Kirk Cameron is GAY
March 24, 2006 8:13 AM   Subscribe

Growing Pains... In my PANTS! Kirk and Ray go to San Francisco and West Hollywood to witness to homosexuals, showing how to share the way of salvation without causing undue offense.
posted by thefreek (70 comments total)
 
Whoa.
posted by First Post at 8:16 AM on March 24, 2006


People in San Francisco and West Hollywood are not gay. They're supa-gay.
posted by Astro Zombie at 8:17 AM on March 24, 2006


Oh I bet they WITNESSED homosexuals. And how!
posted by thefreek at 8:21 AM on March 24, 2006


Two men, hanging out in West Hollywood together.... hmm...

Makes you think.
posted by grubi at 8:21 AM on March 24, 2006


It's called "The Way of the Master"? Wasn't that a Bruce Lee movie in 1971?
posted by Astro Zombie at 8:22 AM on March 24, 2006


Hmmm... I could have sworn it said "The Way of the Ass Master" when I read it.
posted by thefreek at 8:23 AM on March 24, 2006


Boner.
posted by billysumday at 8:24 AM on March 24, 2006


So, Christians, help me out here. From everything I see about Christians, homosexuality is a major preoccupation for your religion. I hear about Christians talking about the problems of homosexuality and abortion more than anything else.

So how much of Jesus's actual ministry concentrated on homosexuality and abortion? As I understand it -- correct me if I'm wrong -- Jesus's big preaching was something called the "Sermon on the Mount" or the "Beatitudes" -- how much of those were about homosexuality and abortion?
posted by orthogonality at 8:29 AM on March 24, 2006


I'm starting a band called the Beatletudes. WHo's with me?
posted by grubi at 8:30 AM on March 24, 2006


This thread is worth it just for the link to the Boner myspace page.
posted by antifuse at 8:36 AM on March 24, 2006


Kurt is probably hoping that he's not... Left Behind.
posted by psmealey at 8:38 AM on March 24, 2006


So how much of Jesus's actual ministry concentrated on homosexuality and abortion?

None of it. Jesus himself seemed preoccupied with hypocrites and with the sins of the wealthy. Neither of which contemporary Evangelical and Fundamentalist Christianity seems to have much interest in.
posted by Astro Zombie at 8:38 AM on March 24, 2006


So, Christians, help me out here. From everything I see about Christians, homosexuality is a major preoccupation for your religion. I hear about Christians talking about the problems of homosexuality and abortion more than anything else.

Most Christians are not the Christians you are talking about, just like not all homosexuals have leather chaps and cop moustaches.
posted by Pollomacho at 8:44 AM on March 24, 2006


orthogonality wrote: From everything I see about Christians, homosexuality is a major preoccupation for your religion...

Well, then you're not seeing everything about Christians. The ones I hang out with are perfectly fine with homosexuality. In fact, some of them are actually homosexuals!

Unfortunately, it's the intolerant wackjobs that get all the publicity.
posted by tippiedog at 8:46 AM on March 24, 2006


Damn, Pollomacho beat me to it.
posted by tippiedog at 8:46 AM on March 24, 2006


I'm sorry...his name is Comfort?

Also - waiting list for Hell? I know I'm going.
I don't know some gay guy who's never stolen anything but has lied and blasphemed a bit is going to hell. And he's asked forgiveness from God
(oh, but because he's used God's name in vain he's not going to get forgiven? Fuck those assholes.)
It's not even my religion and it pisses me off. It's like watching someone cheat in Monopoly or something. Way of the Master, arrogant fucks.
posted by Smedleyman at 8:46 AM on March 24, 2006


Wait wait wait - if most Americans are Christians and most Americans also oppose gay marriage according to polls, where does that leave this supposed "other" or "most" Christians who are perfectly tolerant and accepting of gays?
posted by fleetmouse at 8:50 AM on March 24, 2006


I heard that the gays were the ones behind 9/11 and getting Arrested Devlopment canceled. No wonder God hates them.
posted by JPowers at 8:53 AM on March 24, 2006


You fools. Way of the Master is a Wu-Tang album, isn't it?
posted by grubi at 8:57 AM on March 24, 2006


Man, those evangelists have some supa-hardcore video editing skillz.
posted by Nelson at 8:58 AM on March 24, 2006




Astro Zombie writes "Jesus himself seemed preoccupied with hypocrites and with the sins of the wealthy."

That can't be right:
[Evangelist Pat]Robertson's net worth is between $200 million and $1 billion USD (As reported in the 2002 book called The Best Democracy Money Can Buy by Greg Palast).
Televangelists Jan and Paul Crouch of the Costa Mesa-based Trinity Broadcasting Network have purchased a Newport Beach house for close to $5 million, Orange County Realtors say. The home was described as "a palatial estate with ocean and city views." The Crouches had been living in a smaller house in the same neighborhood. The house they bought has six bedrooms, nine bathrooms, a billiard room, a climate-controlled wine cellar, a sweeping staircase and a crystal chandelier. The three-story, nearly 9,500-square-foot house, which has an elevator, also has a six-car garage, a tennis court and a pool with a fountain. The house is on slightly more than an acre. Jan Crouch had been wanting a bigger yard for her dogs, sources said. (Los Angeles Times, Nov 4th. 2001).

. . . .
In all, assessor's records of the [Joyce Meyer] ministry's personal property show that nearly $5.7 million worth of furniture, artwork, glassware, and the latest equipment and machinery fill the 158,000-square-foot building.

. . . .

Since 1999, the ministry has spent at least $4 million on five homes for Meyer and her four children near Interstate 270 and Gravois Road, St. Louis County records show.

Meyer's house, the largest of the five, is a 10,000-square-foot Cape Cod style estate home with a guest house and a garage that can be independently heated and cooled and can hold up to eight cars. The three-acre property has a large fountain, a gazebo, a private putting green, a pool and a poolhouse where the ministry recently added a $10,000 bathroom.

. . . .

The "million-dollar" wedding of Dr. Juanita Bynum, well-known evangelist and author of the best-selling Matters of the Heart, to Bishop Thomas W. Weeks III featured a wedding party of 80, all friends and family, 1,000 guests, a 12-piece orchestra, and a 7.76-carat diamond ring. The black-tie wedding cost "more than a million," the bride said, and included flowers flown in from around the world. "My dress," she says, "took nine months to make. All of the crystals (Swarovski) on the gown were hand-sewn. The headpiece was sterling silver, hand-designed. (www.marriage-planner.com).

. . . .

According to a June article in The Dallas Morning News, shortly after [evangelist and faith-healer Benny] Hinn announced his move to Texas, he said God had told him to build a "World Healing Center," and Hinn appealed for money. As much as $30 million was collected, but the center was never built. In April 2000, he told Trinity Broadcasting Network's Paul Crouch, "I'm putting all the money we have in the ministry to get out there and preach. The day (to build the healing center) will come. I'm in no hurry; neither is God."

Also about April 2000, Hinn's ministry began building a 58,000 square-foot office building in Irving. A few months after that, in August 2000, a holding company that is a subsidiary of Hinn's ministry began building a "parsonage" -- a $3 million, 7,200-square foot oceanfront home -- in Dana Point, Calif.

“Nor has Hinn publicly acknowledged his salary, though he told CNN in 1997 that his yearly income including book royalties was somewhere between $500,000 and $1 million. A spokesman has said Hinn generates about $60 million a year in donations”. (The Sun Herald. Posted on Fri, May. 17, 2002).
I think some dude -- I can't recall who, but he was famous long ago -- once said, "Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them." If what that dude said is true, well, Astro Zombie, you just can't be right about these Christians. They've got too many succulent multi-million dollar fruits to be a religion preoccupied with the sins of the wealthy. Clearly, you're misrepresenting these Christians.

Maybe I should ask a real Christian. I think you're really misrepresenting Christianity, Astro Zombie.
posted by orthogonality at 9:02 AM on March 24, 2006


I had a teacher who, in his youth, went to New Orleans to 'witness', for lack of a better word.



During Mardi Gras.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 9:05 AM on March 24, 2006


orthogonality - right on. guidestar is a great place to go look up the tax returns of non-profits owned by these so-called "men of god." Check out Billy Graham and all the different non-profits he has going, and all the money in them.

you can see how even guys like Chuck Norris hide their money. in his case he has some completely bogus anti-drug nonprofit.
posted by joeblough at 9:07 AM on March 24, 2006


...leather chaps and cop moustaches

That interstitial music they have going on in that video made me want to DANCE!
posted by tpl1212 at 9:08 AM on March 24, 2006


First Michael Jackson, now Kirk Cameron. Martin Bashir... outting formerly-famous-quasi-celebrities.
posted by thefreek at 9:14 AM on March 24, 2006


joeblough writes "go look up the tax returns of non-profits owned by these so-called 'men of god.'"

Why would Christians try to not pay taxes? On all my money, there aren't any pictures of Jesus. Just pictures of secular rulers: Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln, Hamilton, Jackson, and -- well, I guess maybe Ben Franklin was a preacher?

I mean, wouldn't they want to, I dunno, render unto Washington pictures of Washington?

Again, I don't know much about Christianity. Was there ever a Christian leader who talked about that? Maybe some minor own we don't hear about that much?

What Would That Christian Leader Do?
posted by orthogonality at 9:14 AM on March 24, 2006


Well, that was tedious, obvious, and off-topic.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 9:16 AM on March 24, 2006


Memorable Quotes from
Left Behind (2000)


[Chloe discovers Buck asleep on her couch and grabs a vase, thinking he's an intruder]
Chloe Steele: Hold it right there, don't move.
[Sees who it is]
Chloe Steele: Buck Williams? What are you doing in my house?
Buck Williams: Hoping you're not gonna brain me with that vase.




He was hoping for a teabagging instead of a braining...
posted by thefreek at 9:24 AM on March 24, 2006


I don't know if there should be going around in that neighbourhood, approaching strange men and talking about paying 'lip service'.

O'DANIEL
Ready for hard work, son?

JOE
Ready for anything.

O'DANIEL
I got a hunch, Joe Buck, it's gonna
be easier for you than most.

JOE
Gonna be like money from home.

O'DANIEL
Money from home, see, there's your
strength, you put things in earthy
terms any man can understand, son.
I warn you I'm gonna use you, I'm
gonna run you ragged!

Joe laughs, driving an obscene uppercut into the air.
O'Daniel laughs with him.

O'DANIEL (CONT'D)
You're a wonderful boy. You'n me
gonna have fun, dammit, it don't
have to be joyless. Say, why don't
we get right down on our knees now?

JOE
Get down -- where?

O'DANIEL
Right here, why not? I prayed in
saloons, I prayed in the street, I
prayed an the toilet. He don't care
where, what He wants is that
prayer.

O'Daniel drops on all fours, crawling to find the plug of an electric cord. He shoves it into a wall socket, switches off the overhead light and suddenly a hollow, tinted plastic Jesus glows on the dresser. O.S. a revivalist congregation sings. And now we notice, with Joe, placards and flags, horns and tracts, all the paraphernalia of a street corner
evangelist.

JOB
Shee-it...

O'DANIEL
That's the ticket, just open your
heart and let it flow. It ain't the
words, it's the love beyond 'em!
posted by PeterMcDermott at 9:25 AM on March 24, 2006


"Witnessing" is one of those terms that crawls up my butt sideways. These folks don't mean it in the sense of "can I get a witness?" they mean "annoy the shit out of people with our self-righteousness wrapped in a transparent guise of helping people."

Jesus said to look out for people like this. I think it was "Lo, for it is easier for a pudgy former sit-com star to fit into tight leather chaps than it is for these hypocritical morons to get into heaven" which was followed by "blessed are the cranky, for they will point out the self-righteous asshats and mock them on the Interweb."
posted by Biblio at 9:31 AM on March 24, 2006


Is that the original or the Geri Halliwell cover?
posted by thefreek at 9:48 AM on March 24, 2006


orthogonality: ... correct me if I'm wrong -- Jesus's big preaching was something called the "Sermon on the Mount" or the "Beatitudes" -- how much of those were about homosexuality and abortion?

Well, you are a bit wrong. Those things are the "happy Jesus" part of the message. There's also a lot stuff that fits into the "mad Jesus" and "cranky Jesus" personae.

Jesus was actually kind of a mindfucker, when you get down to it. Major league intermittent reinforcer, given to some serious gaslighting; that whole "I bring not peace but a sword" bit doesn't fit in too well with the Beatletudes or the Sermon o' Mount.

That said, as I recall, Jesus had more or less jack shit to say about homosexuals. All the gay-bashing stuff is OT.
posted by lodurr at 9:59 AM on March 24, 2006


orthogonality: Well, perhaps I'm just spoiled because my dad dragged me to a bunch of communal studies conventions when I was a kid, but American history is filled with utopian Christian groups that took the admonition in the book of Acts to share property and wealth among the congregation literally. Many of the radical anti-poverty efforts in the 19th-20th century were spearheaded by Christian groups. And of course you have Liberation Theology, an interesting blend of Marxist politics and Christian idealism as a supporter of left-wing land reform efforts in the Americas.

The whole debate about the role of renunciation of wealth is one that comes up repeatedly in the history of Christianity. There are also a fair number of groups today arguing that poverty, AIDS, and the environment are more critical issues than gay marriage. However, the religious right has been much more successful at presenting themselves in the news as the true voice of Christian politics.
posted by KirkJobSluder at 10:07 AM on March 24, 2006


The reason Jesus didn't talk about gays is because there weren't any back then. However, there were dinosaurs, though I'm still unsure as to why Jesus did not speak of them.
posted by billysumday at 10:08 AM on March 24, 2006


Right you are. Communism is an essentially Christian invention.
posted by Astro Zombie at 10:09 AM on March 24, 2006


Wait wait wait - if most Americans are Christians and most Americans also oppose gay marriage according to polls, where does that leave this supposed "other" or "most" Christians who are perfectly tolerant and accepting of gays?

OK, let's start from the beginning:

Fundamentalists, for the most part, are intolerant of homosexuality. However not all Christians are fundamentalists.

3/4 of Americans self-identify as Christian. 1/4 of Americans self-identify as Catholic, which, according to dogma, homosexuality is no worse than knocking up Mary Jane O'Leary under the bleachers at Our Lady of Perpetual Suffering after the wrestling match, and we all know how uncommon that is for Catholics. They just don't permit marriage without all the potential results of marriage, that's why a couple can still get an annulment if they aren't making babies.

Baptists, the next largest group at a little over 1/8th (slightly more than the atheists), do not even have a set dogma, so, though a majority may subscribe to a fundamentalist and/or intolerant philosophy, this is not universal. Not even all Baptists are Southern Baptists.

So then you are left with the "others." These range from your Jehovah's Witnesses to your Episcopalians, from Pentecostals to Lutherans, Church of Christ to Disciples of Christ, Church of God to Society of Friends. For every intolerant group, there's an equally tolerant bunch.

So, to sum up, you are confusing causality here. Maybe a majority of Americans did say they were Christian and maybe also a majority said they were intolerant of gay marriage, however those are two separate issues, not always tied to one another.
posted by Pollomacho at 10:13 AM on March 24, 2006


As a San Franciscan, I'm very proud of how polite the interviewees from my town were. I can only imagine how a straight, white, TV-star Christian like Mike Seaver would respond to someone calling him a liar, blasphemer, adulterer, and thief, all of which he is by his own admission.
posted by zekinskia at 10:22 AM on March 24, 2006


Simultaneously hilarious and sad.
posted by fungible at 10:36 AM on March 24, 2006


Maybe it's because I'm not a Christian but I just don't understand their sheer hubris. Do they have no doubt of their own? Who are they to go around calling others lairs and blasphemers. This stuff makes me boil. You want to be saved? Great. Now leave me alone.
posted by captainscared at 10:37 AM on March 24, 2006


Alvy Ampersand writes "I had a teacher who, in his youth, went to New Orleans to 'witness', for lack of a better word.

"During Mardi Gras."


Those guys are awesome. I like the ones dragging wheeled (!) crosses with light up odometers on top. "Jesus Miles!" Generally, though, they don't place an emphasis on homosexuality. Just "Mardi Gras revelry" in general being sinful. Personally, I think it's because Fat Tuesday is a Catholic holiday, and, as every good Protestant knows, Catholics are the devil's henchmen.
posted by brundlefly at 10:41 AM on March 24, 2006


A Catholic nun asks her 4th grade class of girls what they want to be when they grow up.

Mary Kate raises her hand emphatically and shouts, "I want to be a prostitute when I grow up!"

The nun flabbergastedly replies, "You want to be what???"

Mary Kate repeats, "I want to be a prostitute when i grow up!"

The nun sighs with relief, "Thank Heavens. I thought you said you want to be a Protestant."
posted by thefreek at 11:00 AM on March 24, 2006


Kirk Cameron says that homosexuality is an abomination in the eyes of the Lord -- and the Bible says it in boththe Old Testament and the New.

So why doesn't Jesus condemn it too???

This Jesus guy doesn't seem like a good Christian; he never mentions the most important parts of the religion.
posted by orthogonality at 11:04 AM on March 24, 2006


as every good Protestant knows, Catholics are the devil's henchmen.

My inlaws' church sends missionaries to Italy to "witness" to the Catholics.
posted by jrossi4r at 11:33 AM on March 24, 2006


Orthogonality: That's probably because Jesus wasn't a Christian, the followers of his teachings were the first ones.

Jesus, give me patience.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:40 AM on March 24, 2006


The people they talk to are remarkably patient, considering that they're being "tricked" into admitting that they're thieves, liars and adulterers.

Also, this is pretty tame compared to other things I've seen; they're insisting that homosexuality is just one of the things that piss off God.
posted by interrobang at 11:45 AM on March 24, 2006


Wow. I'd never seen anything like this. I am blinded by the brilliance of American evengelical tv shows, truly awesome! It really is a shame the US doesn't export this sort of tv programme.
posted by funambulist at 12:02 PM on March 24, 2006


You know,I go to the Gay 90s every weekend to witness the homosexuals. Why don't I get my own show? I witness them dancing, and I witness them drinking, and I witness them doing things too naughty to mention.
posted by Astro Zombie at 12:06 PM on March 24, 2006


Awww... I miss witnessing at the Gay 90s. :-\
posted by thefreek at 12:41 PM on March 24, 2006


It's really a heck of a lot more pleasant and ennobling to be called a sinner and miscreant by a faded, desperate-for-attention former TV sitcom star instead of by Pat Robertson or James Dobson. It's enough to make you fall on your knees and repent on the spot.
posted by blucevalo at 1:00 PM on March 24, 2006


blucevalo writes "It's enough to make you fall on your knees and repent on the spot."


I'm sure Kirk Cameron was hoping for that. If "repent" means what I think it means.
posted by orthogonality at 1:11 PM on March 24, 2006


I don't know why anyone would actually stop and talk to them...to get an autograph? to gossip about Tracey Gold's anorexia? to ask why Alan Thicke is so talentless?

what's the appeal? most people know by now he's a born-again freak.
posted by amberglow at 1:11 PM on March 24, 2006


Fat Tuesday, 2006



I took pictures of lots of freaks that day. These folks were the least (most) entertaining.
posted by djeo at 1:29 PM on March 24, 2006


I really hate Kirk. He's the most obnoxious kind of Christian. I couldn't watch the whole thing without getting sick. I had to stop it after he asked the first person if he was gay.
posted by mike3k at 1:33 PM on March 24, 2006


Where's the graphic content? I was promised graphic content!!!

These guys are bullshit bait-and-switchers. I call shenanigans.
posted by mrgrimm at 1:59 PM on March 24, 2006


I hate those Mardi Gras evangelizers. Dudes, it's a Christian holiday. Get a grip.
posted by Astro Zombie at 2:07 PM on March 24, 2006


I took pictures of lots of freaks that day. These folks were the least (most) entertaining.

That's a great shot. When I see that kind of bullshit, I always wonder, what compels people to such behavior? Is it truly out of compassion? Is it a deep desire to save these lost souls that burns within them? If that's really the case, it's a bit misguided, but I suppos commendable. Sort of.

Really, though I suspect the reasons have more to do with bigotry, fear, anger, self-righteousness, self-loathing and/or wanting to feel pious and self-important. None of which are particularly Christ-like qualities.
posted by psmealey at 2:15 PM on March 24, 2006


I love that "repent OR ELSE turn to Jesus", I thought it was supposed to be "AND"... they've undermined the whole of their religion with a simple switch between conjunctions. fantastic.
posted by funambulist at 2:18 PM on March 24, 2006


Spake lodurr:
That said, as I recall, Jesus had more or less jack shit to say about homosexuals. All the gay-bashing stuff is OT.
You're right about Jesus giving a mixed (or at leats confusing) message, but not all the gay-bashing is from the Old Testament. Paul had a lot to say about the topic, and I think that's where Christians primarily get their fervor on the topic. If a Christian brings up Leviticus, you can definitely say "Yeah, but Jesus said all that's passe", but if they bring up Paul, there's less you can do about it.
posted by jiawen at 2:22 PM on March 24, 2006


I'm sure Kirk Cameron was hoping for that. If "repent" means what I think it means.

Well, except that in his case the hope is that the repenter is the one who remains standing.
posted by blucevalo at 2:25 PM on March 24, 2006


jiawen's right. Jesus had nothing to say about homosexuality. Paul, on the other hand ... had maybe a little too much to say.
posted by blucevalo at 2:26 PM on March 24, 2006


but if they bring up Paul, there's less you can do about it.

Which is A HUGE bummer about the NT. I mean, really, Jesus had such a clear, beautiful and easy-to-put-into-action message, and Paul came along and bolloxed it right up.

I wish I knew enough about the history of the Bible to understand why Paul's letters made it in. There's some beautiful stuff in there (if you get past Corinthians passage that seems to come up at every wedding everyone has been to), but mostly it's a confusing jumble of half-baked theology, resulting in centuries of misery and woe.

Can we petition someone to get it taken out? I also wouldn't mind if they deleted the Revelation of John the Divine, either. As cool as some of the imagery in that is, too many freaks have glommed onto it to justify their cartoonish visions of end times.
posted by psmealey at 2:32 PM on March 24, 2006


Really, though I suspect the reasons have more to do with bigotry, fear, anger, self-righteousness, self-loathing and/or wanting to feel pious and self-important. None of which are particularly Christ-like qualities.

I have seen these same people frothing their bile and waving their signs year-in and year-out. Their protesting has nothing to do with compassion or any true desire to help people. But we all knew that. It is the same attention-grabbing behavior that leads someone to parade down Bourbon St. in assless chaps coupled with toxic levels of pious holier-than-thou machismo. These asshats will be spewn from the mouth of Heaven like week old gutter-gravy when they report to St. Peter.
posted by djeo at 2:36 PM on March 24, 2006


Wow. Kirk and his Daddy are sooo gay.
posted by jahmoon at 3:04 PM on March 24, 2006


You're right about Jesus giving a mixed (or at leats confusing) message, but not all the gay-bashing is from the Old Testament. Paul had a lot to say about the topic, and I think that's where Christians primarily get their fervor on the topic. If a Christian brings up Leviticus, you can definitely say "Yeah, but Jesus said all that's passe", but if they bring up Paul, there's less you can do about it.

Read Gore Vidal's Live From Golgotha--Paul liked his boys young and pretty.
posted by amberglow at 3:17 PM on March 24, 2006


Somewhere toward the middle, the wiry fellow mentions that God says that the human heart is wicked, and will deceive us. Problem: if God made man, especially in His own image, why the fucque would He pre-install His Little Replicants with a wicked, deceitful heart?
posted by moonbird at 5:57 PM on March 24, 2006


He's a bad motherfu--

Shut your mouth!

I'm just talking about God.

Oh, we can dig it.
posted by Astro Zombie at 6:10 PM on March 24, 2006


Read Gore Vidal's Live From Golgotha....

Because, of course, a novel is a great place to look for authoritative information about the sexual perversions of 1900-years-dead religious figures.

As for the 'simple and clear message of Jesus,' I suggest that anyone who believes in that make a close reading of the Gospels+Acts. Don't just let your sunday-school memories do the trick -- actually read the darn thing. Then, if you still believe the "message o' Jesus" is clear and simple, bully for you. It still smells like major league mindfucking, to me.
posted by lodurr at 1:41 PM on March 25, 2006


It still smells like major league mindfucking

Like marketing.
posted by disgruntled at 2:50 PM on March 25, 2006


Or disfunctional relationships.
posted by lodurr at 7:29 AM on March 26, 2006


« Older Jo Spence and the Half Moon Photography workshop   |   Google result Limits Newer »


This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments