"They won’t have signs in the future that say Many Years Later!” "Wow. Technology."

January 17, 2007 2:38 PM

In the Future, our drinking straws will be made out of celery! Well, it turns out that they aren’t actually genetically engineered after all, and they look nothing like this much-posted picture, but could these eventually replace the Twizzler as the preferred edible drinking straw technology? It only makes sense to use celery as a structural material, as it is, of course, not actually a vegetable, but a member of the plywood family.
posted by kyrademon (51 comments total)

Good God no. I cannot think of a single beverage that I drink that would be improved by the taste of celery.

Nota Bene: I believe that Caesars and Bloody Marys are an abomination in the eyes of God, and thus do not drink the vile, wretched things.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 3:01 PM on January 17, 2007

Well then you will be shot when the revolution comes.
posted by fvw at 3:02 PM on January 17, 2007

What about celery soda?
posted by ZenMasterThis at 3:06 PM on January 17, 2007

WHEN WILL THE MADNESS END???!??!!

And by madness, I mean celery. I hate celery.
posted by Faint of Butt at 3:17 PM on January 17, 2007

kyrademon: .... " could these eventually replace the Twizzler as the preferred edible drinking straw technology? "....

Um, no.

God no.

Not that Twizzlers are a favorite of mine, but celery has to be one of the most revolting non-scatological substances I can think of. I'd rather drink something through a dirty fuel line.

Bush senior may have moaned about Broccoli, and countless children have cursed Brussel Sprouts, but neither of these innocuous veggies hold a candle to celery for sheer unadulterated evil.
posted by John Smallberries at 3:34 PM on January 17, 2007

Mmmmm, celery.

Oh, sorry, I meant chocolate.
posted by unSane at 3:35 PM on January 17, 2007

This will change everything!
If it doesn't suck.
Wait..it DOES suck!
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 3:35 PM on January 17, 2007

Damn celery lobby at it again. Those bastards are relentless.
posted by jimmythefish at 3:43 PM on January 17, 2007

>I believe that ... Bloody Marys are an abomination in the eyes of God, and thus do not drink the vile, wretched things.

Well then you will be shot when the revolution comes.

Indeed. There's a reason they're not called "Huggable, Forgiving Marys".
posted by cortex at 3:45 PM on January 17, 2007 [2 favorites]

"Duda Farms", eh? Duda is Spanish for doubt, which is what I have with respect for whether this will ever take off.

I never understood this intense celery hatred you people are expressing (my wife shares it), but it's far too widespread for this to work.
posted by gurple at 3:45 PM on January 17, 2007

Yes, it's just the sort of vegetablist comments I'd expect from the MeFi facists.
posted by BeerFilter at 3:47 PM on January 17, 2007

What's with the celery hate? Celery's so... so... innocuous!

Bloody Marys are an abomination in the eyes of God, and thus do not drink the vile, wretched things.

You, sir, are a communist.
posted by brundlefly at 3:49 PM on January 17, 2007

Yes, it's just the sort of vegetablist comments I'd expect from the MeFi facists.

First they came for the bugs on a log, and I did nothing....
posted by gurple at 3:51 PM on January 17, 2007

Oh, celery doesn't bug me. I quite like celery. On its own, in stir fries, or with peanut butter. And occasionally with Cheez-Whiz, but I will never admit that ever again. I just refuse to ruin a perfectly lovely gin & tonic with that flavour.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 4:03 PM on January 17, 2007

dnab, what bars are you going to that put celery in a gin and tonic? Bleagh.
posted by Faint of Butt at 4:07 PM on January 17, 2007

Not seeing a lot of Cajun food fans in the audience tonight.

I like celery. But who the fuck would put it in a gin & tonic? Do people do that? That's dumb. And what the hell drink do you suck down with a Twizzler?
posted by Cyrano at 4:09 PM on January 17, 2007

So now our straws have to shipped refrigerated and have a shelf life of a week or two? Great...
posted by doctor_negative at 4:10 PM on January 17, 2007

While we are very proud of our celery straw, it is by no means as sleek as the photos we have seen floating around on various blogs. Our celery straw still resembles a stalk of celery – just a hollow stalk. Photos are available if you would like to post them on your site.

So... where are they?
posted by delmoi at 4:14 PM on January 17, 2007

What other tube-like foods could this technology be used on? Hmmm....hot dogs! You could suck up baked beans through them......LOL
posted by Tambo at 4:19 PM on January 17, 2007

And what the hell drink do you suck down with a Twizzler?

Mountain Dew. And then either you're in college or you vomit.
posted by cortex at 4:23 PM on January 17, 2007

Twizzler: the preferred edible drinking straw? Give me a tim tam anyday over whatever nasty petroleum based substance twizzlers are made out of.

oh, and cool celery post.
posted by mosessis at 4:32 PM on January 17, 2007

Well honestly, I only know one bar that was blethering on about celery straws, and they were only for BM's and Caesars.

I was responding to whatever it was talking about 'all our straws' or something made of celery.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 4:39 PM on January 17, 2007

Tambo - I've done done that.
Take a Bic pen tube and take hot doggety core samples.
I called it the Beaneriffic Meat Straw.
You can also tell that I'm also a little broken inside, huh?
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 4:42 PM on January 17, 2007 [1 favorite]

What kind of vile fiend would drink a G&T through a straw, celery or no?
posted by mr_crash_davis at 4:51 PM on January 17, 2007

Take a Bic pen tube and take hot doggety core samples.

Not bad, not bad. But for true meat straw goodness, take a slice of deli ham and roll it up into a tube, and stick it into a glass of pineapple juice. Two tastes that taste great together!
posted by mendel at 4:51 PM on January 17, 2007

I read somewhere of a wonderful new GM'd celery that resisted all sorts of common pests. Yay for food! Only downside: handling it caused contact dermatitis.

So in conclusion: Celery straw, sorta good. But wear oven mitts.
posted by hal9k at 5:09 PM on January 17, 2007

Actually, celery tubes with peanut butter filling would be a good pre-fab snack.

And fill the meat straws with sour cream -- they'd be a great hit at bachelorette parties!
posted by LordSludge at 5:11 PM on January 17, 2007

But wear oven mitts.

Oven mitts are impractical beverage-consuming handwear.
posted by jimmythefish at 5:11 PM on January 17, 2007

Not seeing a lot of Cajun food fans in the audience tonight.

Disturbing, no?
posted by brundlefly at 5:15 PM on January 17, 2007

And what the hell drink do you suck down with a Twizzler?

Mountain Dew. And then either you're in college or you vomit.

Let me get this straight. I drink Mountain Dew through a Twizzler, and then I'm either in college or I vomit? What are the probabilities on college? I bungled an excellent situation with the girl across the hall senior year, and I think it'd be worth a little vomit if I could eventually give it another go.
posted by Kwine at 6:04 PM on January 17, 2007

It's damned hard to predict, frankly—very touch-and-go. All you can do is try. If you do vomit, try again. (If you find that you're not in college, realize that you're required by law to induce vomiting.)
posted by cortex at 6:07 PM on January 17, 2007

Tambo - ever heard of Hormel's Frank-n-Stuffs? They were hotdog tubes stuffed with cheese or chili. If you microwaved it a few seconds too long, all the filling would leak out, and you were left with a hotdog straw.
posted by figment of my conation at 6:14 PM on January 17, 2007

Nothing beats celery soda consumed through a celery straw. Especially with a PB sandwich! A celery straw would make it perfect...
posted by MajorDilemma at 6:27 PM on January 17, 2007

*vomits*
posted by Kwine at 6:38 PM on January 17, 2007

Congratulations on your degree and/or massive post-graduate debt!
posted by cortex at 7:04 PM on January 17, 2007

I never knew there was such virulent celery hate out there. It's a good thing they didn't try making them out of cilantro.
posted by yhbc at 7:15 PM on January 17, 2007

Cilantro? Cilantro is awesome. Philistine.
posted by John Smallberries at 8:06 PM on January 17, 2007

Today's "I didn't know that!" fact:

Celery contains an enzyme which can be used in laboratories to detect genetic mutations. It's been hypothesized that the enzyme evolved to counteract the effects of psoralen, a natural pesticide produced by the celery plant which has the nasty side effect of being carcinogenic.
posted by greatgefilte at 8:42 PM on January 17, 2007

Celery haters? What is more festive than celery stuffed with cream cheese with a sprinkle of paprika or maybe even chopped pecans?
How do you celebrate without stuffed celery?
posted by Cranberry at 8:50 PM on January 17, 2007

(freezing cold vodka's good thru a cherry twizzler) : >

I miss paper straws--we're recycling all cans now--why not the straws?
posted by amberglow at 8:55 PM on January 17, 2007

What the hell do you people eat with your wings?
Just doing my part to raise the "what the hell is wrong with you?" quotient in this thread.
posted by thecaddy at 9:35 PM on January 17, 2007

This is a mediocre idea, but I don't get the celery hate, either. Celery barely has a taste to begin with, and they're talking about modifying it already, so it's safe to say that "flavor" will be something they'll reduce further, if anything.

Even if you don't eat it, a biodegradable (and edible) straw is a good idea, ecologically. Plastic is brutal in this way. Plastic straws also add a little (bad) taste to any drink, too.

But then again, what amberglow said: paper straws, in addition to being biodegradable and edible (I suppose) were also superior in other ways. For example, they didn't FLOAT. Very annoying modern plastic straws are always bobbing up. Some improvement.
posted by rokusan at 3:28 AM on January 18, 2007

I can't believe no one has yet mentioned the king of edible starws, the cinnamon stick! Perfect for hot chocolate, mulled wine/cider, and who knows what other wintry libations.
posted by TedW at 5:49 AM on January 18, 2007

I'm against bloody mary's as well.

I suppose we'll be the first up against the wall when the revolution comes...
posted by craven_morhead at 7:35 AM on January 18, 2007

I guess all you bloody Mary haters would turn up your nose at red beer as well.
posted by TedW at 7:59 AM on January 18, 2007

I love the idea of a biodegradable straw from a renewable resource. It seems like there are two potential products, though, one that's more like celery, in the shape of a straw, and one that's more like a straw, but made out of celery. The image in the article seems to be the latter.

Also, on the side-topics:
-Twizzlers are fun to use as straws for Coke or Diet Coke, but they don't last long, because the cola eats away at the bottom of the 'straw'.
-Celery doesn't have much flavor, so I don't see why it can't be used however straws are used.
-I initially thought drinking G&Ts through a straw sounded vile, but then I realized I had confused them with martinis.
No drinking martinis through straws, people. With fizzy bevs, it's a matter of personal preference.
-Cold vodka through a Twizzler straw is totally something I intend to try as soon as I'm drinking again.
posted by Sprout the Vulgarian at 10:53 AM on January 18, 2007

I suppose we'll be the first up against the wall when the revolution comes...

Yup.

I guess all you bloody Mary haters would turn up your nose at red beer as well.

Intriguing...
posted by brundlefly at 11:27 AM on January 18, 2007

Intriguing...

If you ever have occasion for a "hair of the dog...", there is nothing better. Also great for a brunch drink if you don't want hard liquor and think Mimosas are for wimps.
posted by TedW at 12:18 PM on January 18, 2007

Dude. A few years ago, I was visiting some family friends in Canada, and they just insisted that I try their special drink: tomato juice + clam juice + vodka (= fucking disgusting). I humored them, but I think a celery straw would have been an improvement.

I drew the line at teh group secks.
posted by LordSludge at 7:40 AM on January 19, 2007

Nothing special about that -- it's just a Bloody Caesar, a Bloody Mary made with clamato. They usually are served with celery, just like a Bloody Mary is.

Just don't think too much about how you might juice a clam.
posted by mendel at 7:46 AM on January 19, 2007

clam juice is just evil--i can't even imagine how the first person to use it in a drink actually thought of it in the first place.
posted by amberglow at 8:04 AM on January 19, 2007