The Elegant Spork
May 7, 2007 9:30 AM   Subscribe

If you haven't had enough of spork lore, take a stab (and scoop) at this lesson on the anatomy of a spork. This field deserves more research, as here are many species of this elegant icon of minimalist design that we secretly wish we could still use at the dinner table.
posted by vanadium (24 comments total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
Kentucky Fried Chicken used to have sporks with a plastic toothpick build right into the handle.
When you were done fighting over who got the breast piece, and you'd finished all of your ultra-green coleslaw, you could snap the little toothpick out of the handle, and pick your teeth like the classy bitch you no doubtedly were.

Sweet gods almighty - back when I was a kid, Friday nights meant Kentucky Fried Chicken (or occasionally pizza) and watching Dukes of Hazzard on the television.

I miss those days so much.

The Fridays, that is. The rest of childhood was an unpleasant experience that involved a lot of punches to my balls.
posted by Tbola at 9:45 AM on May 7, 2007 [1 favorite]

I don't secretly wish I could use a spork and I never have. It's the worst of both worlds: You can't cut with the side of it, but it still jabs you in the lip if you are off a fraction on the incoming.
posted by DU at 9:53 AM on May 7, 2007

Every mythic hero normally has an equally mythic weapon. Zeus had his thunderbolts. Thor had his hammer, Mjolnir. King Arthur had his Excalibur. Frodo and Bilbo had their Sting. Rhydderch Hael had his Dyrnwyn. King Kong had his bananas…you get the idea. It's time for you to join the ranks of the heroes and heroines of lore as you wield your own legendary weapon in your battle against a very powerful foe: hunger.
posted by nonmyopicdave at 9:58 AM on May 7, 2007

You can't cut with the side of it
posted by Skorgu at 10:00 AM on May 7, 2007

I'm not ashamed to admit it: I bought 4 titanium sporks. The kids like them. So do I.
posted by kjs3 at 10:36 AM on May 7, 2007

I prefer the term “forked spoon,” please.
posted by ijoshua at 10:37 AM on May 7, 2007

Bifurcated spoon, perhaps?
posted by Foosnark at 10:39 AM on May 7, 2007

The Spork of the Gods.
posted by exlotuseater at 10:48 AM on May 7, 2007

I think "runcible spoon" sounds classier, plus you get props for the Edward Lear reference. A spork sounds like something made from cheap plastic, whereas a runcible spoon ought to be made of silver and have a moustache trimmer, letter opener and compass inside the ebony handle. An essential traveling companion for the Victorian gentleman!
posted by Quietgal at 11:03 AM on May 7, 2007 [1 favorite]

And here is the compulsory link to the Clone High episode involving the "Knork." Stabby fun!
posted by LMGM at 11:42 AM on May 7, 2007

I always had a love of the spork. In its own special way, to me, it is a uniquely Western representation of the Yin/Yang concept. The passive handle vs. the aggressive tines, the jutting masculinity of the handle vs. the feminine receptivity of the bowl, and within the bowl there is the smooth curves vs. the sharp points. All wrapped up in disposable plastic, expressing all functions but fulfilling none of them to any real degree.

I'm not ashamed to admit it: I bought 4 titanium sporks. The kids like them. So do I.

Nothing to be ashamed of, in my eyes. I used to collect sporks. All shapes, sizes, colors, degrees of usefulness. Plastics both virgin and recycled. Titanium, stainless steel. Ornate. Plain. There's a wide world of wonders within the humble spork.
posted by lekvar at 12:07 PM on May 7, 2007

Sporks are soooooo 2006. Splayds are what all the cool kids are using this year. (Seriously, they're great. Amazing even. Get 'em here)
posted by bonehead at 12:15 PM on May 7, 2007

Notwithstanding my previous comment, this thing makes you the coolest camper around the fire this year. MEC can't keep the silly things in stock.
posted by bonehead at 12:18 PM on May 7, 2007

Last Christmas my brother got me a Ti Spork. It was, and is, my favorite present.
posted by bstreep at 12:22 PM on May 7, 2007

The spork is proof of evolution. If only we had a spife and a knork.
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 12:37 PM on May 7, 2007

What's the next generation then... the Sporknife?
posted by Foosnark at 12:49 PM on May 7, 2007

The spork is clearly inferior to the foon.
posted by yohko at 2:02 PM on May 7, 2007 [1 favorite]

My grandfather, in a fit of fury, once tried to storm the cockpit of a plane whilst armed with a spork. We were on our way to Disneyland, and this put a bit of a damper on the rest of the vacation, as you might imagine. Luckily, since it was the 1970s, he didn't end up in jail. (My sister is still so pissed off about this incident that I'm not even allowed to mention it in her presence, some 30 years on.)
posted by scody at 2:35 PM on May 7, 2007 [2 favorites]

Ah, the spork: god's gift to mediocre observational comics the world over.
posted by joe lisboa at 2:54 PM on May 7, 2007

"What ... is with ... this ... unholy ... implement?"
posted by joe lisboa at 2:55 PM on May 7, 2007

The KFC down the street from my house closed and in it's place opened - Spork. I was excited - I had all kinds of grand ideas on what Spork the restaurant would be and it turns out to be precious inside out hamburgers and "fish and chips" that is actually a caviar dish. Not in the spirit of the Spork at all...
posted by Wolfie at 3:05 PM on May 7, 2007

You would think sporks would be perfect for eating Ramen, but as I discovered freshman year of college, titanium sporks conduct heat too well and burn your hand, while polycarbonate ones get soft enough to deform.
posted by djb at 5:57 PM on May 7, 2007

This is slightly off topic...

Some years back I developed a disdain for eating with spoons. Even with soup, I'll pluck the chunks with a fork, then slurp the rest. Everything else in life can be eaten with a fork.

I don't care for florid cutlery. At Target I found a set of plain, straight handled stainless steel cutlery. I cut off the handles of the salad forks and TIG welded them onto the regular fork handles as extensions. I know some will think I'm kidding or that this is foolish, but it's not! These are the greatest forks I've ever eaten from! If you are comfortable eating with chopsticks, you might very well enjoy extended fork handles.

Extended handled forks are the Snap-On tools of cutlery...
posted by Tube at 7:43 PM on May 7, 2007

Tubeward Forkhands has a nice ring to it, eh? Give it a bit of thought. Crazy ass thought.
posted by stavrogin at 10:13 PM on May 7, 2007

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