Catholics are the New York Yankees of Christianity.
May 22, 2006 8:35 AM   Subscribe

The Interpretative Dance Theocrats. Inspired by Salon's excerpt from Michelle Goldberg's new book, Kingdom Coming: The Rise of Christian Nationalism, this handy guide will resolve your confusion over Christian theological jargon. [via]
posted by monju_bosatsu (15 comments total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
That was quite uninformitve. So what is the difference between premillenialism and rapture theology?
posted by afu at 8:53 AM on May 22, 2006 [1 favorite]

Actually, that was quite funny. Thanks for providing my first really good laugh of the day.

In the comments, HolyOffice gives a definition of Jesus.
posted by msjen at 9:08 AM on May 22, 2006

The definition of Jesus was several hundred times more amusing than the main definitions. Though credit for the subtitles -- Bible II: On to Rome and Bible III: Once Upon a Time in America are inspired (though probably not by plenary verbal inspiration, which is a crock any way you look at it).
posted by graymouser at 9:41 AM on May 22, 2006

Cool, thanks. I've never bothered to find out much about Christianity, especially the various bizarre American mutations So I got conned by Goldberg's Salon piece, I'm afraid. This was a great antidote.
posted by slatternus at 10:29 AM on May 22, 2006

That's hilarious.
posted by Mars Saxman at 10:32 AM on May 22, 2006

In a few weeks when I get out of the weeds, so to speak (less than 2 weeks of school left) I will post a blog with all the real handy-dandy definitions. If I have to half kill myself this semester learning the terms, I might as well share them.

A hint: "Left Behind" is rather bad theology.
posted by konolia at 11:11 AM on May 22, 2006

I do wish these were real definitions, I've been reading through Wikipedia for the past couple of hours trying to understand all the nuances.
posted by OmieWise at 11:19 AM on May 22, 2006

Religion: a mind virus designed to control the pliable masses.


"Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by rulers as useful."
- Seneca the Younger, circa 4 BC - 65 AD

"Man will never be free until the last king is strangled with the entrails of the last priest."
- Denis Diderot, circa 1760

"I believe that God wants me to be president."
-George W. Bush, circa 2001

"See in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda."
-George W. Bush, circa 2005

“If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it. The lie can be maintained only for such time as the State can shield the people from the political, economic and/or military consequences of the lie. It thus becomes vitally important for the State to use all of its powers to repress dissent, for the truth is the mortal enemy of the lie, and thus by extension, the truth is the greatest enemy of the State.”
- Joseph Goebbels, circa 1939
posted by Mean Mr. Bucket at 11:38 AM on May 22, 2006

Now there's an LJ post worthy of the Wittenburg Door.
posted by dw at 12:14 PM on May 22, 2006

That's pretty funny. Thanks for pointing to this blog. His thoughts on "The Da Vinci Code" are pretty good too.
posted by internal at 12:20 PM on May 22, 2006

The definition of Jesus was several hundred times more amusing than the main definitions.

Monitor.spew all the way. And the Da Vinci Code explanation is pretty good, too.
posted by dw at 12:25 PM on May 22, 2006

The writer is apparently not a college football fan or he would have mentioned that Touchdown Jesus is a mosaic on a wall at the University of Notre Dame.
posted by Cranberry at 3:23 PM on May 22, 2006

If you say the post above out loud, it will be 'chocolate for the ears.'
posted by Cranberry at 3:28 PM on May 22, 2006

It's actually referred to as "interpretative movement" as dance is frowned upon by these nuts.
posted by nofundy at 8:15 AM on May 23, 2006

err interpretive?? sorry
posted by nofundy at 8:15 AM on May 23, 2006

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