The cops and the soldiers nailed him in the air
March 23, 2006 4:40 AM   Subscribe

 
Please forgive my ignorance: What did Jesus preach in Galilee?
posted by Plutor at 4:44 AM on March 23, 2006


Hey Mayor I'm slightly confused by all this. I fear that you might be encouraged to GYOFB.
posted by adamvasco at 5:06 AM on March 23, 2006


nah, don't get it Curley, you on something?

What Jesus preached in Galilee was:

Suck authorities cock

if you look at a woman wrong tear your eyes out

someone wants to shaft you, give him everything

prey in secret

stop worrying if you are naked and starving - after all the birds aren't farmers and they look happy

live for today, fuck the future, it's just not important


Did I miss anything?
posted by twistedonion at 5:07 AM on March 23, 2006


prey in secret

Ah yes, the Galilean Covert Ops Death Squad.

Wait, what?
posted by duffell at 5:25 AM on March 23, 2006


The 45-year-old evangelist, director of the Cape Town Frontline Fellowship and ... father of four allegedly took his children on a paintball shooting spree on Halloween night on October 31, firing at trick-or-treaters.

Damn kids.
posted by R. Mutt at 5:28 AM on March 23, 2006


Wow, I guess Dr Ted Baehr didn't like the movie so much:

Knowledge of theology can lead to understanding, but the fear of God is the beginning of all wisdom. In other words, God hates it when institutions and people like Time Warner and the filmmakers behind "V for Vendetta" pervert mankind's ability to create art. When we behave so sinfully, we should all fear His righteous judgment.

Thanks for the links, Mayor Curley, especially the first (on Negroponte) and last (excerpt from Kevin Phillip's 'American Theocracy'.) Lots to read tomorrow.
posted by maryh at 5:29 AM on March 23, 2006


Yeah, sorry. I had loftier goals than to make it look like I mentally decompensated. Didn't work. I should have gone all out with the "nutso" theme and put stuff about Ed Asner and the Freemasons in there or something.

The individual links are still interesting, right?
posted by Mayor Curley at 5:29 AM on March 23, 2006


Yes
posted by adamvasco at 5:38 AM on March 23, 2006


So nice to see a Guthrie allusion leading the Blue this morning. Thanks for the links.
posted by OmieWise at 5:46 AM on March 23, 2006


The links were good, Mayor Curley, but I still have no idea what the actual theme was. :)
posted by Malor at 5:54 AM on March 23, 2006


"If Jesus came back and saw what's going on in His name, He'd never stop throwing up." -- Max von Sydow in Hannah and Her Sisters.
posted by kirkaracha at 5:55 AM on March 23, 2006


The WorldNetDaily link is hilarious, as is the author's movie review site, which I nearly missed. Good to see someone is willing to stand up for God against evil Hollywood blasphemy.
posted by Freaky at 6:06 AM on March 23, 2006


prey in secret

Heh. twistedonion villalobos
posted by mrmojoflying at 6:07 AM on March 23, 2006


I don't want to come off like a total elitist grammar prick, but it should be "If X were..."
posted by kalessin at 6:13 AM on March 23, 2006


From WorldNetDaily: "Where does (sic) all this abhorrent, pro-terrorist, atheist, pseudo-intellectual left-wing politics in "V for Vendetta" originate?"

Probably as a reaction to the laden-with-empty-symbols, pro-oppression, anti-intellectual right-wing politics that seem to have hijacked many of the modern Western Democracies.

But that guy is totally uninterested in that line of thought. He's so worked up, he can't even conjugate "to do" correctly.
posted by illovich at 6:16 AM on March 23, 2006


they are interesting, that film review is hectic... crazy christians. Can't wait to see V for Vendetta myself. Chavez's energy reforms are really exciting, the man has his head screwed on most of the time where it counts.

mojo - villa who now?
posted by twistedonion at 6:16 AM on March 23, 2006


I don't want to come off like a total elitist grammar prick, but it should be "If X were..."

The lines are lyrics from the Woody Guthrie song "Jesus Christ." Woody didn't care about grammar so much.
posted by Mayor Curley at 6:18 AM on March 23, 2006


Suck authorities cock

Or, y'know, call them "whitewashed tombs" in the middle of a public assembly and rampage through their buildings destroying their money-making scams.

if you look at a woman wrong tear your eyes out

The whole 'If your eye causes you to sin, gauge it out' line was spoken to a group of religious leaders who maintained their moral superiority by avoiding even looking at women, lest they sin. It was also spoken by a Jewish teacher who spent his time trying to convince people that 'sin' was rooted in the heart and in the will, rather than some external 'catalyst.' The point wasn't an advocation of self-mutilation, it was that you can gouge out your eyes and cut off your hands and cut out your tongue and your core problems will still be there. Don't blame you for misunderstanding, though. Most Christians haven't even bothered to read their own scripture in its own context. Easier to cross-stitch pull-quotes. It's kind of depressing.

prey in secret

How clever. "Pray"... Prey! It means nothing, but it's so terribly cute! Eh, forget it. You weren't actually conversing, just snark-wanking.
posted by verb at 6:23 AM on March 23, 2006


It seems to me his preaching did lead him to an early grave.
posted by caddis at 6:23 AM on March 23, 2006


twistedonion -- sorry, on second thought that was not clear at all.

I wanted a clever way of saying twistedonion of the wolves -- you know "prey"..haha...wolves...prey...haha...

*sigh*
posted by mrmojoflying at 6:47 AM on March 23, 2006


I was with the Negroponte article until it started to imply that the US was involved in the bombing of the Golden Mosque. That makes zero sense.
posted by afu at 6:47 AM on March 23, 2006 [1 favorite]


When I saw V for Vendetta the other day, I was overjoyed that the Wachowski bros. had actually done something good again. (It seems the Matrix wasn't actually a fluke, in spite of the sequels.) Moreover, they had done something that was good and political, which can be very difficult. This is the reaction I expected.

Also, during the film, several people got up and left during various points. I kept imagining that they would come back, that they were just going to the bathroom or something, but they never did. I wonder now if they were religious conservatives walking out of the theater.

I'd say the link was interesting, but I couldn't bring myself to read it all. It is good to know the reaction is as I thought it would be, though.
posted by voltairemodern at 6:48 AM on March 23, 2006


I didn't want to see V for Vendetta before, but now I do.
posted by empath at 6:50 AM on March 23, 2006


I will file these away under my "Christians behaving badly" collection.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 7:00 AM on March 23, 2006


Great post.
posted by brownpau at 7:04 AM on March 23, 2006


If V outraged so much people, I guess it WAS true to the comics after all (I was sure they'd water it down). Or these people are all oversensitive weenies.
posted by qvantamon at 7:04 AM on March 23, 2006


The democracy now interview with Philips on this book was very very fine indeed. Phillips is an articulate, homespun, patriotic and passionate conservative with a heartbreaking sense of loss and anger on what has happened to his party, and on the influence of religious fundamentalism, oil politics and debt on American politics. Am purchasing the book for my conservative friends.
posted by By The Grace of God at 7:10 AM on March 23, 2006


snark-wanking, I like it!

get a life verb, I was just having a laugh, it wasn't as if I was quoting the scripture. But I will if I must...

27"You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.'[e] 28But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.


Sermon on the mount - spoken to the people, not priests (though maybe I'm wrong, I've read the Bible, not studied it)
posted by twistedonion at 7:14 AM on March 23, 2006


If the real Jesus Christ were to stand up today, He’d be gunned down cold by the CIA.
posted by grabbingsand at 7:17 AM on March 23, 2006


Seriously, to check every link in a post like that is insane. One of them should synthetize (the bold one?).

(aware that I didn't check the links) If Jesus was to preach like He preached in Galilee, nobody would understand, because He spoke aramaic. A bigger problem is that very few people seems to understand him know, translated to virtually all languages in the world.

Christ is still unknown.
posted by nandop at 7:24 AM on March 23, 2006


Halle, hallelujah!
posted by crunchland at 7:30 AM on March 23, 2006


From that crazy movie review:

The ending of "V for Vendetta" celebrates terrorism when the movie's three most sympathetic characters carry out an evil plan to blow up England's Parliament building, one of Western Civilization's most enduring symbols of democracy and republican government with a small "r."

If the plan to blow up Parliament is evil, then that means that the government in V for Vendetta must be good. You heard it here first: WorldNetDaily and Tom Snyder are advocates of the government seen in that movie. Jesus wept.
posted by Optimus Chyme at 7:54 AM on March 23, 2006


good Woody quote, interesting post, thanks Mayor
posted by matteo at 7:55 AM on March 23, 2006


Do you know what's just as bad as fundamentalists who twist Jesus's teachings and pick and choose passages from the Bible to support their bigoted worldviews? Anti-Christians who twist Jesus's teachings and pick and choose passages from the Bible to support their bigoted worldviews.

twistedonion, have you ever read the Beatitudes? It's what Curley was probably referring to:

Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called sons of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me.

Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.


Or perhaps you prefer his passages on non-violence:
"You have heard that it was said, 'Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.' But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.

You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?


His business about adultery is as verb said. He's asking people to change their thoughts, not simply their deeds. Become loving in heart, don't simply give money and thanks to others because God tells you to.

Read the entire Gospels. You'll be pretty surprised how not into "sucking authority's cock" Jesus is.

The current administration reminds me of this comic.
posted by schroedinger at 7:56 AM on March 23, 2006


Contrary to what this FPP might have you believe, this is not Salvadore Dali's birthday.
posted by spock at 7:57 AM on March 23, 2006


That said, I really liked V for Vendetta, my wife did too. We walked out of the theater wondering whether it would be minutes or hours before the frothing outrage started. teh gays! teh terrists! Etc etc.
posted by verb at 7:59 AM on March 23, 2006


If the real Jesus Christ were to stand up today, He’d be gunned down cold by the CIA.

Not a chance if he appeared in America. More likely he would be the victim of a smear campaign run by deniable outside organizations, repudiated by mainstream media for not being moderate, interviewed with Satan for balance and he'd be ignored because his stuff wouldn't play well with the middle class and because soccer moms wouldn't like his clothes or his arabic hippie looks.

I look forward to Jesus coughing up a fiver, giving us a report, getting into a flamewar and getting taken to meta.
posted by srboisvert at 8:04 AM on March 23, 2006


Read the entire Gospels. You'll be pretty surprised how not into "sucking authority's cock" Jesus is.

Okay, that's kind of what I was trying to get at. I was listening to Woody's "Jesus Christ," which is basically an interpretation of Christ as someone who tried to affect social change on behalf of the needy and was killed for it.

then I got to thinking about everything I had read lately where alleged Christians and the American political party that has most of His supposed followers actually hate the poor and weak and people who try to speak for them.

Yeah, it didn't flow, but that's what I was getting at. Mostly, I just wanted people to think of "Jesus Christ" (the song) in a current political context.
posted by Mayor Curley at 8:05 AM on March 23, 2006


The thing is, this might be a great post, but I think you lose a lot of readers when you post it in this format -- eight links all crammed together with hardly any context. Is this a quote from someone? WHO would put Jesus in the grave? I need more information. I don't have the time to sift through eight articles to figure out what you're getting at. I'm too busy using my time reading lots of other metafilter links!

An FPP should boil it all down for me -- not send me on a scavenger hunt.

Sorry to sound like a troll, but I think we'll all get more out of metafilter if we think a little more about the reader when writing what we have to say. (If a tree falls in the forest ...)
posted by Possum at 8:14 AM on March 23, 2006


Sorry to sound like a troll, but I think we'll all get more out of metafilter if we think a little more about the reader when writing what we have to say.

I am absolutely not defending the presentation. It totally didn't work. It stinks and it sucks and it stinks, to quote Rick Patino.
posted by Mayor Curley at 8:16 AM on March 23, 2006


fucking hell - I was having a laugh, and yes, I have read the Beatitudes, I was a christian for many years: Jesus is to people what they want him to be. That's the fantastic thing about 2,000 year old hero worship, his life can only be interpreted.

Right, from the page you linked to (the beatitudes was only a small part of what he preached that day, no?):

What Jesus preached in Galilee was:

For I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven.

"You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well.

And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.



Now, of course I know they are metaphorical. I wasn't trying to upset or annoy any of you god lovin folk. Just playing with words.
posted by twistedonion at 8:17 AM on March 23, 2006


Jesus Christ: Wrong for America
posted by Biblio at 8:24 AM on March 23, 2006


Curley, sorry for shitting all over your post. i've always thought it pretty cool myself to think of JC as who he probably was - a political agitator and all round cool dude who sat around smoking a hell of a lot of weed
posted by twistedonion at 8:24 AM on March 23, 2006


Yeah, it's too bad that didn't come out fully formed Mayor Curley because it's deffinately a worthwhile topic for the blue.

Schroedinger, that was an excellent comment. People who want to criticize Jesus should really read the gospels. They're actually quite remarkably lucid, cogent, down-to-earth advice on living life in a way that makes living bearable for even the most downtrodden.

The old testament? Quite dated. Lots of primitive mysticism laden junk hiding a few nuggets of wisdom. Best to read it simply to know thyine enemy.

I say that as an agnostic, fence sitting, bet hedging bastard.
posted by C.Batt at 8:30 AM on March 23, 2006


twistedonion, I'll be the first to apologize if I was prickly in response to your earlier post. I spend enough time around fundamentalists and literalists who don't bother learning about the meaning of a particular verse in its cultural and historical context that it's a bit of a hot button.

The 'if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well' bit, for example. Under Jewish law, it was possible for a creditor to take everything but a person's cloak. By leaving them with one piece of clothing, creditors maintained the polite fiction that they weren't sucking debtors dry. The verse effectively boils down to, "Don't let the powerful pretend that they're generous: give them the cloak, and show everyone what they really are."

It's one of the reasons why people annoy the hell out of me when they demand 'literal' reading of Scripture, but ignore the fact that it was written thousands of years ago in a wildly different cultural context. No hard feelings -- you just caught some of my white-hot theology-rage.
posted by verb at 8:36 AM on March 23, 2006


i think this fpp should be voted "most confused and misunderstood"

I think we are both coming from the same angle verb. Literal reading of a 2,000 year old text is ridiculous (to me the Bible is a wonderful story with lots to interpret, or misinterpret as the case may be).

Which was why my little list wasn't direct quotes, merely misrepresentations of them. The list was merely a lame response to Plutor. I'll stop trying to be clever now.
posted by twistedonion at 8:48 AM on March 23, 2006


twistedonion, it's worth mentioning that christ was known to speak in metaphor in allegory. that said, read it how you want.
posted by shmegegge at 8:54 AM on March 23, 2006


Today's Jesus is a Pharisee with the biggest fucking house on the block, in the back a pool full of Christian starlets gyrating topless to the Holy Spirit. Oh yes, and his tongue is on fire.
posted by The Jesse Helms at 9:04 AM on March 23, 2006


twistedonion, it's worth mentioning that christ was known to speak in metaphor in allegory. that said, read it how you want.

must..... bite..... tongue
posted by twistedonion at 9:06 AM on March 23, 2006


ah, I went back and read the rest of the thread, now. whoops.
posted by shmegegge at 9:10 AM on March 23, 2006


I am absolutely not defending the presentation. It totally didn't work. It stinks and it sucks and it stinks

C'mon, give yourself a hug. Throw roses at the hurting place.
At least it's not one of those one link fpp's.
posted by maryh at 9:12 AM on March 23, 2006


At least it's not one of those FPP's where every letter is a link. We can all agree that those are annoying, right?
posted by jenovus at 11:04 AM on March 23, 2006


Biblio, thank you for that link ... the Dems should use it in their next election in the Red states. I've never understood why Christians would ally with a 'let the rich get richer, pay fewer taxes, and let's sacrifice all morality to promote the military-industrial complex' political party and regime.
posted by Azaadistani at 11:31 AM on March 23, 2006


Optimus Chyme: To play Devils Panda for a moment, it's possible to dislike both fascism and vigilante justice. Critics saying blowing up Parliament is wrong may have problems with it other than it's destruction of a fascist entity.

Not me though. That was a highlight of the movie for me. They really did a great job of getting all the themes of the book right in 2+ hours.
posted by butterstick at 11:36 AM on March 23, 2006


Erg. Are we quite sure that Horowitz, WorldNetDaily, discoverthenetwork.org, Coulter, et all are fringe loonies? Because the more I delve into their web presence, the more certain I am that they want to kill us (us being non-evangelical, non-"conservatives"). Certainly they want to kill our way of life, but more and more I get the feeling that they want to kill us in that "round 'em up and put a bullet in their brain" kind of way.

It seems like this breed of conservative's entire lives have been spent prepping for this culture war. Before Bush was elected, I was totally naive this kind of hatred even existed in any substantial way. I was so naive that I thought, surely, the Church would come out against the wars! How could anyone who read one speck about Jesus not understand turning the other cheek?

I'm just saying, if the hyperbole is that liberals are terrorists and communists and the common belief is that terrorists and communists should be killed, we should be damn sure that this isn't code (far less subtle than the constructionist == anti-abortion hoo-ha) for "no, really, I actually literally mean kill the liberals."
posted by Skwirl at 11:39 AM on March 23, 2006


Isn't a big point of Christianity that the world DID kill Him, that we would still kill Him? (In some sense, that we are still killing Jesus?) I mean, not to be all morally judgemental on any particular group, but isn't that one point that Christianity makes? We might not use a crucifix but, yeah... Well I don't know if saying that makes much difference.
posted by SomeOneElse at 5:23 PM on March 23, 2006


The lines are lyrics from the Woody Guthrie song "Jesus Christ." Woody didn't care about grammar so much.

Cool. I didn't know that. It's true that often "was" scans better than "were", or so I'm told.
posted by kalessin at 7:19 AM on March 24, 2006


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