Rabies... for kids!
September 20, 2006 6:21 AM   Subscribe

Hey kids! Ever wanted a page about rabies just for you? Well now you have it!
posted by XQUZYPHYR (31 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
They should have called it 'Rabies For Babies.'
posted by jonmc at 6:26 AM on September 20, 2006 [1 favorite]

This isn't funny. My great uncle died from rabies.

really! last recorded death in Massachusetts. happened in (I think) Wakefield in 1935. Contracted from a dog. But rabies is pretty funny! Thanks for this!
posted by Mayor Curley at 6:27 AM on September 20, 2006

They should have called it 'Rabies For Babies.'

You owe me a coffee and a new keyboard.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 6:31 AM on September 20, 2006

PC World recently voted this one of the worst websites ever. Just sayin'. :)
posted by soundofsuburbia at 6:32 AM on September 20, 2006

I did a report on rabies for biology class when I was about 14. The main thing I remember is that when they put down an animal with rabies, they keep the head. I'm sure there was a scientific reason for this, but I'm just imagining a huge warehouse/laboratory with rows upon rows of Cujo-heads all lined up, eyes accusingly staring out from behind their glass jars...

So. Yay! Rabies!
posted by slimepuppy at 6:33 AM on September 20, 2006

then an electrical storm hits the warehouse and lightning breaks the glass and all the heads are reaminated, hopping around on their necks, biting and growling at the group of teenage skateboarders who thought it would be cool to spend the night in a warehouse full of cujo heads ... after all the kids are killed, the cujo heads have the skateboards and break out, heading towards town, where everyone is sleeping ...

i call it "dog heads on a roll to hell"

let's do a deal
posted by pyramid termite at 6:40 AM on September 20, 2006

My great uncle died from rabies.

A moose bit my sister once.
posted by GuyZero at 6:40 AM on September 20, 2006

I once watched my sister bit into a mousse.
posted by jonmc at 6:46 AM on September 20, 2006

Ooo, is this where we share our childhood rabies stories?

When I was 4 I had to get some rabies injections after a stray cat bit me in the desert. If only the internets had been around to save me! For months afterward my dad had a very wrist-rocket-and-ball-bearings attitude toward stray cats, which actually traumatized me more than the bite itself.

Having undergone a rabies scare at a young age (and having seen "Old Yeller" more than once), I grew paranoid about it. The next year on a quail-hunting trip, my dad shot down a small bat and told me to go retrieve it so he could get a closer look (a 5-year-old on a hunting trip picks up the slack if no dog is present). "But be careful," he said, "bats have rabies."

When I found the dead bat, I held it at arm's length between thumb and forefinger and held my breath as I carried it back to him, desperate to keep from catching the rabies. But there was nowhere to wash my hands! In the pickup truck on the ride back I held my hands in my lap and tried not to touch anything. When we got back to the house, I went to my room feeling ill, and laid down on my bed for over an hour, waiting to die.

Good night folks, I'll be here all week!
posted by hermitosis at 6:51 AM on September 20, 2006

I love how on the "warning signs" page, the final warning sign of rabies in your pet is "death". Bit late now, but just in case you were thinking of eating the corpse or something - don't do it. Fluffy might have rabies.
posted by jonson at 7:09 AM on September 20, 2006

A moose bit my sister once.

"Why you looking so glum? Moose bit your sister?"
posted by Afroblanco at 7:11 AM on September 20, 2006

There's definitely something uniquely terrifying about rabies to kids... I think most of my discomfort stemmed from watching Old Yeller about half a dozen times, but having my parents turn it off before the rabies scene, and then finally seeing the whole thing at a friend's house when I was maybe 7 and FREAKING THE HELL OUT. I mean, that dog turned crazy!

Though, as I look closer at this site, I can't imagine a 6-year-old kid being any less freaked out by the coloring book and the kinds of horrors he could project based on that and a mental image of the housecat foaming at the mouth and coming for him in his sleep.
posted by Mayor West at 7:13 AM on September 20, 2006

Company A: We need a "kids page" for our web site.

Web designer: So in other words change the font to Comic Sans?

Company A: Yes, that oughta do it. ...oh, and add a few coloring book pages to that.
posted by StarForce5 at 7:37 AM on September 20, 2006

I have to say that Texas has some really cool maps on its DHS rabies page. If Fido kicks the bucket, that sucks, but he'll get his own map marking for posterity.
posted by chef_boyardee at 8:08 AM on September 20, 2006

Ouch! That sidebar menu is horrifying in its own way.
posted by owhydididoit at 8:16 AM on September 20, 2006

let's do a deal

Sounds sweet; we'll need a bankable celebrity to push this into theaters, though. I suggest Gilbert Gottfried as a harried security guard who aids the skaters in fighting the dog heads. Of course, he'll need to scream the trademark line: "YOU GODDAMN KIDS! I WARNED YOU ABOUT THIS GODDAMN PLACE! NOW THESE GODDAMN DOG HEADS ARE ON A GODDAMN ROLL TO HELL!!"
posted by Smart Dalek at 8:16 AM on September 20, 2006

Two months ago I came upstairs at midnight and found a bat in my kids room. I had to catch it and bring it in for a necropsy, which I did. I spent over an hour online looking for something useful about transmission risk, incidences, etc. I remember this exact site, and then thinking how useless and strange it was.
posted by docpops at 8:22 AM on September 20, 2006

Ooh! I get to tell my severed head story!

My second year of college, I stayed on campus over the summer and picked up a job working in the mail room of the vet lab. This was at Michigan State (aka Moo U) so it was a very busy place. Labs all over the country would send in samples for testing.

We didn't test for rabies at this lab, but the name of the lab was so similar to the state-run rabies lab that we constantly got their mail. Since the rabies lab was in the same town, we'd get out the van and deliver their mail in person.

So...one fine August day an oddly large box thumps out of the mail bag. And then starts oozing fluid across the table.
We can see from the label that it was addressed to the rabies lab. But hey, who can resist opening an oozing box?
So we do a quick little rock-paper-scissors contest and the loser opens the box.

Severed bear head. Wrapped in newspaper. Packed in the cardboard box with a couple ice packs that had long thawed.
For some reason the cardboard held in the stench. As soon as we opened the box, the smell was unbearable.
They evacuated half the floor because of the stink.

Guess who got to drive the head across town?
posted by Eddie Mars at 8:27 AM on September 20, 2006 [1 favorite]

GuyZero writes "A moose bit my sister once."

*holds up one finger*
posted by brundlefly at 8:49 AM on September 20, 2006

Pyramid termite and Smart Dalek, you better not even think about screwing me out of royalties for this puppy...

Because of the addition of skateboards, I think we can appeal to the 'urban' and 'punksploitation' market. And there's always the videogame/Happy Meal tie-ins to think of.

We might have said too much. *shifty eyes*

Metafilter: Ooh! I get to tell my severed head story!
posted by slimepuppy at 9:03 AM on September 20, 2006

About a month ago, when I got out of the shower one morning, there was a bat chilling out in my room. It was just hanging on my mandolin case. There haven't been any bats in my house before or since, and we're still not exactly sure how it got in there. Anyway, it didn't have rabies, so no big deal.

I know, good story...
posted by danb at 9:26 AM on September 20, 2006

PC World recently voted this one of the worst websites ever. Just sayin'. :)

PC World has some cheek...
posted by Artw at 9:38 AM on September 20, 2006

They left out a crucial rabies fun fact. You can contract it from rubbing your eye with a finger licked by a rabid animal.
posted by eperker at 10:21 AM on September 20, 2006

GuyZero writes "A moose bit my sister once."

*holds up one finger*

Ha! Well done sir. Well done.
posted by quin at 10:27 AM on September 20, 2006

Kids love crusades.
posted by thanatogenous at 11:20 AM on September 20, 2006

....uniquely terrifying about rabies to kids

Dying from rabies is about a 12 of a scale of 0 to 10 for shit your pants prognoses. I'd ask for a bullet to the head. I have nightmares about this to this day.

You dont believe me: your choice: furious or paralytic?

"The symptoms of the acute neurologic period may manifest themselves in one of two ways. The first, experienced by about 80% of patients, is furious rabies. This form of disease is characterized by periods of extreme anxiety, violent behavior, seizures, and hallucinations alternating with periods of calm and normal behavior, as well as periods of depression. Many of these patients exhibit the classic behavior of hydrophobia, or fear of water, which results in spasms of the throat upon drinking or even the sight or mention of liquids. A similar type of response is given if the patient feels a breeze of air through the room. The reaction in thought to be an inflated version of a natural response to protect the respiratory tract. This, combined with common paralysis of the jaw, leads to the classic foaming and drooling at the mouth of a rabid animal. The acute neurologic period lasts from two to seven days in the case of furious rabies. Sometimes the patient dies suddenly from respiratory or cardiac failure, while in most cases the violence begins to subside as disorientation and paralysis set in, resulting in coma and death.

The second manifestation of symptoms during the acute neurologic period is paralytic rabies, and is experienced by about 20% of patients. This form is particularly common in those who contracted the disease from bats. Paralytic rabies generally lacks the violent symptoms of furious rabies, though occasionally some of the same symptoms occur, such as depression and hydrophobia. This form is characterized by the slow paralysis of the patient, usually starting as a numbness or weakness at the bite site and spreading to the rest of the body over time. Patients generally live longer than those suffering from furious rabies, with progression lasting up to thirty days before paralysis of the respiratory system results in death unless life support systems are put in place. Even then, the patient will experience other complications and die eventually. "

Nature: redder in tooth and claw than any motherfucker.
posted by lalochezia at 2:00 PM on September 20, 2006

if a biscuit falls from the sky, (perhaps in the vicinity of a playground) it will innoculate all the wee little children:
Biscuits Are Falling in Texas, and They Carry Rabies Vaccine
posted by huckhound at 2:18 PM on September 20, 2006

OH, dear god...

"In very rare cases, rabies has been spread from one person to another after a corneal transplant. In several instances, the cornea (part of the eye) from a person who died of rabies was transplanted to a healthy person, who then got the disease."
posted by mer2113 at 4:45 PM on September 20, 2006

The only known rabies survivor.

Also, thanks to pretty much everyone who posted in this thread. Rabies was never a big concern of mine before, but now I'll squeal a little louder next time I see one of the enormous mutant rats that inhabit the New York subway ...
posted by anjamu at 9:27 PM on September 20, 2006

No more maybes
Your babies got rabies
Sitting on a ball
In the middle of the Andes
posted by matteo at 7:47 AM on September 21, 2006

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