Not so sexy sexy sex.

April 17, 2007 2:08 AM

Dr. Vernard Eller is no sex maniac. He is not even very sexy, although this is something you can never be sure about. He is probably just about normal, whatever that is. From the books you read about sex, being normal isn't normal these days. And being abnormal isn't as abnormal as it once was.
posted by loquacious (26 comments total)

Cotton Mather wrote a forward?
posted by Steven C. Den Beste at 2:23 AM on April 17, 2007

I'm sure it's a joke, Steven C Den Beste -- Cotton Picken Mather is how he's credited.

This is a great phrase from the text:
a pathetic half-sex
posted by eustacescrubb at 4:28 AM on April 17, 2007

If we can maintain this Foreword motion long enough, the writing of the book itself will be for better.

Definitely unsexy.
posted by three blind mice at 5:28 AM on April 17, 2007

And I'm no sex maniac, even though I'm so horny alla fucking time that if there was no pussy around I'd fuck a hole in a marble wall.
posted by Astro Zombie at 5:28 AM on April 17, 2007

I'd fuck a hole in a marble wall.

I don't recommend it.
posted by IronLizard at 6:11 AM on April 17, 2007

Metafilter: I'd... oh, nevermind. No I wouldn't.
posted by miss lynnster at 7:17 AM on April 17, 2007 [1 favorite]

I'd fuck a hole in a marble wall.

In medieval Icelandic law, it was a crime to have intercourse with the knothole of a tree. This wasn't some sort of metaphor, it was very specifically a crime to fuck a knothole.

I've always wondered if there was some sort of epidemic of knothole-buggery going on with some sort of disastrous consequences for unintended victims but I've always been at a loss to think of plausible circumstances for that to occur.
posted by Kattullus at 8:52 AM on April 17, 2007 [2 favorites]

plausible circumstances

Gmones, dude. Think of the gnomes.
posted by sonofslim at 9:10 AM on April 17, 2007

When those who can think won't, some of the rest of us must stand ready to take over.
posted by nebulawindphone at 9:22 AM on April 17, 2007

Maybe the trees in medieval Iceland were really sexy...
posted by Bearman at 9:53 AM on April 17, 2007

Were?
posted by Astro Zombie at 10:00 AM on April 17, 2007 [1 favorite]

Now I wanna be your bark.
posted by and hosted from Uranus at 10:19 AM on April 17, 2007 [1 favorite]

Hi I'm on MetaFilter and I got splinters from fucking holes in trees.

I'm really starting to like this new meme!
posted by ZachsMind at 10:35 AM on April 17, 2007

[Not Tree Fucker]
posted by IronLizard at 10:54 AM on April 17, 2007

But the long moss was sooo sexy, not to mention them ginormous burls...
posted by porpoise at 11:25 AM on April 17, 2007

Don't tell me. You're getting a woody.
posted by sweet mister at 11:28 AM on April 17, 2007

[Irish accent] "It said tree fuckers wanted, but there are only two of us!"

[rest of joke left as an exercise for the reader]
posted by sweet mister at 11:32 AM on April 17, 2007

I'll never think of Dutch elm disease in quite the same way again.
posted by pax digita at 12:24 PM on April 17, 2007

Thank merciful goodness only a miniscule portion of humanity will ever be in a postion to know whether the exceedingly garrulous Dr. Eller is capable of stopping talking long enough to actually come.

Katullus, I bet they just wanted to make sure they had enough Slippery Elms left for the hulls of their ships.
posted by jamjam at 12:32 PM on April 17, 2007

Dammit, pax digita, I'll swear I didn't preview.
posted by jamjam at 12:34 PM on April 17, 2007

"I code a great website, but do they call me Mathowie the coder? No. I moderate said website into a popular community blog, but do they call me Mathowie the moderator? No.

...

But you fuck one tree."
posted by ODiV at 12:47 PM on April 17, 2007 [3 favorites]

Ooo, that's a banhammerin'!
posted by loquacious at 1:02 PM on April 17, 2007

Wait, everyone... I think this book is actually for serious. That is shocking.
posted by yoz420 at 3:54 PM on April 17, 2007

For the context-impaired, this is a parody of the 1968 Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Sex* (*But Were Afraid To Ask), one of the worst books about sex ever written.
posted by ikkyu2 at 8:25 PM on April 17, 2007

When I saw this, I immediately thought of this thread. Twisted, I know.
posted by IronLizard at 8:47 AM on April 18, 2007

I like my women like I like my trees... willowy.
posted by sweet mister at 12:44 PM on April 18, 2007