Sex like a handshake
October 4, 2007 11:48 AM   Subscribe

Sex like a handshake (even baby sex?) Titilation and humor from Vanessa Woods, researcher at the Lola Bonobo sanctuary. (Previously)
posted by imposster (30 comments total) 7 users marked this as a favorite

She's talking about apes, and the tag says "apes".

All is right in the world.
posted by Greg Nog at 11:55 AM on October 4, 2007 [2 favorites]

LOL a bonobo!
posted by Faint of Butt at 12:04 PM on October 4, 2007

She sure put a lot of photos of herself on her blog.
posted by mert at 12:11 PM on October 4, 2007

"The trick is that if you open the window it pushes the banana off the ledge, so you have to reach around through the other window. [...] Benny the bonobo is the world champion of this game. [...] I failed it. Richard Wrangham, famous Harvard primatologist also failed it."

I don't know if I want to read a book by someone who doesn't understand gravity. Maybe Benny will write a book.
posted by desjardins at 12:19 PM on October 4, 2007

I'd like to shake her hand.
posted by roll truck roll at 12:21 PM on October 4, 2007 [2 favorites]

"I'd like to shake her hand."

Right there with ya.
posted by Shanachie at 12:52 PM on October 4, 2007

Er... though not in a Bonobo sort of way...
posted by Shanachie at 12:53 PM on October 4, 2007

I'm right there with you too and definitely in a Bonobo sort of way.

Everything I read or see about Bonobos just makes me more fascinated by them, it is a terrible tragedy that they are endangered.
posted by electricinca at 1:39 PM on October 4, 2007

Got my Bonobo suit all ready, just need a canoe.
posted by surfdad at 1:40 PM on October 4, 2007

For a scientist, she sure has a lot of carefully posed headshots.
posted by thehmsbeagle at 1:56 PM on October 4, 2007

Oh, ‘cmon, we’re all thinking about how much we’d like to have easy consensual sex with multiple bonobos. Right? Right? Folks?
Ahmana feel mighty silly if I’m the only one thinking about hot ape sex
Canoeing thru a civil war zone to study apes is pretty impressive.
posted by Smedleyman at 1:56 PM on October 4, 2007

For a scientist, she sure has a lot of carefully posed headshots.

*Everything* is about marketing. Plus, she's hawt in a run-naked-with-the-bonobos kind of way.
posted by Slothrup at 2:13 PM on October 4, 2007

I don't find bonobo sex all that titillating. Am I missing something?
posted by tommasz at 2:15 PM on October 4, 2007

I kind wish we where closer related to Bonobos than the other chimps, less bashing in of heads to resolve strife, more sex.
posted by edgeways at 2:21 PM on October 4, 2007

For a scientist, she sure has a lot of carefully posed headshots.

Unlike Jane Goodall. (Which is to say: And?)
posted by cowboy_sally at 2:23 PM on October 4, 2007

If she contributes to saving them, I guess I'm willing to forgive her for being a beautiful young woman as well as a scientist.
posted by jamjam at 2:32 PM on October 4, 2007

Heart like a wheel
posted by Hicksu at 3:37 PM on October 4, 2007

Make love not sticks with which to prod termite mounds.
posted by Astro Zombie at 4:13 PM on October 4, 2007

This was a great article, really interesting. Bonobos are so human-like, it's a little disturbing. The females even have breasts that look like ours. I don't mean mine personally, but, you know.

I'm working on writing a little story with a character who is a human/bonobo hybrid. Let's see, if the father's human that would be called a hum-obo, I guess. Or bono-man if the father's a Bonobo.

Mules (and jinnys) are generally smarter than horses or donkeys, and ligers are bigger than lions or tigers, so I wonder if a hum-obo would be bigger and smarter than a human.
posted by TinkleBerry at 5:49 PM on October 4, 2007

Vanessa Woods, er, comes to an interesting conclusion, "I get asked a lot whether bonobos are better than humans in any way. Usually I have a very long answer but I’ve narrowed it down. The female clitoris. Firstly, it is really big. It’s so long, a female can wrap it around my finger. If our clitorises were as easy to find as a bonobo females, I think there would be a lot less problems world over."
posted by nickyskye at 8:25 PM on October 4, 2007

posted by null terminated at 8:44 PM on October 4, 2007

**points at thread while nodding her head emphatically**
posted by bonobo at 8:53 PM on October 4, 2007 [1 favorite]

Would it be bad taste to say I'd like to have monkey-sex with her?

Because I would. But the bad taste might prevent me from saying it aloud.

But probably not.
posted by Ynoxas at 9:02 PM on October 4, 2007

Why is it that our civilization denies us the benefit of any sense of adventure (ie heading out and slaughtering the neighboring tribe) AND denies us what seems the logical compensation for that (use sex to resolve all our problems)?

Does anyone, after reading about bonobos, start to feel just a little bit gypped here?
posted by Ryvar at 11:54 PM on October 4, 2007

Would it be bad taste to say I'd like to have monkey-sex with her?

I could swear I once read an academic article on the high prevalence of female primatologists who have sex with the apes that they study. Unfortunately, I've never been able to find another reference to it, so it's fairly obvious that it was a figment of my perverse imagination, and yet if you watch any footage of them interacting with the apes in those lonely mountain locations, it does seem so goddam plausible.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 2:16 AM on October 5, 2007

I always dreamed of marrying a beautiful scientist, but I only ever get lucky with their mad daughters.
posted by Sparx at 3:29 AM on October 5, 2007

PeterMcDermott:...if you watch any footage of [female primatologists] interacting with the apes in those lonely mountain locations, [human-animal sex] seem[s] so goddam plausible.
You must be thinking of Orang-utans.
posted by Western Infidels at 10:06 AM on October 5, 2007

There are humans out there - a lot of them - who'd much rather hurt, dominate or kill other people than have sex. They literally get far less enjoyment from sex than they do from violence.

And we wonder why things are so screwed up. Judging by what generally goes on in the world, there's a lot more of those people than we'd like to admit.

Bad wiring.
posted by zoogleplex at 2:41 PM on October 5, 2007

From her site:

"Chimpanzees live in violent male dominated societies. Sexual coercion and infanticide are common, as is war. Bonobos however, are peaceful and female dominated. There is no infanticide, sex is used to resolve all kinds of conflict, and bonobos do not have war."

Hmm, whom do the chimps sound like?

Thanks, evolution...
posted by zoogleplex at 2:46 PM on October 5, 2007

I can't recall where frankly, but some years ago I read about how research scientists learn communications skills with primates through body language, and some have even admitted to experimenting with flirting procedures, as sex is so integral to how and why they communicate, but the descriptions usually fall short of describing actual copulation. It's usually just playful flirtation and if the subject starts taking it too serious, the research scientist backs off. Or she just lets the chimp hump her leg.

Presumably because either they don't really do it, or cuz they do, but admitting it would make the potential financial support representatives squrim uncomfortably and head for the next lecture without funding one's next trip to the boonies so you can fwoondangle with the danglefwoons.

That made more sense before I started typing it. Suffice to say what happens in Las Bonobos stays in Las Bonobos. Unless of course Vanessa opts to tape it. Then all bets are off.

"We’re predicting that bonobos won’t be scared of strangers because when they see a stranger they run up and have sex with them for 30 mins."

From this scientist's findings I think we can finally put to rest the most offensive myth ever in the history of anything: Human beings are just not the smartest species on the planet. We have been beat out by a species which shares most of our DNA, but has a far better handle on what is and isn't important in this universe. Some human beings might SAY make love not war, but these little guys actually do that. I for one welcome our bonoboatic overlords.

As for previous comments in here about wanting to 'shake hands' with the esteemed Ms. Woods esquire, "she graduated with a Masters of Science Communication from the Centre for the Public Awareness of Science at the Australian National University" and deserves a little more respect, even though she's a hottie. She's a brainy hottie... which actually makes her even more hot.

Did you guys get a gander at her children's books? It’s True, There Are Bugs in Your Bed, It’s True, Space Turns You Into Spaghetti, It’s True, Pirates ate rats... That's just too cute to fuck. Maybe a pillow fight.
posted by ZachsMind at 2:51 AM on October 6, 2007

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