Sex Toys are Just Like Prostitution

February 20, 2007 7:33 PM

Sex Toys are Just Like Prostitution
posted by expriest (72 comments total)

Looks like a Papa Smurf's giving me the middle finger.
posted by phaedon at 7:36 PM on February 20, 2007

That link is super weak. Yes, Alabama sucks ... unless that is against the law too.
posted by chlorus at 7:38 PM on February 20, 2007

It just bans the sale of sex toys. This isn't so bad. Alabaman's are good at whittling.
posted by jonmc at 7:43 PM on February 20, 2007 [1 favorite]

"Feministing" sounds like vaginal or anal penetration using the balled-up hand of a women's rights activist.
posted by flarbuse at 7:45 PM on February 20, 2007 [4 favorites]

Are there no better links for this story?
posted by aburd at 7:47 PM on February 20, 2007

I thought it was weird that I got my 'Fleshlight' from an escort service.
posted by UseyurBrain at 7:48 PM on February 20, 2007

Since this story is a bit of a non-starter, can we just make this a conversation about Anna Nicole Smith? Did you guys see that clown video? Like omg.
posted by thirteenkiller at 7:49 PM on February 20, 2007

Well, as long she didn't use the clippers as a vibrator, everything's fine.
posted by jonmc at 7:52 PM on February 20, 2007

Alabama is beautiful and there are many cool people there. There are a lot of backwards jerks and they happen to be in power for the most part, but you could say that about of lot of places.
posted by owhydididoit at 7:52 PM on February 20, 2007

and the skies are so blue...
posted by jonmc at 7:54 PM on February 20, 2007

And this law is stupid.
posted by owhydididoit at 7:55 PM on February 20, 2007

best derail ever
posted by phaedon at 7:56 PM on February 20, 2007

thx jonmc, I love that song!
posted by owhydididoit at 7:56 PM on February 20, 2007

Welcome center.
posted by nola at 7:58 PM on February 20, 2007

high-fives thirteenkiller
posted by phaedon at 7:58 PM on February 20, 2007

Reasoning that the sale of sex toys Eleventh Circuit was more similar to "prostitution" than to private, consensual sex, the Eleventh Circuit upheld the Alabama law.
posted by exlotuseater at 7:59 PM on February 20, 2007 [1 favorite]

on preview: i feel your pain owhydididoit.
posted by nola at 7:59 PM on February 20, 2007

I'm anticipating an ANS version of this...
posted by miss lynnster at 8:05 PM on February 20, 2007

So it's okay to possess and to use sex toys but not to sell them. Whoring has always better than prostituting in my book.
posted by inconsequentialist at 8:07 PM on February 20, 2007

Aah. I think I see the parallel:
Wanking in Alabama is like a clown gone tits-up?
posted by isopraxis at 8:10 PM on February 20, 2007

LOLPURITANS
posted by joe lisboa at 8:10 PM on February 20, 2007

If they had said "masturbation is against the law", even their own supporters on this law would feel this was a ridiculous invasion of a person's privacy. By making 'devices' illegal, they have a bogeyman to fight against.

I wonder, will they make watermelons, sheep, back massagers, vaseline, and low-powered vacuum cleaners illegal next.

All that having been said, I like Alabama overall. They have issues that need some serious solutions (institutionalized racism, being primary), but I've enjoyed my time there and my wife and her family are all from there.
posted by Kickstart70 at 8:10 PM on February 20, 2007

I wonder, will they make watermelons, sheep, back massagers, vaseline, and low-powered vacuum cleaners illegal next.

only when used simultaneously.
posted by jonmc at 8:12 PM on February 20, 2007

Alabama bondage by-laws.
posted by owhydididoit at 8:15 PM on February 20, 2007

what a show that would make. 'tickets for two please'
posted by nola at 8:16 PM on February 20, 2007

Hey, you think THIS is bad? You can't buy beer there with higher than 5% alcohol. Of course, there's a whole group trying to change that too.

I wonder what higher than 5% beer is like if sex toys are like prostitution? Crack cocaine? Heroin? Opium? Having gay sex with the devil?

(Oh, I was born there, and grew up there, and left in my mid-30s, and it's like owhydididoit said, it's a sad state of affairs that the people that control the place for the most part the biggest fucking bunch of idiots you'll ever lay eyes on, and the state itself is amazingly beautiful and full of spectacular people.)
posted by smallerdemon at 8:20 PM on February 20, 2007

obviousfilter!

Reminds me of a dildo I knew a long time ago, when it was still a Mr. Potatohead (before its dildo days). But it sure got mixed up in some bad shit, I think it was abused by its 2 year old owner, slapped around a bit, nose and eyes taken off at random... soon it was into crossdressing and putting things in its bum. fucking tragic.
posted by ryanfou at 8:22 PM on February 20, 2007 [1 favorite]

smallerdemon, you put it better than i can. that says so much about bama , and the south in general. and it really sucks , because the impression the rest of the country has of the south is that everyone down here has lost their F_ing minds.
posted by nola at 8:27 PM on February 20, 2007

By making 'devices' illegal, they have a bogeywoman to fight against. [fixed]

Onanists of the world (metaphorically) unite: we have nothing to lose but disdain. Then again, it is hard to argue with the logic here. Once masturbation is outlawed, surely the demand for paid sex will drop as well. Drop like trou.
posted by joe lisboa at 8:49 PM on February 20, 2007

As long as slightly unbalanced clothes dryers are still legal, the women of Alabama have nothing to fear. Also, this is stupid.
posted by emjaybee at 8:50 PM on February 20, 2007

On Valentine's day too! Banned in Georgia and Texas as well. I didn't know that.
posted by tellurian at 8:53 PM on February 20, 2007

Please tell me this whole mess is really just the dadaist first act of The Vagina Demagogues.
"Demagogue: One who preaches doctrines he knows to be untrue to men he knows to be idiots." - H.L. Mencken

Off to 'bama to make a citizen's arrest. Back on Sunday.
posted by joe lisboa at 9:06 PM on February 20, 2007

The South embarrasses itself again.
posted by caddis at 9:11 PM on February 20, 2007

There are a few people here who've said that Alabama is a beautiful place with a lot of great people, and its just that the jerks are in power. I don't deny that that is to a large extent true... but the great people voted the jerks into power, no?
posted by papakwanz at 9:19 PM on February 20, 2007

Molly Ivins was fighting similar laws in Texas years ago. I thinnk we had threads about this recently. I'm getting de ja vu again, or maybe it's the mushrooms.

In Texas you CAN sell dildos. You just can't call them dildos. If it vibrates, it's called a 'personal massager.' If it doesn't vibrate but looks like a penis, it's an 'educational model.' Alabama just has to use the same stupid terminology that Texans have to use and they can usually buy what they want. Unless of course what you want is a fake penis that vibrates. For those, you have to go to Oklahoma, then sneak them back in.

When masterbation is outlawed, only outlaws will masterbate. Welcome to the land of the free, home of the braindead.
posted by ZachsMind at 9:22 PM on February 20, 2007

I'm in ur 'bama whittlin yer sex dildoz.
posted by Parannoyed at 9:28 PM on February 20, 2007

Is it illegal for a prick to touch an asshole in Alabama?
posted by homunculus at 9:32 PM on February 20, 2007 [1 favorite]

... for those, you have to go to Oklahoma, then sneak them back in.

And how, sir, do you propose they do that? Oh, nevermind.
posted by joe lisboa at 9:33 PM on February 20, 2007

A blog link to a blog link about a court decision? Do you not know how metafilter works? Is the internet trying to give me an aneurysm?
posted by boo_radley at 9:38 PM on February 20, 2007

what papakwanz said.

One question! If dildoes are illegal in Alabama, does that mean Dubya can't visit anymore? Is it possible this law is rooted in his no-show Reservist's duty there?
posted by Goofyy at 9:40 PM on February 20, 2007

I guess if you can't buy or use a dildo, you can still elect one?
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 9:41 PM on February 20, 2007 [1 favorite]

Theyll get my sex toy when they pull it from my cold, dead kalamazoo.
posted by Astro Zombie at 9:45 PM on February 20, 2007

Metafilter: Is the Internet trying to give me an aneurysm?


Hey I did one of those tagline thingies! Can I come in the SEEKRIT CLUBHOUZE now?
posted by ottereroticist at 10:09 PM on February 20, 2007

I'm pushing for strenuous legislation to ban most fresh produce, unless it comes pre-chopped and shrink-wrapped.
NO CUKES!
posted by Dizzy at 10:25 PM on February 20, 2007

We should organize a protest. A jerk-in. BYOD.
posted by sebastienbailard at 10:46 PM on February 20, 2007

ha ha 11th Circuit
posted by facetious at 11:43 PM on February 20, 2007

the people that control the place [are] for the most part the biggest fucking bunch of idiots you'll ever lay eyes on

Not quite; I'm British.
posted by No Mutant Enemy at 12:24 AM on February 21, 2007

What Dizzy said. Through the eyes of a 14 year old, the produce section is a veritable Horn of Plenty of self-stimulating delight.

At least, that's what I've been told.
posted by bardic at 1:18 AM on February 21, 2007

Eleventh Circuit held today that an Alabama law banning the sale of sex toys is not unconstitutional, on the grounds that Alabama has an interest in preserving "public morality" against the sale of such devices. The challenged law prohibits only the sale of devices "primarily for the stimulation of human genital organs." It does not forbid their use or possession.

So what does "stimulating" cover, I wonder? Do those fake pussys stimulate if they don't vibrate? What about butt plugs? And penis pumps? I need some clearification. What about KY massage oil that heats up? French ticklers? I think the court needs to publish a list of illegal/legal items.

Hey, you think THIS is bad? You can't buy beer there with higher than 5% alcohol. Of course, there's a whole group trying to change that too.
posted by smallerdemon at 11:20 PM EST on February 20

Take heart, we changed the law on this in NC last year and now my husband is free to buy beer for $13.00 a bottle whenever he can afford it
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 6:27 AM on February 21, 2007

It is immoral for females to enjoy sex, thus this law.
Sex is for procreation only and must not be enjoyed.
Else you go to hell when you die.
SINNERS!!!
posted by nofundy at 6:57 AM on February 21, 2007

dildos kill -- haven't you guys seen Se7en?
posted by matteo at 7:05 AM on February 21, 2007

...but the great people voted the jerks into power, no?

Well, I didn't say all of the people were great. There are indeed a lot of very short-sighted-end-of-the-world-is-coming-and-jesus-is-just-like-me-and-hates-fags-and-carries-a-shotgun-in-his-pickup-and-has-a-rebel-flag-tattoo types too.

And they are frightened by rhetoric flaming fear of anything that's different from what they already know, so it's easy to get them to vote. I thought more of them when I saw the George Takai thread than I did of some off-handed remarks of a basketball player I've never heard of.

Alabama has some great cities like Huntsville and Birmingham, but the majority of the population lives in the suburbs of those cities and the outlying rural areas, and many are indeed die-hard Southern Baptists of the Matthew Harrison Brady type.
posted by smallerdemon at 7:15 AM on February 21, 2007

And they are frightened by rhetoric flaming fear of anything that's different from what they already know, so it's easy to get them to vote.

Aren't these the same people who were lauded here as heroes when they ran Clarkson et. al. out of town last week?
posted by PeterMcDermott at 7:51 AM on February 21, 2007

You know what else is just like prostitution?

Fucking people for money.
posted by Astro Zombie at 7:52 AM on February 21, 2007 [2 favorites]

'Course, what we tend to forget when we're discussing regions is that a sizeable minority in the North are like that too. In a winner-take-all democracy, the difference between 51% and 49% looks enormous. But in the "blue" state where I live — and in a decent-sized city to boot — I've still got plenty of neighbors who would've supported this.
posted by nebulawindphone at 7:54 AM on February 21, 2007

Alabama has some great cities like Huntsville and Birmingham, but the majority of the population lives in the suburbs of those cities and the outlying rural areas, and many are indeed die-hard Southern Baptists of the Matthew Harrison Brady type.

Progressives tend to live inside the cities and the more conservative outside? Shocker. Where is this not true?

Besides, I've lived in birmingham and 20 miles outside, and the simplistic generalizations you're preaching (like most) were broken every day.
posted by justgary at 8:03 AM on February 21, 2007

Great, now the South has no choice but to rise again.
posted by YoBananaBoy at 8:08 AM on February 21, 2007 [2 favorites]

Leaving the toilet seat up is rape.
posted by Smedleyman at 9:47 AM on February 21, 2007

This prostitution, it-

Almost couldn't help myself there.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 10:15 AM on February 21, 2007

Besides, I've lived in birmingham and 20 miles outside, and the simplistic generalizations you're preaching (like most) were broken every day.

Well, in day to day life and communication it takes "generalization" to have a discussion. You get more details as the conversations go along.

Much of my family is still there. I spent 34 years there from when I was born until when I left, so I'm not doing an unexperienced sweeping generalization as much as I'm drawing on my own life there. You're implying things have changed so much in the last eight years that these generalizations can not be entirely dismissed?


Progressives tend to live inside the cities and the more conservative outside? Shocker. Where is this not true?
Yes, it's implied by the word "city".

Oh, and yes, generalizations are broken everyday in every city. I need only refer you to this story in SF Gate: "50 protest porn business inside old Mission Street armory" (although the story has factual errors, such as one of the photos being someone that WORKS for Kink.com just moving some of the signs being mistaken for a protester).

San Francisco, bastion of "tolerance" and "liberalism" and all that stuff that many Alabamians have nightmares about, well, hell, we've got our share of conservatives. And all you have to do to know better than ANY generalization that me, you or anyone else makes, is just drop a zip code into any of these types of sites and see how many of your neighbors are dropping cash on political parties. Turns out that my little enclave of San Francisco (94122) is actually very conservative with plenty of money from individuals pouring into the Republican National Committee. And the first group that comes up when I type in the zip code of the small town I grew up in (35077) the first things that come up are donations to the Friends of Hillary.

Still, I'm reminded of Inherit The Wind when, as proud as everyone in the town is of their traditional viewpoint, the business people have a little private pow-wow with the judge to remind him "We're making a point, so, uh, you know, go easy with this." and the fine is the minimum the judge can dole out: $100. I suspect that that's the route of this. The business will stay in business selling adult toys and a few loud prudes will protest when they aren't shut down and have to pay a fine or two.
posted by smallerdemon at 10:55 AM on February 21, 2007

...can not be entirely dismissed?

Whoops. "...can now be entirely dismissed?"
posted by smallerdemon at 11:00 AM on February 21, 2007

You know, a NSFW warning in the FPP would've been appreciated. I didn't really enjoy opening a page with a vibrator on it in a public library.

I realize I'm going to receive the "but you should've known" response, but it's not as if it's impossible for somebody to write an article about dildos without providing visual aids.
posted by Target Practice at 2:49 PM on February 21, 2007

Kickstart70 : "By making 'devices' illegal, they have a bogeyman to fight against."

They haven't made them illegal, though, have they? Just selling them. Same as sex: free is legal, paid is illegal.

I'm not saying it makes any sense, but there is a difference between "vibrators are illegal" and "exchanging vibrators for money is illegal". A stupid difference, but an important one nonetheless.
posted by Bugbread at 3:32 PM on February 21, 2007

I wonder if a rental service ala libraries or net flix would be legal.
posted by Mitheral at 4:26 PM on February 21, 2007

Libraries would probably work (free), but netflix wouldn't (costs money). Maybe some sort of advertising based model?
posted by Bugbread at 4:29 PM on February 21, 2007

I think this is a quite relevant post about the absurdity of the conservative movement here in America.

And the people making light of it and finding ways to justify it should start thinking about some of those other things about America that the ol' conservatives will want to keep away from you if they have their way.
posted by rougy at 4:41 PM on February 21, 2007

Ew...2ndhand vibrator.
Well...for some it could be a turn on, still - hygene.
posted by Smedleyman at 4:50 PM on February 21, 2007

First they came for The Pocket Rockets, and I said nothing.
posted by bardic at 4:51 PM on February 21, 2007

Sex Toys are Just Like Prostitution.

Yep, and single links to blogs are just like the best of the web.
posted by UbuRoivas at 5:12 PM on February 21, 2007

My God...if a child got ahold of one they could sexually assault themselves.
posted by Smedleyman at 1:36 AM on February 22, 2007

rougy : "And the people making light of it and finding ways to justify it should start thinking about some of those other things about America that the ol' conservatives will want to keep away from you if they have their way."

I don't see anyone justifying it here. Who are you referring to?
posted by Bugbread at 1:59 AM on February 22, 2007

Obviously glass, stainless and other sterilizable toys would be the only ones appropraite for LibVib.
posted by Mitheral at 6:09 AM on February 22, 2007