The Language of Farting
July 18, 2007 3:26 PM   Subscribe

"Farts can create these moments rich with insight."

All this time I was giving the credit to meditation.
posted by SaintCynr at 3:29 PM on July 18, 2007 [1 favorite]

Farting Preacher
posted by inconsequentialist at 3:32 PM on July 18, 2007 [4 favorites]

Ben Franklin had quite a lot to say on the issue.
posted by klangklangston at 3:33 PM on July 18, 2007 [2 favorites]

According to the illustrious professor, farts are historically contingent. So does that mean that they are also socially constructed?
posted by blucevalo at 3:48 PM on July 18, 2007

Fart Filter?
posted by potsmokinghippieoverlord at 3:50 PM on July 18, 2007

"According to the illustrious professor, farts are historically contingent. So does that mean that they are also socially constructed?"
You are over thinking the result of your plate of beans.
posted by Iron Rat at 3:57 PM on July 18, 2007 [5 favorites]

Metafilter: the language of farting.
posted by progosk at 4:01 PM on July 18, 2007 [1 favorite]

Valerie Allen, associate professor of literature at City University of New York's John Jay College of Criminal Justice

Wait, what?!
posted by gurple at 4:07 PM on July 18, 2007

Sometimes they quack like a duck and other times they bark like an angry dog.
posted by The Straightener at 4:20 PM on July 18, 2007 [2 favorites]

My arse can say "PANTS"
posted by Henry C. Mabuse at 4:25 PM on July 18, 2007 [2 favorites]

Anyone else thinking of the poor old Tersurans?
posted by kaemaril at 4:26 PM on July 18, 2007

oh dear god did that farting preacher make me laugh.
posted by empath at 4:35 PM on July 18, 2007

"Rowland le Sarcere held one hundred and ten Acres of
Land in Hemingston in the County of Suffolk, by Serjeanty; for which, on Christmas Day, every Year, before
our Sovereign Lord the King of England, he should perform, altogether, and once, a Leap, a Puff, and a Fart"

...where this whistling nonsense comes from I've no idea.
posted by Hogshead at 4:43 PM on July 18, 2007

Decadent royalty employed court farters. George III’s pet name for Carl Rove is Turd Blossom and Evan Goldstein is a neo-con apologist.
posted by Huplescat at 5:02 PM on July 18, 2007

My kids have been laughing at their own farts and burps since they became aware of 'em as infants. No need to overthink it; making an unexpected noise that isn't even expected by the person making it is funny.
posted by davejay at 5:06 PM on July 18, 2007

You know who else spoke the language of farting?
posted by mosk at 5:28 PM on July 18, 2007

I love farts but not smelling them.

davejay: kids and farts are the best! It took a few years for my kids to figure out that my Saturday morning bleets were actually mine and not the dog's or cat's. The kids, sadly, rarely fart. When they do it's usually when we have adult company over.

Burp post anyone?
posted by snsranch at 5:29 PM on July 18, 2007 [1 favorite]

We have a pup occasionally farts and then looks at her back end, startled and suspicious.

My wife has threatened to add beano to my food, but worries about he consequences of removing my sole remaining pleasure.
posted by maxwelton at 5:43 PM on July 18, 2007

Jesus Farting Christ, I cannot type.
posted by maxwelton at 5:43 PM on July 18, 2007

I've had a long-standing contest with a friend of mine, as we each believe ourselves to hold the championship for foulest flatulence. Unfortunately, she, being rather more conscientious than I, has yet failed to produce evidence of her superiority in my presence. I remain the de facto champion of vileness, and of this, I am proud.
posted by invitapriore at 5:55 PM on July 18, 2007

Attention... Tonight's supper will be baked beans. Musical program to follow.
posted by sephira at 6:19 PM on July 18, 2007

The Merck Manual entry on flatulence. Don't miss the sidebar three quarters of the way down - it's a bit strange.
posted by klarck at 6:41 PM on July 18, 2007 [3 favorites]

“A while after, we were commanded, in the king’s name, not to receive for three hours any man or woman of the country on board our ships; some having stolen from him a rousing fart....”
posted by Huplescat at 6:57 PM on July 18, 2007

Wait, what?!

John Jay is a college in CUNY that specializes in criminal justice stuff. AFAIK, they only have majors in various criminal justice and public administration areas, but they have a fairly big set of academic support departments in other areas too.

I interviewed there a while back.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 7:23 PM on July 18, 2007

Furthermore, farts are an occasion for self-examination, for questioning the extent of our freedom and the nature of self-mastery.

I think I'll let one go in a crowded elevator at work and see what kind of enlightened dialogue this will inspire.

Roland's act consisted of a dance that culminated with his trademark forte: a synchronized jump, whistle, and fart. . . .Roland was so valued as an entertainer that the king rewarded his impressive feat of dexterity with a plot of land.

I wonder if there are any co-op boards that'll take this act. Hell, for a pre-war two-bedroom in Jackson Heights, I could live with being known as "Jason The Farter."
posted by jason's_planet at 8:01 PM on July 18, 2007

Drew Carey's "enhanced" safety video. I couldn't find a clip with just the video, so it starts at 5:50.
posted by concrete at 8:27 PM on July 18, 2007

"Ben Franklin had quite a lot to say on the issue."

So did Mark Twain.
posted by eye of newt at 9:15 PM on July 18, 2007

Bernie suffered years of gastric distress
An epic struggle of gasses repressed
But a rumble in his drawers
Brought peals of applaurs
As he produced a James Joyce-like extended sentence, longer than one would initially have expected, consisting of a carefully composed, grammatically ingenious series of ecstatic groans, dramatic bellows, thunderclaps, and high whistles, all emerging with great rattling force from his fundament, as though some brilliant beast had crawled in there and, in a series of shouts and gibbers, was attempting to produce an astounding masterwork of beastly literature, with its own distinctive sentence structure, meter, idioms, and sly jokes; such was the noises his behind made that all around him stopped in place, flabbergasted, responding as though a symphony or circus had spontaneously broken out, with cries of joy and glad clappings of the hands, and each and every man, woman and child who was witness to the singular event found themselves struck by the singular majesty of it -- some of them weeping from astonishment, some taking cautious notes with the intention of writing a newspaper article on the subject, or a medical monograph, or a letter abroad, to the peoples of the entire world, who should be informed of the thing that had happened, and every single one of them, would respond as these witnesses did, and they were, to their core, impressed.
posted by Astro Zombie at 10:02 PM on July 18, 2007 [1 favorite]

This article overthinks a plate of flatulence-creating beans.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 11:21 PM on July 18, 2007

Sometimes when I'm whistling thru my ballonknot, i get chocolatey surprises.
posted by doctorschlock at 7:05 AM on July 19, 2007

He called it... the Aristocrats!
posted by louche mustachio at 12:49 AM on July 20, 2007

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