Papal Beep
June 19, 2007 8:23 AM   Subscribe


10. Feel responsible toward others. If you just practice this one, all the others fall into line.
posted by caddis at 8:28 AM on June 19, 2007

So, basically, "don't be an asshole." Which is pretty much the same condensed tenets of Catholicism, and for that matter all major religions in existence.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 8:31 AM on June 19, 2007

Yeah, but for some folks that's a really big ask, so you try to break it down into easy pieces they can focus on.
posted by Wolfdog at 8:34 AM on June 19, 2007

sad but true Wolfdog
posted by caddis at 8:41 AM on June 19, 2007

Here's a bite-sized piece: you're going to get rid of that SUV now, right?

5. Cars shall not be for you an expression of power and domination, and an occasion of sin.
posted by lazymonster at 8:47 AM on June 19, 2007

Fascinating that they would issue this and frame it as 10 commandments. What sparked this - it just seems so random. Do they normally issue "commandments" on such day-to-day matters?

Up next form the Vatican: 10 commandments of online conduct.
#1: You shall not spam.
posted by madamjujujive at 8:51 AM on June 19, 2007

#2: You shalt not snark.

(oh, and I have used my car as an occasion for sin, I'm afraid - well, my old car, which was a little roomier)
posted by imperium at 9:11 AM on June 19, 2007

I decided this was a hoax.

But then, I found this on the Vatican's own site, so it's for real.

It was issued in December, so this is somewhat old news, at least in non-Vatican terms. But inside the Vatican, time moves very very slowly -- in fact, the development of the automobile has only just now been noticed, as indicated by this passage in the report:

The sessions began with a presentation by the Archbishop emeritus of Sens-Auxerre, H.E. Msgr. Georges Gilson. He identified the invention of the internal combustion engine and the reaction engine as one of the technical revolutions of our times, significant for the transport of persons and things. It “multiplied our capacity to run, to move and to travel by ten”

Accordingly, Madamejujujive, don't expect the Vatican's rules for online conduct until about the year 2107.
posted by beagle at 9:16 AM on June 19, 2007

Oooh oooh! I have one!

11. Do not drive and jabber away on your cell phone at the same time, you selfish inattentive piece of crap.
posted by contessa at 9:38 AM on June 19, 2007 [2 favorites]

My two basic road rules:

Rule #1: Pay attention -- don't let yourself be surprised by your environment, including other drivers. (Put away the rosary beads, chief.) This is commonly referred to as "situational awareness", knowing what's going on around you. Ideally, you should never need to exhibit quick reflexes or masterful car control. If you're performing emergency maneuvers, you've already screwed up. (Compensate for drivers not following Rule #2.)

Rule #2: Don't surprise other drivers. They may well be more interested in their music, their phone conversation, or the the kids in the back seat than in driving safely. And they may not have good reflexes, judgement, or car control; it's best not to test them. This is why you use your turn signals. This is why you drive right, pass left on the interstate. Drive predictably; let everybody know what you're doing. (Compensate for drivers not following Rule #1.)
posted by LordSludge at 9:42 AM on June 19, 2007 [1 favorite]

What sparked this - it just seems so random. Some cardinal probably got cut off on the way home from work.
posted by drezdn at 9:48 AM on June 19, 2007 [1 favorite]

Rule #2: Don't surprise other drivers.

I bike to and from every day and use a trail part of the way. I was thinking about how much success on the trail is based on not doing anything unpredictable. When riding, I try to focus on both staying predictable, and assuming others will do zany things, and prepare myself accordingly.
posted by drezdn at 9:52 AM on June 19, 2007

11. No abortions or birth control, in cars or otherwise.
posted by scratch at 10:01 AM on June 19, 2007 [1 favorite]

A fellow teacher once pointed out at a staff meeting that modern society holds life so cheaply when it comes to death on the road. I pointed out that this cheapness dates from way back, the death of child under a carriage being the triggering event for the French Revolution in the novel, A Tale of Two Cities. The teacher turned to me, and said, "And that's my point: the murder of a child by a vehicle was once seen as important enought to trigger a revolution."
posted by No Robots at 10:04 AM on June 19, 2007 [1 favorite]

the pope hasn't driven a car since his hitler youth days, i'd appreciate it if he didn't try to tell me how to drive. same thing with sex.
posted by bruce at 11:03 AM on June 19, 2007

He hasn't has sex since his Hitler youth days?
posted by maxwelton at 12:20 PM on June 19, 2007

Some cardinal probably got cut off on the way home from work.

They said that the last accident in the Vatican was a minor fender-bender...
posted by chuckdarwin at 12:24 PM on June 19, 2007

Three simple rules:



Get the hell out of the way
posted by Relay at 1:29 PM on June 19, 2007

11. Thou shalt not make up for the penis thy lacks with a vehicle.
posted by Eekacat at 2:02 PM on June 19, 2007

11. Hey Jizzmop, it's called a TURN SIGNAL. Look into it, won't you?
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 2:47 PM on June 19, 2007

Hey Relay: I guess someone should have read the rules to this kid. And this is just one recent death in my hometown. Globally, there are over one million road deaths per year, says the Vatican.
posted by No Robots at 3:57 PM on June 19, 2007

I'll take your 10 Commandments of Driving and raise you a Sacred Heart Auto League + totally sweet Jesus dashboard statue.
posted by brain cloud at 4:38 PM on June 19, 2007

Since nobody seems to have linked to it yet, here's the document in question. Though I'm an atheist, not a Catholic, I must say that the whole thing is quite thoughtful, and an interesting read. (Note that only the first part is about driving.)
posted by moss at 8:10 PM on June 19, 2007

11. Though shalt always yield to the Popemobile.
posted by rleamon at 8:22 PM on June 19, 2007

"Though" = thou. Sorry.
posted by rleamon at 8:22 PM on June 19, 2007

I - Keep your eyes on the road, and your hands upon the wheel.

II - Do not leave your turn signal on all day long.

III - Look both ways before your cross the intersection.

IV - Do not drive while drunk or asleep.

V - Thou shalt not speed up just because someone is trying to pass you.

VI - Yield the right-of-way to pedestrians, bicycles, and squirrels, and moose.

VII - Rotate your tires.

VIII - Honor the Honda and the Chrysler.

IX - Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's SUV.

X - Keep right except to pass.
posted by sfenders at 4:40 AM on June 20, 2007

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