Giant Amazonian Centipedes Need Love

November 21, 2006 2:09 PM

Do not cuddle with the Giant Amazonian Centipede, no matter how strong the temptation may be. Fully grown they are as long as an adult human's forearm, and gleefully feed on small critters (youtube), going so far as to snag bats out of the air (google video) & devour them on the spot.
posted by jonson (131 comments total)

that's fucking terrifying. I'm entirely squicked out.
posted by empath at 2:16 PM on November 21, 2006

Thanks for the new nightmore material.

*shudder*
posted by piratebowling at 2:18 PM on November 21, 2006

I have NO incentive to cuddle with that centipede. My skin has officially turned inside out. Besides the "hundred legs" part, why is that even considered a centipede? Please, write to your local MP or Congressman and ask the government re-classify that bitch as a fucking Scorpion Alien Snake Robot Killer.
posted by Milkman Dan at 2:18 PM on November 21, 2006 [5 favorites]

nightMARE rather. Ugh, I'm too creeped out to type correctly.
posted by piratebowling at 2:19 PM on November 21, 2006

yowza. My apartment is occasionally visited by non-Godzilla-scale centipedes. I'm more scared now.
posted by ninjew at 2:19 PM on November 21, 2006

GOD I HATE INSECTS.

Thanks for that. I'll be keeping a shovel handy for the rest of the night.
posted by ZaphodB at 2:22 PM on November 21, 2006

Sweet funtime suntime jesus, i'll never go the amazon again!
posted by nola at 2:23 PM on November 21, 2006

Hey, you haven't lived until you've seen a pack of giant amazonian centipede skeletonize a cow in under ten minutes.
posted by elwoodwiles at 2:24 PM on November 21, 2006

That is the most awesome thing I've seen in ages. I want one as a pet.

disclaimer: when spiders and crickets make their way into my house, I catch 'em and put 'em outside. Sympathetic to bugs am I.
posted by davejay at 2:26 PM on November 21, 2006

Tastes like chicken.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:28 PM on November 21, 2006 [1 favorite]

I made it to 43 seconds. That is too too horrible to allow into my consciousness. Be gone!
posted by Flashman at 2:31 PM on November 21, 2006

Great post. That clip on google video is from my main man David Attenborough's "Life of the Undergrowth." All of his stuff is amazing, but this one in particular is mind-blowing. Highly recommended.
posted by jtajta at 2:33 PM on November 21, 2006

Holy Shit That Is Awesome.
posted by sciurus at 2:36 PM on November 21, 2006

Centipedes bug me like nothing else does. I wouldn't come within fifty feet of one of those without a shotgun and a chainsaw.

And appropriate eye and ear protection.
posted by Foosnark at 2:37 PM on November 21, 2006

I was holding on to my lunch until I read "Tastes like chicken.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson".
posted by Cranberry at 2:38 PM on November 21, 2006

disclaimer: when spiders and crickets make their way into my house, I catch 'em and put 'em outside. Sympathetic to bugs am I.

I do the same-- but when an insect big enough to catch a fucking bat crawls in the back door, I'm grabbing the shotgun.
posted by eyeballkid at 2:39 PM on November 21, 2006 [1 favorite]

I was watching this and I was all like "Run Mr. Bat, run!" And then I realised bats fly.

And what crazy madness must overtake me, let alone anyone else in the world, to desire to cuddle one of these things? Thanks for the 'advice', jonson.

Excellent post, thankyou!
posted by Effigy2000 at 2:43 PM on November 21, 2006 [1 favorite]

They don't so much crawl in the door, as kick it in. Repeatedly.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:44 PM on November 21, 2006

Here's a video from the youtube related links of one catching a tarantula:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2f5gBFMMmGc


Gross.
posted by BackwardsHatClub at 2:48 PM on November 21, 2006

Oh my god, I can't wait till my wife stumbles across this thread. She is absolutely terrified by centipedes. This will make her head asplode.

Awesome.
posted by quin at 2:50 PM on November 21, 2006

Congradulations, jonson! The Old Ones are pleased with your post. Four more like that and you earn enough points to upgrade to the next prize level, where you may choose one of the following:

A) An entire harem of the gender and/or tentacleage of your choice.

B) Weird Uncle Aburd's Unexpurgated Dictionary of Penultimate Doom and Rather Mild Discomfiture - Vol 2 (Cr to Dj).

Or

C) A demonically possessed toaster with a rather embarrassingly diarrheatic case of Tourette's.

Please just take this off my hands and bury it somewhere far, far away. When it swears at my bagels like that it somehow makes them way too chewy. And it keeps burning pornographic interpretations of biblical stories into the sourdough. That's just unappetizing, y'know? And just how in the blue hells is a plague of ravenous locusts supposed to be sexy?
posted by loquacious at 2:58 PM on November 21, 2006 [3 favorites]

> Tastes like chicken.

Now you know that's not true. Much more likely they taste like lobster. (I do wonder if there's anyone any time in human history who would know that from personal experience.)

> She is absolutely terrified by centipedes. This will make her head asplode.

I totally sympathize. I am told (I have no conscious memory of this) that I got involved with a big sandworm in Florida when I was just a infink; them babies is quite large and they bite and though they are annelids they look very much like centipedes. Anyhow, true or not, somewhere I picked up an absolute horror of these critters. No way in Hell am I clicking on that link.
posted by jfuller at 2:58 PM on November 21, 2006

Pfft. This post is lame without video of someone cuddling a giant Amazonian centipede.
posted by Quietgal at 2:58 PM on November 21, 2006 [1 favorite]

I am never going to click on that.

Never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever.
posted by blacklite at 2:59 PM on November 21, 2006

So, then that part about the greate ape was true also?
posted by jouke at 3:01 PM on November 21, 2006

I went to a reptile expo once and they had these things there. They would follow the movements of your hand through the terrarium, and the handlers said that they would attack without provocation.

Why would you want to own one of these things? Even the people selling them didn't have an answer for me.

Stupid jerk bugs.
posted by The Power Nap at 3:01 PM on November 21, 2006

Do not taunt Happy Fun Centipede™
posted by Mwongozi at 3:01 PM on November 21, 2006

so cute!
(I always was a weird kid)
posted by scruss at 3:02 PM on November 21, 2006

Looks like quite the penis tickler.
posted by four panels at 3:03 PM on November 21, 2006

Did I miss anything? Just got back from beating the absolute LIVING HELL out of my bedclothes because that's where they hide, y'know.
posted by Dipsomaniac at 3:04 PM on November 21, 2006

the handlers said that they would attack without provocation

And God help you if you insult their mothers...
posted by jonson at 3:05 PM on November 21, 2006 [1 favorite]

but we need the giant centipedes. unless someone's figured out another way to make the black powder.
posted by snofoam at 3:05 PM on November 21, 2006 [3 favorites]

God damn man, that is horrific.

unicorn chasers
posted by fleetmouse at 3:07 PM on November 21, 2006 [1 favorite]

I think if I took one of these home my cat might not forgive me. Nor my girlfriend, my flatmate, my neighbours, the environmental health department, the list goes on and on. And I used to want to be a bat. No more.

Oh, and Attenborough is indeed a god-king, beloved by all from wasted clubbers to wizened grandmas, the only person I can think of who I'd trust to be President of Britain.
posted by imperium at 3:08 PM on November 21, 2006

I'm not going near one of those things without a trackball.
posted by brain_drain at 3:16 PM on November 21, 2006 [1 favorite]

Ooh ooh jonson, take the talkie toaster. It may have Tourette's, but if history is any indicator, it will save your life when a GELF boards you ship.
posted by quin at 3:17 PM on November 21, 2006

You can hear the spider flesh being torn and chewed in the video BackwardsHatClub linked to. And it made me ill.
posted by Sprocket at 3:19 PM on November 21, 2006

Coolest thing ever.

I'd absolutely nail it to the floor if I ever saw one, but I rather suspect I'd give it a mouse once I calmed down... just to see it in action.
posted by elendil71 at 3:19 PM on November 21, 2006

Great, a vicious snake-like thing with a trillion legs that can move like lightning and drop on my head from above in the dark. That poor mouse was screaming. And Mwongozi's picture is creeeepy.

I want someone from South America to represent here - are those things common? If so, that just makes my travel wish list a lot shorter. In fact, just to be safe, I may never go out again.
posted by madamjujujive at 3:22 PM on November 21, 2006

Intelligent design. Yeah. Right.
posted by maryh at 3:29 PM on November 21, 2006 [1 favorite]

I had a giant vietnamese centipede for a while. The cashier I bought it from said that when they got loose she didn't even try to catch them, she just squished them. He even kinda scared me, just because he would race around his cage and try to climb up the glass. When my mantids hatch and grow up I'm for sure buying another centipede and feeding it the ones I don't like.
posted by Citizen Premier at 3:32 PM on November 21, 2006

This thread needs a Giant Carniverous Amazonian Centipede in my pants joke.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:35 PM on November 21, 2006

AHHHHHHHHHHH
posted by Alex404 at 3:35 PM on November 21, 2006

What is it like to be a bat DEVOURED BY AN INSECT DEATH-MONSTER?

It is to be ENDLESSLY GRATEFUL for INSTA-DEATH VENOM!
posted by Anything at 3:46 PM on November 21, 2006 [1 favorite]

ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew!
posted by cholly at 3:49 PM on November 21, 2006

Well, that'll heebie your jeebies. I just don't want to see anything so large move in the wholly unnatural, creepy, rippling way that centipedes do. And fast. Now I shall go breathe into a bag.
posted by FelliniBlank at 3:49 PM on November 21, 2006

I've heard they're moving north to the US. Hiding in bricks of uncut cocaine. The moist sinus cavity being such a perfect nursery for their eggs.
posted by hal9k at 3:56 PM on November 21, 2006

OH GOD YOU HAVE TO KILL IT
YOU HAVE TO KILL IT BEFORE IT BREEDS
posted by 235w103 at 3:59 PM on November 21, 2006 [1 favorite]

Seriously, is it just me or did anyone else think "damn, that'd look good fermentin' in a bottle of whiskey!"
posted by hal9k at 3:59 PM on November 21, 2006

From the floor of the cave in the last clip, this post needs the batshitinsane tag.

sorry
posted by randomination at 3:59 PM on November 21, 2006

Awww, the wudgie wudgie cooo. He’s soo cute!

*paging Dr. Benway*
posted by Smedleyman at 4:00 PM on November 21, 2006

I think I may now need to therapeutically drive a lawnmower onto a pile of these hideous things.
posted by Anything at 4:02 PM on November 21, 2006

Somewhere in space there is a planet where these things are 80 feet long and they eat flying dinosaurs.
posted by Salmonberry at 4:03 PM on November 21, 2006 [1 favorite]

i was just thinking how cool it'd be if each segment could detach, attack independently and then, you know, reform.
posted by kliuless at 4:04 PM on November 21, 2006 [3 favorites]

madamjujujive : In fact, just to be safe, I may never go out again.

And you think that will keep you safe? If just makes it harder for you to run when they come, in force, through your walls.

Can't you just imagine a couple of hundred of these things charging at you across your living room floor? The peculiar noise of thousands of feet skittering across hardwood in a frantic effort to get to your bare legs.

It's the kind of thing Clive Barker would have dreams about.
posted by quin at 4:05 PM on November 21, 2006 [1 favorite]

oh yeah, and that scene from peter jackson's king kong :P awesome!
posted by kliuless at 4:06 PM on November 21, 2006

*twitch*
posted by Luddite at 4:09 PM on November 21, 2006

Hmmm...y’know quin, you wanna get information outta someone...
...just a thought.

Slice of life in Brazil:

“Honey, there’s a bug in the bathtub”
“Just kill it sweetie.”
“No, honey, it’s a big bug”
“Yeah, yeah, I’m watching the game”
“It’s pretty big hon, can you come and kill it, please?”
“Alright. Fine. *rolls up t.v. guide* Now where’s this OH MY GOD!”

(heh heh, you and me snofoam, we gotta go to Tangier)
posted by Smedleyman at 4:13 PM on November 21, 2006

Good stuff. My in-laws are squigee about spiders, and have spider traps in various areas of their house. I was visiting last month and discovered a bull snake, probably about 18 inches long, which had gotten caught on the sticky surface and had coiled his entire body so as to basically touch the entire sticky surface, completely immobilized. Unfortunately, I was too late to save it. However, he succeeded in displacing spiders as the fear du jour in their household.
posted by bigskyguy at 4:14 PM on November 21, 2006

Shhh! What was that? Did ya'll hear something?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:14 PM on November 21, 2006

First: That "Damn Interesting" site to which you, jonson, have linked is pretty interesting.

Second: Jesus Fucking Christ the centipedes are going to eat me in my sleep!!!!!
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 4:17 PM on November 21, 2006

On the upside, indelible images of detached centipede segments embedding their eggs in my moist, coke-damaged sinus cavities have now replaced the Night Gallery earwig episode on my list of things to ponder at 3 am.
posted by FelliniBlank at 4:20 PM on November 21, 2006

OH MY GOD THAT INSECT ATE A FUCKING BAT. jesus.
posted by jessamyn at 4:24 PM on November 21, 2006 [1 favorite]

Ok, now which animal would you choose against this thing for some species vs. species action?

I vote camel spider, so they can kill the shit out of each others' ugly existence.
posted by Anything at 4:24 PM on November 21, 2006

Saw one about a foot long down in Topolobampo in Mexico back in the eighties.
You learn to watch where you put your feet once you seen one of them puppies.
posted by Iron Rat at 4:30 PM on November 21, 2006

I had a giant vietnamese centipede for a while.

Why!?

I've never understood why anyone would want to own an animal that is convinced that you are delicious and will stop at nothing short of lethal blunt force trauma to get a bite.

I like my pets to be happy to see me.
posted by The Power Nap at 4:30 PM on November 21, 2006

Anything: I'd pit this thing against the garden gnome. Centipedes and spiders are allies, man!
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 4:32 PM on November 21, 2006

After one too many trips to Interzone, I'm wondering if these babies have any psychedelic properties.
posted by adipocere at 4:34 PM on November 21, 2006

Power Nap, if your pets think you're delicious, they are happy to see you.
posted by Quietgal at 4:35 PM on November 21, 2006

Very glad I saw that *after* my nap. I will never sleep again.... or go back into a cave.
posted by absalom at 4:36 PM on November 21, 2006

You learn to watch where you put your feet once you seen one of them puppies.

Yeah, I know where I'd put mine. In hermetically sealed steel-fucking-boots.
posted by Anything at 4:37 PM on November 21, 2006

This thread needs a Giant Carniverous Amazonian Centipede in my pants joke.

Sorry, IRFH, I'm just pleased to see you. Wait a second - I'm not that pleased...AARRGH!

which animal would you choose against this thing

Giant Panda. I like pandas. Also...ARRRGH!
posted by Sparx at 4:37 PM on November 21, 2006

Yeah, I know where I'd put mine. In hermetically sealed steel-fucking-boots.

Or an airplane to wherever-the-hell away.

On second thought, no. I can see it already:

SOMEONE GET THESE MOTHERFUCKING GIANT AMAZONIAN CENTIPEDES OFF THIS MOTHERFUCKING PLANE!
posted by Anything at 4:43 PM on November 21, 2006

.. which reminds me that snakes would probably be totally useless against these creatures. This centipede would just wrap its creepy legs all around the snake and insect-hug it to venomous death.
posted by Anything at 4:52 PM on November 21, 2006

This thread is useless without pictures. And videos. And nightmares.
posted by blue_beetle at 4:56 PM on November 21, 2006

Jonson
I hate you.
I really really hate you.
Damn i hate you!

I am now going to gouge my eyes out.
posted by ramix at 4:58 PM on November 21, 2006

i was just thinking how cool it'd be if each segment could detach, attack independently and then, you know, reform.

And that quickly, three hundred and nineteen would-be screenwriters in Los Angeles start working on their "great new idea."
posted by davejay at 5:10 PM on November 21, 2006 [1 favorite]

You know what my favorite thing about centipedes is? They couldn't be creepier if they were designed in a horror workshop.

Nocturnal: check
Carnivorous: check
Venomous: check
Fast: check
Agile: check
Able to appear as tiny or giant: check
Completely alien looking: check and then some.

They are perfectly designed to freak people the fuck out. And that makes them cool.
posted by quin at 5:15 PM on November 21, 2006

East Maui is crawling with fairly large centipedes. Growing up, we always shook out our shoes before putting them on. Even worse, centipedes are really good at climbing walls, but not quite as good at hanging on to the ceiling. I've had several of them drop from above into bed with me at night. Then they bite you when you unwittingly roll over on them--like it's your fault.
posted by flod at 5:15 PM on November 21, 2006 [2 favorites]

Youtube won't be complete until someone puts together a massive deathmatch ladder tournament to see which creapy bug is the most ruthless killing machine. Evidently entrants have to qualify by horrificially devouring a mouse.
posted by Humanzee at 5:25 PM on November 21, 2006

Is it so wrong that I want to get a bunch of theses guys, tie them end to end and create AN UNSTOPPABLE MONSTROSITY?
posted by Serial Killer Slumber Party at 5:25 PM on November 21, 2006

> Tastes like chicken....Now you know that's not true. Much more likely they taste like lobster. (I do wonder if there's anyone any time in human history who would know that from personal experience.)

I have a friend who's eaten part of one of the merely 6-8" variety that occur in the Arizona deserts. He was a trailwalker/counselor for one of those wilderness youth programs. Apparently a few weeks out on the trail, you naturally just start thinking "can I eat that?"

He said they taste like burnt rubber or an old bicycle tube.
posted by weston at 5:27 PM on November 21, 2006

"Can't you just imagine a couple of hundred of these things charging at you across your living room floor? The peculiar noise of thousands of feet skittering across hardwood in a frantic effort to get to your bare legs."


AAAAAIIIIIIEEEEEEEE

For the love of God, stopstopstopstopstop!!!

I will never sleep again.
posted by UseyurBrain at 6:12 PM on November 21, 2006

I will never sleep again.

My work here is done.
posted by quin at 6:42 PM on November 21, 2006

Anybody know where I can borrow one of these for a couple of days? My condo has house centipedes and I think it would be totally fun to fuck with them.
posted by Opposite George at 6:47 PM on November 21, 2006

Seriously, is it just me or did anyone else think "damn, that'd look good fermentin' in a bottle of whiskey!"

yeah, about two comments up from yours. now that was creepy. to the Intelligent Design comments, I say that this is just further evidence for it. God made us vertical and big, and gave us knees, muscles, and heels designed to stomp the futhermucking juice outta these bugs.
posted by carsonb at 6:47 PM on November 21, 2006

"...with forty-six yellow-tinted legs."

Centipede my ass. Poser.
posted by Terminal Verbosity at 7:35 PM on November 21, 2006

I was sitting at a table on an open bay
Waiting for drink of rum
When I asked my waiter for the time of day
She said look out there's a centipede coming your way

[Chorus:]
In lahaina, the sugar cane grow
In lahaina, the living is slow
In lahaina, the mangos are sweet
But the centipede he crawls all over your feet

I was lying by the water in the morning
Sunshaded by a coconut tree
When I turned around it was all I could see
There was great big centipede staring at me

[Chorus]

I had only just a second to decide what to do
While looking at his poisonous fangs
When I said I thought it was a beautiful day
He said "Wow Mr Hall I think your pushing my leg."

[Chorus]

(Loggins/Messina)
posted by five fresh fish at 7:52 PM on November 21, 2006 [1 favorite]

My condo has house centipedes and I think it would be totally fun to fuck with them.

"That's not a knife centipede. This is a knife centipede!"
posted by five fresh fish at 8:11 PM on November 21, 2006 [1 favorite]

I just clicked the Giant Amazon page whilst my wife was watching. Then I clicked its video link re: mousie. I made damn sure not to watch even one millisecond of it.

She was fool enough to watch 20s. She's not going to sleep tonight. Tee hee. Foolish woman. Now to go find some BME pictures.
posted by five fresh fish at 8:14 PM on November 21, 2006

Just the description scares the hell out of me. I've been a mess all day after seeing the trailer for the live action Charlotte's Web on a big screen television. Nothing like a huge talking spider to make you pee yourself a little. Watching these videos would make my heart explode.

But the comments are just gold. I've been laughing for like five minutes now.
posted by FunkyHelix at 8:23 PM on November 21, 2006

Wow, who knew that this was to scale? (Uh, assuming that these actually exist somewhere.)
posted by forblaga at 8:38 PM on November 21, 2006

I say we nuke the entire Amazon from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.
posted by PenDevil at 9:00 PM on November 21, 2006 [1 favorite]

This is just like the kind that bit me in Morocco. Ow. It was about 10 inches long - I know because my husband caught it the next night when it crawled out from under our bed. He smashed its head with a candleholder, and it was a full 24 hours before it stopped moving. We even tried to drown it for a quicker death, but it just wouldn't die. Kind of fascinating. My hand puffed up, and stayed that way for about three days - it kind of hurt, itched, and burned all at the same time.
posted by Liosliath at 9:02 PM on November 21, 2006

Great post, and great comments.

I vote for the giant centipede vs. giant praying mantis in the final deathmatch round.

Centipede - fast, poisonous, lots of legs, comes out mostly at night

Praying mantis - flys, has good vision (compound eyes), death spines (ending in hooks) on the front legs
posted by JParker at 9:15 PM on November 21, 2006

You forgot:

Centipede - pwns bats
Praying Mantis - pwns birds
posted by Opposite George at 9:21 PM on November 21, 2006

Oh duh, I just saw your link.

JParker - pwns OG
posted by Opposite George at 9:23 PM on November 21, 2006

Hmm, mantis versus centipede. An interesting contest. I think ground rules are in order; since both come in such a wide variety of sizes, we need to limit it to both being roughly the same size. Let's say 6".

The Contestants: Centipede is an active hunter. They track down their prey and kill it, whereas the mantis is an ambush predator, preferring it hide in plain sight looking like a stick. The mantis is not likely to hunt through flight, but may use it to escape.

My prediction: the centipede would be racing around looking for food, the mantis would wait till it got close enough, spear it through the head and slowly eat it's face.

Mantis' are bad ass like that.

[Full disclosure, my mantis just died last week. She loved catching small fast moving things, and eating their faces.]

::sniff::
posted by quin at 9:40 PM on November 21, 2006

The photo on the first link looks like the centipede I found in my bathtub one night. The thing couldn't get out. I caught it and put it out the window. I didn't know at the time it was likely venemous, else I may have killed it. (I avoid killing anything other than cockroaches, ants and mosquitos. I'll ignore spiders as much as possible, accepting they're mostly on my side).

Of course the one in the tub wasn't as big, but it wasn't as tiny as the American variety. I shot a poor quality video of it trying to climb up the side of the tub, kind of neat. Lots of motion without any traction.

Even knowing they are venomous, I still find the whip scorpion more scary, as it looks like a spider with claws (and no sting). And to think my maid is scared of an innocent toad!
posted by Goofyy at 9:52 PM on November 21, 2006

I wish I had a maid.

A French Maid.

She could squish the bad bugs for me.
posted by five fresh fish at 9:56 PM on November 21, 2006

Holy crap.

In the vein of monster bugs, try the Giant Isopod.
posted by Paragon at 10:25 PM on November 21, 2006

A French Maid.

She could squish the bad bugs for me.

fff, is a MeFi bug thread the best place to be airing out your sexy fetishes?

Not that I disagree or anything...
posted by quin at 10:41 PM on November 21, 2006

fff, is a MeFi bug thread the best place to be airing out your sexy fetishes?

Yeah, and anyway, aren't MeFi bug threads supposed to be on MeTa?
posted by flapjax at midnite at 11:22 PM on November 21, 2006

Paragon,

I may be wrong here, but it looks like it wants to be friends. [NSF anyone with creepy-crawly issues]

On second thought, eew.
posted by Opposite George at 11:23 PM on November 21, 2006

Thanks for the links, Paragon and OppositeGeorge, that's a lovely creature - and I mean it. A "pale lilac" shell and glistening silver eyes? How cool is that?
posted by Liosliath at 11:51 PM on November 21, 2006

Nice catch Opposite George (no pun intended), I've kept some odd pets, but I never would have considered a freaky crustacean...

Liosliath has it right, it has great Riddick-esq eyes.

[The ellipses here indicate that the Wife has no less than 10 salt water tanks in our house and I have no idea if we already have several crustaceans like this prowling around within a stones throw of me right now. All I know is that the tanks are pretty, and expensive. ;]
posted by quin at 12:02 AM on November 22, 2006

That giant isopod is probably tasty. Just sayin'.

On the subject of centipedes, Bill Burroughs FTW:

Now what sort of man or woman or monster would stroke a centipede I have ever seen? "And here is my good big centipede!" If such a man exists, I say kill him without more ado. He is a traitor to the human race.
posted by juv3nal at 3:00 AM on November 22, 2006

Does jonson ever make a post that isn't completely fucking awesome?
posted by Kwine at 6:18 AM on November 22, 2006

I swear I've seen that one where it eats the mouse here before. But maybe not. Scary as hell, at any rate.
posted by antifuse at 6:37 AM on November 22, 2006

Oh sweet Jesus.

I am never, ever, ever clicking on those links. The thread was enough to make me vow never to leave my nice, safe, giant fucking centipede-less city.

(Attenborough is the man, though)
posted by kalimac at 7:24 AM on November 22, 2006

How about a fight between a Giant Centipede and a Giant Enemy Crab? Quite a fight.
posted by darkripper at 8:53 AM on November 22, 2006

Jonson made my day. Yeah, I'm like that. I was proud to squick out a coworker. I wish it was her boyfriend here though as he can't sleep if he knows there's a bug in the kitchen. If he only knew these were in the world...
posted by horseblind at 9:56 AM on November 22, 2006

Bugs are awesome. Thank god for power laws, any bigger and those things would be a bit higher on the food chain methinks.
posted by Skorgu at 9:59 AM on November 22, 2006

Cool post. Centipede eats bat! Biology is ace.
posted by algreer at 11:11 AM on November 22, 2006

Chalk one more up for Google's ad targeting system...
posted by Earl the Polliwog at 11:28 AM on November 22, 2006

I know what I'm fixing for tomorrow's dinner... segments for everyone! What kind of stuffing should I use for it? I mean, my family is usually pretty picky about such things...

*runs off laughing evilly*
posted by 1f2frfbf at 11:51 AM on November 22, 2006

Finally, everyone gets a leg!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:09 PM on November 22, 2006

I've had millipedes as pets for yeeears!! Tho they might resemble the centipede, they're completely different as far as their diet, etc. Gentle creatures they are.

One time I knew a guy who found a giant centipede in the front porch. He captured it and shoved it in the garbage disposal and well, 'disposed' of it... It was a good eight incher! GROSS!
posted by mrhappysad at 1:42 PM on November 22, 2006

Hooly dooly! That bugger makes our local version look much less scary.

Still stung like a bastard though.
posted by flabdablet at 1:55 PM on November 22, 2006

flabdablet, I had just finally managed to expunge that leech in the eye story from my waking consciousness and you had to go point me to it again. Curses!
posted by madamjujujive at 2:59 PM on November 22, 2006

Like a centipede that is hot
Another classic centipede video: this one's from a Jackson sister, circa 1987
posted by Flashman at 4:09 PM on November 22, 2006

After thinking about it for the day, I believe I am correct in making the following assertion, regardless the title of this thread: Giant Amazonian Centipedes Do Not Need Love.

Apologies to all you centipedes out there, but that's just how it is.
posted by five fresh fish at 5:46 PM on November 22, 2006

five fresh fish, You'll feel differently when one is curled up on your pillow waiting for you to come to bed.

I'm sure it will be just like a cat who wants nothing more than to absorb your heat while you sleep.

And by 'heat' I mean flesh, and by 'absorb', I mean devour, and by 'sleep', of course, I mean venom induced unconsciousness.
posted by quin at 5:56 PM on November 22, 2006

I've more thoroughly researched the topic and discovered that what Giant Amazonian Centipedes Need is A Brick.

Pow, zoom, Alice!
posted by five fresh fish at 8:47 PM on November 22, 2006

Not to be pedantic, but wouldn't that be 'Drop, splat, Alice!' or perhaps 'Drop, crunch, Alice!' (depending of course, on if it was one of the ones that had the harder exoskeleton)?

I suppose you could just cover your bases with 'Drop, crunch-splat-eww-it-got-goo-on-my-shoe, Alice!'
posted by quin at 9:03 PM on November 22, 2006

I'd like to introduce those centipedes to Johnny Storm.
posted by Smedleyman at 9:57 PM on November 22, 2006

*whimper*
posted by deborah at 8:37 AM on November 23, 2006

Oh, and just in case I made it seem like praying mantises are pussies:
praying mantis eats hummingbird
posted by Citizen Premier at 2:05 PM on November 23, 2006

MetaFilter: Vertebrates getting pwnz0red
posted by Anything at 5:22 PM on November 23, 2006

In fact, I'd like to see a David Attenborough series on that theme.
posted by Anything at 5:26 PM on November 23, 2006

I was surfing flickr and came upon this nightmare inducing specimen from Thailand - and if that doesn't squick you out enough, check out his whole Thailand - Khao Yai set for some other terrifying creatures.
posted by madamjujujive at 8:56 AM on November 24, 2006