Tis the season to be terrified

December 5, 2006 8:52 AM

Scared of Santa (via)
posted by gottabefunky (20 comments total)

WHAT
THE
FUCK
SANTA?!
posted by gigawhat? at 9:00 AM on December 5, 2006

I’ve heard of fear of God, and I guess fear of Satan, but fear of SANTA?! What is this? Ha! I’ve heard of Santa’s BEARD, but Santa’s FEAR? Omg! Fear of SANTA? I’ve heard of XENOphobia, but SANTAPHOBIA?! Ha! I’ve heard of Santa Fe, but Santa FEAR?! What the dickens? I’ve heard of kids screaming for PRESENTS, but kids screaming for SANTA? Whoa! I’ve heard of Santa and his Elves, but Santa and his YELLS?!! Hold on there a minute! I’ve heard of Santa’s REINDEER, but Santa’s REIGN OF FEAR?!! Hey now!
posted by Milkman Dan at 9:05 AM on December 5, 2006

creepiest santa evar
posted by phaedon at 9:05 AM on December 5, 2006

The animated santa on AskMeFi's Post a Question scares the bejebus out of me.
posted by mcstayinskool at 9:06 AM on December 5, 2006 [1 favorite]

"He's making a list, he's checking it twice, he's gonna find out who's naughty and nice..."

Of course you should be afraid of Santa. Do you have any idea of the near total level of surveillance the above quote implies? Do you really understand the implications of his using this vast technological apparatus to make judgements on each and every one of us? No doubt from some rigid and unsympathetic Judaeo-Christian moral plane.

These children are simply wise beyond their years.
posted by thatwhichfalls at 9:13 AM on December 5, 2006

santa CLAUS, okay, but santa CLAWS?!
posted by cortex at 9:14 AM on December 5, 2006

OMG these santas are freakin me out!
posted by washburn at 9:17 AM on December 5, 2006

There are a lot of drunk-looking santas in these photos. I'd be scared too.
posted by mathowie at 9:30 AM on December 5, 2006

Drunk Santa: funny.
Molester Santa: not funny.
posted by Nelson at 9:33 AM on December 5, 2006

Scary Santa.

An excerpt:

...if a child was naughty, Saint Nicholas and the six to eight black men would beat him with what Oscar described as "the small branch of a tree."

-David Sedaris

posted by Mister_A at 9:38 AM on December 5, 2006

Now with better commentary.
posted by Navelgazer at 9:39 AM on December 5, 2006

always a laugh...I see this every Christmas and it never fails...thanks for posting this.
posted by edverb at 9:55 AM on December 5, 2006

Navelgazer,

Thank you, thank you. Much better than the clicky clicky South Florida page.
posted by dozo at 10:50 AM on December 5, 2006

Too funny! Some of these kids seem to be over-reacting to a few minutes away from mummy & daddy. The rest of them are having an entirely appropriate reaction to lap-time with a sunk-eyed sicko who's got nothing better to do than sit in a mall in a red felt suit for six hours a day.
posted by EatTheWeek at 11:33 AM on December 5, 2006

When in the presence of God
only a fool feels nought but terror.
For it is He that knows your true self.
So. Tremble like a child, oh mortal.
For I am here to grant your desires.
And it is your desires
you should fear more than I.
posted by tkchrist at 1:10 PM on December 5, 2006

I love this.
And, Mister_A, thank you for that.
posted by butternut at 2:14 PM on December 5, 2006

There are lots of reasons to be scared of Santa.
posted by jpburns at 4:46 PM on December 5, 2006

They named the kid Zeke? I'd be crying too.
posted by deborah at 7:42 PM on December 5, 2006

Happy Sint Nicolaus day. Don't eat too much marzipan. Hope you remembered to put out your shoe.

(Everyone knows Sint Nicolaus comes from Spain, by boat, arriving on December 6, right?)
posted by Goofyy at 8:43 PM on December 5, 2006

bad santas
posted by baker dave at 10:03 AM on December 6, 2006