The 10 Commandments of Simon
March 2, 2006 8:33 PM Subscribe
The 10 Commandments of Simon is a comic by Derek Kirk Kim about a 29 year old virgin (cartoon nudity, NSFW).
It should have been called the ten minutes of download.
posted by Astro Zombie at 8:40 PM on March 2, 2006
posted by Astro Zombie at 8:40 PM on March 2, 2006
I love Derek Kirk Kim's work... I highly recommend his book "Same Difference"
posted by Robot Johnny at 8:40 PM on March 2, 2006
posted by Robot Johnny at 8:40 PM on March 2, 2006
Didn't take ME ten minutes, Astro Zombie!
posted by thirteenkiller at 8:44 PM on March 2, 2006
posted by thirteenkiller at 8:44 PM on March 2, 2006
Horizontal scroll bad. Always bad. Why people no learn?
Bad.
posted by kafziel at 8:55 PM on March 2, 2006
Bad.
posted by kafziel at 8:55 PM on March 2, 2006
I can't believe thirteenkiller's bragging about premature download.
posted by Astro Zombie at 8:58 PM on March 2, 2006
posted by Astro Zombie at 8:58 PM on March 2, 2006
fap fap fap fap fap fap
This could be the new "whatever!"
posted by nomis at 8:59 PM on March 2, 2006
This could be the new "whatever!"
posted by nomis at 8:59 PM on March 2, 2006
This could be the new "whatever!"
It was, about 4 years ago.
posted by SirOmega at 9:05 PM on March 2, 2006
It was, about 4 years ago.
posted by SirOmega at 9:05 PM on March 2, 2006
Ah, this is one of the best bits ever. I can't believe it hadn't hit MeFi before.
posted by jmhodges at 9:05 PM on March 2, 2006
posted by jmhodges at 9:05 PM on March 2, 2006
Hmm... lets see....
I've managed to faithfully follow commandments 1, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 9 and 10. Just substitute 29 with 25 years and its quite the window into my life. Number 2 hasn't happened yet (not that I'm aware of at least), and I'm no gollum. I think my favorite is #10.
posted by SirOmega at 9:16 PM on March 2, 2006
I've managed to faithfully follow commandments 1, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 9 and 10. Just substitute 29 with 25 years and its quite the window into my life. Number 2 hasn't happened yet (not that I'm aware of at least), and I'm no gollum. I think my favorite is #10.
posted by SirOmega at 9:16 PM on March 2, 2006
Awesome. I could've sworn I'd seen it around these parts before, but I guess not...either way, it's a great bit.
posted by Sticherbeast at 9:19 PM on March 2, 2006
posted by Sticherbeast at 9:19 PM on March 2, 2006
TwelveTwo! I see you're trying to "make a joke." Nice try, but don't quit your day job, buddy!
posted by thirteenkiller at 9:31 PM on March 2, 2006
posted by thirteenkiller at 9:31 PM on March 2, 2006
And you, Astro Zombie.. well, you're just jealous. Mmhmm.
posted by thirteenkiller at 9:31 PM on March 2, 2006
posted by thirteenkiller at 9:31 PM on March 2, 2006
The presumed autobiographical element (I mean, who could make that up?) in this makes me feel sad. On the plus side, it could be used as a general response to an ever increasing number of pleas for romantic advice in Ask Metafilter.
posted by nanojath at 9:38 PM on March 2, 2006
posted by nanojath at 9:38 PM on March 2, 2006
Male virginity is growing.
Just watch an episode or two of We's Secret Lives of Women and you'll never want to go near another one either.
posted by HTuttle at 9:43 PM on March 2, 2006
Just watch an episode or two of We's Secret Lives of Women and you'll never want to go near another one either.
posted by HTuttle at 9:43 PM on March 2, 2006
I second "Same Difference". Great stuff. Excellent artist. Thanks for the post - I've been wondering what this guy's been up to, but had forgotten his name and the name of his comics.
posted by redteam at 9:47 PM on March 2, 2006
posted by redteam at 9:47 PM on March 2, 2006
Where the hell's my Page Right key?
posted by Guy Smiley at 9:48 PM on March 2, 2006
posted by Guy Smiley at 9:48 PM on March 2, 2006
This was the first time I heard of this guy, where have I been? You just forgot to warn about the lesbian lovin in the NSFW line.
posted by cdavidc at 10:04 PM on March 2, 2006
posted by cdavidc at 10:04 PM on March 2, 2006
If you think "losing it" is the apotheosis of male sexuality, you deserve to remain a virgin. This is really sad in all the wrong ways.
posted by bardic at 10:56 PM on March 2, 2006
posted by bardic at 10:56 PM on March 2, 2006
The presumed autobiographical element (I mean, who could make that up?) in this makes me feel sad.
Writers? I mean that's pretty much what they do. There's the element of being able to imagine a human state, there's stealing from, building on, and compositing the life stories of people you know and have met along with those in other fictional works, and there's also the exaggeration of your own experiences. Really a comic about a 19 year old virgin wouldn't be appreciably different.
Kim started getting famous at 28, and there's big doubt any virginity could hang on long after that point (as R. Crumb realized quickly, comic status, as amazing as it may seem, is still the magic word: status).
posted by dgaicun at 11:15 PM on March 2, 2006
Writers? I mean that's pretty much what they do. There's the element of being able to imagine a human state, there's stealing from, building on, and compositing the life stories of people you know and have met along with those in other fictional works, and there's also the exaggeration of your own experiences. Really a comic about a 19 year old virgin wouldn't be appreciably different.
Kim started getting famous at 28, and there's big doubt any virginity could hang on long after that point (as R. Crumb realized quickly, comic status, as amazing as it may seem, is still the magic word: status).
posted by dgaicun at 11:15 PM on March 2, 2006
Alvy Singer: What's the difference? It's all mental masturbation.
Annie Hall: Oh, well, now we're finally getting to a subject you know something about.
Alvy Singer: Hey, don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love.
Woody Allen, Diane Keaton 'Annie Hall'
Oh, and of course... "Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's one of the best. "
posted by Zack_Replica at 12:14 AM on March 3, 2006
Annie Hall: Oh, well, now we're finally getting to a subject you know something about.
Alvy Singer: Hey, don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love.
Woody Allen, Diane Keaton 'Annie Hall'
Oh, and of course... "Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's one of the best. "
posted by Zack_Replica at 12:14 AM on March 3, 2006
Yes, I'm linking this for the title alone: The Geopolitics of Sexual Frustration.
Dear nerds, your lack of game endangers us all.
posted by dgaicun at 12:18 AM on March 3, 2006
Dear nerds, your lack of game endangers us all.
posted by dgaicun at 12:18 AM on March 3, 2006
Ok, so I figured "29 year old virgin? What's this guy's deal? Maybe he's horribly disfigured." Look up his name on Google Images. Girls of the world, why aren't you sleeping with this guy? He's totally handsome and talented! I'm 29, and when I was single, I was a total idiot, yet I'm not a virgin. How annoying or irritating can this guy possibly be? Not more than me, that's for sure. I put the blame for this guy's virginity and frustration directly at the collective feet of the girls in this guy's life. Someone do yourself and this guy a favor and sleep with him. Track him down and arrange something. Better yet, just find him and do what this girl does. That way, we get to see this guy do wonderful comics about something else.
posted by redteam at 12:37 AM on March 3, 2006
posted by redteam at 12:37 AM on March 3, 2006
Dude, this guy is no more necessarily that cartoon character than Stan Lee is Wolverine*. How irritating. Not all fiction is an autobiography.
* or whatever. Don't read comix.
posted by dgaicun at 12:44 AM on March 3, 2006
* or whatever. Don't read comix.
posted by dgaicun at 12:44 AM on March 3, 2006
Well in that case, dgaicun, I'm hoping that this guy is getting all the attention that he can handle.
posted by redteam at 12:47 AM on March 3, 2006
posted by redteam at 12:47 AM on March 3, 2006
The testimony of every man who ever had the slightest bit of status suggests that's the case.
posted by dgaicun at 12:49 AM on March 3, 2006
posted by dgaicun at 12:49 AM on March 3, 2006
If you think "losing it" is the apotheosis of male sexuality, you deserve to remain a virgin. This is really sad in all the wrong ways.
Losing one's virginity is the apotheosis of male sexuality, until one actually achieves the goal. Ask any twelve-year-old.
posted by Faint of Butt at 3:58 AM on March 3, 2006
Losing one's virginity is the apotheosis of male sexuality, until one actually achieves the goal. Ask any twelve-year-old.
posted by Faint of Butt at 3:58 AM on March 3, 2006
Thirding "Same Difference" which you can also read online. The guy's stuff is awesome. He was up for an Eisner award.
posted by hooray at 6:39 AM on March 3, 2006
posted by hooray at 6:39 AM on March 3, 2006
Wonderfully executed.
And I think the fact that it took six whole comments before the inevitable complaint about horizontal scrolling is the biggest compliment.
Off topic: Why do people hate horizontal scroll? It's the same thing as vertical scroll, just... rotated 90 degrees. You're not using different muscles. And in this case vertical scroll would actually detract from it... [/gripe]
posted by poweredbybeard at 8:56 AM on March 3, 2006
And I think the fact that it took six whole comments before the inevitable complaint about horizontal scrolling is the biggest compliment.
Off topic: Why do people hate horizontal scroll? It's the same thing as vertical scroll, just... rotated 90 degrees. You're not using different muscles. And in this case vertical scroll would actually detract from it... [/gripe]
posted by poweredbybeard at 8:56 AM on March 3, 2006
Why do people hate horizontal scroll?
See that little scrolly thing on the top of your mouse? (If you don't see one on your mouse, just imagine you do, like the rest of us.) Typically it works nicely with vertical scrolling but not horizontal scrolling. Sure, some scroll mice will scroll horizontally, by tilting or by pressing and scrolling, or with a little eraser-nub or trackball, but these are awkward because your index finger really isn't meant to go side to side.
Also, Page Up/Page Down work great for scrolling vertically but not so much horizontally...
posted by kindall at 9:54 AM on March 3, 2006
See that little scrolly thing on the top of your mouse? (If you don't see one on your mouse, just imagine you do, like the rest of us.) Typically it works nicely with vertical scrolling but not horizontal scrolling. Sure, some scroll mice will scroll horizontally, by tilting or by pressing and scrolling, or with a little eraser-nub or trackball, but these are awkward because your index finger really isn't meant to go side to side.
Also, Page Up/Page Down work great for scrolling vertically but not so much horizontally...
posted by kindall at 9:54 AM on March 3, 2006
I prefer horizontal scrolling for comics. it's just more intuitive. I've yet to be injured dragging the bottom scroll bar left and right, but I won't deny that there's always the possibility.
posted by mcsweetie at 10:24 AM on March 3, 2006
posted by mcsweetie at 10:24 AM on March 3, 2006
Also, Page Up/Page Down work great for scrolling vertically but not so much horizontally...
Arrow keys.
posted by sonofsamiam at 10:40 AM on March 3, 2006
Arrow keys.
posted by sonofsamiam at 10:40 AM on March 3, 2006
Losing one's virginity is the apotheosis of male sexuality, until one actually achieves the goal. Ask any twelve-year-old.
My point exactly. Albeit fictional, this autobigraphical sketchee is 17 years behind the learning curve. That's sad. And lesbians won't date me? Jesus, that's a chestnut. Are fratboys and geeks cosmically aligned or something? They speak the same language.
posted by bardic at 10:45 AM on March 3, 2006
My point exactly. Albeit fictional, this autobigraphical sketchee is 17 years behind the learning curve. That's sad. And lesbians won't date me? Jesus, that's a chestnut. Are fratboys and geeks cosmically aligned or something? They speak the same language.
posted by bardic at 10:45 AM on March 3, 2006
*autobiographical* Meh. Just trying to say that I'm sure the strip is tongue-in-cheek, I just don't find it interesting. I like the artwork though.
posted by bardic at 10:46 AM on March 3, 2006
posted by bardic at 10:46 AM on March 3, 2006
What's with the superior attitude? Whether or not this is autobiographical, it seems to have been created in full knowledge that that all the 'sad' reasons given for not having sex are funny, if you can step back and not simply write them off as neurotic and pathetic.
posted by unmake at 12:29 PM on March 3, 2006
posted by unmake at 12:29 PM on March 3, 2006
By the way, I meant action comics, I read lots of cartoon comics like Calvin & Hobbes and Life in Hell, etc., and the assorted graphic novel (not many of the latter genre though). Is it just me or was Same Difference pretty much Ghost World?
posted by dgaicun at 1:00 AM on March 4, 2006
posted by dgaicun at 1:00 AM on March 4, 2006
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posted by S.C. at 8:40 PM on March 2, 2006