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September 17, 2007 2:01 PM   Subscribe

101 Things I Hate About Your House Advice on how to choose safe cleaning products for the home, create chocolate dessert recipes and book reviews. No, it's not Martha Stewart, but rather, helpful tips from interior designer James Swan.
posted by CameraObscura (20 comments total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
This is an inside joke? Yes?
posted by Jody Tresidder at 2:05 PM on September 17, 2007

> We would be ready for church and Grandma would come down the hall with her handbag, leading with
> a gentle cloud of White Shoulders. Sometimes it’s Chanel #5 that brings back vivid memories of my childhood
> and my mother, her pearl necklace clasped in place. The details of those moments are delivered with
> startling clarity by memory. It has been said that all we ever really have in life is our memories.

Once read this French guy. Prou-something. Said pretty much the same thing. But longer.
posted by jfuller at 2:25 PM on September 17, 2007

I'm having a shitty day and this douche can't get somebody to properly code his about page, so, who the fuck is James Swan and why should I give a flying fuck about him?
posted by MikeKD at 2:36 PM on September 17, 2007 [1 favorite]

I live in a attractive old house that is decorated in a way that is sympathetic to its age, but compatible with modern living. If he hates 101 things about my house, he can fuck off.
posted by rhymer at 3:07 PM on September 17, 2007

Pithy and mostly useless to this homeowner. I get the feeling if I were to hire him to decorate, I'd get 99% hot air and 1% good design.

not a ratio I'd be happy with, nosir.
posted by davejay at 3:10 PM on September 17, 2007


Maybe stick to blogs.payscale.com and cannell.com posts...
posted by brautigan at 3:12 PM on September 17, 2007

Potatoes in my cake? Maybe. But potatoes AND raisins? Next to my chocolate? Diluting the chocolatey goodness?

posted by rmless at 3:32 PM on September 17, 2007

Interior designer? More like inFerior designer.
ooh, snap
posted by rmless at 3:33 PM on September 17, 2007 [2 favorites]

"Mineral Oil, derived from seeds, is an ingredient in several furniture polish and floor wax recipes."

Someone clearly failed at the "animal vegetable or mineral game"
posted by MrLint at 3:37 PM on September 17, 2007 [1 favorite]

I'll tell you what I hate about my house. I can't afford to freaking OWN the damn thing.
posted by miss lynnster at 3:48 PM on September 17, 2007

Why would you want to waste your life fretting about your house looked? Who cares?
posted by delmoi at 3:53 PM on September 17, 2007

My wife and I own a design business. There is a palpable air of disappointment when we host parties for our employees or industry peers at our home. Like they expect the New Millennium of clean white modern surfaces, mod retro chic, or a circus of do-it-yourself installation art pieces. Or worse. The Design Concern catalog show room.

The truth is we haven't even painted yet. Our furnishings are all family antiques - none of which go together except in our hearts. Our couches are for sleeping on. Not admiring. Our art is an insane a collection as one could ever imagine.

I go to the homes of my peers homes with the Eisenhower era furniture, square couches and Eames lounge chairs and I can't find a place to set my drink or lean back with out knocking over something chrome. I just don't fucking get it.
posted by tkchrist at 4:22 PM on September 17, 2007 [1 favorite]

I feel sorry for anyone so devoid of personal taste and in thrall to current trends that they feel the need to hire someone else to decorate their house.
posted by The Card Cheat at 4:25 PM on September 17, 2007

Castle soap can be used as a shampoo, or body soap.

I guess his home is his castile.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 4:54 PM on September 17, 2007

I feel sorry for anyone so devoid of personal taste and in thrall to current trends that they feel the need to hire someone else to decorate their house.

Some of us are aesthetically declined, not to mention im in IT, so lack of caring how things look kinda goes with that usually. Not that i'd hire someone to decorate, but i lived in an apt for like 10 years with mustard yellow vinyl wallpaper and couldn't care less.
posted by MrLint at 8:24 PM on September 17, 2007 [1 favorite]

I am not devoid of personal taste, I'm just not good at having ideas. I know what I like when I see it, but not often before. Fortunately if I ever buy a house I'll be able to get my creative arty relatives to swarm over it and make it pretty for free, so that I can enjoy it without having to do the hard work.
posted by jacalata at 9:54 PM on September 17, 2007 [1 favorite]

Was expecting an actual numbered list. Like:

1. Drywall.
2. The clutter! Simplify.
3. Your dead plants.

Just links to a blog post that says "look at your house and find one thing that could improve it". Then again, that's actually the whole secret, isn't it?
posted by AppleSeed at 4:21 AM on September 18, 2007

Maybe it's mother issues, or maybe because I'm still in my 20's, but aside from the purpose of selling it, interior design on my home seems about as necessary as interior design in the trunk of my car.
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 6:56 AM on September 18, 2007

Apt comparison to Martha Stewart. This guy is about as practical and helpful as her. Sometimes I'm very glad I'm not monied. It makes you lose touch with reality as most people experience it.
posted by orange swan at 7:12 AM on September 18, 2007

The Card Cheat said: I feel sorry for anyone so devoid of personal taste and in thrall to current trends that they feel the need to hire someone else to decorate their house.

Oh, I disagree. Professional designers have tools that the average joe doesn't have access to. They're trained professionals, most of them. I've been considering ripping out my kitchen and having it redesigned by someone just because people who are experienced in designing kitchens are likely to have better ideas about layout, how to increase effeciency, and how to put all of the things I want in the space in there without it looking crowded.

Professional designers also have access to purchasing avenues that you and I don't have.

That said...I still make my own curtains, have disassembled and re-covered then rebuilt my dining room chairs more times than Lindsay Lohan has gone into rehab, and have ancient living room furniture with the sole value that it doesn't show dirt, critter hair or child footprints...so...designers are really more of a dream thing for me than a reality. Heh.
posted by dejah420 at 6:37 AM on September 20, 2007

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