"You are not authorized to make any intrusion into the body orifices."

April 27, 2007 1:56 PM

"Alright Joes, come with me for a strip search." [NSFW unless you work for the Bureau of Prisons] The correct way to conduct a strip search. [via]
posted by kirkaracha (28 comments total)

A little 70s porn music would really liven that up.
posted by kirkaracha at 1:56 PM on April 27, 2007

Huh? No eyeball socket search?
posted by jaimev at 2:09 PM on April 27, 2007

Because knowing, is half the battle.
posted by Smedleyman at 2:12 PM on April 27, 2007

I will never think of the Dodge Avenger the same way again.
posted by Skygazer at 2:23 PM on April 27, 2007

Wow... that's pretty homoerotic.
posted by MythMaker at 2:42 PM on April 27, 2007

Link broken? I'm getting "snow" where the video should presumably be. Crystal clear car ad, though.
posted by Marla Singer at 2:59 PM on April 27, 2007

How the Hell did my wedding night video get leaked to the internets?
posted by Cedric at 3:00 PM on April 27, 2007

Gah! Jaimev! That's disgusting!
posted by JDHarper at 3:02 PM on April 27, 2007

"Keep in mind, you're ordering a naked person to obey you. Be clear, direct, alert, and civil."

I dunno know about you, but when I'm ordering naked people to obey me civility is the last thing on my mind.
posted by Anonymous at 3:10 PM on April 27, 2007

Now it's working. Whatever.
posted by Marla Singer at 3:12 PM on April 27, 2007

Isn't that haircut a bit too immaculate for a prisoner?
posted by Firas at 3:13 PM on April 27, 2007

MPAA
Review Board Findings:

PG: age 13 and up.
Signed


X
posted by acro at 4:03 PM on April 27, 2007

this is going to make me a killer top.

i was going to say something about the turnover rate among guards and the necessity for a training video, but perhaps this isn't something you want to train someone for "on site."

i'm impressed, though. its much more innocuous than Fox led me to believe.
posted by mr_book at 4:06 PM on April 27, 2007

Do prison guards actually dress like airline gate attendants?
posted by Tenuki at 4:38 PM on April 27, 2007

Only in the better class of federal establishment. The ones corrupt politicians get sent to :)
posted by kaemaril at 4:45 PM on April 27, 2007

Isn't that haircut a bit too immaculate for a prisoner?

Clearly. Which is why he told the prisoner to run his fingers "vigorously" through his hair. To mess it up. Sheesh, rookies...
posted by the other side at 5:10 PM on April 27, 2007

*smokes a cigarette*

Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 5:53 PM on April 27, 2007

I remember being a teenage during the D.A.R.E. anti-drug campaign, and being shown one of those scare-you-straight (haha...ironic) videos about what it's like inside a prison. It was documentary-style (i.e., real convicts), and there was a very realistic and graphic strip search scene. You know that part where the prisoner bends over and spreads his cheeks? Yeah, we were treated to the back of a mullet, some hairy red ass-cheeks, and a wee winking brown-eye.

Strangely enough, nobody in this class of teenagers laughed or said anything inappropriate.

Looking back, I'm wondering whether that prisoner was aware that an entire generation of students (at least in my school district) had seen him bent over and spread. A private strip-search is humiliating enough...
posted by LMGM at 5:56 PM on April 27, 2007

How come the female inmate actress isn't as hot as the male inmate actor?!

Ok, the lifting up and looking under breasts thing makes sense - but no "please spread your vaginal lips, please."?

In my experience, city police, Iowa City the visual strip search was much less polite, far less professional (tone of voice), and verged on maximizing humiliation. I was asked to turn around, bend over, spread my cheeks and then asked, again, to lift penis, lift scrotum after having been asked to do it upright and facing the searcher.

Maybe it's a federal vs. city thing.
posted by porpoise at 7:39 PM on April 27, 2007

Hmm, are the actors Bureau of Prisons wonks or gay porn actors? Both?
posted by oats at 7:59 PM on April 27, 2007

I'm almost sure the older actors are former Congressional pages circa 1983.
posted by WolfDaddy at 8:28 PM on April 27, 2007

It brings me great peace that the great '80s band "A-ha" volunteered their time to make this video.
posted by moonbird at 9:24 PM on April 27, 2007 [1 favorite]

Personally I loved the credits at the end. I can just imagine that on someone's resume.

Robyn Ridgely
Writing Experience

Bureau of Prisons Training Films:
"How to Conduct a Visual Strip Search"
"How to tell Bloods from Crips, A Guide"
"So You Want to Work at a Federal PMITA Prison?"
"Anal Cavity Searches --Do's and Dont's"
posted by MasonDixon at 10:07 PM on April 27, 2007 [1 favorite]

Metafilter: OK, lift your penis for me please.
posted by milquetoast at 10:39 PM on April 27, 2007 [2 favorites]

I didn't know they still had all-white prisons these days.
posted by Poagao at 10:48 PM on April 27, 2007

... hot. :)
posted by Drexen at 9:10 AM on April 28, 2007

Carpets? Privacy? Civility? An all-white cast?

This must be from the Scandinavian Prison Board's collection.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 9:13 AM on April 28, 2007 [1 favorite]

Nice mullets.
posted by deborah at 11:26 AM on April 30, 2007