I Don't Want to Be Exposed to Angus

August 26, 2007 5:01 PM

If you enjoyed Supermarket 2.0, you'll love brgr, aka Burger 2.0! Yes, it's your basic "if your hamburger were like a website/web celebrity/software product/tech company/buzzword" schtick, but some of them are funny. My faves [inside].
posted by wendell (13 comments total)

If you don't want to RTFL, these made the whole thing postworthy for me (edited to make Comedy 2.0 complient):

Apple Burger: The most beautiful burger ever, but not compatible with 25% of available condiments.

Beta burger: You hear whispers of an invite-only burger at the next table, order said burger, wait with insufferable anticipation for burger to arrive and then throw burger away when it finally lands on your table, hours later, shaped like an artichoke, tasting like liquorice and smelling like shit.

Clicky Burger: After you eat the burger, stats will be provided on fat consumption, miles to run to burn off burger, where the burger meat came from, and to what extent others may have eaten the same burger.

Digg Burger #1: Twenty burgers are served tableside. Whichever burger receives the most amount of votes from the other guests is the burger which you shall eat. Some burgers will appear better than others.

Digg Burger #2: You order your burger, then hundreds of people vote on whether they'd like to eat your buger. Then they yell inane things at you while you eat it.

Engadget Burger: You get a menu of a bunch of really interesting burgers. Some are sooo good that you can almost taste them and for some reason, you have to have one...But then you find out that the burger isn't invented yet. When it is invented, you will only be able to eat it in Japan, and you suddenly realize that you don't have any idea what restaurant the menu is for at all.

Lifehacker Burger: You don't actually get a burger, but instead, a list of instructions on how someone else actually made a burger out of parts of the table you are sitting at.

RealPlayer Burger: Comes with a string that once eaten, will follow behind you everywhere you go. No matter how hard you try, you can't remove the string.

Wiki Burger #1: Before you eat the burger, everyone in the restaurant is free to add or remove whatever condiments they want using their bare hands.

Wiki Burger #2: The overall burger is mediocre at best, with a little bit of everything, but the tomatoes are succulent, juicy, and you swear you can unnecessarily taste every seed.

but I think most of us could do a better definition for a "bacn burger".
posted by wendell at 5:02 PM on August 26, 2007 [2 favorites]

Which brings us to this bit of unsolicited original content:

MetaFilter Burger: You cook your own burger just the way you want it, but the other patrons get to add condiments, many of which you don't like (often chosen BECAUSE you don't like them). Your burger may be removed if it contains toxic substances, is lacking in nutritional value, or is the exact same thing somebody else cooked up. And if it is discovered you used your own personal meat, you will be thrown out of the restaurant.

AskMetaFilter Burger: If you don't know what kind of burger you want, you can ask the other patrons, but you must provide enough info for them to make a judgment, not ask for a purely hypothetical burger and not have conditions requiring that only a qualified doctor or lawyer can select your burger. The moderators will remove any funny-looking things from the burger, and if anyone attempts to trash your burger, will recover it and clean it up as much as possible.
posted by wendell at 5:03 PM on August 26, 2007 [3 favorites]

I'd like my MetaFilter Burger cooked medium wendell.
posted by Poolio at 5:08 PM on August 26, 2007 [8 favorites]

WHAT
THE
FUCKBURGER
WENDELL?
posted by loquacious at 5:35 PM on August 26, 2007

This will Poolio.

Can we keep that? I want to keep that.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 5:36 PM on August 26, 2007 [1 favorite]

Have I just been replaced?
posted by wendell at 5:39 PM on August 26, 2007 [1 favorite]

I will end wendell.
posted by Poolio at 5:40 PM on August 26, 2007 [3 favorites]

Metatalk burger: made with 100% flameout broiled banhammer tenderized pony meet-ups and bugs.
posted by phoque at 5:48 PM on August 26, 2007 [4 favorites]

post title ++
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 6:54 PM on August 26, 2007

I have eaten there and I can attest that they do make a damn fine brgr. The iFres are pretty good too.
posted by brain_drain at 7:29 PM on August 26, 2007

Here's an interesting reciped for a burger that I've always wanted to try but haven't yet. It's from Bull Cook and Authentic Historical Recipes and Practices, a wholly wonderful book. You assemble your burger in a buttered bun with assorted condiments but with the meat uncooked. Wrap it in foil and bake at 400F for 40 minutes. Allow to cool. "The butter, hamburger juice, onion juice, pickle juice, baked catsup and mustard blend into a taste you would not recognize."
posted by neuron at 7:50 PM on August 26, 2007 [1 favorite]

The Metafilter burger: Comes with a large plate of beans.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 7:30 AM on August 27, 2007 [1 favorite]

MetaFilter Burger: it vibrates
posted by Smedleyman at 1:55 PM on August 27, 2007