March 1, 2007 11:12 AM   Subscribe

"You're a goddamn cheat Chris!"* were a string of words shouted at most of my childhood family reunions. For decades the males of my extend family have vented their most masculine, primordial, and often intoxicated angst around this small board. Today we find ourselves dispersed - DC, Florida, Rwanda, Los Angeles, etc - unable to throw temper tantrums over the loss Irkutsk. That is, until we discovered: THE CONQUER CLUB

* I have no relation to these people

posted by Dr.James.Orin.Incandenza (37 comments total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
Ukraine is game to you?!
posted by grubi at 11:22 AM on March 1, 2007 [1 favorite]

It requires three players but no dupes. That's going to be tough with only two actual human beings owning all the accounts on the Internet...and I'm not sure that that other guy even exists.
posted by DU at 11:26 AM on March 1, 2007

In Communist Russia, Risk conquers you.

/13th step
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:27 AM on March 1, 2007

Also good (but Mac-only): iConquer
posted by designbot at 11:28 AM on March 1, 2007

Hey that's awesome! With this I can actually find a way to reunite with my group of best friends who are now scattered around the planet! Thanks Doc J!

Now if only someone would create a solid web-playing interface for paper-and-dice Dungeons and Dragons, we could pick up our last adventure right where we left off. 24 years ago.
posted by zoogleplex at 11:38 AM on March 1, 2007

risk is silly. diplomacy is far superior.
posted by juv3nal at 11:38 AM on March 1, 2007

Australia is the key to victory!

Now if we can just get a risk 2210 clone.
posted by Mick at 11:39 AM on March 1, 2007

There are plenty of odd maps to choose from. Stuff I've seen before - and some made up ones too.
posted by Dr.James.Orin.Incandenza at 11:42 AM on March 1, 2007

war on terror
posted by serazin at 11:54 AM on March 1, 2007

(I say that every time someone mentions Ukraine)
posted by mrnutty at 12:03 PM on March 1, 2007

Australia is the key to victory!

This guy agrees with you, but everyone knows that South America is the cornerstone to any successful Risk campaign.
posted by Terminal Verbosity at 12:04 PM on March 1, 2007

Goddamit metafilter, why do you hate my productivity?
posted by Skorgu at 12:21 PM on March 1, 2007 is similar, but invite only.
posted by zonkout at 12:23 PM on March 1, 2007

Australia is the key to victory!

I always make it my number one priority to control Australia and Siam.
posted by MikeMc at 12:29 PM on March 1, 2007

Risk usually ended with me getting punched by my cousin, I can never remember why.

Stratego occupied many an afternoon and Settlers of Catan is by far my favorite.
posted by The Power Nap at 12:58 PM on March 1, 2007

Settlers of Catan is a good one too! I always try to monopolize stone early in the game
posted by Dr.James.Orin.Incandenza at 1:00 PM on March 1, 2007

Interesting note for you strategy-loving Xbox 360 owners if you missed it, Settlers of Catan and other euro board games are coming to XBLA with full live multiplayer.

As for this Conquer Club, I'll be impressed if anyone actually ever finishes a game. We just went to bed at 2am with the game board still on the kitchen table in my family.
posted by WinnipegDragon at 1:08 PM on March 1, 2007

The thing about Conquer Club is that each player has up to 24 hours to make their move - making what usually requires hours of uninterrupted play something that can easily be spaced out over a week or more.
posted by Dr.James.Orin.Incandenza at 1:17 PM on March 1, 2007

Does anybody else remember playing Global War on BBS's back in the day?
posted by empath at 1:33 PM on March 1, 2007

almost stopped playing Risk a while back. After a well-balanced set of strategic moves was able to turn in cards and attack at my leisure. So one of my opponents is on shaky ground and I go after him with about a 12 to 1 advantage. He rolls double sixes after double sixes. I beat him down to where he can only roll with one die and he (and by proxy) rolls 7 sixes in a row. He wasn’t cheating. The dice weren’t loaded. It does happen (and rarely enough that years later we all remember it - “Spartans are pussies” and so forth). I got pissed because like Nobunga, I don’t really believe luck should be a factor in strategy (or rather, you create your own fate - so I second Diplomacy - tho Axis and Allies is fun too). So now I don’t take it seriously and I just enjoy Risk as an excuse to have pizza and beer.
posted by Smedleyman at 1:35 PM on March 1, 2007

"Stratego occupied many an afternoon"

There's a version of this on the Nintendo DS game cart "Club House Games," which you can play head to head online. It's called "Field Tactics."
posted by zoogleplex at 1:35 PM on March 1, 2007

Dude! GWAR was the bomb.
posted by mckenney at 1:35 PM on March 1, 2007

> Australia is the key to victory!

Having lots of beans is the key to victory.
posted by jfuller at 1:42 PM on March 1, 2007

Conquer Club is a spin off of World At War which has been around since BBS days.

I've been playing there for 4 or so years. It's turned based with 24 hours to make a move so don't expect fast games.
In game chatter and message boards make for a good community.

You can play 7 games at a time for free or unlimited games for $25 a year.

I'm just a player and have nothing to do with running the site.
posted by Slacktastic at 1:56 PM on March 1, 2007


Here's the URL for World At War:

I have no idea why the link didn't work.
posted by Slacktastic at 2:01 PM on March 1, 2007

Anyone ever play Lords of Conquest on their PC, Atari, C64, or Apple II? Man, that was a fun game. It still is.
posted by grouse at 2:48 PM on March 1, 2007

Australia is the key to victory!

... everyone knows that South America is the cornerstone to any successful Risk campaign.

Once I've got South America, I always want to move into North America. Having both is so easy to defend. Thus, in most games that I've played, the alliance between the Americas generally shows up pretty early.

Australia is a 2 extra-unit-per-turn stronghold that can never (harly ever) be deafeated.
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 3:49 PM on March 1, 2007

*hardly, that is.

Man, I'm a Risk dork.
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 3:50 PM on March 1, 2007

Australia's not really worth it. I tend more towards a spread over Europe and Asia strategy.

I think the fights are what make Risk the game it is. I've noticed that the more you wheedle, whine and accuse your way through a game, the more likely you are to win. The whole. "Look what Chris is doing, you're attacking me and he's about to win. Dude, is this personal or something." thing works very well.

I've had people almost fall out with me over Risk though, so YMMV.
posted by seanyboy at 4:05 PM on March 1, 2007

In any game I've played with my usual crew, the first one to whine or wheedle is the one everyone else gangs up on immediately and eliminates. There's no whining in Risk, at least not the way we play it, because there are no alliances. Every warrior for himself, unless we deliberately begin the game in teams.

I hate wheedly whiny Risk players. Shut up and roll.
posted by zoogleplex at 4:27 PM on March 1, 2007

I like Risk, but I second juv3nal & Smedleyman, Diplomacy is where it's at. I took a history class in college where we had to play Diplomacy. My team (England) ended up winning. Good times.
posted by ObscureReferenceMan at 6:12 PM on March 1, 2007

The filthiest conversation I've ever been apart of was a game of Settlers of Catan.
posted by sparkletone at 6:31 PM on March 1, 2007

The filthiest conversation I've ever been apart of was a game of Settlers of Catan.

Ah, yes, getting wood for the sheep. It always brings the sniggering. :)
posted by aeschenkarnos at 7:52 PM on March 1, 2007

Thank you very much. Wasting valuable time I could be spending with my family.
posted by Kraftmatic Adjustable Cheese at 7:58 PM on March 1, 2007

Ditto re Diplomacy - it's Risk for grownups. And it can affect your relationships with your opponents permanently (they'll find out how good a liar you are, for one thing).
posted by QuietDesperation at 8:23 PM on March 1, 2007

The dirtiest, most unabashedly evil players you (n)ever want to play Risk with? Greenpeacers. Hands down.

But another vote for Diplomacy.

Also, I hate Seinfeld but love that scene.

and zoogleplex: try it Charlie's Angels style, with speaker phones -- and if trust is needed, a dice-cam. (ok, never done so myself, but I hear ya. nothing like the original group)
posted by dreamsign at 9:55 PM on March 1, 2007

And hell yeah, Settlers. Get a group of friends together and start playing Settlers. Another weekend, Risk. 5 hours after you start, you're still playing both, but for one of them it's because you're still enjoying yourself.
posted by dreamsign at 9:58 PM on March 1, 2007

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