The Zelda/Mario Field Guide
August 5, 2007 10:10 AM   Subscribe

Haha. I remember "back seat gaming" a friend fighting the final boss in some sonic game on the Genesis. Then I tried playing and got my ass kicked in the same way. Turns out it was harder then in looked.
posted by delmoi at 10:17 AM on August 5, 2007

After all, he has to do something mid-week other than keeping track of whom amongst his friends is winning the ongoing local ASBO contest,

ASBO contest. LOL.
posted by delmoi at 10:21 AM on August 5, 2007

uncannily evoking scenes from Dawn Of The Dead as part of a group of his kind (Collective term: A Drool)

I love it. A Drool of Zombies.
posted by YoBananaBoy at 10:44 AM on August 5, 2007

chrominance's guide to recognizing good web usability:

Do not rely on a kind Metafilter poster to provide a table of contents for you. PUT LINKS TO THE OTHER CHAPTERS IN YOUR ARTICLES.
posted by chrominance at 10:45 AM on August 5, 2007

chrominance: it's an ongoing series, and it always links back to the previous installments.
posted by Navelgazer at 10:53 AM on August 5, 2007

though I agree that having a featured page on it updated with new chapters would make it much more easily navigated.
posted by Navelgazer at 10:54 AM on August 5, 2007

But all of the above collecting is spurred on only by his own desire for in-game self-improvement and completeness. Things are taken to a whole new level when a game provides a reward for his conciencious behavior. A better ending, a bonus weapon, or nirvana of all nirvanas, an unlockable level full of new things to collect is all the vindication he needs from the game to tell him that he is playing it the right way.

The horror. I am this person.
posted by Meatbomb at 11:07 AM on August 5, 2007

Yeah, after the first couple of chapters they wised up and started putting in links to the previous chapters, but that's always useless if you're trying to read them in order.

Anyways, it's eerie how close I come to fitting several of the stereotypes. The collector made me laugh in surprise and horror as I realized I was the guy who hit all the unique jumps and collected all the packages in all the Grand Theft Auto games since GTA3. I even printed out the map and marked all the packages I'd already gotten. It goes without saying I did the ambulance, taxi, vigilante AND pizza delivery missions as well.
posted by chrominance at 11:15 AM on August 5, 2007

So help me, this turned out to be funny.

You'd think somebody could have written this all six or seven years ago, but they didn't.
posted by dhartung at 11:23 AM on August 5, 2007

No, create whatever you want for consoles, be it hardware or software. If you can merely plug it in and play with it, it's not worth the effort. Only when you've spent three days without sleep, teasing the life into your custom designed baby in a Frankensteinian workshop full of screws, tools, water coolers, vents and fans, can you truly call yourself worthy of being a gamer.

Oh dear. I think he's just described my weekend. But... but... it's so much faster than a console. And the graphics are so much better. I mean, you CAN play Oblivion or Overlord or Lost Plant or Bioshock on a console, but why would you want to when the PC version looks so much better, is cheaper, and you have the choice of the sublime keyboard and mouse, or the wireless 360 controller if you must, I mean, the PC does look really really good, it only costs maybe 3, 4 or at most 5 times as much. It's not much, really. And you get all the fun of building it yourself, the cpu cooler fins aren't that sharp really, I mean you barely notice the slices on your trigger finger. did I mention I can run linux on my gaming PC too, and it compiles really quickly...
posted by ArkhanJG at 12:03 PM on August 5, 2007 [1 favorite]

I even printed out the map and marked all the packages I'd already gotten. It goes without saying I did the ambulance, taxi, vigilante AND pizza delivery missions as well.

Same here. I got a tremendous sense of accomplishment when I finally got 100% in Vice City, though I confess that San Andreas defeated me with its too-hard-for-me racing missions.
posted by Rangeboy at 12:57 PM on August 5, 2007

Tagged for your pleasure.
posted by casarkos at 1:45 PM on August 5, 2007

ProTip: Skip article 2 if you're not interested in yet another hateful diatribe about chavs.
posted by cj_ at 1:47 PM on August 5, 2007

I guess I'm kind of a cross between a collector & defeatist. I always start out wanting to get 100%, but after a while I just give up because who cares. Especially if the gameplay gets tedious. I can be a bit of an aggressive gamer, too; I do love to blow me up some stuff.
posted by papakwanz at 2:05 PM on August 5, 2007

I don't understand; they include "PC snob" in there as though it's just another gamer instead of someone who hasn't been deluded into believing a console can hold a candle to a PC. I mean, does anyone seriously think that a console controller can have the same level of control and versatility as a mouse and keyboard? You know that they will have to deliberately cripple PC players on Microsoft LIVE so that they don't consistently mop up the floor with Xboxers on Gears of War, right?

It's true.
posted by Justinian at 6:08 PM on August 5, 2007

I would have gotten 100% on GTA:San Andreas, except the final quarry mission is completely ridiculous. You have to push a cop's body and his motorcycle into the right area, load them into a dump truck, and dump them into the nearby water. Except apparently the bed of the truck is made of Slip N Slide and the body and cycle have been slathered with butter, because they slide right out the back of the truck before you can get to the water, resulting in immediate mission failure. Thirty times or so I tried this; then I quit.
posted by Kwine at 7:23 PM on August 5, 2007

I thought this post was totally worth it for these two pictures.
posted by churl at 8:33 PM on August 5, 2007

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