

That "Bobbie" doll is kind of hawt...
posted by lodurr at 6:31 AM on December 1, 2005

Rockabilly Bobbie made my day. Sigh. If only she would come to life....
posted by matildaben at 6:36 AM on December 1, 2005

Actually, I consider American Girl dolls to be anything but plain and creepy. Of course, I'm just familiar w/ the dolls they had when I was growing up (which I never had) and not their new lines. They're just historical reproductions of, say, a Colonial girl w/ typical accessories for that time period.
posted by artifarce at 7:03 AM on December 1, 2005

The only dolls that a hypothetical daughter of mine will have will be built out of lego.
posted by dobie at 7:33 AM on December 1, 2005

There are plenty of good roll model dolls out there.

Damn straight.
posted by jonmc at 7:38 AM on December 1, 2005

Whoever designed that dykedolls logo wasn't making even the slightest attempt at subtlety.
posted by rocket88 at 7:44 AM on December 1, 2005

I don't think these are for children.
posted by thirteenkiller at 7:46 AM on December 1, 2005

CC, the fact that there are two different models of dildo harness (one with a crotch strap, one that permits penetration) suggests to me that these are intended for dykes who like dolls.

And your "rational, realistic" PhD surfer chick doll? Would have bored me stiff as a kid. She sounds like your fantasy -- with or without the suffering.
posted by ottereroticist at 8:02 AM on December 1, 2005

I don't think these are for children.

Following that whole disingenuous quasi-academic meme of "there is no such thing as gender" I suppose that you could also say that there is no one definition of childhood.
posted by dobie at 8:09 AM on December 1, 2005

Would have bored me stiff as a kid.

Is that "bored" or "board"?

She sounds like your fantasy

Ya think?
posted by lodurr at 8:12 AM on December 1, 2005

Roll model dolls?
posted by Opposite George at 8:19 AM on December 1, 2005

I'm a lesbian who's not really into the whole dyke-thing, but I really liked the "mommies" one (under "baby dykes") Awww.... so cute....
posted by arcticwoman at 9:15 AM on December 1, 2005

Nothing says role model like Feral Cheryl!
posted by mygothlaundry at 10:27 AM on December 1, 2005

Kids need someone to look up to.
posted by dgaicun at 10:46 AM on December 1, 2005

Er, I don't think these are for kids either.

This is such an issue with me right now as my daughter is five, loves playing with dolls, and just seems to gravitate towards Barbies, even though my wife & I decided long ago that we weren't going to 'bring the children up that way'. I don't know how they got in our house, but there they are, and she loves them.

I don't take her to McDonald's either, but I guess somebody did because she had a Brats doll from there as well - which she loved even more than the Barbies (cuz Brats are "rock stars", heh). I think I finally hid the Brats doll, I hated it so much. But then my mom bought her a Brats backpack (one of the other girls in her kindergarten class has the same bag). It's horrible stuff, truly. At least she hasn't seen any of their videos.

I think the crux of the issue is that girls like to play with a fantasy version of themselves, just like I liked playing with GI Joe and Action Man when I was a kid, imagining that I was the one jumping from a helicopter onto a jeep or whatever. I don't know that a "realistic, rational professional" as CC describes would hold a little girl's attention, and, as a library technician myself, I certainly don't want her playing with the shushing librarian doll either (even though I think they're really funny). Well, actually, I wouldn't mind her playing with it, but I doubt some old lady in a plain dress is going to wow her either.

She liked the Groovy Girls for a time, and they were fine, but they're soft & she seems to equate hard plastic with being a "real doll" (let's not even get into real Real Dolls!). I like the Feral Cheryl uppost but they look soft as well. The best I've found thus far has been the Durham Red doll. Oh, I mean action figure, sorry. She lost the guns right away, and just became a 'cool lady'.

Anyways, seriously, if anyone knows where to find dolls that are like Barbie without all the qualities Barbie is hated for, please link. Christmas is just around the corner!
posted by stinkycheese at 12:43 PM on December 1, 2005

Ah, Durham Red. GeekFlashBack. Recognising that name, I did a quick google. and I had no idea she went on to become a motif for the legends behind the truth after her Strontium Dog days. Not that I've thought about her in years. the things you find when you should really be working.
posted by Sparx at 1:19 PM on December 1, 2005

There's always the Wahhabist approved Razanne doll. 45% less likely to cause male arousal or future eating disorders. It also has darker skin - that's three more Progress Points!
posted by dgaicun at 2:14 PM on December 1, 2005

Stinkycheese: You might like the Hip Girls collection from Götz (click through "Our dolls" - "Play Dolls" and search for "Hip Girl" under collection or "articulated hard body" under doll type. More clothes under "boutique." Alternatively, look at the PDF catalog)

They are 14" hard vinyl, the clothes may not be exactly what you want, but the body shape is that of a pre-teen girl and I think the faces are cute and realistic. They are based in Germany though so I'm having a hard time finding ordering information. That's hopefully a start though. Try eBay maybe? Definitely not as cheap as Barbies!

They have 18" soft bodies dolls too, but if she shows interest in that, I heartily reccomend American Girl because I adored my Felicity (who was lovely and NOT creepy!) when I was growing up and I was the antithesis of "girly." The dolls have well fleshed out characters, historical fiction books, and are very girl positive. Too old for five, but if she still likes dolls at seven might be a hit (many of her peers might have them by then). The dolls and their accessories are really sturdy and beautiful, I've kept all of my things for any future nieces or daughters, although I read the books to pieces. They have modern, customizable dolls now too!
posted by nelleish at 7:28 PM on December 1, 2005

I really don't see how a vibrator, or even something specifically designed to be used with a partner, such as a strap-on, equates with promiscuity.

I suppose sex-toys don't automatically engender promiscuity. What I wrote is incorrect, sorry.

She sounds like your fantasy

Well, I was using a real-life example as a model for a hypothetical doll.

I liked Legos as kid. So coming up with doll concepts isn't my forte.
posted by Colloquial Collision at 10:52 PM on December 1, 2005

I showed my daughter the Hip Girls nelleish, and she thought they were great. There's even a store that sells them in the GTA too, so we'll try & get by there to have a look before Christmas. Thanks.
posted by stinkycheese at 10:03 AM on December 7, 2005