Whale evolution

August 16, 2006 9:54 AM

Whales are ridiculous, thanks to their evolutionary origins as coyote-like mammals moved into the water about 45 million years ago and became more and more adapted to the marine life.
posted by chorltonmeateater (32 comments total)

NUKE THE COYOTES
posted by quonsar at 10:01 AM on August 16, 2006

Hmm, using that quote like that didn't work at all, did it? Try, coyote-like mammals [which] moved into the water...
posted by chorltonmeateater at 10:02 AM on August 16, 2006

If you're a whale you either have baleen or you have none.

So profound.
posted by thirteenkiller at 10:04 AM on August 16, 2006

In a sense, then, the origin of baleen whales is as remarkable as the origin of all whales. Yet that fact does not represent a real challenge to evolution.

Is it just me, or does this seem like a nonsequitor? Or do some people think whales are some sort of anti-evolutionary example? What?
posted by sohcahtoa at 10:12 AM on August 16, 2006

sohcahtoa, he's probably saying that baleen whales didn't just turn up one morning despite them not being very similar to the whales whose ancestry has been traced (just a 'fill in the gaps' thing).
posted by Firas at 10:21 AM on August 16, 2006

Toothed whales can all eat chocolate. Baleen whales cannot.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 10:23 AM on August 16, 2006 [1 favorite]

Well, they can but it gets all stuck and then they can't eat the krill and then where would they be? In an ocean full of little red krill slowly filling up the sea until there was no space left. The krill would quickly develop a civilisation and infrastructure and invade dry land, moving from country to country like some very small shrimp-type things playing Risk.

No. I think it's for the better that our friends, the whales, continue in their 300 million year mission to wipe out the red menace. Can't trust krill, they'll cheat you at the drop of a barnacle.

Toothed whales on the other hand are vital for giant squid control.

Basically - if you've got tentacles and shit? I fucking hate you and I hope the whales eat your ass.
posted by longbaugh at 10:34 AM on August 16, 2006 [8 favorites]

Sohcahtoa: indeed. There's a contemporary school of anti-evolutionary thought which holds that profound changes to body plans, particularly those which seem particularly strange or novel, just can't be achieved through natural selection. This school draws a distinction between "microeveolution" (small adaptations in fast reproducing lifeforms which are readily observable, and thus hard to deny) and gross body plan change speciation which they label "macroevolution" and fervently deny.
posted by MattD at 10:37 AM on August 16, 2006

Basically - if you've got tentacles and shit? I fucking hate you and I hope the whales eat your ass.

Aha, but squids don't even have asses! Mwahahaha!

Anyone else think the article reads like a high school essay?
posted by squidlarkin at 10:43 AM on August 16, 2006

MattD - Does that school of thought have enough research/evidence on its side to make it worth refuting? I guess this feels like feeding the trolls, to me.
posted by sohcahtoa at 10:46 AM on August 16, 2006

It was my understanding based upon the author's book "At the Water's Edge," toothed whales (if not all whales) evolved from a hoofed animal NOT like a coyote but more like a horse. I didn't see anything in the article to explain why he now thinks that bayleen whales evolved from non-hoofed animals.
posted by pwb503 at 10:50 AM on August 16, 2006

This is obviously the work of the Intelligent Designer.
posted by ninjew at 10:51 AM on August 16, 2006

"It was my understanding based upon the author's book "At the Water's Edge," toothed whales (if not all whales) evolved from a hoofed animal NOT like a coyote but more like a horse."

That would be the Baleen Mustang.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 11:01 AM on August 16, 2006 [1 favorite]

Evolution? No, no, this (YouTube - Gervais on Genesis) is where animals came from.
posted by caddis at 11:03 AM on August 16, 2006

Thanks for the post. Reading the decent science blogs doesnt cause the 'ugh, just wasted another hour with ______ (insert favorite political hackery blog here)' vibe. Now, back to frivolously wasting time.
posted by Gaius Gracchus at 11:16 AM on August 16, 2006

Jesus, crash, that was awful.
posted by mendel at 11:19 AM on August 16, 2006

As an aside, what happens when an octopus or a tuna gets really lodged somewhere in the whales' blowhole? That must be uncomfortable.
posted by Aghast. at 11:20 AM on August 16, 2006

If you're a whale you either have baleen or you have none.

So profound.

Perhaps not, but not as obvious from an evolutionary standpoint. There are many animals with partial fur, birds with vestigial wings, animals with short useless tails, all of which point to long-ago evolutionary divides. Zimmer was making a point, which he expressed in the subsequent sentence: "Studies on whale DNA only reinforce the sharp divide between baleen whales and other whales."
posted by QuietDesperation at 11:21 AM on August 16, 2006

I propose we take the Mimi out again, and settle this once and for all. Where's Ben Affleck? He up for a new Voyage?
posted by blastrid at 11:33 AM on August 16, 2006

what happens when an octopus or a tuna gets really lodged somewhere in the whales' blowhole?

whale in emergency room: I, uh, was just catching some air, and suddenly I backflipped and it just slipped right in there. Honestly.
posted by CynicalKnight at 12:07 PM on August 16, 2006 [2 favorites]

For me, no sea mammal can match the ridiculousness of the aquatic sloth. Too bad they didn't make it.
posted by homunculus at 12:51 PM on August 16, 2006

Does that school of thought have enough research/evidence on its side to make it worth refuting?
posted by sohcahtoa

No, the distinction between 'macro' and 'micro' evolution is an arbitrary one; the last desperate gasp of creationists.
posted by spaltavian at 1:34 PM on August 16, 2006

"Jesus, crash, that was awful."

I knew it was awful when I typed it, I was just hoping someone would understand it.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 2:49 PM on August 16, 2006

They are SO gonna have the last laugh when global warming turns the planet into Waterworld. They're going to be all, like, "Dude, we planned ahead for this!"

Unfortunately, it'll be in whalesong, so we won't be able to understand it.
posted by mkultra at 3:11 PM on August 16, 2006

Check out this vid of unequivocal scientific evidence that polar bears are evolving their behavior in the face of global warming:
http://www.desmogblog.com/behavioral-evolution-of-polar-bears-due-to-climate-change
posted by jacob hauser at 3:19 PM on August 16, 2006

Oops here's the hyperlink.
posted by jacob hauser at 3:20 PM on August 16, 2006

Unfortunately, it'll be in whalesong, so we won't be able to understand it.

..I speak whale.

homunculus, thanks for the aquatic sloth link. Sloth (sloths? sleeth?) are awesome.
posted by cmyk at 3:29 PM on August 16, 2006

cymk: I like "slothes" even though sloths is correct.
posted by aubilenon at 3:58 PM on August 16, 2006

Yeah, whales are ridiculous. Right up until they tear you limb from limb and take your ship down with them to the crushing briny.

Who is ridiculous now, mate?
posted by Sailor Martin at 4:31 PM on August 16, 2006

pwb503 writes "It was my understanding based upon the author's book 'At the Water's Edge,' toothed whales (if not all whales) evolved from a hoofed animal NOT like a coyote but more like a horse. I didn't see anything in the article to explain why he now thinks that bayleen whales evolved from non-hoofed animals."

Being coyote-like and having hooves are not mutually exclusive, it seems.

sohcahtoa writes "Is it just me, or does this seem like a nonsequitor? Or do some people think whales are some sort of anti-evolutionary example? What?"

I once saw a creationist cartoon poking fun at the (obviously wrong) idea that whales "evolved from cows." It showed a morph over time between the two animals, with ridiculous looking stages in between.
posted by brundlefly at 6:45 PM on August 16, 2006

The Welsh are ridiculous, I'll read the article later.
posted by TwelveTwo at 8:14 PM on August 16, 2006

Baleen Mustang... lol ... still on the floor...

That's the one that runs on Hydrogen, right?
posted by pezdacanuck at 9:40 AM on August 17, 2006