Bruce Willis is a ghost

May 22, 2007 10:37 AM

Do you like to read spoilers? If so, then you might be interested in one of these t-shirts.
posted by bove (72 comments total)

What movie is the "The villagers sacrifice the policeman" about?
posted by The Castle at 10:43 AM on May 22, 2007

The Wicker Man? (just a guess)
posted by Dr-Baa at 10:44 AM on May 22, 2007

Related?
posted by peeedro at 10:44 AM on May 22, 2007

I think it was the M. Night Whasshisname movie. The Village?
posted by maxwelton at 10:45 AM on May 22, 2007

No, that's "The village is part of a nature reserve."
posted by Dr-Baa at 10:46 AM on May 22, 2007

The Wicker Man indeed.
posted by cortex at 10:51 AM on May 22, 2007

A guy at work last night wore a shirt that said "[Laura Palmer's killer] Did It ... Sorry." As I had just loaned the first season to a girl at work, I had to go around the office to make sure she wouldn't see it. It was her night off, so she's safe. For now.
posted by Bookhouse at 10:53 AM on May 22, 2007

The Neo one is hardly a spolier. Don't they suggest that within about 5 minutes of saying there is a "one"?

Oh, and yes, The Wicker man.
posted by John Kenneth Fisher at 10:54 AM on May 22, 2007

Considering the glacial pace with which Twin Peaks has been released on DVD, she'd probably forget about it before the final season hit anyway.
posted by Dr-Baa at 10:55 AM on May 22, 2007

People who delight in spoilers are jerks.

Or did you guys not know that? Crap.
posted by grubi at 10:56 AM on May 22, 2007 [2 favorites]

It's interesting how both of those overlap about 80% in what they spoil.
posted by dhartung at 10:57 AM on May 22, 2007

Nothing for Crying Game, huh? That's a surprise.
posted by boo_radley at 10:59 AM on May 22, 2007

Been a fan of themoviespoiler.com for a long time; I like it because it satisfies my curiosity about the plot points of movies that I have no interest in ever actually seeing.
posted by Billegible at 11:01 AM on May 22, 2007

It used to be an Ace Ventura spoiler.
posted by cortex at 11:03 AM on May 22, 2007

Oh, there it is. I looked away because it was next to a movie that's actually on my list to watch.
posted by boo_radley at 11:04 AM on May 22, 2007

People who delight in spoilers are jerks.

Anyone who wants to wear this, secretly really wants to wear a goatse shirt: You have no other way of getting people's attention, so you might as well be an asshole.
posted by vacapinta at 11:05 AM on May 22, 2007 [3 favorites]

MiguelCardoso "I actually enjoy films more if I know everything about them beforehand. Is this uncool?"

One thing Miguel and I have in common. Is this uncool?

As for Crying Game, who doesn't know the deal with that one by now? It's like revealing Rosebud was Kane's sled. Who cares now? I've never seen Crying Game, I didn't wanna see Crying Game before I heard about the ending, I still don't now that I do. I really don't think knowing "too much" about a movie should affect whether or not one wants to see it.

I knew Blair Witch Project was a gag, and I have still seen it like a dozen times, because the improvisational acting in it never ceases to blow me away. It's still one of my favorite movies ever. I probably wouldn't have wanted to see it had I presumed the first time it was essentially a snuff film... but then maybe I'll never know that. Will I? =)
posted by ZachsMind at 11:08 AM on May 22, 2007

300 isn't really spoiler canon material, but other than that, I'm impressed with the threadless shirt. It's graphical style and speech bubbles express the memeyness of spoilers-as-summary well.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 11:11 AM on May 22, 2007

I generally feel the same way as ZachsMind but I do admit there are movies I do not know if I would have even watched had I knew the ending - but perhaps thats a good thing. Two come to mind right away: The original The Vanishing and von Trier's Dancing in the Dark. Movies in which the endings are just so hopeless and horrid.
posted by vacapinta at 11:13 AM on May 22, 2007

I haven't seen Wicker Man, but I have watched this which makes it seem amazingly hilarious.
posted by bove at 11:17 AM on May 22, 2007

what about a Shakespeare spoilers shirt :

"everybody dies."
posted by Green Eyed Monster at 11:20 AM on May 22, 2007 [1 favorite]

MiguealCardoso and Zachsmind: I used to love vetting movies thoroughly before I watched them, reading all the reviews, really digging into the press, back when I was still overwhelmed by the number of movies I wanted to see. I wanted the full analytical experience without wasting time on unimportant movies or a second viewing of good ones, basically so I could get more cultural coverage. Eventually, this killed my buzz, and I realized than I needed surprise and delight, even on the level of plot, to remain passionate about cinema. Of course, I have seen enough cultural touchstones to soothe anxiety over the constant possibility of being outed as some kind of poseur if it's revealed that I still haven't seen Wings of Desire, because I'm too busy watching Grindhouse or Nightbreed.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 11:21 AM on May 22, 2007 [1 favorite]

"Movies in which the endings are just so hopeless and horrid."

Pan's Labyrinth.
posted by 517 at 11:21 AM on May 22, 2007

And for those of you with TiVos, "Desperate Housewife" Edie hangs herself, AJ Soprano survives a suicide attempt, Jack Bauer's nephew is rescued and his dad is killed and the Petrelli brothers blow up together while Hiro is transported back to the 17th Century. Bwahahahaha.

And on tonight's "American Idol", Paula Abdul has a broken nose, injured by a chihuahua. Really!
posted by wendell at 11:39 AM on May 22, 2007

I've never seen Crying Game, I didn't wanna see Crying Game before I heard about the ending, I still don't now that I do.

The "big secret" in The Crying Game doesn't actually come at the end, though; it's revealed right in the middle and sends the movie off in another direction, which is a rather big part of what makes the overall experience so interesting.
posted by kittyprecious at 11:48 AM on May 22, 2007

On the second shirt, what movie is it where Russel Crowe has an imaginary friend?
posted by Faint of Butt at 11:51 AM on May 22, 2007

Wait, how do they know Snape kills Dumbledore? Did the last book come out? And Dumbledore wasn't already dead in the last one? I'm confused and spoiled.
posted by DU at 11:53 AM on May 22, 2007

On the second shirt, what movie is it where Russel Crowe has an imaginary friend?

Beautiful Mind
posted by DU at 11:55 AM on May 22, 2007

It's in the Order of the Pheonix. (hangs head in shame for knowing that.)
posted by 517 at 11:55 AM on May 22, 2007

Oh right...except wasn't there some question whether Snape really did it?
posted by DU at 11:56 AM on May 22, 2007

...and for misspelling phoenix.
posted by 517 at 11:56 AM on May 22, 2007

Master and Commander.
posted by blueshammer at 11:57 AM on May 22, 2007

It's not in Order of the Phoenix, it's in Half-Blood Prince. (For real this time.)
posted by blueshammer at 11:57 AM on May 22, 2007

Yeah, you're right. Half Blood Prince.
posted by 517 at 12:00 PM on May 22, 2007

Ernest comes home from camp older and wiser.
posted by luser at 12:03 PM on May 22, 2007 [4 favorites]

Ernest comes home from camp older and wiser.

Thanks a lot, jerk.
posted by grubi at 12:04 PM on May 22, 2007 [1 favorite]

That's funny. That's the same ending as "Ernest Goes to Jail", "Ernest Goes to War", "Ernest Goes to Hell" and "Ernest Goes to the Bathroom"...
posted by wendell at 12:11 PM on May 22, 2007

Yeah, wish I knew the secret of the Crying Game BEFORE I went to see it with my stuck-in-the-1950s homophobic dad.

Lord, that was the longest movie of my life.
posted by miss lynnster at 12:12 PM on May 22, 2007 [1 favorite]

I went to see The Empire Strikes Back on opening day back in 1980-something *mumble*. A gaggle of young guys, coming out of the previous showing, shouted 'Darth Vader is Luke Skywalker's father!" all the way down the line. I wasn't all that much invested in the whole thing, but I've never forgotten what an act of sheer assholism that was.
posted by jokeefe at 12:15 PM on May 22, 2007

seconded.

I know it's a punchline at this point, but I had Sixth Sense spoiled by a goddamned movie review while it was still in theatres.

I hate spoilers, even for movies I'll probably never see, just in case there's a chance I end up catching it on TV or something. If I know the ending to a movie or book I've never seen before, I generally lose all interest in watching it.
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 12:18 PM on May 22, 2007

Papa never gets his bike back.

Pee Wee does.
posted by scratch at 12:43 PM on May 22, 2007 [1 favorite]

"People who delight in spoilers are jerks."

It's a fair cop, but society is to blame.
posted by ZachsMind at 12:47 PM on May 22, 2007

Spoilers

Titanic: Sinks
Terminator: Will be back
Nightmare on Elm Street: Freddy is the bad guy
Swordfish: not about a swordfish
Quigley Down Under: 'Down under' is slang for Austrailia
Repo Man: it's about a man who repossesses cars
E.T.: Stands for Extra Terrestrial
Night of the Living Dead: Zombies, not vampires
Lost Boys: Vampires, not zombies
Raiders of the Lost Ark: Ark is dangerous, Indy isn't his real name.
Idle Hands: Pot saves the day
Alien: about an alien
Aliens: about aliens
Tomb Raider: She raids tombs
Tomb Raider 2: More tombs raided
Big Trouble in Little China: There is trouble. It's big, and it's in Chinatown.
posted by quin at 12:51 PM on May 22, 2007 [7 favorites]

Green Eyed Monster: "what about a Shakespeare spoilers shirt : 'everybody dies'. "

That's only with the tragedies like Romeo & Juliet or Hamlet or MacBeth. With the comedies, it's "everybody gets married." With the histories it's "everybody wang chung!"
posted by ZachsMind at 12:51 PM on May 22, 2007 [1 favorite]

I like movies like Rosencrantz & Gildenstern Are Dead, where they tell you the ending right in the title of the film.
posted by ZachsMind at 12:57 PM on May 22, 2007

Spoiler: Madonna stops being sexy and is simply, in the end, annoying.
posted by maxwelton at 1:00 PM on May 22, 2007

Dhartung, I've given a certain amount of thought as to why that is. In the end, it comes down to the collective unconscious--except no two people can agree on what's in it. There was a lovely fight on that subject that broke out when this page was written for the TV Tropes Wiki: It Was His Sled.
posted by darksasami at 1:06 PM on May 22, 2007

Why am I so disappointed to read in this thread spoilers for TV shows and movies I have yet to see? Shouldn't some one have posted a WARNING: SPOILERS at the top somewhere?
posted by Gungho at 1:11 PM on May 22, 2007

At the risk of dragging the debate (and the same three arguments each side has, repeated a hundred times) over here, there's currently a contentious debate on the English Wikipedia about whether the articles there should have spoiler warnings at all, and if so, when.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 1:17 PM on May 22, 2007

Stella got her groove back, the West was won, and I learned to stop worrying and love the bomb.
posted by hydrophonic at 1:24 PM on May 22, 2007

The Empire struck back.
posted by Dr-Baa at 1:28 PM on May 22, 2007

bove writes "I haven't seen Wicker Man, but I have watched this which makes it seem amazingly hilarious."

You know that's a remake of a classic British horror/suspense movie from the 70s, right? The original is creepy as hell.
posted by mr_roboto at 1:38 PM on May 22, 2007

What is "Jack goes crazy at the overlook because he lived there in another life?"
posted by hifiparasol at 2:02 PM on May 22, 2007

Oh, wait. I realized the answer immediately after posting. Duh.
posted by hifiparasol at 2:03 PM on May 22, 2007

Pick of Destiny II: Lovers Leap
posted by cortex at 2:04 PM on May 22, 2007

This was linked to by Greg Allen on his wonderful site, daddytypes, along with a hilarious list of chidlren's "spoilers."

Oh. And KITT was really part of some autistic kid's dream.
posted by ericbop at 2:06 PM on May 22, 2007

This one jenky looking unemployed roofer with a knee brace ejaculates half-heartedly on the face of a bored and possibly stoned lady with a lot of plastic surgery scars and blurry tattoos and then presumably returns to fixing the cable.
posted by Divine_Wino at 2:10 PM on May 22, 2007 [1 favorite]

That was my whole reason for being the only 15 year old girl who didn't want to see Titanic when it came out. It sinks, duh. I already know the ending.
posted by Green Eyed Monster at 2:12 PM on May 22, 2007

Here's a spoiler for you: Jesus dies.

Yeah, but that's foreshadowed plenty in the Gospels -- you could see it coming a mile off. 'Sides, what did you think that big ol' cross was for -- stringing telephone wires?
posted by pax digita at 2:13 PM on May 22, 2007

jokeefe, that is indeed remarkably assholic. Plus, it's much more fun to loudly discuss false, horrible plot points with your friends as you exit the theatre, particularly for comic-book movies where the fanboys are already scred shitless about how faithful the movie's going to be.
posted by Navelgazer at 2:14 PM on May 22, 2007

Two for K-Pax:

- It's a terrible movie, even at the very end.
- You'll never care if he's really an alien.
posted by ORthey at 2:14 PM on May 22, 2007

Yoga really is stronger than kung fu.
posted by kid ichorous at 2:17 PM on May 22, 2007

Here in the UK we're way ahead of this curve. Popular during the 80s were "I SHOT JR" t-shirts, making reference to the Dallas season climax.
posted by humblepigeon at 2:20 PM on May 22, 2007

It'd be cooler, and much less controversial in this crowd, if every single spoiler on the shirt was just false. Darth Vader is a robot. Dumbledore becomes Minister of Magic....
posted by gurple at 2:55 PM on May 22, 2007 [1 favorite]

Spoiler Alert
posted by Navelgazer at 2:57 PM on May 22, 2007

When people tell me they don't want a spolier revealed for an old movie [like Psycho, The Crying Game or The Sixth Sense] I feel like saying, "Is it more annoying that I tell you the secret or is it more annoying that you haven't seen the movie by now and expect everyone to shut up about it?"
posted by Rashomon at 2:58 PM on May 22, 2007

@miss lynnster

I felt the same way after taking my dad to see "Best of Show".
posted by WerewolvesRancheros at 3:15 PM on May 22, 2007

@ humblepigeon

I'm in Texas, and remember those as well. I didn't realize they were so widespread.
posted by WerewolvesRancheros at 3:16 PM on May 22, 2007

God, I've waiting twenty years to tell this story of the anti-spoiler:

When it was in its first-run theatrical release, my wife and I went to see Sammy and Rosie Get Laid.

An hour or so into it, and we come to the climactic scene, where the title of the movie is acted out on screen - and right then, the elderly couple in front of us rather noisily got up and left in a huff of righteous indignation.

It was astounding. I nearly followed them out to see if they were going to argue for their money back.

To this day, I still wonder just what movie they thought they had bought tickets for. Or what they had thought a movie called, you know, Sammy and Rosie GET LAID would be about.
posted by AsYouKnow Bob at 6:53 PM on May 22, 2007

I had friends who got Serentiy spoiled for them before seeing it at opening night, which sucked.

I'd seen it twice already at that point, so I was fine, but it sucked for them.
posted by Arturus at 12:30 AM on May 23, 2007

AsYouKnow Bob: There is a British film from the 1970's called Let's Get Laid! where the central character is called Laid and the premise of the film is some criminals trying to get him. So there is plenty of room for ambiguity - the old couple might have been Robin Askwith fans, though even then they might be expected to tolerate some nudity.
posted by biffa at 4:14 AM on May 23, 2007

Sorry, I should mention that it is absolute shite, should anyone be tempted to watch it.
posted by biffa at 4:15 AM on May 23, 2007