Creationist humorists.
January 30, 2006 11:28 PM   Subscribe

Creationist humorists. Funny, but probably not in the way they intended. Dan Nuckols is no Jack Chick, but he tries. These cartoonists have a beef with public education, Darwin (another), skepticism , 9/11, fat kids, non-existant cards, cryptozoology, and astronomers.
posted by skallas (64 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
Kinda sad that even Reverend Fun makes fun of back hair. Seems just a wee bit wrong for the "love they neighbor as thyself" market.
posted by mediareport at 11:39 PM on January 30, 2006

Hoo-boy, am I sick of religion. On MeFi and in life. Enough already. Can't you see they feed off our outrage?!
posted by ford and the prefects at 11:40 PM on January 30, 2006

Dan Nuckols is no Jack Chick, but he tries.

And fails.
posted by Saucy Intruder at 11:45 PM on January 30, 2006

I think this one is my favorite. I'm just a sucker for puns.
posted by skallas at 11:47 PM on January 30, 2006

Jesus died for your inbox. Second favorite.
posted by skallas at 11:48 PM on January 30, 2006

well this sucked, but that was the point, wasn't it?
posted by hototogisu at 11:55 PM on January 30, 2006

Covering up the math problems with the ten commandments. Unintentionalarious.
posted by Saucy Intruder at 12:00 AM on January 31, 2006

Congrats, skallas! I think you found the one cartoon that was unironically funny!
posted by brundlefly at 12:11 AM on January 31, 2006

I see a lot of anti-Darwin and even generally anti-science cartoons, but where's the cartoon showing the devout Christian foreswearing medical advances based on Darwinian biology?
posted by orthogonality at 12:34 AM on January 31, 2006

Pasteurisation is evil???
posted by insomnus at 1:30 AM on January 31, 2006

I say it's high time we pass a constitutional amendment banning abortions for all Christians. All you have to do is register as a Christian, and you will forever be barred from having an abortion. Of course, since Christians believe that the man is the undisputed head of the household, you also cannot have an abortion if your husband is a registered Christian. Or your boyfriend. Of course, if you're caught having sex out of wedlock and either of you are registered Christians, you both go to jail.

Similarly, all registered Christians and their progeny shall forever be banned in perpetuity from any medical advances achieved through stem cell research. And don't vaccines and other medical help just oppose God's will? Ban those too.

Christians should also be given the option to go to segretated schools that do not teach any curriculum that contradicts the bible. Given that the bible claims that the world is only about 6000 years old, that means no ancient history, no biology, geology, astronomy, archaeology, chemistry (carbon dating is based on the decay of radioactive atoms), paleontology, phsyics, logic, most literature, or math beyond geometry (calculus can be used to determine the paths of planets, comets, and the expanding big-bang universe), and so on.

Registered Christians caught with porn - jail. Cursing? Fines. Contradiction George Bush? Excommunication. A second offense, loss of citizenship.

Oh, and they should definitely be boung by Leviticus. "Hey nice shirt. Polyblend? Yeah? Well, sorry, but you know the law - a stoning for you!"

(this post intended to be as funny as the linked Christian cartoons).
posted by Davenhill at 1:50 AM on January 31, 2006

These are great! I just wish I knew why!
posted by BigCalm at 2:41 AM on January 31, 2006

it'd be funnier if everything wasn't colored with the airbrush tool...
posted by beerbajay at 3:37 AM on January 31, 2006

posted by exlotuseater at 6:13 AM on January 31, 2006

His attempts at humor belie an intense animus and contempt towards his subjects. It's kind of hard to be genuinely funny when you're extremely pissed off while writing.
posted by deanc at 6:21 AM on January 31, 2006

Daniel Nuckols can't spell or use proper grammar, either. In any battle of wits between scientists and someone who can't use their native language properly, I know who I'm siding with.
posted by you just lost the game at 6:28 AM on January 31, 2006

What deanc said. None of these are funny, because there are no actual jokes.
posted by eustacescrubb at 6:29 AM on January 31, 2006

Given time and freedom, proselytizers invariably reveal themselves as blinkered philistines, which has a tinge of irony to it.
posted by clevershark at 6:30 AM on January 31, 2006

Well, this one is kind of funny, in that any kid who got up in front of class and declared himself the Son of God would be dragged off to a psychologist and drugged to the eyeballs.
posted by you just lost the game at 6:31 AM on January 31, 2006

The ReverendFun comics are at least on par with Family Circus (yeah, I know, not saying much), but those Nuckols ones are a whole new category of terrible. I can't even see someone who agrees with that point of view finding anything worthwhile in them.
posted by GhostintheMachine at 6:33 AM on January 31, 2006

Dan Nuckols is the James H. Vipond of creationism.
posted by fleetmouse at 6:39 AM on January 31, 2006

It's funny, I've been thinking for a while that religious media is a sort of last refuge for the untalented schmoes who could never do anything better than copy (badly) from their less-religious yet ironically more talented colleagues.

Thanks for giving me more data to support my hypothesis.

Interestingly, I see threads of Eyebeam and the Fusco Bros. (and perhaps some Herman?) in the Nuckols comics. Not any threads worth saving, you understand, but threads nonetheless.
posted by illovich at 6:51 AM on January 31, 2006

Yeah, less on the funny and more on the bitter-lashing-out-at-a-world-that-discredits-your-beliefs-at-every-turn.
posted by GuyZero at 7:17 AM on January 31, 2006

Proving once again that brain-damaged tightass religious weirdos THINK they're funny, yet they have no concept of what humor is.
posted by sydnius at 7:46 AM on January 31, 2006

Davenhill - comments like yours make me realize why fundies think we're all assholes. What a stupid, juvenile, simple thing to say.

You'd register me, and my wife, because we're Christians? WTF?!

What does our being 'Christians' have to do with the distorted rhetoric of the lunatic fringe?
posted by Baby_Balrog at 7:53 AM on January 31, 2006

these just stink of repressed rage at the world, this guy is a wack job for sure. And I second ford, I am so sick of religion. When will it all just go away?
posted by stilgar at 7:58 AM on January 31, 2006

Heh. I'm trapped on some Xtian comedian's email list, and it assuredly the one piece of spam that Thunderbird won't kill. I'd like to see Bill hicks take these guys on.

PS: I find it weird that some of the folks complaining about religious-themed FPPs are posting religious-themed FPPs. That is all
posted by moonbird at 8:06 AM on January 31, 2006

Good god

posted by ZippityBuddha at 8:14 AM on January 31, 2006


posted by 235w103 at 8:22 AM on January 31, 2006

And they're still funnier than 99% of syndicated newspaper cartoons...
posted by Artw at 8:29 AM on January 31, 2006

I hear Marmaduke was just born again.
posted by bardic at 8:45 AM on January 31, 2006

Is Wanda supposed to be oriental or a "grey" in wig and make-up?
posted by fleetmouse at 8:45 AM on January 31, 2006

This just proves that wackos of any persuasion are funnier when they try to be serious that when they try to be funny. This is true of creationist wackos, and Flat Earthers and The Moon Landing was Faked-ers, and all the rest of the fringe.

This comment submitted to the State Department on RFID passports, for example, is funnier than any of the comic strips:

No mark of the beast for me you Luciferian beehivers. You can take all those RFID chips wrapped like a burrito in the HR 4(6+6+6) national id bill and stick it up yor own arse!

Jesus is the way, not the antichrist of the beast system. Read God's words in the Book of Revelation lest your soul is burned in hell. The great test is upon us all...

Luciferian Beehiver and ass-burrito. Can't go wrong with that.
posted by fochsenhirt at 8:56 AM on January 31, 2006

Good thing he draws himself standing witha broad brush...
posted by klangklangston at 9:06 AM on January 31, 2006

While these are funny (in the, "look at that retarded kid...ha!ha!") kinda way, I don't think its fair to lump this sort of lunatic fringe in with all Christians. This guy is obviously a luddite and that's a completely seperate issue from his religion. The gut believes in the Loch Ness monster for Christ's sake! I really think that its important that we realize that there is a broad spectrum of Christianity out there, some of whom are quite reasonable and intelligent. As angry and frustrated as I get when fundamentalists (willfully) misinterpret and misrepresent evolutionary theory and science in general, its just as irresponsible to lump all Christians together as fundamentalist flat-earthers.
posted by anansi at 9:06 AM on January 31, 2006

Maaaan, I just can't stop looking at these. Nuckols should be eaten alive by Fin Fang Foom for Crimes Against Sequential Art.
posted by COBRA! at 9:09 AM on January 31, 2006

posted by fleetmouse at 9:31 AM on January 31, 2006

anansi, the title is "Creationist Humorists" not "Christian Humorists." Creationists may be Christians but not all Christians are strict 6,000 yo earth creationists. I don't know why you're playing up the persecution/sensitivity card.
posted by skallas at 9:45 AM on January 31, 2006

Maybe he's complaining on behalf of sane non-luddite creationists?
posted by Artw at 9:59 AM on January 31, 2006

I am absolutely 100% bewildered by fleetmouse's cartoon.
posted by iron chef morimoto at 10:13 AM on January 31, 2006

Artw: Both of them?
posted by klangklangston at 10:26 AM on January 31, 2006

Oh dear. Can someone please tell this talentless, humorless nobody that he would be better served doing almost anything besides drawing cartoons?
posted by bshock at 10:55 AM on January 31, 2006

Also, did anyone else notice that the Hitler cartoon mentions "thousands" of Jews and Poles being killed by the Nazis?
posted by iron chef morimoto at 11:01 AM on January 31, 2006

I am absolutely 100% bewildered by fleetmouse's cartoon.

I know - what can he possibly mean?

- Is it an illustration of a post hoc fallacy? After eating vegetables the guy had zits, therefore the vegetables caused them? But I am sure this yokel wouldn't know a post hoc fallacy from an eggroll.

- Is it some kind of swipe at vegetarians, because you know how those evolutionists love their vegetables...? But why didn't he mention monkeys and bananas?

- Is it about people trying to assign blame for their misfortune on natural causes when - as is well known - zits are caused by original sin?

- What are we to make of the grammatical error in the caption? :furrows brow:

- is he, in fact, so monumentally stupid that he thinks vegetables cause acne?
posted by fleetmouse at 11:09 AM on January 31, 2006

Uh... He's trying to point out that since he's persecuted for his dietary choices by the incredibly powerful vegetarian lobby, that they still get zits (something said to be caused by greasy, unhealthy food). Thus, their warnings about zits coming from, say, pizza, are to be discounted.
posted by klangklangston at 11:18 AM on January 31, 2006

My guess is that vegetarians, who claim that their lifestyle is superior, get zits just like everyone else. Ergo, they're pompous dolts who should be mocked.

Which is a pretty hard stretch - you have to have a lot of hate to start bringin' it on the vegetarians.
posted by GuyZero at 11:18 AM on January 31, 2006

Shouldn't the racist prof have told Wanda to "yellow" it out?
posted by klangklangston at 11:19 AM on January 31, 2006

God damn vegetarians.

Moby raped my mother with a carrot.
posted by iron chef morimoto at 11:39 AM on January 31, 2006

At the risk of drawing the attention of the Godwin police--

Stephen Gould wrote an apologetic about William Jennings Bryant's association with the Scopes trial that addressed a thoughtful, even progressive (though unscientific) core to all the anti-Darwinism of that time, namely that evolution was used as an unwitting prop for any number of gawdawful racist/ exceptionalist social theories.

That Bryant and his ilk couldn't distinguish academic biological theory from deeply-rooted prejudice says nothing to detract from their essentially humanist stance against dog-eat-dog politics of the exact kind which culminated in dear old Unca Adolf's soothing syrup.

That said, it's still preposterous, ahistoric and disingenuous, not to say stupid, to blame the Holocaust on Darwin. After all, Hitler was a self-identified Christian too.
posted by tspae at 11:54 AM on January 31, 2006

Is Wanda supposed to be oriental or a "grey" in wig and make-up?

Wanda and her family escaped the oppressive rule in Red China and settled in America, only to find the school system in America closely paralleled that of communist China! Wanda is becoming more and more skeptical of the theory of evolution after hearing that evolution is racist! Wanda is a very deep thinker and questions everything.

posted by bhayes82 at 12:06 PM on January 31, 2006

Clearly this guy wears his anti-intellecualism like a badge of honor.

Prof can't come up with a simple explanation for "clam fossils on every mountain chain". Pasteur is so dumb that he tries to boil milk while still in the cow. Right.

"The perfesser isn't smart, he's a moron, us real people know so much more than the eggheads who spent 20 years in college doing research and stuff! Haw haw! If he's so smart then why doesn't he just whip up the cure for teh gay real quick? BECAUSE HE'S DUMB unlike us who know that the cure for teh gay is in the Bible."

There. I just summed up the entire line of "comical drawings" for you. No need to look at the actual site, it will just hurt your brain.

It really looks like this guy has an 8th grade education and is so amazingly proud of it that he spends all of his time finding ways to prove that it makes him better than all non-believers.
posted by caution live frogs at 12:24 PM on January 31, 2006

Hahahaha he is fat
posted by UKnowForKids at 12:32 PM on January 31, 2006

Prof is the high school science teacher of Wannabee High. He is an avid atheist, devout evolutionist and is a part of the A.C.L.U.(Anti Christ Liberal Union.) Prof is always upset and is easily angered when anyone mentions anything about God or creation. He loves reading philosophy. Some of his heroes include: Charles Darwin, John Dewey, Carl Marx, Thomas Paine, René Descartes and others.... Prof can quote the entire book Origin of Species by memory!

Why does he hate America?
posted by brundlefly at 12:39 PM on January 31, 2006

Prof has hated America ever since the Gummint kidnapped him and stuffed his head into a conical mold, grotesquely deforming his skull in an attempt to remake him in the image of Grimace.
posted by COBRA! at 12:43 PM on January 31, 2006

Image Hosted by
posted by fleetmouse at 12:45 PM on January 31, 2006

More evidence that while funny is personal and fleeting, unfunny is universal and forever.
posted by Astro Zombie at 2:11 PM on January 31, 2006

Wow. Daniel Nuckols is beyond bad.

Does his awful stuff actually get published anywhere but his own website? 'cause I'm hoping that what we have here is merely yet another Net Loon, and that no church could possibly be so ... good god, how to describe it? utterly unfunny, uneducated, uninformed, plain ol' stupid? ... to actually publish it.

Unfunniest cartoons evah.
posted by five fresh fish at 2:21 PM on January 31, 2006

more like daniel suckols

am i rite

posted by cortex at 5:53 PM on January 31, 2006

skallas, what I was referring to were the comments by others suggesting the registering of Christians and the "I'm sick of religion" thoughts. Yeah, this guy is a nutcase but once again, I don't feel that its fair to lump him in with all Christians. When we paint them with a wide brush, there is a tendency to create enemies where they didn't exist previously.

I am not a Christian apologetic. I am not a Christian. In fact, my educational background is archaeology/paleoanthropology and the fundamentalist attack on evolutionary theory is a particular sore spot for me. However, I feel that when we lower the debate to ad hominem attacks and visceral, emotional responses to the creationists/IDers/luddites than we play into their hands and we appear to be exactly what they accuse us of, the other side of the coin (godless, science worshipping fanatics) when that is so far from the truth.

I just really think that making fun of Christianity is not an effective way of prosecuting our case.
posted by anansi at 7:00 PM on January 31, 2006

more like daniel suckols

Actually, while the Primordial Soup is undeniably terrible, I think his Monkey's Cuz cartoons are okay, probably because most of the jokes seem to be standard cartoony jokes or sight gags rather than direct attacks on science.
posted by grobstein at 7:09 PM on January 31, 2006

I'm afraid his Monkey's Cuz cartoons are also undeniably terrible. The guy just defines "not funny." Including the two you linked to; I mean, sure, they're not patently deluded misinterpretations of science and logic... but that doesn't mean they're funny.
posted by five fresh fish at 8:53 PM on January 31, 2006

“The essence of Christianity is told us in the Garden of Eden history. The fruit that was forbidden was on the tree of knowledge. The subtext is, ‘All the suffering you have is because you wanted to find out what was going on. You could be in the Garden of Eden if you had just kept your fucking mouth shut and hadn't asked any questions.’”
— Frank Zappa
posted by HarmonicSphere at 8:47 PM on February 4, 2006

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