The cat's out of the .... oh.
May 2, 2007 3:12 PM   Subscribe

 
Schrodinger's cat. As long as they didn't look, it wasn't there.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 3:15 PM on May 2, 2007 [7 favorites]




I don't understand why she's wondering. Are there cat terrorists now?

Oh, wait. *recalls previous (beloved) hell-cat* Of course there are terrorist cats.
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 3:17 PM on May 2, 2007 [1 favorite]


Ginger, 3, was discovered when Martell opened her suitcase in her hotel room.... Air Canada agreed to let the cat fly home for free in a proper pet container.

"I CAИ HAS SAMSOИIT3!"
posted by rob511 at 3:19 PM on May 2, 2007


lolcatz
posted by iconomy at 3:23 PM on May 2, 2007


She's lucky that the cargo bay was pressurized properly and had regulated temperature.
posted by ao4047 at 3:24 PM on May 2, 2007


She's also lucky little fluffums didn't gack, pee, or poo all over her Donna Karan sundresses.
posted by Dizzy at 3:27 PM on May 2, 2007 [1 favorite]


Clearly it misread 'Niagara-on-the-Lake' as 'Ft. McMurray'. Imagine how the cat felt.
posted by jimmythefish at 3:28 PM on May 2, 2007


Ginger was under the impression it was a three-hour tour.
posted by rob511 at 3:28 PM on May 2, 2007 [5 favorites]


I'm in ur luggage, stowin' away.
posted by BeerFilter at 3:29 PM on May 2, 2007 [3 favorites]


This woman is wondering how the New Brunswick woman made it out of her hotel room in one piece once Ginger cat was let out.
posted by Zinger at 3:33 PM on May 2, 2007 [2 favorites]


single link wire,news&pussyfilter?
posted by acro at 3:35 PM on May 2, 2007 [1 favorite]


In the early 1990's I flew from Boston to San Jose sitting next to a woman who had five dogs hidden in her clothing.

When she first got on the flight and sat down next to me I thought she was a bag lady. She was very nervous and distracted and she did not take off her heavy winter coat when she sat down. She had several canvas bags that she arranged by her feet. About fifteen minutes into the flight she took the first dog out of an interior pocket she had sewn into her coat and placed it one of the bags. After the third dog came out she turned to me and said, "I bet you're wondering why I did this."

She was going to California for two weeks, and she couldn't afford the $500 to check her five dogs, so she'd stayed up all night rigging up her coat.

Luckily she did check her cat.

The flight attendants pretended not to notice. No passengers complained, and I guess the flight attendants didn't want to be bothered rerouting the plane to eject the passenger and her illicit cargo. I've always wondered if she was equally successful getting her pets back home to Boston.

Of course, this all happened before 9/11. I don't think you'd get away with it now.
posted by alms at 3:36 PM on May 2, 2007 [10 favorites]


It's days when you get to write sentences like the headline quoted here that make it all worthwhile.
posted by bicyclefish at 3:36 PM on May 2, 2007


I've had it with these fucking stowaway cats.
posted by Peter H at 3:39 PM on May 2, 2007


Can you imagine the pandemonium if this was the same plane with all those motherfucking snakes?
posted by Peter H at 3:40 PM on May 2, 2007 [2 favorites]


I particularly love that the CBC included the age of the cat.
posted by joannemerriam at 3:47 PM on May 2, 2007


The best part is that Mary's cat, Ginger, is made of uncut Afghani heroin.
posted by The Straightener at 3:47 PM on May 2, 2007 [13 favorites]


Pandemonium, perhaps, were Ginger a mongoose.
posted by noble_rot at 3:53 PM on May 2, 2007


This reminds me of a trip some family friends took a few years back. We lent our friends several backpacks and pieces of luggage for their trip to Washington, D.C., which they took all over the place - monuments, museums, the White House tour, just about everywhere. On the plane flight back, their youngest son was looking through his backpack, and found the 6-inch metal knife that was accidentally left in. His mother quietly suggested he put it away.
posted by niles at 3:53 PM on May 2, 2007


Wouldn't the cat have received massive doses of radiation being sent back and fourth through the machine?
posted by Mr_Zero at 3:54 PM on May 2, 2007


Mr_Zero, from here regarding that story where the baby went through the xray machine at LAX last year.

In the several seconds the baby spent in the machine, the doctor added, he was exposed to as much radiation as he would naturally get from cosmic rays — or high energy from outer space — in a day.
posted by jourman2 at 3:59 PM on May 2, 2007


Wouldn't the cat have received massive doses of radiation being sent back and fourth through the machine?

Or better yet: wouldn't someone have SEEN the cat in the suitcase as it went through the machine? And I can't carry-on my $2 Suave hairspray. Our tax dollars at work.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 4:04 PM on May 2, 2007 [1 favorite]


In the several seconds the baby spent in the machine, the doctor added, he was exposed to as much radiation as he would naturally get from cosmic rays — or high energy from outer space — in a day.

No wonder they thought she had a turkey in her bag! MMMM! Yum! That's fast cookin.
posted by Peter H at 4:04 PM on May 2, 2007


And I can't carry-on my $2 Suave hairspray.

So the moral of the story is, the next time you want to bring your hairspray on the plane hide it up your cat's ass.
posted by The Bellman at 4:12 PM on May 2, 2007 [5 favorites]


They aren't looking for cats, for the love of pete.

If they were, it would be called a cat_ _ _ _.
posted by found missing at 4:13 PM on May 2, 2007 [1 favorite]


No wonder they thought she had a turkey in her bag! MMMM! Yum! That's fast cookin.

I wonder if identifying illicit turkeys is part of TSA training?
posted by ericb at 4:15 PM on May 2, 2007


INVISIBLE SECURITY
posted by adamgreenfield at 4:15 PM on May 2, 2007 [11 favorites]


Unfortunately, I wouldn't be surprised if the cat developed lots of tumors very soon. Aren't those x-ray machines pretty dangerous?
posted by luriete at 4:16 PM on May 2, 2007


Surely this is the appropriate carry-on for cats.
posted by Rumple at 4:16 PM on May 2, 2007 [1 favorite]


luggage_cat_is_not_amused.jpg
posted by subaruwrx at 4:16 PM on May 2, 2007


So not only did they see the cat on the x-ray and think it was a turkey, but after the woman repeatedly claimed not to have a turkey they were like "oh, fine whatever" and let her go. I guess if you just keep saying "no, I definitely didn't pack a bomb" you might be able to get away with that too. I mean, if you can see something in there that the passenger claims they didn't pack, why the hell wouldn't you search the bag??
posted by EndsOfInvention at 4:18 PM on May 2, 2007


I like that they repeatedly asked her if she had a turkey in her bag, yet did not open it to see what the x-ray machine was showing them.

"Do you have a turkey in your bag?"

"No"

*checks machine*

"Are you sure you don't have a turkey?"

"I'm sure. I think I would have remembered packing a turkey"

"Do you have anything in your bag that might look like a turkey?"

"No."

*considers terrorist applications of a hidden turkey*

"Ok then, have a nice flight. Next!"

*waits for next passenger, checks machine, pushes panic button*

"Are those nail-clippers?! Security! Detain this guy! We are going to need DHS down here NOW!"
posted by quin at 4:21 PM on May 2, 2007 [2 favorites]


Huh. Cats get to stow away for free, and meanwhile I was detained for 18 minutes the other day because the underwire in my bra set off a metal detector. Totally not fair.
posted by miss lynnster at 4:26 PM on May 2, 2007


I once got held at the airport for supposedly having a knife in my purse.

The machine showed a knife, but when they rifled through the purse, they couldn't find anything. They kept searching and searching and searching. Finally they determined that it was the raised design on a keychain that looked like a blade on their screen - that design being a Boeing 737-700 fuselage.

Someone was embarrassed, and it wasn't me.
posted by katillathehun at 4:29 PM on May 2, 2007


It starts with just one little kitten. That's how they hook you. Next you know, you're smuggling whole cats.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 4:47 PM on May 2, 2007 [1 favorite]


Cat must've used up about five lives right there.

I'm laughing so hard the tears are streaming. And yet --
If you so much as thought about taking my Dave the Cat somewhere, he'd go into deep hiding. When you did manage to drag him out, wrestle him into the carrier and get him in the car you were treated to a half-Siamese symphony for most of the trip.

So I find it unbelievable a cat could be stuck in some luggage without wriggling like a lunatic and screaming like a banshee.
posted by NorthernLite at 4:54 PM on May 2, 2007


I wonder if identifying illicit turkeys is part of TSA training?

Oh, wait-a-minute. This happened in Canada and TSA was not involved. Canada. That explains everything!

I keed, I keed.
posted by ericb at 5:08 PM on May 2, 2007


Doh! I missed that it was in Canada as well.
posted by quin at 5:18 PM on May 2, 2007


What is this "Canada" of which you speak? It appears to be some kind of country? North of us? Populated by polite, quiet peoples who worship some kind of beaver? I am unfamiliar with this concept.
posted by mckenney at 5:22 PM on May 2, 2007 [1 favorite]


this could have turned out far worse for both the cat and the owner: the U.S. State department refused to comment why the cat Ginger, 3, and its owner, Mary Martell had been deported to Syria, offering only that they remained satisfied with their internal investigation declining to comment on an ongoing proceeding...
posted by acro at 5:25 PM on May 2, 2007 [1 favorite]


I Am Canadian.
posted by ericb at 5:32 PM on May 2, 2007


How did a newspaper story come out of this? Who did the cat lady call exactly?
posted by rolypolyman at 5:38 PM on May 2, 2007


Canada and TSA was not involved.

Righto. Canadian Air Transport Security.
posted by swell at 5:42 PM on May 2, 2007


On Sept. 10, 2001, I flew from Tokyo to Tierra Del Fuego to Anchorage next to a guy who concealed a Wildebeast about his person.
I thought it a bit odd that he had two horns sticking from the side of his slacks and he was acting odd. He was very nonchalant as though there were not hooves flailing from under his jacket smashing into the seat tray, the windows and the service cart. I asked him, quite pointedly, if he was smuggling some sort of wildebeast or gazelle under his blazer or something.
Not knowing of course that gazelles are of the order artiodactyla in the bovidae family and have an even number of toes as whereas wildebeast are antelopes of theconnochaetes and are ungulate mammals.
Although they are related to Gnus which also belong to the bovide family which comprises 6 genera and 12 species and the taxonomy of the genus gazella is a confused one, and the classification of species and subspecies has been an unsettled issue.

After about sixteen hours he confided in me that he did, in fact, have a wildebeast concealed in his jacket.

“I bet you’re wondering why I did this” he said.
He was going to Alaska for the winter and couldn’t afford the extra five dollars for wildebeast storage, so he coaxed the beast into his trousers and wore an extra large jacket to conceal it. Double breasted of course.
He had been stuffing large ziplock baggies filled with what was apparently moose dung (or whatever it is wildebeast’s are) into a carryall he had lined with pine scented air fresheners for the occasion.

The stewards and passengers were apparently completely hoodwinked by all this although I’d swear the animal gored me as I slept midflight. He coughed a couple of times as though it was him, but I was pretty sure it was his wildebeast.
Also several passengers had lost arms and one had a face bitten off, some folks glared at him, but no one said anything.

As we were disembarking he said that it had all been a ploy, the wildebeast was meant to draw attention away from the oceanic whitetip shark he had stowed in the overhead compartment.

Which didn’t surprise me, but several of the passengers that had lost limbs were relieved to realize that wildebeasts were not carnivores and we all had a good laugh at that.

Of course, there’s no way he’d get away with all that only a day later. 9/11 changed everything.

Oh yeah, plus he had a cat.
posted by Smedleyman at 5:48 PM on May 2, 2007 [15 favorites]


Two days ago I accidentally brought a Swiss Army knife through a TSA checkpoint. This morning on the return flight, they spotted it. Cost me ten bucks to ship it back to myself. If only I'd brought a cat instead.
posted by scalefree at 6:03 PM on May 2, 2007


Saint John is in Newfoundland, So the security screeners would be newfie fellers, eh?
posted by longsleeves at 6:05 PM on May 2, 2007


Nope. Saint John is in New Brunswick. St. John's is in Newfoundland.

There are no good New Brunswick jokes. Sorry.
posted by maudlin at 6:26 PM on May 2, 2007


Two days ago I accidentally brought a Swiss Army knife through a TSA checkpoint. This morning on the return flight, they spotted it. Cost me ten bucks to ship it back to myself. If only I'd brought a cat instead.

So, what? You could demonstrate that there's more than one way to skin a cat?
posted by ericb at 6:32 PM on May 2, 2007


I thought it was nice of the airline to ship the cat home for free, though.
posted by pax digita at 6:47 PM on May 2, 2007


Is it strange that the only reason I read the article was to make sure the cat was OK?
posted by aubin at 6:57 PM on May 2, 2007


oy.
posted by longsleeves at 7:16 PM on May 2, 2007


Is it strange that the only reason I read the article was to make sure the cat was OK?

Well, given that that information comes at the end of the article, you're probably not the only one.
posted by Citizen Premier at 7:39 PM on May 2, 2007


"[Security] kept going back and forth with [the suitcase]," Martell said. "I was adamant. 'Look, I have no turkey.'"

Hilarious. Great post.
posted by nickyskye at 7:41 PM on May 2, 2007


How did the cat not make noise or suffocate? My cat gets stuck in the closet, she yowls loud enough to be heard in Japan.
posted by GaelFC at 7:42 PM on May 2, 2007


Smedleyman wins.
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 7:51 PM on May 2, 2007


Arrest the criminal.
posted by HTuttle at 8:10 PM on May 2, 2007


I recently went through security where they were sure I had a knife in my purse. I insisted I didn't, they x-rayed again, asked again, I said no, they said (presumably after having considered the terrorist applications of a KNIFE (??) said: 'have a nice day' (after confiscating my sunscreen). At my destination I discovered that I'd forgotten about agreeing to carry DH's leatherman. Oh yeah, and this was in Canada.
posted by kch at 8:17 PM on May 2, 2007


St. John is a pretty small airport map. It looks like they've expanded it a little, but when I used to travel through there in the mid-90s they had three gates: Gate 1 for departures and Gate 3 for arrivals. Gate 2 was the door employees used to go out to the tarmac. Security was pretty well non-existent and the duty-free shop consisted of a cart.
posted by sfred at 8:44 PM on May 2, 2007


Is it strange that the only reason I read the article was to make sure the cat was OK?

THE CAT IS FINE TOO

(This is useless without images, isn't it.)
posted by mendel at 9:13 PM on May 2, 2007


I IZ NOT A TURKEE
posted by Artifice_Eternity at 9:14 PM on May 2, 2007


One time as kids we accidentally folded up a hide-a-bed with a callico kittie inside. very assertive protest noise! cat freed!
posted by longsleeves at 9:34 PM on May 2, 2007


Why.

Why?

Why do lolcatz make me lol?
posted by darkstar at 9:51 PM on May 2, 2007


One time as kids we accidentally folded up a hide-a-bed with a calico kittie inside. very assertive protest noise! cat freed!

Oh, that's nothing. When I was 20 and my sister was 10, we figured out that we could fold her up in the hide-a-bed and put the cushions on. Then we freaked out our mom. This was just a continuation of my older-sibling fascination with putting her in small, unlikely places. I recall when she was eight months old or something when my parents weren't watching I briefly put her in a drawer and closed it. Then immediately took her back out, feeling guilty and furtive although she wasn't the least disturbed. I had just been mesmerized for some reason by the sudden idea of a little baby in a dresser drawer.

She trusted me completely when I folded her up in that hide-a-bed couch. When she was growing up, we were very close and absolutely and completely trusting of each other. We used to do that "falling backward into the other person's arms" test. Interestingly, she could trust me but neither of our parents. I was never really tempted to play a joke on her and let her fall because that trust between us was inviolable. I think our mom was surprised that she let me fold her in the couch but I had told my sister that she only had to say so (I could hear her easily) and I'd immediately get her out. She was entirely comfortable but couldn't stop giggling when our mom came into the room.
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 10:10 PM on May 2, 2007 [3 favorites]


Well I was on a plane once seated next to this fat old bald guy. Halfway into the flight he started pulling these large fish out of his pants. It freaked me right out. "Why sir, do you have so many fish in your pants? What is the meaning of this!"

He turned and stared at me with these black, lifeless eyes (like doll's eyes) and uttered three words that make my blood run cold to this very day... "I. Am. Quonsar."
posted by vronsky at 10:27 PM on May 2, 2007


That didn't really happen to you—that's a famous Twilight Zone episode with William Shatner. Except Quonsar was outside the plane, looking in. And there was only one fish, but it was really big. You are right about those black, lifeless eyes, though.
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 10:44 PM on May 2, 2007


Wow. So let me reiterate... a few days ago I was completely body searched & had my luggage torn apart solely because of the underwire in my bra being metal. A large black woman felt up parts of me that men I've dated have never gained access to. Then a tall blonde guy made me throw away half of the stuff in my makeup bag because in Oklahoma City they allow sandwich bags of liquids, not quart-sized bags like everywhere else in the U.S.

I'm cool with people trying to make flights safe... but my La Perla bra is a threat to public safety while knives & turkey-shaped kitties fly all over the place without a problem? THAT'S JUST SO NOT FAIR!!!

Grumble. Grumble. Grumble.
posted by miss lynnster at 11:09 PM on May 2, 2007


Fret not. A couple of years of therapy & I'm sure I'll be okay.
posted by miss lynnster at 11:10 PM on May 2, 2007


I still haven't lived down the time when, as a nine-year-old girl, I set off the metal detector because I had an alarm clock in my right pocket.

I can only imagine the mirth that would have ensued had I produced a cat from the left pocket.
posted by crinklebat at 11:42 PM on May 2, 2007


I once flew on a plane where a guy had his pet bird with him and kept letting it out to eat off his tray. The stewardesses kept yelling at him to put it back in its cage - I guess it posed some sort of sanitary risk.

I think it's pretty funny to have a BIRD flying around inside a PLANE, but I guess airline authorities aren't as easily amused.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 11:45 PM on May 2, 2007


"Meta Airlines. When you fly with us, you -fly- with us."

(Thinking if I may be allowed to board with a copy of Leonardo's wing flapping flying machine. Would beat the stupid movies on the on-board entertainment system, for sure.)
posted by Iosephus at 4:40 AM on May 3, 2007


I forgot to mention that "The Scanner Who Mistook a Cat for a Turkey" is one of my favorite Oliver Sachs books.


[And I think "Look, I have no turkey" deserves to become a minor catchphrase here.]
posted by NorthernLite at 4:49 AM on May 3, 2007


Speaking as a native of Saint John, this isn't too surprising. The airport, well, isn't much of one. It's pretty damned tiny, with only two gates. As such, it's not exactly crawling with security.
posted by picea at 7:57 AM on May 3, 2007


Metafilter: Look, I have no turkey.
posted by billypilgrim at 8:26 AM on May 3, 2007


[Here is where I take the high road, and don't make all sorts of inappropriate comments about miss lynnster's bra and the dangerous weapons contained within.]
posted by quin at 9:39 AM on May 3, 2007


After taking Spike out of my suitcase repeatedly this January while packing for San Diego, this doesn't surprise me a bit. The little bugger curled up under my pajamas and probably would've slept through the whole thing undisturbed. Then again, this is a cat who's fallen asleep in closed file drawers, behind the dining room built-in's drawers... you name it. Cats love them some small enclosed spaces.
posted by bitter-girl.com at 9:41 AM on May 3, 2007


I once had a cat that loved sleeping in my drawers. It was really tough to sit down. I keed, they were my dresser drawers. I would quite regularly close him in without knowing. Next time I opened the drawer out would pop Claude Pause. He didn't seem to to be any worse for ware, but he was the most awsome cat ever. This was a cat that would ride on my dad's shoulders as my dad rode his motorcycle.

oh and Miss Lynnster, La Perla underware is a deadly weapon, but only to men. That's why they had to have the gal feel you up. One look at the La Perla and all men are under the undie spell. The only way to allow you on the flight was to take cosmetics in the hopes of de-sexifying you enough to make the rest of the male passengers safe.
posted by Belle O'Cosity at 5:13 PM on May 3, 2007


Of course, this all happened before 9/11. I don't think you'd get away with it now.

I believe the TSA has classed puppies as "liquids," and they are thus banned from flights. I guess a few of them widdled.
posted by five fresh fish at 11:42 PM on May 3, 2007


Puppies are still ok if they can fit inside of a quart-sized ziplock. By the time you're through the security checkpoint they may have suffocated, though.
posted by miss lynnster at 6:59 AM on May 4, 2007


Poke holes in the ziploc.

Of course, then the dog pee will leak into the xray machine...
posted by darkstar at 12:45 PM on May 4, 2007


« Older Flash meditations   |   The dirt on your doorstep is NOT a bathroom. Newer »


This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments