Poonanie Monologues

February 8, 2007 8:09 PM

Hoohaw? Florida comedy club changes marquee advertising a performance of "The Vagina Monologues" after a resident complains. The local news video (embedded windows media) had me laughing out loud. What's your favorite euphamism? And don't forget Woody's list.
posted by Brittanie (65 comments total)

I must add that "hoohaw" is only appropriate when it's said in an Al Pacino voice.
posted by Brittanie at 8:10 PM on February 8, 2007

Dammit, first link should go here. Okay, I'll set it free now.
posted by Brittanie at 8:11 PM on February 8, 2007

How dare we talk about our bodies.

Fucking sickens me.
posted by secret about box at 8:14 PM on February 8, 2007

'patanga', but that's only one of many.
posted by trondant at 8:14 PM on February 8, 2007

WHAT'S A 'EUPHAMISM'?
posted by quonsar at 8:15 PM on February 8, 2007

Direct link to video. Yeah, that was pretty good.
posted by bob sarabia at 8:17 PM on February 8, 2007

q:

It's slang for poon.
posted by secret about box at 8:17 PM on February 8, 2007

I like 'hairy axe wound'.
posted by Totally Zanzibarin' Ya at 8:19 PM on February 8, 2007

WHAT'S A 'EUPHAMISM'?

Your rite. Im a looser. Wurst post EVAR.
posted by Brittanie at 8:22 PM on February 8, 2007

I would have called it The Vajayjay Monologues.
posted by Astro Zombie at 8:23 PM on February 8, 2007

'The Birth-Canal Diatribes'

Insert your favorite name for it in the next thread please. This one's already full.
posted by isopraxis at 8:28 PM on February 8, 2007

This whole thing was prompted by a little girl who is old enough to read the word "vagina" but still doesn't know what that word means.

Am I the only person here who finds that distressing?
posted by adamrice at 8:29 PM on February 8, 2007

Mikey-San.
That's too bad about your aversion to coitus. Have you tried therapy?
posted by isopraxis at 8:32 PM on February 8, 2007

Adam, what do you have against our children? Don't you know children are never curious about their and their friends bodies, and by keeping the words from them you keep them pure? Why, daddy was saying just that to his nineteen-year-old secretary at the motel six just the other lunch hour--no one is going to corrupt his little girl.

To not put too fine a point on it: Why do you hate America?
posted by maxwelton at 8:34 PM on February 8, 2007

I'd have picked a different euphemism each day of the week.

"Mom, what's a coochie? Is is the same thing as a hoohaw?"
"Yes! Now shut up, damn it!"
posted by sebastienbailard at 8:39 PM on February 8, 2007 [4 favorites]

Mommy, what's a monologue?
posted by kuujjuarapik at 8:42 PM on February 8, 2007 [3 favorites]

"woocha"
posted by Brittanie at 8:48 PM on February 8, 2007

As a Jacksonvillian, I apologize on behalf of our fair city.
posted by oaf at 8:49 PM on February 8, 2007

Woohoo, I got to add 'tweeter' to the list.
posted by figment of my conation at 8:50 PM on February 8, 2007

Wonder what Eve Ensler thinks about the euphemistic name change.
posted by nickyskye at 8:55 PM on February 8, 2007

Talking about euphemisms reminds me of my old boss, who was a wonderful woman but very much averse to hearing/speaking "naughty" words like "vagina" or "penis"... All of us girls in the office learned to substitute the euphemism "thingie" for any talk (or jokes) about private parts (not that we should have been talking about private parts in the office, but we were a close-knit group and everyone knew everyone else's business anyway) lol
posted by amyms at 9:01 PM on February 8, 2007

The first I heard of this was actually a penny-stock spam email I got a few hours ago, with the Subject header:

"Aunt's complaint turned 'vagina' into 'hoohaa'"

When spammers are ahead of MetaFilter, we're all in trouble.

Buy QCPC!
posted by staggernation at 9:09 PM on February 8, 2007

The Unspeakable Monologues.

adamrice - yeah, keeping a population in ignorance give one power over them. It's fucking disgusting.
posted by porpoise at 9:12 PM on February 8, 2007

(yay! I got to add cooter!)
posted by porpoise at 9:14 PM on February 8, 2007

I saw "The Vagina Monologues" in Austin. It was me, my girlfriend, 970 lesbians and 29 guys in sweatervests.

I agree with sebastienbailard. In the spirit of the show, they should change the sign every day.

"What does The Greazy Wheezy Monologues mean?"
posted by ColdChef at 9:14 PM on February 8, 2007

Tripe! The Bacchae is for real women.
posted by kid ichorous at 9:40 PM on February 8, 2007

The Unspeakable Shame Monologues has been canceled due to low ticket sales. Rounding out the rest of the season, we have the award-winning Equus, which we are confident will help us all to forget about the terrifying mystery permanently attached to several billion people.
posted by clockzero at 10:00 PM on February 8, 2007 [2 favorites]

I'm still waiting for the sequel, "The Vagina Dialogs."

Or perhaps part III, "The Penis Monologues."

I just could see it now....

"MY PENIS IS ANGRY!!!!"
posted by Afroblanco at 10:07 PM on February 8, 2007

I'm still waiting for the sequel, "The Vagina Dialogs."

I'm pretty sure Vivid Video has this one covered.
posted by kid ichorous at 10:13 PM on February 8, 2007

The Stranger had a jokey contest to come up with an alternative to (I'm sorry) "cunt". Surprisingly also prompted by Eve Ensler, but not for reasons of censorship.

The choices were Narnia, Vancouver and Señorita Wences.
posted by O9scar at 10:15 PM on February 8, 2007

I've gotta say...The guy who runs the theater is a pussy for changing the name.
posted by Liquidwolf at 10:17 PM on February 8, 2007 [2 favorites]

Mikey-San.
That's too bad about your aversion to coitus. Have you tried therapy?

The only people here who need therapy are you awful people who continue using this filthy language.
posted by secret about box at 12:49 AM on February 9, 2007

WHAT'S A 'EUPHAMISM'?

TWENTY BUCKS, SAME AS IN TOWN.
posted by mullacc at 12:50 AM on February 9, 2007

Talking Twats
posted by vbfg at 1:27 AM on February 9, 2007

Conversing with Quim.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 3:16 AM on February 9, 2007

Or alternatively:

Babbling Beef Curtains
posted by PeterMcDermott at 3:20 AM on February 9, 2007

Four years ago, I auditioned for a community theater production of A Streetcar Named Desire. One of the actresses reading for the part of Blanche was a young woman with a heavy Indian accent--Apu Nahasapeemapetilon heavy. For her audition, she'd elected to read a piece from The Vagina Monologues.

She sat in a chair, script held in front of her, reading the one about the Bosnian woman whose village had been a victim of ethnic cleansing. Hearing the erstwhile Blanche DuBois exclaim "They burned my vagina to the ground!" in that accent remains one of my favorite theatrical memories.
posted by EarBucket at 3:52 AM on February 9, 2007 [1 favorite]

Afroblanco: Talking Cock
posted by patricio at 4:18 AM on February 9, 2007

Only feminazis say vagina!

Real draft dodging hero men say poontang. (correct Nuge?)
posted by nofundy at 5:57 AM on February 9, 2007

"Mommy, what's a gagortion?"
posted by hell toupee at 6:08 AM on February 9, 2007

I hear they call it "The Birth Machine Dialogues" in Japan.
posted by any major dude at 6:28 AM on February 9, 2007

since apparently it only takes ONE complaint to make people do your bidding, i'm going to get started on doing more bitching right away.

hello, White House? i am just shocked... SHOCKED that i've been forced to explain the words "fiscal malfeasance" to my son...
posted by RedEmma at 6:40 AM on February 9, 2007 [1 favorite]

Afroblanco writes "Or perhaps part III, 'The Penis Monologues.'"

Has this not been done? I'd pay to see it if it was done with the same earnestness and spirit as VM. It seems like the logical next creative step, but even so a world of opportunity.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 6:41 AM on February 9, 2007

Oh and more low-brow, is anyone one else eeked out by the title of the BBC's horticulture show, "Grow Your Own Veg"?
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 6:43 AM on February 9, 2007

I doubt anyone who uses 'veg' as a contraction of vegetables is, and that would be everyone I've ever spoken to.
posted by vbfg at 7:01 AM on February 9, 2007

I just call her Mom.
posted by and hosted from Uranus at 7:07 AM on February 9, 2007

I live about two miles from the theater in this story. A friend of mine called to ask why they changed it to 'hoohaa' and was told that, despite the conciliatory explanation they're giving to the media, they decided to 'fight back' by using a word 'most young girls know the meaning of.'

Three women I've asked have agreed that young girls will recognize 'hoohaa' before 'vagina.'
posted by NationalKato at 7:11 AM on February 9, 2007

I doubt anyone who uses 'veg' as a contraction of vegetables is, and that would be everyone I've ever spoken to.

ESL question: would that be [vedzj] as in "wedge"or [veg] as in "beg"?
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 7:31 AM on February 9, 2007

The Footlocker Monologues? Nah, that's totally confusing. Kids'll think it's about a shoe store.
posted by breezeway at 7:37 AM on February 9, 2007

The Sex which is not one monologues.
posted by papakwanz at 7:40 AM on February 9, 2007

The Nappy Dugout Soliloquies.
posted by Divine_Wino at 7:55 AM on February 9, 2007

ESL Answer: The former. It does sound like what you originally thought it did. Colour me astounded that that contraction isn't commonly known, even in Holland.
posted by vbfg at 8:09 AM on February 9, 2007

Florida peeple am dumm!
posted by cows of industry at 8:17 AM on February 9, 2007

This is disturbing on so many levels, but only to people who actually give a shit about how sex-ed is taught in schools, which from what I hear, is almost a myth in the US.

Vagina is misleading anyway. The correct term is vulva.
posted by Menomena at 8:31 AM on February 9, 2007

Once there was an SNL parody called "Talkin' bout 'gina" but damn if I can't find a copy online.
posted by Brittanie at 8:33 AM on February 9, 2007

Couldn't the club just change the spacing of the letters?

TH EVA GINA MONOLOGUES

Who would be the wiser?
posted by JJ86 at 9:28 AM on February 9, 2007

"...anyone who uses 'veg' as a contraction of vegetables is, and that would be everyone I've ever spoken to."

You speak to some strange people.

I have never, ever, ever, in all the years of my life, heard "veg" as a contraction of "vegetables." Ever. Back in the 80s the term had some regional meaning as "vegetate" -- in the sense of "hanging around doing nothing" -- but that's the most I've ever heard of it.

Perhaps you're thinking of "veggie" used in such popular terms as "veggie burrito" and "veggie plate?"
posted by majick at 11:31 AM on February 9, 2007

Thanks vbfg. It just looks odd to me. I would agree with majick that "veggie" is very common to my ears.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 11:39 AM on February 9, 2007

Come to think of it, I suppose it must be a transatlantic thing.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 11:40 AM on February 9, 2007

You've never been kicked in the "meat and two veg?"
posted by maxwelton at 12:50 PM on February 9, 2007

I have never, ever, ever, in all the years of my life, heard "veg" as a contraction of "vegetables."

I think it's an English thing.
posted by me & my monkey at 3:44 PM on February 9, 2007

You speak to some strange people.

Yes. We call them British.
posted by vbfg at 4:21 PM on February 9, 2007

"Hoohaw," huh?

Semper thigh!
posted by rob511 at 11:26 PM on February 9, 2007

The Taco Talks?
posted by breezeway at 5:14 AM on February 10, 2007

The real question is: did more parents have to explain what a vagina is to their kids because of the marquee sign or the news cast?
posted by drgalaxy at 6:38 AM on February 14, 2007