Regarding the Medicinal Use of the SuperSoaker
January 6, 2006 6:15 PM   Subscribe

A novel method for the removal of ear cerumen.
posted by five fresh fish (58 comments total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
 
Read the disclaimers, too.
posted by five fresh fish at 6:16 PM on January 6, 2006


umm . . . that looks safe.
posted by nola at 6:24 PM on January 6, 2006


awesome
posted by philcliff at 6:28 PM on January 6, 2006


Supersoaker saved my marriage!
posted by parallax7d at 6:43 PM on January 6, 2006


Forwarded to my river rafting buddies.
posted by ottereroticist at 6:47 PM on January 6, 2006


"His hearing loss was reducing his ability to hear his newborn son cry in the middle of the night, requiring his wife to carry out all late-night child care. As a result, correction of the problem was considered urgent."

I'll just bet she considered it urgent!
posted by Zinger at 6:51 PM on January 6, 2006


Now I know why my little sister always hated those ear cleaning treatments. Ouch!
posted by caddis at 6:58 PM on January 6, 2006


Hee hee, don't miss the footnotes:

Disclaimer: Despite what bush-mad physicians may get up to on their private islands, CMAJ by no means endorses this particular application of the Super Soaker Max-Whatever. Do not try this at home.

Acknowledgements: The authors would like to particularly thank Mr. Charlie Bannister, age 4, for his gracious loan of his Super Soaker Max-D 5000 for this pressing clinical and social need.

Competing interests: None of the authors holds stock in the Super Soaker Max-D 5000, water pistols or any devices of that kind.

(Man, I love that dry bush doctor humor, to say nothing of med journal humor -- add the Canadian factor to it for an extra lemon twist and you're reaching maximum humor dessicant levels.)
posted by melissa may at 7:10 PM on January 6, 2006


Crikey, does the man ever clean his ears? How does this happen if you bathe daily? Yuck.
posted by onegreeneye at 7:11 PM on January 6, 2006


Related AskMe.
posted by hangashore at 7:26 PM on January 6, 2006


Now they tell me. (Speak up, sonny!)
posted by davy at 7:34 PM on January 6, 2006


Crikey, does the man ever clean his ears?

Yes. That's the problem.

Note the mention of Q-tips. Q-tips are widely used to (supposedly) clean wax from the ear canal, despite warnings on the package not to do so. They don't work. Q-tips push the wax ever further in, until you get the 'impacted cement-like' plugs of cerumen (ear wax) mentioned in the article.

Don't do this.

[on preview: the AskMe also inveighs against Q-tips. They can cause injury—puncturing the eardrum and whatnot—but the main reason not to use them is that they make the problem worse.]
posted by Slithy_Tove at 7:34 PM on January 6, 2006


onegreeneye, has nuttin' to do with aural hygiene — some of us are natural cerumen aggregators. First time I had a canal unplugged, it was on one side only. It affected my balance so strongly that I was lurching sideways for a couple of days.

Cool post, f³.
posted by rob511 at 7:35 PM on January 6, 2006


on preview
posted by rob511 at 7:36 PM on January 6, 2006


"...a Tupperware container (product number 1611-16)..."

Dammit, all we have here is a GladWare model 223!
posted by mr_crash_davis at 7:48 PM on January 6, 2006


Ethically, I am against the the removal of ear cerumen.
posted by Peter H at 7:48 PM on January 6, 2006


Note the mention of Q-tips. Q-tips are widely used to (supposedly) clean wax from the ear canal, despite warnings on the package not to do so. They don't work. Q-tips push the wax ever further in, until you get the 'impacted cement-like' plugs of cerumen (ear wax) mentioned in the article.

Don't do this.


I cannot be the only person who knows this but compulsively does it every morning anyway... can I?

I can't help myself.
posted by Meredith at 7:52 PM on January 6, 2006


Man, I was hoping for a big cerumen picture.
posted by VulcanMike at 7:53 PM on January 6, 2006


I prefer the old fashioned way. A technique purportedly used to loosen impacted matter in other cavities as well.
posted by madamjujujive at 8:21 PM on January 6, 2006


"A 15% discount will be creditted to your next purchase if one or more people mention your name while making their own purchase"

No way in hell.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 8:28 PM on January 6, 2006


The owner of the Super Soaker Max-D 5000 was sought out; after hearing an explanation of its intended application, he granted permission for its use.

Heh.
posted by jimmythefish at 8:32 PM on January 6, 2006


"I cannot be the only person who knows this but compulsively does it every morning anyway... can I?

I can't help myself."


Absolutely not. I forcibly scrub the interior of my ear with a Q-Tip brand cotton swab every single day, and have for as long as I can remember. It cleans out the water from the shower and also feels magnificent.
I've never experienced any ill effects, my ear doctor says I'm tip top, and I think the anti Q-Tip crowd has about as much credibility as the anti-msg crowd.

Q-tips! Stick them in your ears! It feels good!

Go ahead and cite your internet studies and other hogwash. I'll not stop my pleasant daily q-tipping just because some codgers want to piss in my cornflakes.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 8:58 PM on January 6, 2006


Madam JJJ: Ear candles are classic hokum - to physically suck wax out of the ear canal requires far more force than that produced by head rising from a wick.

Far better off with a super soaker.
posted by aladfar at 8:58 PM on January 6, 2006


I mean: heat rising from a wick . . .
posted by aladfar at 9:01 PM on January 6, 2006


Actually, I tried the ear candles once (to pacify my slightly odd mother) and they worked. Incredibly well.

Kind of disgustingly well.

But they don't feel as good as Q-tips (balrog gets this!). And I wasn't entirely comfortable with lighting things on fire and then sticking them out of my ears.
posted by Meredith at 9:05 PM on January 6, 2006


the brown crap in ear candles is the singed wax. To prove this, light one by itself and you'll see the same crud on the inside. At least it's not a butt candle.
posted by craniac at 9:07 PM on January 6, 2006


Craniac is correct; ear candling simply does not produce any significant vacuum and removes no wax. The crud you see afterwards is not ear wax, it's burning residue.
posted by Justinian at 9:29 PM on January 6, 2006


hilarious!

the general rule of ear care: nothing smaller than yr elbow goes into yr ear canal. of course, bazillions of people use q-tips, pens, pen caps, sewing needles and all sorts of other things to clean their ear out.

this is dangerous, for obvious reasons.

i saw an older gentleman who's primary complaint was "loss hearing in right ear." he said this happened quite suddenly a couple of weeks prior to presentation, and he denied sticking anything in his ear. his ears had a decent amount of wax in em, and i couldn't really see the eardrum. regardless, i did all sorts of tests, some involving a tuning fork.

loaded up a small syringe with a mixture of warm water and peroxide, stuck a small flexible bit at the end and squirted the dood's ear. after a couple of squirts, a massive plug of wax popped out! MASSIVE. this was immediately followed by hoopin n hollerin by the patient, who miraculously had his hearing restored. he knocked over the small tray which had the water that had gone into his ear, a couple of small plugs of wax and the gigantor plug mentioned above.

i've seen, smelled, and touched a lot of foul things. i've had poop flung at me, people barf on me and babies pee on me. and the only thing that really makes me ill is freakin ear wax.

i mean, just thinking about what it could possibly smell like makes me nauseated.

(oh, and he admitted to lying about using q-tips 8P).
posted by herrdoktor at 9:35 PM on January 6, 2006 [1 favorite]


Yeah, I just went to google to try and find a picture of what came out, all "no, no you don't understand!" and found this.

Ugh.
posted by Meredith at 9:35 PM on January 6, 2006


Stop, aladfar, you pain me! How can you disparage the benefits of ear candling? It is my second favorite medicinal therapy, and it coordinates so nicely with my first.
posted by madamjujujive at 9:47 PM on January 6, 2006


perhaps it has to do with ear canal size or something, but i'm totally with baby balrog on this. i'm fastidious about aural hygiene and i use q-tips every day after showering -- i gets in there deep, yo.

i think the problem arises if you have a wax accumulation and then start poking around with a q-tip. but if you do it daily there's no chance for the wax to build up and thereby get impacted.

viva los q-tips!
posted by Hat Maui at 9:59 PM on January 6, 2006


Did you read the captions, Meredith? That goop is from the candle: the "control" was burned without being placed in an ear, the "used in patient" was. Both have the same goop. It seems unlikely that the one used for ear-waxing did anything useful.

The scary thing about mjj's magnetic headgear is that it isn't clearly labelled as to which side should face in. If you put it on backwards it will actually crush your chakra, generate melancholic visions, cause bilious humours, and a yield phlegmatic disposition. This is, of course, exactly opposite what was intended, but by that point it is far too late.

I won't inflict upon you the vivid and disturbing problems caused when one accidently uses a oppositely-poled magnetic insoles, causing a closed magnetic loop passing through the groin. Horrific is too tame a word. You would gibber with madness, I say.
posted by five fresh fish at 10:58 PM on January 6, 2006 [1 favorite]


Did you read the captions, Meredith? That goop is from the candle: the "control" was burned without being placed in an ear, the "used in patient" was. Both have the same goop. It seems unlikely that the one used for ear-waxing did anything useful.

Yeah, that was my point- I was responding to craniac, and pointing out that I discovered he was right in my efforts to prove him wrong.
posted by Meredith at 11:16 PM on January 6, 2006


I tried the ear candles once to absolutely no effect whatsoever.

I also had to have my ears syringed to get rid of wax buildup many years ago. It did't hurt, but it definitely made me flinch and plugs of wax about the size of the end of my pinky came out of both my ears. (Gross, I know, but since we're sharing...) I also have been a Q-tip user all my life.
posted by wsg at 11:47 PM on January 6, 2006


actually, Q-tips can work quite nicely, but you have to have a deft touch, and I find a gentle twisting motion scrubs the old ear canal quite nicely, and can unplug a cerumen glopped canal.

If you've got shitty motor skills, or q-tips just scare ya, a single square of toilet paper, folded in half, then twisted into a sort of conical shape works as well or even better.
Plus, tp is cheap, and ya can flush the nasties.

You twist it into the ear canal the same direction as you twisted it up, keeping it nice and thin and rigid. Then, when it's in place, twist it in the opposite direction, causing the end to momentarily flare out and grab up all that gloppy earwax, before becoming narrow and rigid again.

Repeat until cleanly, and don't forget to flush.
posted by stenseng at 12:09 AM on January 7, 2006


This post is now ++awesome... thanks, herrdoktor !
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 12:39 AM on January 7, 2006


Another vote for excellent. I am a lifelong hyperearwaxarificy patient, and while I don't plan on trying this in lieu of visiting my GP, I now know what to do when stuck in an isolated place with a super soaker and a giant ball of wax in my ear.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 7:51 AM on January 7, 2006


I didn't understand the digust that people mentioned at earwax. I use Q-tips and never find anything super gross.
So, of course, I HAD to google it and found this and this (NSF people who don't want to lose their lunch).
Ugh.
posted by j at 8:14 AM on January 7, 2006


There are two types of ear wax: dry and crumbly or moist and adhesive. Oddly enough, while some researchers believe that the consistency of ear-wax is under genetic control, (to the point of believing that ear wax, rather than skin tone, is a distinguishing characteristic of race) others use a discussion of the genetic origins of ear wax in a racist diatribe. (WARNING: that last link is racist and offensive.)
posted by leftcoastbob at 8:27 AM on January 7, 2006


Q-tips are fine - you don't pump it in and out of your ear canal, just gently swab around soaking up the moisture after showering.

The cotton-tipped swab: a major cause of ear injury and hearing loss. (1975)

Effect of cotton-tipped swab use on ear-wax occlusion. (It finds that cotton swab usage is associated with cerumen occlusion - but oddly, only with the left ear which suggest to me it's technique rather than an absolute culpability of the cotton swab useage.)
posted by PurplePorpoise at 8:50 AM on January 7, 2006


My dad has "started his ears" (i.e. cleaned them using a car key wrapped in a handkerchief) for decades. He can still hear fine.
posted by kindall at 8:57 AM on January 7, 2006


When I posted that link, I thought I'd get flamed for it being a one-linker.

Then it turns out that a good number of you have some sort of earwax mania, love nothing more than swapping ear wax horror stories, and call it an "excellent" post.

You people are weird. Weird people, I tell you.
posted by five fresh fish at 9:15 AM on January 7, 2006


The safe and simple way to remove ear wax. Anybody try one of these?
posted by sixpack at 10:07 AM on January 7, 2006


Everything you wanted to know about this debilitating condition.

Did anyone else think it odd that the docs in the original post had access to an otoscope on this island, but nothing as simple as a syringe (or even a turkey baster)?
posted by TedW at 10:11 AM on January 7, 2006


sixpack - I used to use this brass wire with a scoop hammered into one end, that was similar to that device, to scrape dried ear wax out of my ears. After switching to swabs, there isn't any to scrape out anymore.
posted by PurplePorpoise at 10:24 AM on January 7, 2006


Great post. We feel that prospective randomized trials are warranted to evaluate the utility of the Super Soaker Max-D 5000 in clinical settings. heh.

Things I have pulled out of patients' ears:

beads.

corn kernal.

cockroach.

vitamin tablet.

a swab of cotton that came unattached from a Q-tip during ear cleaning.

one of those foam covers from an "in-ear" headphone. the guy had recently retired as an air traffic controller and we figured the foam had been in there for three months.

I once pulled a chunk of wax out that was, no shit, an inch long. For a long time, it sat on my desk in a specimen jar.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 10:47 AM on January 7, 2006


I don't reach far in with Qtips or try to pry anything out, but I do dry the insides of my ears after a shower etc. It makes putting in a hearing aid more comfortable.

I keep forgetting to syringe out my ears, and seldom bother with more than three repetitions. Do those earwax removal drops they sell in drug stores do any good?
posted by davy at 10:48 AM on January 7, 2006


The patient had been swimming multiple times a day for 6 days.

Why does swimming cause this? I once went swimming for the first time in two years and came out with blockage. 20 minutes with my ear under a hot shower cleared things up.
posted by MonkeySaltedNuts at 12:32 PM on January 7, 2006


The pressure of the water pushes the wax up against your eardrum, I presume.
posted by Justinian at 12:56 PM on January 7, 2006


When a friend of mine was small, he didn't clean out his ears for a long time. He ended up having to have surgery because of the veins(!) that had grown into the earwax.

After that, he always cleaned his ears.
posted by sugarfish at 2:40 PM on January 7, 2006


...veins(!) that had grown into the earwax.

WTF?????

Can you clarify that?

(The remark, not the ear wax.)
posted by leftcoastbob at 3:33 PM on January 7, 2006


Why does my right ear build up wax about 4 times as much as my left?

I'm addicted to the Japanese ear cleaner-- like a thin piece of wood with a tiny spoon on the end. It feels sooo good. When I was first married to my Japanese husband he used to clean my ears for me and claimed that the barber shops in Japan routinely do this for their customers.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 5:18 PM on January 7, 2006


"Why does my right ear build up wax about 4 times as much as my left?"
I've noticed as a Qtip user that my left ear canal is much smaller than my right. However my face is symmertric and my ears match.

I've heard that Evolution favors the symmetric as an sign of a genetically fit good mate. However hidden attributes such as ear canal size and wax production are invisible to this selection. I doubt that any spouse has wanted out of making children because of canal/wax disgust. That is unless the partner is strangly obsessed with it.
posted by MonkeySaltedNuts at 1:10 AM on January 8, 2006


Can you clarify that?

Heh, I wish I could. It may well be an apocryphal story, but my friend says that the wax hardened in there and veins grew in.
posted by sugarfish at 1:05 PM on January 8, 2006


"I'm addicted to the Japanese ear cleaner-- like a thin piece of wood with a tiny spoon on the end. It feels sooo good. When I was first married to my Japanese husband he used to clean my ears..."

Honestly, in all seriousness, that is one of the most disgustng things I've ever heard. Right up there with couples pinching eachother's pimples. Why would you do, or share, this? Ugh.
posted by onegreeneye at 2:48 PM on January 8, 2006


onegreeneye - but it feels soooo good (the ear wax scraping, that is. I'm not sure about popping each other's zits...)
posted by PurplePorpoise at 3:12 PM on January 8, 2006


When I posted that link, I thought I'd get flamed for it being a one-linker.
Then it turns out that a good number of you have some sort of earwax mania, love nothing more than swapping ear wax horror stories, and call it an "excellent" post.
You people are weird. Weird people, I tell you.


Either that, or a bunch of crotchety old men who like to sit around and complain...which would also account for why the ear wax topic is so popular.

Hey, try a post about nose hair and see what happens.
posted by deusdiabolus at 5:20 PM on January 8, 2006


In the 2nd grade I pulled a ball of wax out of my ear (after 30+ min of digging) that was the size of a marble. It amazed me, but my mom wouldn't let me keep it.

Which makes me wonder- can you form and "ear pearl" as if your ear were an oyster?
posted by Four Flavors at 3:29 PM on January 10, 2006


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