TSA Warning -- Don't Fart in Flight!!!
December 6, 2006 9:00 PM   Subscribe

Fark/Fart Filter: One Fart Is All It Takes to Land a Plane. The terrorists have won!
posted by ericb (49 comments total)
 
"The woman was not allowed back on the flight and barred from flying on American Airlines, Lowrance said.

'Since there was no malice involved and the incident was accidental, she was not charged with anything,' she said.

Passengers are permitted four books of paper safety matches on a plane but cannot light them during flight, Lowrance said.

'I've had calls from people all over the country about this,' she said. "And I don't have the answer to this problem.' "
posted by ericb at 9:03 PM on December 6, 2006


that's shitty.
posted by brandz at 9:10 PM on December 6, 2006


Whew, finally. A nice place to get this out of my system.

/love it when surfing threads converge.
posted by wah at 9:10 PM on December 6, 2006 [5 favorites]


Well, come on now, it wasn't the fart that landed the plane, it was the match she lit to try and mask it.

Isn't it stupid to allow people to have matches that they can't use? Its like making it legal to sell fireworks and legal to have them but illegal to light them off. What do they expect people to do with them?
posted by fenriq at 9:11 PM on December 6, 2006


Land a plane? My brother's farts could take down a plane.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 9:13 PM on December 6, 2006 [1 favorite]


He who smelt it Delta!
posted by furtive at 9:14 PM on December 6, 2006 [3 favorites]


furtive wins!
posted by ericb at 9:15 PM on December 6, 2006


Okay, the infrared fart video is hilarious!
posted by fenriq at 9:16 PM on December 6, 2006


Okay, the infrared fart video is hilarious!

Agreed. Just found a Wikipedia article on fart lighting and a website dedicated to the practice of burning farts. Let the games begin.
posted by ericb at 9:21 PM on December 6, 2006


Only ten years ago, you could take a shit on the food service cart and they'd still get to the scheduled destination. How far we've fallen.
posted by Armitage Shanks at 9:24 PM on December 6, 2006


Fly Luftgestanka, the friendly skies.
posted by anthill at 9:25 PM on December 6, 2006


Lighting a match was a rookie move. The correct approach is to sniff, furrow your brow, and look suspiciously at your neighbor.
posted by brain_drain at 9:25 PM on December 6, 2006


I don't know about furtive winning. The Scotsman.com headline had it locked down before the thread started.
posted by darksasami at 9:34 PM on December 6, 2006


What do they expect people to do with them?

Use them after they land? Who'da thunk someone would light up for this reason?

Lighting a match was a rookie move. The correct approach is to sniff, furrow your brow, and look suspiciously at your neighbor.

Exactly. Especially on a plane. On a plane, no one can hear you fart.
posted by me & my monkey at 9:38 PM on December 6, 2006


Add "Terrorists could light matches on multiple planes simultaneously, snarling up air traffic nationwide" to the list of things the terrorists might do!
posted by mullingitover at 9:38 PM on December 6, 2006


Stinks on a Plane!
posted by UbuRoivas at 9:59 PM on December 6, 2006


I'm not sure how one can do accidental performance art, but I'd be interested in watching.

From a safe distance, of course.
posted by L. Fitzgerald Sjoberg at 10:00 PM on December 6, 2006


I had no idea mr_crash_davis was my uncle!
posted by twsf at 10:07 PM on December 6, 2006


I've been on a boat where multiple gaseous emissions set of the propane alarm.
posted by Rumple at 10:31 PM on December 6, 2006


First I can't be gay, now I can't fart? I love both those things! What next?
posted by Subcommandante Cheese at 10:41 PM on December 6, 2006


Do flatulent people get higher risk scores?
posted by homunculus at 11:00 PM on December 6, 2006


All that trouble, and it doesn't even work.
posted by knave at 11:19 PM on December 6, 2006


Sorry to burst everyone's infrared fart-bubble, but that video looks suspiciously like part of a mediocre skit from last week's very mediocre episode of Saturday Night Live.
posted by Partial Law at 11:55 PM on December 6, 2006


Possbily related: Our Very Own™ Adam Savage lighting farts for science on Mythbusters.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 12:01 AM on December 7, 2006


Who cares about Adam Savage? I want Methyl Mercaptan to get an account and justify herself.
posted by srboisvert at 4:30 AM on December 7, 2006


"It's a sin to hold it in, so let 'er rip"
posted by emf at 4:39 AM on December 7, 2006


That video is about as real as the "Hot Tub Incident" one.
posted by lobstah at 4:50 AM on December 7, 2006


The first vid, that is.
posted by lobstah at 4:55 AM on December 7, 2006


Who cares about Adam Savage?

I do.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 5:24 AM on December 7, 2006


It's also not a good idea to fart on a plane if you don't want your ears to hurt. You need that internal air pressure.
posted by kingfisher, his musclebound cat at 5:44 AM on December 7, 2006


Mythbusters? Farts?

Hmmmm...
posted by wah at 5:59 AM on December 7, 2006


A hunka-hunka burnin' farts.

Since there was no malice involved

So she wasn't acting with malice aforefart.
posted by kirkaracha at 6:19 AM on December 7, 2006


Nobody move or I’ll pull my finger!
So, you can have matches on board, but can’t light ‘em? Oh yeah, that makes sense. Where the hell could you find four more packs of matches? Didn’t they stop making matches in 1973? If I can’t get off a plane and instantly be able to make fire, and specifically with matches, this just isn’t America anymore.
posted by Smedleyman at 6:42 AM on December 7, 2006


Nic fits, Smedleyman. A plane ride can be a long time.
posted by cortex at 7:52 AM on December 7, 2006


Isn't it stupid to allow people to have matches that they can't use? Its like making it legal to sell fireworks and legal to have them but illegal to light them off. What do they expect people to do with them?

People are expected to only use them in designated smoking areas behind the security checkpoints, or outside after leaving the airport they arrived at. Kinda like how you're allowed to take a cell phone on board, but not supposed to have it on while the plane is in the air.
posted by cmonkey at 8:15 AM on December 7, 2006


Its like making it legal to sell fireworks and legal to have them but illegal to light them off. What do they expect people to do with them?

If 'they' are the State of New Hampshire, they expect the purchasers of the legally-sold fireworks to get them out of NH within 24 hours. Note: possession of fireworks is illegal in every state that borders NH, and, after 24 hours, in NH itself. It's the New Hampshire way!
posted by Kirth Gerson at 8:34 AM on December 7, 2006


It seems like common sense that lighting a match on a plane is a bad idea. Maybe that's my own concern about the limits of space, oxygen, flammability, etc. What troubles me about this article is that this lady lit several matches. Also, in an odd, premeditated move, she took the matches with her into the bathroom. I'm glad she's grounded. Not because I think she's a terrorist, but because I think she's an idiot.
posted by Sprout the Vulgarian at 8:47 AM on December 7, 2006


Sprout the Vulgarian.

It seems like common sense that lighting a match on a plane is a bad idea.

Why is that common sense? People used to smoke on planes, and I don't recall any of them blowing up as a result.
posted by wah at 9:18 AM on December 7, 2006


In reality the lady should have learned the lesson of Watergate -- it's not the act itself, it's the coverup that get you in the end!
posted by clevershark at 9:24 AM on December 7, 2006


Well, yeah cortex, but it’s one of those half-assed rules being enforced stupidly. Allow the matches but don’t let people smoke or use them? And it’s not like matches are some sort of product subject to exclusive ownership like a cell phone. Or if they do use one, absent any malicious intent, punish that person? It’s just silly. Although is being barred from flying American really punishment? Hell, I don’t have any problem with smoking on a plane anyway (given decent air filtration of course). By the same token she should have said something and not inconvenienced 99 other people because she’s embarrassed. So screw her too.
Hey, us mefiers are way better than all these assholes anyway, am I right? Screw 'em.
posted by Smedleyman at 9:39 AM on December 7, 2006


They let you take matches because they confiscate your lighters. And it's a pain in the rear when you get off a plane and want to smoke, but your lighter is in some bin a thousand miles away and they don't sell lighters in the airport your in, and the closest convenience store is 2 miles away and you're on a two or three hour layover with no vehicle to get you to a store anyway. So you get paper matches.
posted by tadellin at 9:42 AM on December 7, 2006


Not only did people used to smoke on the plane, they used matches and lighters to set their smokes on fire. I believe the final total of planes sent down in flames by this was - let's see here - yes, it was zero!
posted by Kirth Gerson at 9:52 AM on December 7, 2006


One fart to stink it up,
One fart to confound them,
One fart to be SBD,
And in the darkness ground them.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 9:59 AM on December 7, 2006


furtive was winning, but coming up fast on the inside in the final turn, it's ROU_Xenophobe.....
posted by pax digita at 10:24 AM on December 7, 2006


“They let you take matches because they confiscate your lighters...So you get paper matches.”
Which, totally, makes as much sense as, say, banning liquids.
Because while terrorists might be able to make some sort of explosives, there’s no way they could screw up a flight using matchheads...well, this flatulent woman could, but terrorists don’t think that way.

“And it's a pain in the rear when you get off a plane and want to smoke, but your lighter is in some bin a thousand miles away...”
So you’re defending this state of affairs? I’m saying it’s a silly situation created by half assed rules arbitrarially - no, no, from an external examination of policy: randomly - enforced.
My pique is for the TSA, not smokers, man.

I was thinking we need a “Burt the Turtle” of farts. Duck *fshsssss* and cover.
posted by Smedleyman at 11:42 AM on December 7, 2006


Oh, and BTW, if anyone was curious, you can pass through metal detectors in airports with a lighter in your pocket.

So far I'm 100% making it through with plastic bics (and other cheapos) in my front pocket. If you put it in your carry-on bag there's a chance that a very-very bored TSA employee might make a big deal out of it. I'm about 75% on that end (got snagged coming out of Detroit during an oh-noes-terrrorsits!!!11 weekend).
posted by wah at 12:19 PM on December 7, 2006


God, I forgot about smoking on planes. I think I remember flying shortly after the ban was enforced, when the chair arms still had those little ashtrays in them.
posted by Tuffy at 12:28 PM on December 7, 2006


I guess I should clarify my above comment. Of course I recall smoking flights. My issue is that this woman was keeping those lit matches going for as long as possible, over and over. And the bathrooms have smoke detectors - wouldn't she think maybe, around match 3 or 4, they would get triggered?
posted by Sprout the Vulgarian at 1:08 PM on December 7, 2006


Planes have long featured ashtrays in the seat armrests after the smoking ban. I've seen them disappear only recently (probably coinciding with old planes getting retired).

You used to be allowed to carry lighters on your person in an airplane, but not in any carry-on bags. I had one confiscated at Mumbai International Airport by, indeed, a very bored security officer. (It was no problem in Amsterdam on the way there.)

These days lighters are forbidden as carry-on and only non-fueled ones are allowed in checked luggage (which leads to the obvious question, what's a lighter that doesn't run on fuel?). Zippo has an exception for their lighters.

I've started to curb down on my flying due to all the ridiculous security measures. It was always another downside of flying over other modes of transport but it never was this mind-boggingly stupid.
posted by LanTao at 4:29 AM on December 8, 2006


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