Need extra money? Got an extra daughter hanging around? Trade her in for CASH!
September 13, 2007 10:09 AM   Subscribe

Marry Our Daughter
"Our 15 year old daughter Mary wasn’t very popular and did nothing but mope around the house bringing everybody down, so we decided to marry her off through your site. Now our house is a lot cheerier and we love our new swimming pool and Jaccuzi! We’ve told our youngest that when she turns 15 we’re going to marry her off too!"
posted by ozomatli (75 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
 
Marr Your Daughter, indeed.
posted by DU at 10:10 AM on September 13, 2007


DU beat me to it...
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 10:11 AM on September 13, 2007


It's an art project, right?


Right?
posted by Avenger at 10:13 AM on September 13, 2007


Ashlee is into sports, clothes, jewelry and current pop music. She is a typical teenage girl except that she is impatient to get on with her life, which she sees as having a husband and raising kids. She tells us none of the boys her own age are interesting to her because they “are still little kids” and she is looking for an adult to start a life with.

She's 15. This better be an art project.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 10:15 AM on September 13, 2007


it's fake
posted by gnutron at 10:15 AM on September 13, 2007


n00b
posted by prostyle at 10:16 AM on September 13, 2007


We’re a Christian family and Cheyenne has had trouble with unchristian desires although at heart we know she's a good Christian girl. She needs a husband with STRONG Christian values who will provide her a STRONG Christian home and help her to live a godly life.

Only $5995, but I imagine you'll go through a lot of obedience rods before she's really yours.
posted by DU at 10:16 AM on September 13, 2007 [1 favorite]


Did someone just get Rick rolled?
posted by NationalKato at 10:17 AM on September 13, 2007 [1 favorite]


Well duh its faked. I still found it amusing.
posted by ozomatli at 10:18 AM on September 13, 2007


Can the OP really be called a "n00b" when one of his tags is "winkwink?"
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 10:18 AM on September 13, 2007 [1 favorite]


I think it's pretty obvious from the chosen quote that ozomatli knows it's a fake. I mean...duh.
posted by DU at 10:18 AM on September 13, 2007


whew.

I wouldn't put it past some people, though.
posted by Avenger at 10:18 AM on September 13, 2007


The testimonials make it seem prank-like.

The FAQ does not.

The proposal rules don't seem prank-like.

Some of the descriptions of the girls do.

I don't know. I just don't know.

What do you guys think?
posted by batmonkey at 10:20 AM on September 13, 2007


Bride Price? Where is that in the bible? I think that's a Chinese thing, where as in most of the non-western world you actually have to pay to unload your undesirable female offspring (historically speaking).
posted by delmoi at 10:21 AM on September 13, 2007


I mean...duh.

Like, totally!
posted by prostyle at 10:21 AM on September 13, 2007


Why don't I always remember to preview before typing?!? Why?!?!?

Okay, yay, prank. Good.

Weird, but good.
posted by batmonkey at 10:21 AM on September 13, 2007


Batmonkey, the very best parodies ride the line of plausibility closely enough so as to make you wonder, just a bit, if they're serious.
posted by Steven C. Den Beste at 10:22 AM on September 13, 2007


I'm just disappointed I can't pay in livestock.
posted by Pollomacho at 10:22 AM on September 13, 2007 [3 favorites]


delmoi doubted biblical support for Bride Prices.

Here's some assistance in clearing that up.
posted by batmonkey at 10:23 AM on September 13, 2007


Unfortunately, shaddi.com's age slider only goes to 18. Or at least it does if you're accessing from a US IP address, anyway. So the closest real world analogue of this isn't terribly close (though I doubt many of the brides on shaddi put themeselves on there).
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 10:23 AM on September 13, 2007


Steven C. Den Beste: Agreed.

Which is why "War of the Worlds" working out the way it did on radio still blows my mind to this day.
posted by batmonkey at 10:24 AM on September 13, 2007


Marissa likes to put on airs and thinks she’s better than all of us here and who knows maybe she’s right. She’s looking for a smart, sophisticated man who knows “art” and “culture” and “style” and who can understand her better than we can.

Heh.
posted by delmoi at 10:25 AM on September 13, 2007


Where is that in the bible?
posted by DU at 10:25 AM on September 13, 2007


OMG, I never knew about shaadi.com. That's awesome.

From one profile: My intellect and morals are my trophy. I'm gonna go ahead and doubt that.
posted by DU at 10:29 AM on September 13, 2007


"Say to David, 'The king wants no other price for the bride than a hundred Philistine foreskins, to take revenge on his enemies.'"

The bible's always such fun reading, ain't it?
posted by miss lynnster at 10:29 AM on September 13, 2007 [1 favorite]


And personal values: "Liberal" lolol
posted by DU at 10:29 AM on September 13, 2007


Whoops! Accidental lowercase... meant to type The Bible.
posted by miss lynnster at 10:31 AM on September 13, 2007


9834; Bring your daughter... to the slaughter... let her go, let her go... 9834;
posted by Wolfdog at 10:31 AM on September 13, 2007


It's fake.....?



/retracts proposal for Alyssa T.
posted by Brockles at 10:32 AM on September 13, 2007 [1 favorite]


(Damn. She was hot, too.)
posted by Brockles at 10:32 AM on September 13, 2007


delmoi doubted biblical support for Bride Prices.

Here's some assistance in clearing that up.


Well I'll be.
Anna R. has been living with foster families since she was 5 and is a bit rough around the edges but is basically a good girl. When she turns 18 she will age out of the foster system and will have to move out and is looking for a kind and caring man to look after her needs while she looks after his.
Bride Price:
$3,995
Even though it's fiction, I felt kind of bad reading that. Kids coming out of the foster care system do have a lot of problems.
Sarah calls herself a Goth but we insisted she not dress in black for this photo. She reads and writes a lot of depressing poetry and it takes a lot to get her nose out of a book. She says she’s an Old Soul in a new young body and she’s already been married lots of times and she might die again tomorrow so why wait?
Bride Price:
$26,995
That one made me laugh
Sandy writes and mixes electronic music and creates the arrangements her gymnastics team performs to. A skilled gymnast herself she is lithe and limber enough to back-flip with the best of them. A very focused and driven young lady, Sandy is looking for a husband who is steady and understanding for those times when she goes over the top.
Bride Price:
$62,500
One of the obvious give-aways here is the fact that all the blurbs are well written. I mean, I'm sorry but I just wouldn't expect people who would use this kind of service to be so literate. Look at a site like hotornot, and I mean you've got 250 characters to try to impress a date and people still manage to screw it up.
posted by delmoi at 10:33 AM on September 13, 2007


I wonder if an analysis of the bride prices would offer an idea of
a) what the "ideal" age is (I noticed that the 16y/o on the front page was worth more than the 15 y/o, and the 17 y/o was worth the least) and
b) what the "cost" of various "flaws" would be. Is a wanting an education worse (in terms of bride price) than liking parties? Is there some sort of codeword for "not a virgin" that could be used to gauge the monetary value of virginity?

Yes I know this isn't real, humour me.
posted by arcticwoman at 10:35 AM on September 13, 2007


But aren't they all virgins? At least the ones that haven't been married HAVE to be, don't they?

Only married people have the proddey naked stuff, you know. I read it in a big book once...
posted by Brockles at 10:37 AM on September 13, 2007


Marissa likes to put on airs and thinks she’s better than all of us here and who knows maybe she’s right. She’s looking for a smart, sophisticated man who knows “art” and “culture” and “style” and who can understand her better than we can.

This one is my favorite. I can totally understand this one.

Although you uncultured pleebs may not "get" the joke.
posted by arcticwoman at 10:39 AM on September 13, 2007 [1 favorite]


Some people are a bit more practical: The Rise of Non-Consensual Bride Kidnapping in Kazakhstan. And this is not a joke...
posted by lucia__is__dada at 10:39 AM on September 13, 2007


While the site itself is fake, it's making money off Google ads for chintzy-but-seemingly-real sites like "Find a Chinese Bride" and "Looking for a Russian Wife?" and "Meet Ukranian Girls." At least I also got "Fancy a Turk Guy?," for gender parity.
posted by Sterling Hoyt at 10:42 AM on September 13, 2007


"Contacted through MarryOurDaughter this morning, Mr. Ordover quickly conceded the page was a parody aimed at drawing attention to inconsistencies in state marriage laws. States consider it a crime for adults to have sex with minors, but they allow kids as young as 12 to get married with parental and sometime judicial permission.

“As far as I can tell, in every state but Oregon, parents can marry off their children,” Mr. Ordover said, pointing to this Cornell University Web site which tracks the various state marriage laws. Texas has a particularly ridiculous legal discrepancy, he says. Kids as young as 14 need parental permission to get married – unless, the law says, they have already been married before."
posted by nickyskye at 10:43 AM on September 13, 2007 [2 favorites]


posted by delmoi Bride Price?... I think that's a Chinese thing, where as in most of the non-western world you actually have to pay to unload your undesirable female offspring (historically speaking).

Wrong, as usual.
posted by fandango_matt at 10:48 AM on September 13, 2007


Dowry. Long history in the West.
posted by rtha at 10:54 AM on September 13, 2007 [1 favorite]


Wait, it's a fake? Any advice on how to get my money back?
posted by mkultra at 10:55 AM on September 13, 2007


I was wondering the same thing, arcticwoman:

"$36, 939?!? C'mon, Marty, we went to school together, man!"
"Sorry Jerry, but the prices come from upstairs, y'know?"
"Well, are there any bonus options you can throw in? Disney Princess bed, something like that?"
"Look, Alicia is a bargain at that price. You don't believe me, you can take a look under the hood... hey, who's that in your car?"
"What? Oh, I've got Heather for the weekend."
"Jer, I'm getting a good feeling here... let's go inside, grab a cuppa joe, and talk trade-in values, okay?"
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 10:58 AM on September 13, 2007 [2 favorites]


"People get angry so fast they don’t stop to question whether its real"
This is what every good troll knows. Learn it. Live it.
posted by 2sheets at 11:16 AM on September 13, 2007


The site's been slashdotted, er, metafiltered. Was there a "Buy Her Now button? I hope they take PayPal...
posted by Artful Codger at 11:27 AM on September 13, 2007


Whether that "offer" is real or not, people could get rid of their kids of either sex earlier if they said not "marry" but "adopt." (Paging Angelina!) And (e.g.,) poor rural Myanmarians could get them off their hands pronto if they said "enslave" instead; and in Aztec times they could say "eat."

(I'm a history/sociology/anthropology buff; the above is NOT meant as a 'policy suggestion.')
posted by davy at 11:32 AM on September 13, 2007


Do they finance? The top girl on the screen looks like a girl I had a big crush on at that age, and I'm desperate to recapture my youth.
posted by maxwelton at 11:38 AM on September 13, 2007


Mr. Ordover quickly conceded the page was a parody aimed at drawing attention to inconsistencies in state marriage laws.

Wait, isn't there a difference between getting married of your own volition and with the state's approval, and being married off against your will? This parody doesn't seem to think so. Is the argument simply that people should not get married at all until a certain, federally-mandated age?
posted by kid ichorous at 11:43 AM on September 13, 2007


nickyskye writes "Mr. Ordover quickly conceded the page was a parody aimed at drawing attention to inconsistencies in state marriage laws"

Yes, thanks for posting that. I was going to if nobody else did. The guy has a point ...
posted by krinklyfig at 11:45 AM on September 13, 2007


kid ichorous writes "Wait, isn't there a difference between getting married of your own volition and with the state's approval, and being married off against your will?"

Depending on your age/family, it could be a distinction without a difference. Also: "States consider it a crime for adults to have sex with minors, but they allow kids as young as 12 to get married with parental and sometime judicial permission."
posted by krinklyfig at 11:47 AM on September 13, 2007


It's fake? Damn, I'll just have to sell my daughter on eBay.
posted by McLir at 11:53 AM on September 13, 2007


Depending on your age/family, it could be a distinction without a difference. Also: "States consider it a crime for adults to have sex with minors, but they allow kids as young as 12 to get married with parental and sometime judicial permission."

Krinkly, what I'm saying is that, sure as I am that there are still slave laws on the books, there's also such a thing as desuetude - laws that exist in letter but not in practice. Likewise, in practice, people that young are not getting married at an alarming rate in the US. On the odd leap-year occasion that they do, it makes headlines.

If the argument is that we need some new kind of federal intervention for something that *isn't really happening,* yeah, I'd have to call bullshit on it. States can decide their own age of consent laws, alcohol laws, and even drug laws without this country turning into Afghanistan. Case in point? Gay marriage and drug legalization are initiatives on the state level. Resistance to them is coming from the federal government.
posted by kid ichorous at 11:56 AM on September 13, 2007


kid ichorous writes "If the argument is ..."

I don't think the site is making an argument. It does point out the incongruity between the age of consent and the age at which someone is allowed to get married. The age of consent can be used against someone in a statutory rape case, but someone below the age of consent can get married and have sex with their spouse. If there's an argument there, it's that we need to rethink age of consent laws, or at least be consistent between that age and allowed age of marriage. I don't see any advocacy, per se, however.
posted by krinklyfig at 12:09 PM on September 13, 2007


One of the obvious give-aways here is the fact that all the blurbs are well written.

@ delmoi:

"Please write a short description of your Daughter, what she is like, what she knows of life, what she wants in a husband, based on the above conversations. This information will be used to develop your Daughter's MARRY OUR DAUGHTER listing."

(from the "Sign up our Daughter" link)

So it's not the illiterates who write the description, but the MOD admins.

if, that is, any of them actually existed, of course.
And yes, I am somewhat ashamed to have read deeply enough into this faux website to find that bit.
Still, it's a nice bit of fakery that goes to those kinds of lengths of believability.

posted by GhostintheMachine at 12:12 PM on September 13, 2007


someone below the age of consent can get married and have sex with their spouse.

Can they? In which states are rape laws defined to leave exceptions for married couples? If this is true, and if it happens in practice, rather than just in legal theory, they should redefine those particular laws.

This website seems a lot like the common observation (usually made in conjunction with some snark about the South) that Texas, say, still has a law that allows you to own slaves or beat servants. Or that Massachusetts (with a snark about Puritans) has laws violating the establishment clause. Well, sure, vestigial laws do exist after centuries of legal tradition, but if they're not being practiced or enforced, there's no issue.
posted by kid ichorous at 12:23 PM on September 13, 2007


Huh. Nothing on that site is inconsistent with certain historical practices (and certain modern ones, too).
posted by jokeefe at 12:29 PM on September 13, 2007


Wrong, as usual.

Thanks for your informative response!
posted by delmoi at 12:30 PM on September 13, 2007


that article mentioned "20 million page views in the last two weeks". ...Looking at those google adwords on the right nav, ....this site must be generating an enormous amount of adsense revenue.
posted by thisisdrew at 12:52 PM on September 13, 2007


"Mr. Ordover is a science-fiction editor with a prankish history and an interest in urban nudism."

That's what they call flashing now?
posted by Liosliath at 1:51 PM on September 13, 2007


The argument that this site makes is so vague that it is probably invisible to those who are not keenly attuned to the straightforward and the obvious.

Targeted are fundamentalist Christians specifically, and the enduring patriarchal way of understanding marriage and the role of women generally.

The fact that I had to click around the site for a few seconds before deciding (100%) that it was a parody (it actually fooled my fiancée for a few minutes--many here seem to have been fooled for at least a short time) is a good indication that its humor is not even that outrageous. At least, not at first glance.

With serious sites like this around, or this, anything seems possible.

Thanks for the link!
posted by Ricky_gr10 at 2:30 PM on September 13, 2007 [1 favorite]


I'm certainly no shrewder than the vast majority of mefites, but at this point in my personal evolution, I automatically assume that something like this is a parody until someone can substantiate that it's for real. This particular one, I almost didn't even need to click on it to know.

Sometimes it just pays to be more cynical. Or, at the very least, it saves a lot of time.
posted by psmealey at 4:38 PM on September 13, 2007


Makayla was named after her grandmother and takes after her in a lot of ways.

It's a fake. Nobody's grandmother is named 'Makayla.'
posted by jonmc at 5:12 PM on September 13, 2007


IT'S A FAKE!! I JUST FIGURED IT OUT AND NONE OF YOU DID!! YOU ALL WERE FOOLED AND I'M THE BEST.
posted by Kwine at 5:25 PM on September 13, 2007


Well, upon getting married a person is no longer considered a minor. For example a married 18 year old can legally purchase alcohol. Thus laws making it illegal to have sex with minors do not cover having sex with a wife, even if she would be a minor were she not married.

Furthermore, while it may seem weird to think that a 14 year old can get married but can't legally have sex outside of wedlock, consider that the marriage must occur with parent and/or state approval. So, it's not quite a clean cut contradiction.
posted by oddman at 6:31 PM on September 13, 2007


For example a married 18 year old can legally purchase alcohol.

Is that really true? And if it is true, does the average person know it (i.e. would the clerk at the store take "But sir, I'm married!" as a valid excuse)?
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 6:40 PM on September 13, 2007 [2 favorites]


Well, upon getting married a person is no longer considered a minor.

Good point if that's technically the case, but I don't think state age of consent laws always use the age of legal majority, do they? Otherwise, the age of consent would be 18 in every single state. Also, you can't drink at the age of majority (18, adulthood), so I'm not sure why they'd let a married teenager buy liquor.
posted by kid ichorous at 7:17 PM on September 13, 2007


Minors can get free of parental control through marriage. But also apparently underage girls who get pregnant get freedom to control their pregnancies and their subsequent kids. In the U.S., I've heard these minors referred to as "emancipated minors."
posted by desiderandus at 7:31 PM on September 13, 2007


Here's an interesting link about majority and emancipation.

In my state, Fl, it seems clear that a married minor is emancipated and "will be treated as an adult for legal purposes." Thus they should be able to buy alcohol. (I'm also fairly certain that I've seen a married teenager buying alcohol. She patiently explained the legality to the cashier and had a small, laminated marriage license. If I remember correctly.) At a glance it seems that quite a lot of states allow for emancipation by marriage.
posted by oddman at 8:44 PM on September 13, 2007


I still find that very strange. Adults can't buy booze in most states - only 21+ adults. I don't see why adult status alone would allow a teen to buy alcohol, when a 20 year old is legally an adult but can't.

Interesting digression, and thanks for the link.
posted by kid ichorous at 9:43 PM on September 13, 2007


Seems to me I saw this go by on Reddit about a week ago. I am quite surprised it took this long to make it to MeFi, and find myself a little disappointed that it did make it here; it really wasn't a very sly troll.

If it was successful at trolling the vast population of credulous internet twits, then it would be swell to see a bunch of links to the outcry of the gullible.

Otherwise it's just a link to a misfired joke. Unless you're trying to troll MeFi, and succeed... think I'll go read the the thread now. Successful trolling of MeFi is a marker for shark-jumping. (And is, IMO, an abuse of the service.)

[post-glance]

Either way, I'm disappointed it remained on the front page. No need to MeTa, I'm merely voicing my opinion and will not say another word about it here. The n00bs need some feedback.
posted by five fresh fish at 10:07 PM on September 13, 2007


No fellow could ignore
The little girl next door,
She sure looked sweet in her first evening gown.
Now there's a price for what she used to give for free
In my home town.

-Tom Lehrer
posted by Sparx at 2:36 AM on September 14, 2007


I'm fairly sure you can't buy alcohol just by getting married. Here's why. Adulthood comes at 18, for everbody. You are no longer a minor and have all the rights and responsibilities of a legal citizen. But, you still can't drink.

There are certain rights which are based on your legal status, and certain rights which are exclusively based on age. For example, I'm also quite confident that you can't vote before you're 18 either.

The girl at the liquor store? Apparently, she's come up with a very clever way of getting her hands on booze.
posted by Deathalicious at 5:26 AM on September 14, 2007


Furthermore, while it may seem weird to think that a 14 year old can get married but can't legally have sex outside of wedlock, consider that the marriage must occur with parent and/or state approval. So, it's not quite a clean cut contradiction.

How do you work that out? I don't see the link at all. What makes a minor requiring of some sort of 'protection'? I assumed it was because it was decided that she was not old and/or mature enough to decide if she wanted to have sex - that's why it is statutory rape. The law implies they are not old enough to make up their own mind.

But this law says that as long as her parents or the state decide she can get laid for her, it's ok for someone to knock her back out.

The contradiction is utterly clear cut. "She's not old enough to know what she wants. So we'll decide for her". Why can't parents give approval for a minor to have sex, then?

Religious based laws give me the twitches. So annoying. Marriage is an utterly abstract concept and means, in any way other than an affirmation of a belief, nothing in real terms and particularly in this context. So how it suddenly makes a cilid old enough to get laid is ridiculous.
posted by Brockles at 6:14 AM on September 14, 2007


I'm also fairly certain that I've seen a married teenager buying alcohol. She patiently explained the legality to the cashier and had a small, laminated marriage license. If I remember correctly.

No, in many states married people under 21 can be served/consume in the presence of their aged 21+ spouse. They can not purchase the alcohol on their own just because they are married.
posted by birdlady at 7:19 AM on September 14, 2007


Well dang. If only I'd known all of this marriage=adult stuff. When I was 18 I coulda just gotten hitched up instead of letting my friends drag me all the way to Tijuana for beer.
posted by miss lynnster at 9:44 AM on September 14, 2007


It always blows me away that the legal drinking age in the USA is so high. In Alberta, you can drink at 17; in BC, 18. In most of the USA, age 21?!

Hell, there was a time when most women had popped out at least one kid by that age. How the hell can one have a society where it's legit to start making puppies at age X, but can't drink until age X+Y? How can anything be considered more requiring of maturity than having a baby?

Bizarroville, IMO.
posted by five fresh fish at 5:57 PM on September 14, 2007


Mate. I got carded on my 30th birthday in NY. Thankfully the bouncer's mother had had a hit record in New Zealand and so turned a blind eye to my accidentally legal situation.
posted by Sparx at 6:22 PM on September 14, 2007


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