And the races begin
December 27, 2006 7:24 PM   Subscribe

Tomorrow morning, from this place, I'll announce that I am a candidate for President of the United States.. John Edwards prepares to throw his hat into the ring via YouTube, from New Orleans' 9th Ward.
posted by Astro Zombie (193 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
 
I hate politicians.
posted by dirigibleman at 7:27 PM on December 27, 2006


I hate politicians.
posted by Tacos Are Pretty Great at 7:31 PM on December 27, 2006


I'm not clear on why he's telling us that he will tell us he's going to run for president. If he's announced that he will announce, doesn't that mean he's already effectively announced?
posted by milkrate at 7:32 PM on December 27, 2006


That guy from "Crossing Over"?
Is this the best we can do?
posted by Dizzy at 7:33 PM on December 27, 2006 [1 favorite]


Someone saw Time's person of the year issue...
posted by djgh at 7:33 PM on December 27, 2006 [1 favorite]


fuck him. he's a wanna-be, also-run, lightweight, fake, won't make it type.
posted by growabrain at 7:33 PM on December 27, 2006


Jesus fucking Christ, it's been, what, a month and a half since the last election and accompanying 24/7 coverage? I'm beginning to understand the appeal of the whole dictator-for-life model.
posted by IshmaelGraves at 7:36 PM on December 27, 2006 [1 favorite]


He's out of his mind. I stand a better chance at being the next President of the USA than he does.
posted by dobbs at 7:36 PM on December 27, 2006


Tomorrow I will announce Dobbs for Prezzy.
posted by Dizzy at 7:39 PM on December 27, 2006


I was going to say my cat has a better chance of being president. But I'll throw my endorsement over to dobbs.
posted by birdherder at 7:43 PM on December 27, 2006


Vote for change in 2008! dobbs for President!
posted by Godbert at 7:44 PM on December 27, 2006


Tomorrow I will announce the date on which I will announce my plans to announce my intention to announce that I am running... out of sour cream.

And then I will announce my support for Dobbs to become the next Resident of the United States.
posted by wendell at 7:46 PM on December 27, 2006


Birdherder--
Dobbs is a lock.
But I've got a spot open for VP.
Interested?
posted by Dizzy at 7:46 PM on December 27, 2006


Huh huhuh.. he said "we need to get engaged in the genocide in Sudan."
posted by Clamwacker at 7:46 PM on December 27, 2006


So, he's announcing his plans to announce his plans. Man, that's annoying. I bet he announces his plans to have a bowel movement while he's announcing his plans to eat a bran muffin.
posted by fandango_matt at 7:46 PM on December 27, 2006


Dobbs and Dizzy! Are you Democrats?
posted by Clamwacker at 7:47 PM on December 27, 2006


A vote for Dobbs is a vote for change! Mostly Canadian dimes...

I think we've got a groundswell here... either that, or a lava dome.
posted by wendell at 7:48 PM on December 27, 2006


Wendell--
I hear you dig dairy.
How does Ag. Sec. sound?
Don't blow this.
posted by Dizzy at 7:48 PM on December 27, 2006


Dobbs is What You Hope And Dream He'll Be.
You ask a lotta questions for a slacker from the North West.
Organize!
posted by Dizzy at 7:49 PM on December 27, 2006


Thunderdome is an excellent idea for these situations.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:51 PM on December 27, 2006


I want to hold out for Chief of Staff, just so I can hear my staff say to me: "Sorry about that, Chief!"
posted by wendell at 7:53 PM on December 27, 2006


Where was Dobbs doing during the Vietnam War?
posted by bstreep at 7:54 PM on December 27, 2006


I agree he doesn't stand a great chance of being president, but I think he'd make for a strong VP candidate.
posted by mijuta at 7:54 PM on December 27, 2006


But I'd also go for Secretary of the Interior, since I don't get out much.
posted by wendell at 7:55 PM on December 27, 2006


I honestly don't know the answer to this question: What's people's problem with this guy? I mean, he doesn't appear to be a hardass politician scumbag, and seems halfway intelligent aside from some minor bad wordings. I don't have anything to support him either, but I don't see the need for a hate-on.
posted by Kickstart70 at 7:56 PM on December 27, 2006


mijuta's comment could apply to Dobbs, John Edwards or Andy Richter (who was always at his best as #2 guy).
posted by wendell at 7:57 PM on December 27, 2006


"we need to get engaged in the genocide in Sudan."

I agree on this excellent point. Our best hope of ending the genocide is to provide the Janjaweed with modern military equipment and expertise, to help them finish killing all of the Zaghawa, Fur and Massaleit peoples.

Only then will this tragedy finally come to a close!
posted by Tacos Are Pretty Great at 7:58 PM on December 27, 2006


Separated at birth?
posted by zardoz at 7:59 PM on December 27, 2006


Wendell--
Since "you don't get out much", I'm short-listing you for Sec. of State.
posted by Dizzy at 7:59 PM on December 27, 2006


I don't have anything to support him either, but I don't see the need for a hate-on.

He's using New Orleans as a prop. I would feel differently if he had spent the past ~16 months devoting his life to helping NO and Katrina victims.
posted by Tacos Are Pretty Great at 8:00 PM on December 27, 2006


Andy Richter will be FDA czar.
Trans Fatty.
posted by Dizzy at 8:01 PM on December 27, 2006


I am hereby officially announce that John Edwards is running for President of the United States.



Beat you to it, John!!!
posted by mr_roboto at 8:04 PM on December 27, 2006


Dobbs was leading prayer groups of Little Kittens pre-Tet.
Post Tet?
See the Press Packet.
posted by Dizzy at 8:04 PM on December 27, 2006


Mr. Roboto?
Secretary of Commerce.
Call me.
posted by Dizzy at 8:06 PM on December 27, 2006


At least dobbs will write good speeches.
posted by strangeleftydoublethink at 8:06 PM on December 27, 2006


Mister "Tacos Are Pretty Great"?
Congrats! You're our new Ambassador to Mexico!
posted by Dizzy at 8:09 PM on December 27, 2006


Shut up.
posted by Dizzy at 8:10 PM on December 27, 2006


Godbert.
Godbert.
Godbert.
You and I will talk.
At Langley.
posted by Dizzy at 8:13 PM on December 27, 2006


J.R. Bob Dobbs?
posted by Burhanistan at 8:13 PM on December 27, 2006


Sorry, but Obama has the whole I'm-pretty-and-charasmatic-but-grossly-unqualified vote sewed up already.
posted by LarryC at 8:18 PM on December 27, 2006


Burhanistan--?
Hold on.
It seems you haven't given the Dobbs '08 Campaign any money.
Why are you calling, exactly?
posted by Dizzy at 8:19 PM on December 27, 2006


The campaign Web site's logo is "John Edwards 08" and its slogan is "Tomorrow begins today."
posted by Partial Law at 8:19 PM on December 27, 2006


..."he'd make for a strong VP candidate"

yea, of another losing candidate.

"...I don't see the need for a hate-on..."

- he's just a bump in the road, a monkeywrench. Had Kerry picked a real counterbalance, he may have won in '04
posted by growabrain at 8:20 PM on December 27, 2006


I love hating politicians.
posted by MrLint at 8:21 PM on December 27, 2006


LarryC---
Secretary Of Indian Affairs is yours for the taking.
Talk to Wendell.
Don't screw this up.
posted by Dizzy at 8:21 PM on December 27, 2006


Heckuva job, Johnny. Wait... why is he in New Orleans? I'll bet he's pissed that Gerald Ford is stealing his thunder.
posted by Frank Grimes at 8:21 PM on December 27, 2006


I don't have anything to support him either, but I don't see the need for a hate-on.

Tacos Are Pretty Great: He's using New Orleans as a prop. I would feel differently if he had spent the past ~16 months devoting his life to helping NO and Katrina victims.

I agree that the N.O. backdrop is opportunistic. However, to his credit, Edwards does have a history of highlighting and participating in charitable work and he currently heads the Center on Poverty, Work, and Opportunity at the University of North Carolina.
posted by mijuta at 8:23 PM on December 27, 2006


Growabrain---
It would Please Dobbs if you'd become our Sec. Of Education.
Think Teacher's Lounge.
Think Hot For Teacher.
Think Dobbs.
posted by Dizzy at 8:23 PM on December 27, 2006


Dobbs for President: because unusual times call for an unusual man.
posted by clevershark at 8:26 PM on December 27, 2006


Memo to the DNC---
Eyes Only.
Howsabout These Options for Sloganfest '08--
"Don't F*** With Dobbs!'
"Dobuloriffic!"
"Canadians Play Baseball Too!"
"The Meat White Otro" (Hispanic vote. Just joshin'.)
"Dobbs Lobs Gobs of Cobs!" (This may only work in Iowa...)
Please advise.
posted by Dizzy at 8:31 PM on December 27, 2006


I hate my mother.
Please advise.
posted by Dizzy at 8:33 PM on December 27, 2006


Bollocks.
posted by SinisterPurpose at 8:35 PM on December 27, 2006


I hate loving politicians.
They're lousy tippers.
posted by loquacious at 8:38 PM on December 27, 2006


Dobbs, I swear to god, if you run, Ill finance your campaign AND vote for you.
posted by subaruwrx at 8:41 PM on December 27, 2006


Clevershark---
There is a black SUV waiting for you outside your trailer.
Habla Guantanamo?
posted by Dizzy at 8:43 PM on December 27, 2006


In other news, MetaFilter just witnessed it's first political-comedy-induced flameout as Dizzy attempted to organize the "Draft Dobbs for President" campaign while attendants were trying to get him back into his straitjacket. When asked to comment, Dobbs said "If nominated, I will not run. If elected, aw, what the f***! Why not?"
posted by wendell at 8:43 PM on December 27, 2006


For the last time and for the record, I do not want to be Secretary of the Navy, not even if you do make the "adjustments" we talked about.
posted by Pollomacho at 8:43 PM on December 27, 2006


Subaruwrx---
Congrats!
You are the new Fed Chief!
posted by Dizzy at 8:44 PM on December 27, 2006


Pollomacho--
You are Sec. of Fast Food.
Until The Colonel comes back.
posted by Dizzy at 8:47 PM on December 27, 2006


Mister Wendell--
Please remove your key and stand down.
Stand Down I Say!
posted by Dizzy at 8:48 PM on December 27, 2006


dammit, Im always the fed chief
posted by subaruwrx at 8:50 PM on December 27, 2006


Who wants to be Ag Sec.???
Oh.
Archer Danny Mid?
OK.
posted by Dizzy at 8:50 PM on December 27, 2006


Tomorrow I will announce my intention to vote for whichever candidate promises not to pre-announce their announcement... Arrrrgggggh!
posted by amyms at 8:51 PM on December 27, 2006


subaruwrx---
You COULDA been Sec. of Trans.
But that whole "Monorails Are The Future" Thing cost ya cred points in Minnesota...
posted by Dizzy at 8:53 PM on December 27, 2006


Amyms:
You are dead to me.
posted by Dizzy at 8:55 PM on December 27, 2006


What's people's problem with this guy?

Well I dunno about everyone else, but announcing you're going to run for the next election before the people have been sworn in from the LAST one seems, well.... a mite premature, maybe?

Maybe I should preannounce my candidacy for 2024, just to start the fundraising process. Sheesh.
posted by Malor at 8:55 PM on December 27, 2006


Dizzy:
Did I have a state funeral?
posted by amyms at 8:57 PM on December 27, 2006


I'd like to be the Sec. of Hookers & Blow in your Admin.
posted by growabrain at 9:01 PM on December 27, 2006


I live in North Carolina, where Edwards was a senator. North Carolina will forever deal with the infamous legacy of Jesse Helms. And now we're dealing with the abominable Elizabeth Dole. Edwards was definitely a bright spot.

I believe that the likely Democratic candidates running for office have their individual weaknesses, especially Clinton. But Edwards may prove to be a dark horse.

Here are the key issues he stands for, highlighted on his website:

Providing Universal Health Care for All Americans

Transforming our Energy Economy and Solving Global Warming

Rebuilding America's Middle Class and Eliminating Poverty

Creating Tax Fairness by Rewarding Work, Not Just Wealth

posted by mijuta at 9:01 PM on December 27, 2006


Dizzy (part deux):
I just noticed that you have a higher user number than me... Finally! I'm not the newest person in a thread!... I am overjoyed!

How soon do I get to start referring to other people as "fucking noobs"?
posted by amyms at 9:03 PM on December 27, 2006


NEWS FLASH!

DOBBS GOOD CANDIDATE, BUT EARLY LACK OF RECOGNITION DUE TO POOR CAMPAIGN MANAGEMENT BY POSSIBLY-NAPSTER USING 'DIZZY'.

DEVELOPING....
posted by robocop is bleeding at 9:05 PM on December 27, 2006


I hate politicians.

Or anyone else pretentious enough to think you have to announce that you are about to announce something.

p.s. Did Dobbs inhale?
posted by LeLiLo at 9:09 PM on December 27, 2006


Dizzy : Who wants to be Ag Sec.???

I'll do the deed. But understand, I'm turning 40% of our farmlands over to the production of marijuana. I'll turn this economy around in a year.

Or create a nation of people who don't give a shit about the economy (moreso anyway).

Either way, I'll view it as a win.
posted by quin at 9:10 PM on December 27, 2006


Well, at least Edwards is announcing, unlike a certain pair of c*ckteases in the Democratic ranks.

As for who has a chance and who doesn't, let the primaries decide. Remember last Presidential election pre-primaries, when Dean and Clark had all the hype behind them? I think chances are high that at least one of the Great Expectation Twins will flame out, or fizzle out, in primaries. Who knows, we could yet see a beaming Edwards accepting the nomination. To run against whom, though? Hmmmmmm.
posted by Pallas Athena at 9:13 PM on December 27, 2006


amyms : How soon do I get to start referring to other people as "fucking noobs"?

As soon as you want. Hell you can start right now if you like, just understand that a lot of older members will be quietly laughing behind their hands when you call 'n00b' on a known sock-puppet of a 10ker.

Besides, noob is just a state of mind. I've been here a couple of years and I make rookie mistakes on a pretty much weekly basis.
posted by quin at 9:14 PM on December 27, 2006


quin: Besides, noob is just a state of mind. I've been here a couple of years and I make rookie mistakes on a pretty much weekly basis.

What a relief!... I'm terrified every time I click "Post Comment"... But, I think my willingness to take risks will serve me well when I pre-pre-announce my candidacy someday.
posted by amyms at 9:21 PM on December 27, 2006


people, you simply don't understand the logic of his announcing that he would announce his candidacy later -

his shovels were still being used and he had to wait
posted by pyramid termite at 9:22 PM on December 27, 2006


Any positions left in this new administration? I'm incredibly under qualified for anything that doesn't require sitting on the toilet. Ambassador to Texas, maybe?
posted by maxwelton at 9:27 PM on December 27, 2006


The political show never ends in the USA.
posted by five fresh fish at 9:30 PM on December 27, 2006


I volunteer to be Ambassador to Anyplace Tropical... Tropical, but with internet access.
posted by amyms at 9:32 PM on December 27, 2006


Y'all got me offa my intern for this?
Fine.
Hammertime.
Quin--
You are Sec. of Stoners.
Humboldt County is a toss-up, so canvass, man, canvass!
I'm moving Growabrain to Sec. of Hookers--
Get out the Jenna J. vote and take Silicon Valley!
Robocop--
You are our FoxNews Liason.
FoxNews!
FoxNews!
Hustle, People! Hustle!
Almost Dawn!
posted by Dizzy at 9:32 PM on December 27, 2006 [1 favorite]


attaboy - fuck all you cynical naysayers. he's hanging his ass out into the wind and taking a chance many of you will never have the balls to.

good for him.
posted by photoslob at 9:32 PM on December 27, 2006


Hell, it wouldn't surprise me to discover Fox paid him a hefty donation on the condition he get his ass in gear and generate some political entertainment. Continuous politics = continuous profits!
posted by five fresh fish at 9:32 PM on December 27, 2006


Amyms--
Haven't talked since you went to the sushi bar.
Why are you still alive?
posted by Dizzy at 9:35 PM on December 27, 2006


Dizzy, I was set to write you off as a troll but then I read your earlier posts and found them to be helpful and sometimes even insightful.

Are you drunk?

Also, man this thread is full of hate! Why so down on JE? It's not unusual for politicians to pull these stunts. Isn't it required to play the game?
posted by lyam at 9:38 PM on December 27, 2006


What's people's problem with this guy?

The opportunistic sack of shit is pre-announcing his campaign, via YouTube, from New Orleans, where he's done nothing but photo-op. He's a movie politician cliche. And he's doing it nearly two full years before the election, because I guess it's been long enough without a bunch of bullshit attack ads on TV, radio, the internet, buses, billboards, sidewalks, burned into our dreams by the orbiting mind ray, etc. He's also known primarily for being photogenic and a good speaker, even after he lost a VP debate to a guy who speaks primarily in grunts and shot an old guy in the face. He's right up there with GWB and Barak Obama in the all-style-no-substance department. He voted for Iraq and the PATRIOT Act (and its renewal). Why do people not have a problem with him?
posted by dirigibleman at 9:39 PM on December 27, 2006


Maxwelton---
Your check was marked 'NSF'.
Say Hi To 48 ways of describing snow.
posted by Dizzy at 9:40 PM on December 27, 2006


Dizzy:
I have never been to a sushi bar (insert eww face here)... Is there another amyms somewhere, living a more exciting life than mine?
posted by amyms at 9:41 PM on December 27, 2006


Dizzy, I can spell, I throw good and I am pretty thinker. Is there job for me.
posted by django_z at 9:42 PM on December 27, 2006


django_z - i think the central intelligence agency would be perfect for you
posted by pyramid termite at 9:48 PM on December 27, 2006


Django--
Our Dear Leader Dobbs Has Authorized Me to Offer You The Exalted Position Of Baseball Commissoner!
Please Travel To the Cooperstown Best Western and Await Further Instructions.
Room Code Ueberroth!
posted by Dizzy at 9:52 PM on December 27, 2006


i am happy. i like to throw. i go to hotel now.
posted by django_z at 9:57 PM on December 27, 2006


lyam;
Is that your real name?
If you hate this thread, you hate me;
If you hate me, you hate Dobbs;
If you hate Dobbs, you hate America.
If you hate America, YOU HATE CANADA.
Do NOT MESS WITH Canada.
Hater.
Hate-Hate-Hatey Hater.
posted by Dizzy at 9:57 PM on December 27, 2006


Congrats! You're our new Ambassador to Mexico!

YEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
posted by Tacos Are Pretty Great at 9:58 PM on December 27, 2006


ooh, I want a cabinet posting too...
posted by casarkos at 10:10 PM on December 27, 2006


Casarkos--
You sound Greek.
Dobbs Dubs Thee:
Sec. of Diners.

Shut up.
You get a parking space.
posted by Dizzy at 10:15 PM on December 27, 2006


Oh.
And didn't your peeps sell out Eddie Olmos to the Cylons?
posted by Dizzy at 10:17 PM on December 27, 2006


[Meta]

I'm liking this Dizzy cat. Dude's been here six days and throws himself this deeply into fucking with a thread? Either he's a sock-puppet, a really long time lurker, or just some crazy bastard [said with love] that is just getting his game on really early.

Over the long run it could be distracting and irritating, but in small doses, I could dig this kind of occasional nonsense in the Blue.

[/Meta]
posted by quin at 10:17 PM on December 27, 2006


No offense meant Dizzy, it's just that you got 1/3rd of the posts in this thread to your credit, and that is impressive for someone who has been here for less than a week and isn't selling something.
posted by quin at 10:21 PM on December 27, 2006


What is "distracting and irritating" is that this quarter-ounce seems waaay light, Mr. Secretary!
And since when does an apple-pipe have a USB port?
Are you wearing a wire?
posted by Dizzy at 10:37 PM on December 27, 2006


Dizzy:

You're not stupid. You know nobody cares what that poser Dobbs says or does. You know that what 'Murika wants, what's going to determine the outcome in the next election, is a Hard Man In An Undiclosed Location (HMIAUL). A #2 who is #1, so to speak.

I can do this. For less than 17% of what Haliburton raped the W for, I'll go into The Bunker, and nobody in their right minds will pay attention to Dobbs. It'll be you and me, Dizzy, doling out ring side seats at Armageddon, and none of the fat contracts will go astray if I'm on the job.

My cholesterol count is 114. All my offspring are reproducing heterosexuals. That's all you need to know, for now.

Don't make me replace you on Dobb's team, Dizzy. I'll be in touch soon, whether you like it or not.
posted by paulsc at 10:37 PM on December 27, 2006


Cholesterol counts make me hard.
Talk pollen to me and I'll dump that Maple-Sucking Turd in a heartbeat.

Nobody will see this, right?
posted by Dizzy at 10:42 PM on December 27, 2006


"... Nobody will see this, right?"
posted by Dizzy at 1:42 AM EST on December 28

Fer chrissakes, man, have "the oughts" taught you nothing? Have some balls, and tell the opposition "f*ck you" on CSPAN, and nobody who does see it will give a shit.

Yours for a more functional, streamlined democracy,
posted by paulsc at 10:50 PM on December 27, 2006


Edwards is too inexperienced. We need to amend the Constitution so George Bush can run again. Only he can end our long national nightmare. Four more years!
posted by homunculus at 10:56 PM on December 27, 2006


I'd like to go onCSPAN, really I would, but quin disconnected my cable service and split my kitty's heinie.
posted by Dizzy at 10:59 PM on December 27, 2006


"I'd like to go onCSPAN, really I would, but quin disconnected my cable service and split my kitty's heinie."
posted by Dizzy at 1:59 AM EST on December 28

quin's a harmless tool, Dizzy. Your kitty deserved it.

Who's your pick for U.N. Ambassador?

Stay away from your windows, curtained or not, pal.
posted by paulsc at 11:05 PM on December 27, 2006


In the interest of full disclosure I must confess I was hoping that Our Exalted Dobbs would save that position for Yours Truly because I...
Wait.
Gotta go-- Dobbs calls me.
I must attend Him.
posted by Dizzy at 11:10 PM on December 27, 2006


Best Thread Evar.

EVAR!!!!

I heart U, InterMetaWebFilterNets. You are my very bestest friend.
posted by daq at 11:17 PM on December 27, 2006


Just a reminder to the delightfully demented Dizzy one, from one of the site's resident goofballs from 1999:

You will not be allowed to do this kind of thread hijack more than once a year, or you're going to spend all your time in MetaDetention. And if you want this current thread to wendell end well, you'd better have Cabinet-level positions set aside for mathowie (maybe Homeland Security? If he can handle this crowd...) and jessamyn (Librarian of Congress, natch) and probably quonsar (Bureau of ATF) and languagehat (Sec'y of Education) and madamjujujive (Nat'l Endowment for the Arts) and maybe even dios (Deputy Attorney General, I don't quite trust him with the keys).
posted by wendell at 11:21 PM on December 27, 2006


paulsc : quin's a harmless tool,

You sure about that? I've got minions everywhere! And now they will swarm and Destroy you!

... Ok, maybe not everywhere, but I have several. They are around here somewhere...

All right, let's forgo the minions for a moment. They will show up eventually. But harmless?

Really?

Damn. I was hoping for 'don't run with' or at least 'dangerous if swallowed.'

I mean, your wrecking my rep here man...
posted by quin at 11:25 PM on December 27, 2006


"...I mean, your wrecking my rep here man..."
posted by quin at 2:25 AM EST on December 28

I wouldn't worry, quin. You're reliable, and Dizzy is new to this game.

When the time comes for us to Rally The Base, I'll be sure you're notified.
posted by paulsc at 11:34 PM on December 27, 2006


I heart John Edwards. He probably doesn't have a chance but I luf him.
posted by ClaudiaCenter at 11:44 PM on December 27, 2006


If he wants to get the religious right back Edwards needs to go on one of his "sinners in the hands of an angry god" rants again. That was classic.
posted by Pollomacho at 11:48 PM on December 27, 2006


paulsc : I wouldn't worry, quin. You're reliable

Well thank the heavens for that. The doctors always said I was 'flighty and unpredictable' (once or twice they used the term 'dangerous to others'. I'm sure it was in jest though.) But now I got's me some bonafide credentials. MeFi says I'm sane, I guess it's time to buy me that gun. WOOT. Respectability is just around my corner!

When the time comes for us to Rally The Base, I'll be sure you're notified.


I would hope so. I'd hate to have the Revolution come and miss the whole thing. I mean, don't we have a Cabal to keep us apprised of this sort of thing?
posted by quin at 12:01 AM on December 28, 2006


All is forgiven, quin.
But if you don't send my little Snowball an FTD HeartYouTho'ISplitYou&MadeYouBleed Holiday Bouquet and Matching Coffee Mug I'm gonna get electoral on your ass.
A campaign contribution wouldn't hurt either.
posted by Dizzy at 12:03 AM on December 28, 2006


[Meta]

Quin - ditto to what you said so very well.

It's about time we had an old school, ass-chewing, bourbon-slamming, baby-manipulating, win-that-god-damn-race-or-else campaign manager. The likes of which we haven't seen on these shores in--well, too damn long. Too damn long!

Give 'em hell Diz! Give 'em hell!

[/Meta]
posted by django_z at 12:03 AM on December 28, 2006



Blood...sugar...dropping.
Must... rest.
Must... be... strong... tomorrow...
Strong... for... Dobbs...
posted by Dizzy at 12:16 AM on December 28, 2006


48 words for snow? Two words: big mistake.

(PaulSC, when it comes time, you can count on me to do what's right.)
posted by maxwelton at 12:25 AM on December 28, 2006


Separated at birth?
posted by zardoz at 7:59 PM PST on December 27


Does a picture of Buck Rogers posted by Zardoz count as eponysterical?
posted by Brittanie at 1:23 AM on December 28, 2006


Remember, people, Dobbs is plural for Dobb.

This thread will not end in less than 30 days.
posted by jaronson at 1:47 AM on December 28, 2006


Hey, guys...I'm a little late to the thread, but is SecNav taken?
posted by pax digita at 3:08 AM on December 28, 2006


I would like to be the FDA Commissioner, please.
posted by Meatbomb at 3:22 AM on December 28, 2006


I don't get it. Edwards is using the "new" media to get around the traditional coverage that we all hate...and y'all don't like that?

Also, Edwards organized college kids to use their spring breaks cleaning up NOLA last year. I like him. I wish he wasn't running as a Dem.
posted by gminks at 4:30 AM on December 28, 2006


Fofuckey-Dobbs in '08
posted by matteo at 5:38 AM on December 28, 2006


I'm marking this thread. When, finally, a candidate from a working-class background who makes poverty and inequality IN THE US his signature issue runs and wins, all you snarkers will have to eat my hat.

Edwards/Obama 2008.
posted by spitbull at 5:57 AM on December 28, 2006


I haven't voted since 1980 (in a futile attempt to ward off Reagan), but I might just betray my principles for dobbs.

Is Ambassador to Argentina open?
posted by languagehat at 6:06 AM on December 28, 2006


Oh, and pay no attention to Lyam. He's known for his humor deficiency, and he has no supporters outside his home district.
posted by languagehat at 6:08 AM on December 28, 2006


Good. Edwards is pretty much the Dems best shot at actually winning. Southerner, modest origins, no 60's baggage.

I don't know who the GOP's supposed to cough up. Jeb? Bad idea, American's are getting sick of the Bush show. Cheney? He scares the hell out of everybody.
posted by jonmc at 6:16 AM on December 28, 2006


But if Dizzy's going through with this, I'd like to be in charge of the BATF. Free booze, smokes and guns!
posted by jonmc at 6:18 AM on December 28, 2006


Bah humbug.
posted by lyam at 6:39 AM on December 28, 2006


He's using New Orleans as a prop. I would feel differently if he had spent the past ~16 months devoting his life to helping NO and Katrina victims.

Ummm... he has.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 6:48 AM on December 28, 2006


"Sorry, but Obama has the whole I'm-pretty-and-charasmatic-but-grossly-unqualified vote sewed up already."

Obama/Edwards

Armadas bowed.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 6:50 AM on December 28, 2006


w00! Edwards! : >

he's the only one who's been actually working for the poor and on class and economic issues.
posted by amberglow at 6:50 AM on December 28, 2006


Yeah, I don't know why people are throwing shit at Edwards. He was the only candidate in the 2004 election to even MENTION the fact that poverty still exists in the US. So he did something slightly dumb and politico-esque- it's not like he just went back in time to help Hitler or something.
posted by 235w103 at 7:07 AM on December 28, 2006


The GOP nominee will be McCain. He's got the fundraising machine behind him. The nice thing is, he's so batshitinsane that he'll flame out well before the first debate.

Vote Democratic. Vote For Sanity.
posted by bshort at 7:09 AM on December 28, 2006


Good. Edwards is pretty much the Dems best shot at actually winning. Southerner,

Sadly he is dead to North Carolina. Most of the people around here have never forgiven him for being elected to the senate and then campaigning for president his first term. It was felt he was too busy campaigning to put any work into the office (he missed a lot of votes.) That's why we currently have 2 Republicans representing us.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 7:31 AM on December 28, 2006


Dobbs' chances look good, but if ColdChef comes through with his MagicMeatPot and Labels For Pussies, it'll be a tight race.
posted by NationalKato at 7:37 AM on December 28, 2006


The GOP nominee will be McCain. He's got the fundraising machine behind him. The nice thing is, he's so batshitinsane that he'll flame out well before the first debate.

Damned shame McCain turned out the way he did. He used to be the only Repub politico I had any measure of respect for.
posted by jonmc at 8:01 AM on December 28, 2006


Um, Edwards chooses to announce to people online first rather than giving the scoop to one of the major media outlets and he is faulted for that? I don't get all the hate in here. Here's to more candidates like Edwards and Obama who are trying to infuse some optimism, hope, and real-world issues and values into political discourse. He's a wealthy man who could be cashing in as a fatcat attorney or lobbyist, and instead, he has dedicated himself to fighting poverty. More leaders like this, please. Whether he will be successful in his bid or not, I hope he continues on in public service.
posted by madamjujujive at 8:06 AM on December 28, 2006


I don't get all the hate in here.

It's the internet, mjjj. Optimism (or worse, enthusiasm) isn't allowed. Misery loving company and all that.
posted by jonmc at 8:09 AM on December 28, 2006


I don't get all the hate in here.

I don't see much hate in here, just a lot of love for dobbs. All due respect to Edwards, but are you not supporting your local candidate? Before you answer, please contact Dizzy regarding available posts.
posted by languagehat at 8:15 AM on December 28, 2006


dizzy -
sorry, not greek, nor was i involved in selling out eddie olmos to cylons. but if quality of fried calamari nationwide does not improve, it may be necessary to rethink policy on that. they have these resurrection tanks, you know. could be useful for staged suicides and things. appearance of immortality would be a pretty strong asset.

also - robot armies.
posted by casarkos at 8:23 AM on December 28, 2006


This is a great thread...thanks (needed a chuckle today).
posted by Jody Tresidder at 8:29 AM on December 28, 2006


Sadly he is dead to North Carolina. Most of the people around here have never forgiven him for being elected to the senate and then campaigning for president his first term. It was felt he was too busy campaigning to put any work into the office (he missed a lot of votes.) That's why we currently have 2 Republicans representing us.

Edwards is far from "dead to North Carolina." In the future, please speak for yourself, not for an entire state.
posted by mijuta at 8:38 AM on December 28, 2006


I volunteered for Edwards in Iowa, Oklahoma, Wisconsin, Virginia and New York primaries in 2004. First time I ever did this, and did so expecting that he would not make it past Super Tuesday 04 but could end up on the 04 ticket and then might have a shot in the 08 race.
Edwards has clear weaknesses in executive/legislative and foreign policy experience. His extemporanous speaking is still below par in media. But I still believe in the guy, and I'll be volunteering for his campaign again.
posted by nj_subgenius at 9:05 AM on December 28, 2006


Metafilter: it's not like he just went back in time to help Hitler or something.

Oh and unless Gore runs im backing Edwards...
posted by Dreamghost at 9:59 AM on December 28, 2006


Dizz I am sick of carting away a dead OD'd hooker outta of Dobb's motel rooms. Not only that - the medical school is starting to get suspicious as to why all these donated cadavers had 36-DD fake boobs and stripper glitter on them... not to mention the "Vote Dobbs" tattoos on their kootchies.

Look before you get all upset and stop payment on my check I think there may be a way you can spin this:

"Dobbs works to get sex-workers off Heroin."

Or something like that. It'll play well in the heartland.
posted by tkchrist at 10:00 AM on December 28, 2006


Are there still positions open in the Dobbs administration? I'm gunning to head the FCC.
posted by drezdn at 10:32 AM on December 28, 2006


"Dobbs to get sex-workers off! Heroin works!"

I'm available for the job of Dude who lies to the press corps and wears an anchorman's hairhelmet. If that's open.

I'd rather be Secretary of WAR, though. WAR, WAR, WAR!

I think 08 is still pretty open. I'm not looking forward to it at all.
posted by Divine_Wino at 10:39 AM on December 28, 2006


tkchrist-- there is a window office at OSHA with your name on it, babe!

jonmc--the PMRC has double-wide stalls and lockable restroom doors. Run wild!

l-hat: Dobbs does not know, understand or recognize most "places" with the exception of Greater Metro Calgary and the Wisconsin Dells. This Argentina-- it boviates?

pax digita: SecNav is reserved but TripleSec is still an option.
We'll be in touch after the wire transfer clears my guy in Nigeria.

Meatbomb: Immigration Czar. Growth industry, unlimited potential, work from Home In Your Spare Time. Meet me at Taco Bell and we'll talk.

I'm at the Lindsay Lohan Memorial with Dobbs until seven or so, then we're doing a cardio circuit 'til about eight, then he has his "Girl Scouts Meet-up", but should be free to talk strategy after showering-- say, 11:30?
posted by Dizzy at 10:51 AM on December 28, 2006


Sorry D_Wino-- promised George Carlin the FCC fricken YEARS ago.
posted by Dizzy at 10:52 AM on December 28, 2006


drezden if you don't respect yourself enough to invest in a Caps Lock how can I possibly consider you for a top spot at KFC?
posted by Dizzy at 10:57 AM on December 28, 2006


I'd rather be Secretary of WAR, though. WAR, WAR, WAR!

Brotherman, you know I'd make you my deputy if got the BATF. Guns, booze and smokes, ahoy, motherfucker.
posted by jonmc at 11:09 AM on December 28, 2006


there is a window office at OSHA with your name on it, babe!

It's a Festivus MIRACLE! It's like you KNEW!

I may be speaking out of turn as merely OSHA Department Head but I also suggest we change that pussy title "Defense Department" BACK to "Department of WAR." I mean, seriously. Who are we kidding here? And likewise "Sec Def"? To "Secretary of KICKING YOUR FUCKING ASS!" It's like a read your mind, huh?
posted by tkchrist at 11:10 AM on December 28, 2006


tkchrist:
I may have to take you duck hunting and then shoot you in the face.
If Olmos is busy with season four how would you like to be The Cheney?
Me, I'm still gunning for Ambassador To Kara's Pants.
posted by Dizzy at 11:16 AM on December 28, 2006


jonmc-- Dobbs plans to merge the PMRC with the BATF so it would be legal to tag anyone named "Tipper" on sight.
Downside? Your uniforms will be designed by Dee Snider.
I'll be at the Marlboro suite later! Call me!
posted by Dizzy at 11:21 AM on December 28, 2006


If Olmos is busy with season four how would you like to be The Cheney?

I think I could pull it off. I do wear bifocals and have some cool acne scars. And I have a black heart of cold iron. Plus I HATE me them robots!
posted by tkchrist at 11:21 AM on December 28, 2006


tkchrist--
Your thoughts intrigue me.
What say you Blackberry that Greek Chick Secretary of Diners and strategize new ways to reprogram McCain so that he'd be OUR "Army Robot"?
Win-win, we'd carry the steelworkers, blahblahblah.
posted by Dizzy at 11:26 AM on December 28, 2006


Edwards is far from "dead to North Carolina." In the future, please speak for yourself, not for an entire state.
posted by mijuta at 11:38 AM EST on December 28

Actually I am not speaking for myself at all. I personally like Edwards very much and voted for the Kerry Edwards ticket. But NC did not. And reading the many letters to the ed, blogs, and op eds, that the was the feeling that I picked up here in Raleigh.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 11:26 AM on December 28, 2006


Dear God in heaven, what have a wrought?
posted by Astro Zombie at 11:39 AM on December 28, 2006


Er, "I wrought."
posted by Astro Zombie at 11:39 AM on December 28, 2006


Downside? Your uniforms will be designed by Dee Snider.

This is not a 'downside.'

/S.M.F.
posted by jonmc at 11:48 AM on December 28, 2006


Long as you don't mind the taste of black lip gloss you'll do ok, soldier.
Oh.
You will also be required to make out with Dee Snider's Father.
Double-wide stalls.
See, it all makes sense, yes?
posted by Dizzy at 11:52 AM on December 28, 2006




Edwards is far from "dead to North Carolina." In the future, please speak for yourself, not for an entire state.
posted by mijuta at 11:38 AM EST on December 28

Actually I am not speaking for myself at all. I personally like Edwards very much and voted for the Kerry Edwards ticket. But NC did not. And reading the many letters to the ed, blogs, and op eds, that the was the feeling that I picked up here in Raleigh.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 2:26 PM EST on December 28


Yep, Secret Life of Gravy has it-in my corner of NC, anyway. You shoulda heard my momma go off on the topic of Edwards today. And Southern memories-and Southern grudges-are both pretty long lasting in general. So we'll see how it goes. I bet most of his campaigning will be elsewhere.
posted by konolia at 2:04 PM on December 28, 2006


Yep, Secret Life of Gravy has it-in my corner of NC, anyway. You shoulda heard my momma go off on the topic of Edwards today. And Southern memories-and Southern grudges-are both pretty long lasting in general. So we'll see how it goes. I bet most of his campaigning will be elsewhere.

So, because your momma went off on Edwards he is dead to North Carolina? Sorry, but your momma does not make up the entire state. I've lived in the Triangle for over a decade. I've also read the "many letters to the ed, blogs, and op eds" that Secret Life of Gravy cites, and there were as many pro-Edwards sentiments as anti-. I'm not saying that every North Carolinian supports him; I'm just stating that he's far from dead to the state.

Konolia, if you live outside of the Triangle or Asheville area, you're probably in a more conservative area of NC (as I'm sure you already know). I'm guessing there's a lot of anti-Edwards sentiment in general among Republicans.
posted by mijuta at 2:30 PM on December 28, 2006


And there are tons of newer arrivals in NC...isn't that Triangle area still booming?
posted by amberglow at 2:40 PM on December 28, 2006


Also, as I mentioned earlier, Edwards currently heads the Center on Poverty, Work, and Opportunity at the University of North Carolina. If he were dead to NC, why would he have been offered this post after his presidential bid?

I used to work at large academic organizations at UNC and then at Duke, and I saw nothing but a lot of support for the guy. One of my neighbors who is also a friend heads the Triangle chapter of GLBT Democrats and is an Edwards supporter. Politically active Democrats I know in the Triangle seem to admire and support him (with the exception of his initial support for the Iraq War), especially his comparatively progressive views on gay rights. Local blogger Pam Spaulding, of Pam's House Blend (probably the NC political blogger with the most national recognition), is a supporter as well.

I know this is just a relatively small group when compared to the entire region and especially the entire state, but it shows me he definitely has a strong local support base.

And here's where he stands on various issues Spaulding blogs about:

Let's take a look at Edwards' record on issues we discuss here...

* Allow gay couples to visit each other in the hospital. (Oct 2004)
* Opposes DOMA because states already can ignore gay marriages. (Feb 2004)
* Enormous strides for gays and lesbians without gay marriage. (Jan 2004)
* Let each state decide about civil unions and gay marriage. (Jan 2004)
* Voted YES on adding sexual orientation to definition of hate crimes. (Jun 2002)
* Voted YES on loosening restrictions on cell phone wiretapping. (Oct 2001)
* Voted YES on expanding hate crimes to include sexual orientation. (Jun 2000)
* Rated 60% by the ACLU, indicating a mixed civil rights voting record. (Dec 2002)
* Rated 100% by NARAL, indicating a pro-choice voting record. (Dec 2003)
* Rated 0% by the Christian Coalition: an anti-family voting record. (Dec 2003)

posted by mijuta at 2:51 PM on December 28, 2006


And there are tons of newer arrivals in NC...isn't that Triangle area still booming?

Yes, the Triangle is growing at a seemingly exponential rate. We get a ton of Northeasterners moving down here. It's really a fantastic area to live--liberal, lots of great restaurants and cultural stuff to do, fantastic music scene, and beautiful as all get out. Plus the coast is a mere two hours to the east and the mountains a few hours to the west.
posted by mijuta at 2:54 PM on December 28, 2006


l-hat: Dobbs does not know, understand or recognize most "places" with the exception of Greater Metro Calgary and the Wisconsin Dells.

All right, all right, I'll take ambassador to Greater Metro Calgary if that's still open. I'm not proud. And I agree with tkchrist about Department of WAR and Secretary of KICKING YOUR FUCKING ASS. It's morning in America, baby!
posted by languagehat at 6:28 PM on December 28, 2006


Sadly, Ambassador to GMC has already been filled--dios promised to share duties and office-space with Pyramid Termite on a rotating basis.
We're gonna Scotch-Gard all the furniture.
But--
I heard Williamstown is looking for bus drivers.
Any interest?
posted by Dizzy at 6:39 PM on December 28, 2006


Ambassador to the Bahamas still available?

I could ambassador the fuck out of the Bahamas.
posted by sparkletone at 7:15 PM on December 28, 2006


Mijuta, just go back and look at how he did in the NC primary last time he ran. Favorite son, my foot.

(But I do indeed live in a more conservative area than the Triangle. )
posted by konolia at 7:23 PM on December 28, 2006


I forgot to mention-Momma is a Democrat.
posted by konolia at 7:24 PM on December 28, 2006


I just give and give, but does Katee Sackhoff return even ONE of my e-mails, Harry & David Gift Baskets, offers of e-bay cruises, or chances to win valuable prizes?
TAKE the Bahamas job-- I'm beyond caring-- I haven't seen Dobbs since he wandered over to the Perkins Cake'N'Steak SouthwesternRoll'Em'UpDance-Off at the Mall Of America 36 hours ago.
Color me disillusioned.
"I'll be right back-- gotta get some Winter Musk Cleanser at Bed Bath & Beyond" MY ASS.
I'm alone in a Best Western in Bismarck, North Dakota.
Basic cable, people!!!
BASIC CABLE!!!
posted by Dizzy at 8:01 PM on December 28, 2006


At least dobbs will write good speeches.

Yeah, but they'll all be porny.

Which is why I'm voting for him.
posted by librarina at 8:20 PM on December 28, 2006


Hmmm.
I kinda dig Rachel Ray.
posted by Dizzy at 8:23 PM on December 28, 2006


Shipment of fried calamari coming your way, Dizzy. Black copters in your parking lot in, say, half an hour, and then you can send them out to find dobbs. Have included BSG DVDs and player and a, ahem, copy of next episode, should help you with the wait.
posted by casarkos at 8:34 PM on December 28, 2006


Mijuta, just go back and look at how he did in the NC primary last time he ran. Favorite son, my foot.

Konolia, Edwards bowed out of the presidential race before the NC primary even took place . . .
posted by mijuta at 9:54 PM on December 28, 2006


I need marinara sauce, aloe vera, and a fresh roll of Xtra-Absorbent Bounty--- STAT!
Casarkos-- we're kicking you upstairs.
Ever run a Fishery?
posted by Dizzy at 12:06 AM on December 29, 2006


I am at hotel now. I tell them who I am. They have no "ueberroth". They say Bud is very angry at me. Is there job for me.
posted by django_z at 12:22 AM on December 29, 2006


C'mon, Dizzy, calm down, this is not good for your blood pressure... Besides, you don't really want to set the record for the shortest time between joining the MeFites and Total Meltdown, do you?

Just remember:
(1) You knew before you started this that dobbs was only capable of so many consecutive hours of coherent function; if you push him, he's going to dissolve into a puddle on the floor and you don't own the right kind of mop.
(2) Bismark, North Dakota has a very limited number of 24-hour merchants offering any kind of sauce other than Ragu. And you may have to settle for the generic aloe vera and paper towels. You could have avoided this is you'd taken my advice and set up HQ in Pismo Beach (also, you'd have given dobbs one less direction he could wander off)
(3) You do realize casarkos is going to put this all on his expense account, and do you realize how much the black helicopters charge per hour? (After all, they usually do no-bid government jobs) You could've had a small fleet, all camouflaged as the "Channel 5 Telecopter" for half the price.
(4) Why is django_z still using the "ueberroth" cover name?
(5) And please remember, konolia's mom is a Democrat!

It's starting to look like your Dog and Pony Show is going to need a Show Doctor AND a Veterinarian, and you don't want to bother quonsar at this hour of the night. Good luck, man, you're gonna need it.
posted by wendell at 12:50 AM on December 29, 2006


Do you think Rachel Ray would go out with me?







I'm sorry, Wendell--what were you saying?
posted by Dizzy at 1:13 AM on December 29, 2006


Well it was about $600.00/hour last time we rented one but that was years ago. Surely jet fuel prices have gone up.
[Is the Minister of Puke on Your Shoes position still open?]
posted by zoinks at 1:23 AM on December 29, 2006


Can we just talk about Ms. Ray for a while before the Percs make me hinky?
She just, I dunno, makes me all tingly...
Gotta get me some Wheat Thins.
It's like she's cooking just f o r m e e e ee e...
posted by Dizzy at 1:30 AM on December 29, 2006


wendell - shh, as far as their flight plan is concerned this is a no-bid government job...
posted by casarkos at 6:55 AM on December 29, 2006


It seems that the race gets underway earlier and earlier every term... Bush still has another 2 years in charge and yet the campaigning is already underway....
posted by philsi at 8:42 AM on December 29, 2006


Rated 0% by the Christian Coalition: an anti-family voting record. (Dec 2003)

This puts him to the top 2 or 3 potential candidates IMHO.
posted by barrista at 8:56 AM on December 29, 2006


We appear to have lost the esteemed Mr. Dizzy. What a shame; I thought he had the potential as a political operative to become the next Karl Rove, but then he started talking about Rachael Ray... and everyone knows jonmc is the MetaKing of Rachael Ray Unrequited Lust, and his user number is even lower than mine. You do NOT cross jonmc.

And then, I woke this morning to find the following misdirected IM: "Dizzy, you're doing a heck of a job! - dobbs" The Dream is Over. We're dead meat.

But now that that's over I can comment that Edwards probably needs to start his campaign the earliest, having fallen off the political news radar since the '04 Election. Considering how easily candidates can pick up "baggage", that may turn out to be a good thing. We'll just have to see if the Old New Kid in Town can compete with the New New Kid in Town (Obama)... I do know that when the '04 California Primary came along, it was just Edwards vs. Kerry, so it wasn't hard for me to vote for Edwards. (Yes, I'm registered Dem, just to be able to vote in the more interesting primaries) Edwards may turn out to be the Least of Several Evils, but that YouTube pre-announcement just seemed silly to an Internet cynic like me.
posted by wendell at 9:09 AM on December 29, 2006


jonmc--
Wendell tells me you got dibs on RR.
Fine.
I'm knocking on The Barefoot Contessa's door.
She puts the "butt" in "clarified butter".

django_z--
I'm reassigning you to DobbsHunt. Boy seems to be AWOL.
Try looking under the dumpsters behind TatersTatersTaters at the Food Court.
Do not be fooled by cardboard boxes. He may be a shapeshifter.
I'm at the Lohan Room of the Interstate Applebees for my weekly PrayerLunch until 4.
Don't make me make tkchrist take you duck hunting.
posted by Dizzy at 12:15 PM on December 29, 2006


Ummm.
Where'd everybody go?
posted by Dizzy at 5:46 PM on December 31, 2006


I still love you, Dizzy. Happy New Year.

I look forward to ambassadorizing the Bahaminators.
posted by sparkletone at 2:58 PM on January 2, 2007


Mall closed yesterday. Open today. I grab every box I see behind Taters. Where should I put them. Is there job for me.
posted by django_z at 5:10 PM on January 2, 2007


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