Ooh -- did you feel that?
November 16, 2006 11:01 AM   Subscribe

Only 35 days left until the Global Orgasm. Remember that you're doing it for Peace On Earth or Purity Of Essence or Projection Of Energy or whatever. Don't forget to visit the GlobalO Blog for more information.
posted by forrest (51 comments total) 3 users marked this as a favorite


 
Everybody come together!
posted by Mister_A at 11:08 AM on November 16, 2006


Sorry baby, I came a little. Can we try again in an hour or so?
posted by robot at 11:10 AM on November 16, 2006


I think this thread is a little premature, is it not?
posted by arcticwoman at 11:11 AM on November 16, 2006


I mean, I don't want to come too soon.
posted by arcticwoman at 11:12 AM on November 16, 2006


There's a counter on that page counting down to the very second you're supposed to come - now that's a lot of pressure.

(I wonder if Ron Jeremy will do this?)
posted by stinkycheese at 11:15 AM on November 16, 2006


I bet it turns out to be an advertisement for a ski resort.
posted by Steven C. Den Beste at 11:21 AM on November 16, 2006 [4 favorites]


Hey, a little advance warning is ok. Some of us need a little build up or otherwise just like to take our time and enjoy it.
posted by loquacious at 11:27 AM on November 16, 2006


35 days warning? Really?
posted by NationalKato at 11:28 AM on November 16, 2006


And...... BEGIN!
posted by The White Hat at 11:33 AM on November 16, 2006


But I'll forget about it by next month. Maybe we should have a Mefi Global Orgasm meetup.
posted by arcticwoman at 11:41 AM on November 16, 2006


*opens Outlook*

Dec. 22: 3:16pm - 3:17pm -- Orgasm.

*closes Outlook*
posted by icosahedral at 11:53 AM on November 16, 2006


But I'll forget about it by next month. Maybe we should have a Mefi Global Orgasm meetup.

Your place or mine?
posted by Dr-Baa at 11:53 AM on November 16, 2006


Will someone help please Dubya find the G-Spot - he keeps rubbing the Middle East with his index finger and it's getting kinda sore.
posted by CynicalKnight at 12:10 PM on November 16, 2006 [2 favorites]


What will these peaceniks want from me next --- blood?
posted by QuietDesperation at 12:15 PM on November 16, 2006


3:16pm? That's going to be one awkward afternoon at work.
posted by clevershark at 12:26 PM on November 16, 2006


The earth moved, baby.

Yeah, the WHOLE earth.
posted by mistermoore at 12:35 PM on November 16, 2006


Just remember to go to the bathroom at 3:15.
posted by stinkycheese at 12:36 PM on November 16, 2006


Everybody come together!

I worked with a guy who legally changed his name from James to a Swahili phrase meaning "let's come together." I thought that it was admirable for him to reach out to his African roots until I realized that his new name was just the setup for a pickup line.

Happy O-day James!
posted by peeedro at 12:37 PM on November 16, 2006


To be immediately followed by Global Smoking In The Dark.
posted by jonmc at 12:45 PM on November 16, 2006


That's a helluva wet spot.
posted by lalochezia at 12:58 PM on November 16, 2006


I had to check my airline tickets for the holidays to make sure I won't be aloft at this time... whew.
posted by StrangerInAStrainedLand at 12:59 PM on November 16, 2006


And next is global "No I can't spend the night, I have a big meeting in the morning" excusifying, followed by global tearful recrimination.
posted by Mister_A at 1:01 PM on November 16, 2006


We can meet at my place, I'll bake cookies for afterwards. Wait, I had better check with my wife...
posted by arcticwoman at 1:05 PM on November 16, 2006


Christmas cums but once a year?
posted by davros42 at 1:43 PM on November 16, 2006


It could be worse, it could be taking place at commute time. You wouldn't want to be on a bus...
posted by clevershark at 1:46 PM on November 16, 2006


These people are toying with forces they cannot possibly understand.
posted by psmealey at 1:52 PM on November 16, 2006


Sting started last week.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:08 PM on November 16, 2006 [1 favorite]


If China gets in on this, they'll knock the Earth out of its orbit.
posted by brundlefly at 2:09 PM on November 16, 2006


Awkward? Au contraire - This particular orgasm will be enterprise enabled.
posted by icosahedral at 2:09 PM on November 16, 2006


This sounded really cool up until:

at the time of your choosing

Ok, well, that just makes it kind of like any old Friday night. I don't really dig pseudo-simultaneous events.
posted by hodyoaten at 2:12 PM on November 16, 2006


It was the shot heard 'round the world, 2.0. I felt a great disturbance in the Tubes. It was as if a billion packets cried out in ALL CAPS and were suddenly silenced. Nine months later, the singularity was born...
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:26 PM on November 16, 2006


Sept. 22, 2007 - Anthropologists stymied by very short, sharp spike in birth rates.

“The combination of high- energy orgasmic energy combined with mindful intention may have a much greater effect than previous mass meditations and prayers.”

Uh... it’s a nice idea and everything. I respect the goal, but the method...Y’know, I’m a bit befuddled on the morality of that. It concerns me that in ‘1984’ Ingsoc seeks to eradicate the orgasm to focus more energy on politics. This seems to merely be an inversion of that. Call me a barbarian, but that kind of interpersonal relationship is a bit more sacred than mere politics.Too close to the victorian “Think of England.”

Of course, I’m not one to pass up any excuse to have sex anytime, anniversary, middle of the week day, hat drops, so moot point really.
posted by Smedleyman at 2:47 PM on November 16, 2006


Hey! Watch where you point that moot, buddy!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:50 PM on November 16, 2006


Fake it 'till it's real!
posted by freebird at 3:16 PM on November 16, 2006


In the engineering cluster in residence, every day is simultaneous orgasm day.
posted by tehloki at 3:26 PM on November 16, 2006


Those teeth on the website are ultra-clean. And what's with the music, the goddamn fucking music?
posted by snoktruix at 3:42 PM on November 16, 2006


Global orgasm? Fuck that!
posted by Kickstart70 at 4:06 PM on November 16, 2006


Why wait?
posted by owhydididoit at 4:28 PM on November 16, 2006


Moots are full of protein.

...a moot bit my sister once.
posted by Smedleyman at 4:58 PM on November 16, 2006


at the time of your choosing

Pardon? So this event is trying to encourage people worldwide to orgasm at some point over a 50-hour period (think time zones). And then they're going to claim they noticed a spike in spiritual energy. Woot.
posted by Arcaz Ino at 5:21 PM on November 16, 2006


Christmas cums but once a year?

Indeed (possibly NSFW).
posted by homunculus at 5:22 PM on November 16, 2006


This particular orgasm will be enterprise enabled.

That kind of, uh, took the wind out of my sails if you know what I mean. How can you get wood thinking about IBM?
posted by me & my monkey at 6:00 PM on November 16, 2006


People are indeed strange.
posted by mstefan at 7:05 PM on November 16, 2006


Great. Another idea with a total bullshit premise.
posted by luckypozzo at 7:36 PM on November 16, 2006


"WHY? To effect positive change in the energy field of the Earth through input of the largest possible surge of human energy, a Global Synchronized Orgasm."

I bet the bastard typed that with a straight face, too. Now granted, I didn't major in any of the sciences when I was in college, but I don't think that's how energy fields work.

I for one refuse to interrupt my perfectly acceptable five year (and counting) dry spell in order to participate in fuzzy logic. Someone should take a weed whacker to it. I quit the whole sex thing for a reason. Predominantly because I gave up actively begging for lent. I actually blame Nine Eleven, although technically the dry spell started a couple months before that. Still, if I ever have sex again, the terrorists will win. Also, hell will freeze over, the cows will come home, someone will figure out how many licks it takes to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop, and Joss Whedon will make that sequel to Serenity... not necessarily in that order.

Global Synchronized Orgasm? Sounds like a rejected Olympic sport. In fact it probably is one. Have fun with your venereal diseases, unplanned pregnancies, freakish dildo accidents, and unceremonious sheet changing. I'll make a point to club a seal, write a letter to my congressperson, mix mentos with cocacola, listen to John Denver music, think about Carol Channing, talk about baseball around a water cooler and have a cold shower simultaneously to this global event, in an attempt to counter the effects of this 'positive energy field.'

Better yet, I'll actively ignore it. I'll be more successful. You kids and your sex. Really. Oh and one more thing: GET OFF THE LAWN!
posted by ZachsMind at 8:56 PM on November 16, 2006


I love how specific they get. We must all cum together because there will be ships moving into the Persian Gulf with ASW capability... and we all know what that means! I mean, they have like two modern submarines and all. Cum, damn it, cum now!!! Quickly, friend, so much depends on this!!!
posted by trinarian at 11:07 PM on November 16, 2006


Cleanup, third planet from the sun.
posted by NewBornHippy at 12:32 AM on November 17, 2006


where the jizz flows like they say the whiskey flows in heaven...
posted by trinarian at 11:02 AM on November 17, 2006


Global Synchronized Orgasm? Sounds like a rejected Olympic sport.

An event where, if you're really good, you go for the silver medal.
posted by Mr Bismarck at 12:32 PM on November 17, 2006


An idea whose come has a time.
posted by Eideteker at 2:22 PM on November 17, 2006 [1 favorite]


If China gets in on this, they'll knock the Earth out of its orbit.

Japan conducted trials, on smaller a smaller scale though
posted by NewBornHippy at 9:20 PM on November 19, 2006


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