Chinese Democracy to be released April 1
March 31, 2006 1:19 PM   Subscribe

The Endless Wait Is Over! After 15 years, Guns N’ Roses will finally release its nearly mythical album, Chinese Democracy. Chuck Klosterman has the exclusive first review of the new record, which features a 14 minute "rap-rock anthem" called "Pound You (Good)," several songs that "make thinly veiled references to the architect who designed Rose's backyard topiary garden," and attacks on the media, including "the editors of Vanity Fair, MTV personality Sway, numerous teenage bloggers, and the city hall reporter for the Cincinnati Enquirer (who, curiously, has never written about pop music)." Rock on, Axl Rose. Rock on.
posted by pardonyou? (39 comments total)
Sounds like shit to me. Rock rap? Might as well call yourself Rancid.
posted by Dean Keaton at 1:21 PM on March 31, 2006

Might as well call yourself Rancid.

How does Clash-alike Rancid sound anything like this?
posted by sonofsamiam at 1:22 PM on March 31, 2006

5. This version of Chinese Democracy only exists in an alternative reality ruled by the fools of April.

From the link. Way to read, dude.
posted by dersins at 1:22 PM on March 31, 2006 [1 favorite]


From the tags. Way to read, me.
posted by dersins at 1:23 PM on March 31, 2006 [1 favorite]

From the link. Way to read, dude.

Check the the post title and the tags. I didn't want to spoil the gag too obviously.

Now that the secret's out, I credit Klosterman for the concept, but wish he could have made it a bit more biting.

(on preview: I see you got it)
posted by pardonyou? at 1:26 PM on March 31, 2006

Still, Rose always possesses the potential to surprise us, as he does on a slightly reggaetón cover of Thin Lizzy's "Cowboy Song"

If only true, that would excuse a whole lifetime of sins.
posted by COBRA! at 1:26 PM on March 31, 2006

From the review*: "[They] keep using words like pasgetti, and momatoes. [They] make numerous threatening references to the UN, and at the end [they] repeat the words 'screw Flanders' over and over."

* not from the actual review
posted by blue_beetle at 1:27 PM on March 31, 2006

"After all this time and all that money, will this album truly bring democracy to China?

I don't know. I just don't know."
posted by iviken at 1:27 PM on March 31, 2006

Also appearing April 1st: Duke Nukem Forever!
posted by blue_beetle at 1:28 PM on March 31, 2006


posted by ZenMasterThis at 1:28 PM on March 31, 2006

*breaks out electrified fooling machine*
posted by milquetoast at 1:37 PM on March 31, 2006

i knew this was a joke the minute i saw it.
my advance copy (unmixed) of "chinese democracy" is entirely different (altho not much better) than what was described here.

glad my first post at metafilter is this important!
posted by fisherKing at 1:43 PM on March 31, 2006

hat u :(
posted by boo_radley at 1:46 PM on March 31, 2006

I can't believe I read the whole thing. Give me back five minutes.
posted by _sirmissalot_ at 1:49 PM on March 31, 2006

Isn't this a day early for April Fools Day? Last time I checked, hell hasn't frozen over yet. There's no way GNR releases another album.
posted by Meaney at 1:56 PM on March 31, 2006

It may be April Fool's day. But I can still kick Axl's ass.
posted by telstar at 1:56 PM on March 31, 2006

Phew, for a moment I was afraid I was going to have to endure the praises of those no-talent butt rockers from a new generation of fans. Thankfully I was spared in this one occasion, though it still does not compensate for me having to listen to every drunken hillbilly alternating between Lynryd and GNR in their Chevys. Life growing up in Lincoln Nebraska is precisely as glamourous as you would expect.

For the record, those violent-homophobic-no-talent-tools are still ranked at number one on my list of the worst bands of all time:

1: Guns and Roses
2: Creed
3: Metallica
posted by herting at 2:01 PM on March 31, 2006

Why, why, why would you give the joke away like that? Lame.
posted by ColdChef at 2:07 PM on March 31, 2006

It's a total April Fools day joke... but man the story behind Chinese Democracy is one for the history books. Mentioned here last year... the NYTimes did a neat story on it.

Mr. Rose began work on the album in 1994, recording in fits and starts with an ever-changing roster of musicians, marching through at least three recording studios, four producers and a decade of music business turmoil. The singer, whose management said he could not be reached for comment for this article, went through turmoil of his own during that period, battling lawsuits and personal demons, retreating from the limelight only to be followed by gossip about his rumored interest in plastic surgery and "past-life regression" therapy.

Along the way, he has racked up more than $13 million in production costs, according to Geffen documents, ranking his unfinished masterpiece as probably the most expensive recording never released. As the production has dragged on, it has revealed one of the music industry's basic weaknesses: the more record companies rely on proven stars like Mr. Rose, the less it can control them.

posted by wfrgms at 2:11 PM on March 31, 2006

Two weeks before his death in 2002, ex-Clash frontman Joe Strummer contributed guitar for a song tentatively titled "Janky Holocaust." However, Rose eventually dropped the track, citing "dehydration."

Thats funny...
posted by SweetJesus at 2:12 PM on March 31, 2006

It's true - I heard Chinese Democracy is going to be the soundtrack for Duke Nukem Forever.
posted by MaxVonCretin at 2:16 PM on March 31, 2006

I heard that Axl Rose is Jandek.
posted by billysumday at 2:21 PM on March 31, 2006

Funny joke.

I have never been so pround that I have never owned a Gun's & Roses album, 45, or sat all the way through a single of thier moronic videos, as I am right now. Oh. No. Wait. I was way more proud of it when they were actually popular.
posted by tkchrist at 2:59 PM on March 31, 2006

this is all a good reason to NOT go online tomorrow; to avoid the endless april fool's ipods, "revealing" videos, news stories, etc etc

i think my april fool's joke will be played on my powerbook (who may not understand how it could not be used for an entire day...)
posted by fisherKing at 3:11 PM on March 31, 2006

billysumday - I would RATHER listen to Jandek. Yikes. Than GnR or that other velvet revolver thing. They were on one of the late night talk shows a while back. Kept thinking "Can they be serious?" April Fool all year long.
Oh yeah and "your/my/your mom's favorite band sucks."
posted by zoinks at 3:12 PM on March 31, 2006

Hey, wots wrong with Jandek - who could be more ANTI Axl Rose?
posted by ernie at 3:15 PM on March 31, 2006

Nothing. I own more Jandek records than Axl. One, and listen to it happily. (Not so happily for the neighbors, I suspect.) I'll gladly buy any more I find in the "used avant/noise" bin. But how many does anyone really need?
posted by zoinks at 3:22 PM on March 31, 2006

thinly veiled references to the architect who designed Rose's backyard topiary garden

*snort*. Oooo, rockery 'n' roll, Axl.

Guns 'n' Roses were always dreadful, cliche-strewn shite. I totally fail to understand how anyone who genuinely likes rock music could ever have been taken in.
posted by Decani at 3:28 PM on March 31, 2006

I remember a thread about a new Guns N' Roses song (something to do with the IRS) about a month or two back but can't find it. Anyone remember it?
posted by Effigy2000 at 3:57 PM on March 31, 2006

Albums aren't released on Saturdays :(
posted by cellphone at 4:46 PM on March 31, 2006

your old favorite band sucks.
posted by MiltonRandKalman at 5:29 PM on March 31, 2006

I'm in. Axl Rose has more talent than anyone deserves to have, squandered mostly.
posted by caddis at 5:38 PM on March 31, 2006

hmm, perhaps I should actually read the links before commenting.
posted by caddis at 5:40 PM on March 31, 2006

Ah, poor Axl. All the fame and money in the world can't help him sort out his personal difficulties. I sorta pity the guy, and also sorta don't.

However, I have to say that I saw them at L'Amour in Brooklyn on their first tour, before Appetite broke huge and only a relatively small group of people even knew who they were, and they were ferociously good live.

Then they got hugely famous, and lost all that fire almost immediately, sliding down the long greasy slope of utter suckage. Ah well... that's rock 'n' roll for ya.
posted by zoogleplex at 6:29 PM on March 31, 2006

I hear ya was the same for me. I saw them first as the opening act for Motley Crue I believe way back when also before Appetite broke...Axl and Slash sure were awesome when they still had the "appetite" for the show. I saw them twice more in the passing sucking more than the last for sure....after I saw the third (many many moons ago)...I swore to myself never to do that again (and didn't) because Axl was just pathetic with the fame. Worst case of LSD (Lead Singer Disease) I ever saw! It just seemed such a shame. One thought always crossed my mind over the years though...what did Axl ever do about the tattoo of the photograph of his first wife? Strange strange thing to do no doubt about it....
posted by SweetIceT at 8:38 PM on March 31, 2006

Download the full 256k Chinese Democracy torrent ... here. here. or here.
posted by Muirwylde at 9:13 PM on March 31, 2006

I always thought it was interesting that Axl chose to name his album after something that will most likely never happen. hmmm.....
posted by Afroblanco at 9:56 PM on March 31, 2006

Damn you to hell, Muirwylde; I clicked those links hoping to get some good pictures of, y'know, teens with cum inside of them, or at least oozing out post- being- inside- them... and instead I get what appears to be Pete frickin' Postlethwaite in lingerie, having carnal relations with an inflatable ewe!
posted by hincandenza at 12:50 AM on April 1, 2006

I saw Guns 'N Roses a few years back and Duck Dunn was playing bass with 'em!
posted by stevil at 8:18 AM on April 1, 2006

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