Gaoth! brrrrr
October 18, 2007 7:25 PM   Subscribe

Today is a Very Special Day. Be free, O Dangly Manbits. (Of course, no respectable day such as this would be without a teeny bit of kilt origin controversy.)
posted by DeepFriedTwinkies (26 comments total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
I'm reserving "the dangly manbits" for my band name.
posted by dismas at 7:42 PM on October 18, 2007

Set Phasers to "Thong"
posted by christopherious at 7:55 PM on October 18, 2007

Damned Scottish crossdressers! It'll be manbits on dogbits next!
posted by gorgor_balabala at 8:03 PM on October 18, 2007

Kilt Haka
posted by homunculus at 8:06 PM on October 18, 2007

Oh, great! I have three more hours of kilt day, and three kilts to wear.

Now, where to wear them...
posted by Balisong at 8:08 PM on October 18, 2007

But watch out for the "lecherous little kilt hunter." Or not.
posted by wendell at 8:16 PM on October 18, 2007

Didn't Dangly Manbits star with Sandy Vulva in Better Fuck Tomorrow?
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 8:36 PM on October 18, 2007

Hmm are YOU wearing a kilt on kilt day Mr??
posted by yodelingisfun at 8:51 PM on October 18, 2007

kain pelikat can or not? 'Course it's always kain pelikat day in my neighborhood.
posted by BinGregory at 9:00 PM on October 18, 2007

I was just thinking of trying to start a lederhosen and sporran fashion trend. I kid.
posted by BrotherCaine at 9:43 PM on October 18, 2007

Celts wear kilts, Nesians the lavalava;
The rest of us play Hide the Cassava.
Keep your powder dry, by heck,
And your modesty in Czech:
Hike those pleats when fording the Vltava!
posted by rob511 at 10:29 PM on October 18, 2007

I've been obsessed with the idea of owning a kilt for some time now. Every time I go to Scotland, I think, 'OK, this time I'm *really* gonna do it'. And I start to scour the kilt shops. And I always come home again, kiltless. Here's why:

Real kilts are expensive. Nobody wants one of those cheap, Mickey Mouse acrylic kilts made of two yards of nasty tartan. If you're gonna get one, it's gotta be the full 22 yards of the softest highland wool, hand woven by a modern Britt Ekland on Summerisle singing Willows Song as she weaves. And those things are expensive. They *start* at £200/$400. The decent ones seem to be more like £300.

But say you bite the bullet and buy the kilt. Next, you need a sporran, presumably to keep your money and keys, and to stop the thing flying up and exposing your dangly bits. No pockets in a kilt from what I can tell. And what do you wear on your feet? You can't get away with the standard black ankle socks and winklepickers you'd normally wear. Those Air Jordan's just don't look right any more. So now you need a pair of those thick, knee-length socks, and a sturdy pair of brogues to go with them.

And your usual puffa jacket or Berghaus isn't going to look right with your kilt. That Crombie overcoat just looks peculiar. So you'd better be buying one of those Harris Tweed jackets to go along with it. Not the standard length jacket mind. That wouldn't look good. You gotta get that weird Bonnie Prince Charlie, length of jacket. What's that, another £150 or so?

OK, so now you've spent way in excess of a thousand dollars, just to give your balls the benefit of some fresh air while retaining respectability, and guess what? You look like a first class cunt on his way to a posh wedding. Are you happy now?

Even so, *one* day I'll own a kilt. Just so I can wear it around the house, and avoid the need to unzip my flies when I want to piss or scratch my balls.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 1:26 AM on October 19, 2007 [7 favorites]

I can't help it -- I think they look ridiculous. Especially the solid-color pleated ones. All I can think when I see a man wearing one of those is that he's trying to dress as a Catholic school girl.

It's not intentional; I just can't take a guy seriously when he's wearing one of those.
posted by hjo3 at 3:18 AM on October 19, 2007

I think they look ridiculous.

These guys disagree. There are definite advantages to a kilt when you're cruising on the Scottish equivalent to Hampstead Heath.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 4:10 AM on October 19, 2007

Do I get to tell the Is there anything worn under a kilt? joke now?
posted by scruss at 4:38 AM on October 19, 2007

I dated a guy who wears his kilts frequently and proudly. He had every kind of kilt from the whole Scottish regalia to Utilikilts for everyday wear. You don't have to have the whole getup to look very spiffy. We're still good buddies (I sent him the linkie to Kilt Day even though he's probably already dressed and ready to go with his kilt du jour).

Even now, when we're out and about, I act as his 'wing-woman' and field the questions from ladies about what he might be wearing underneath that kilt... my standard answer is "Go find out!" His standard answer is "Nothing but my dignity, Darling!"

Kilts are very sexy.
posted by Corky at 4:43 AM on October 19, 2007

Metachatters have seen me in a great kilt. I quite like it, but it's a bit of a pain getting on all by oneself. I could do with something a bit more convenient.

Peter, I'd like to see what the hell you do with 22 yards of material on you.
posted by Wolfdog at 7:16 AM on October 19, 2007

Peter, I'd like to see what the hell you do with 22 yards of material on you.

And given that a good quality eight yard job can cost over a thousand dollars, my 22 yard fantasy would probably cost as much as a small house.

If anyone has any recommendations for kiltmakers though, I'd definitely be interested in hearing them. Perhaps I'll Ask Metafilter about it one day.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 8:56 AM on October 19, 2007

Two weeks ago, I attended an event during which quite a few guys donned kilts. I noticed an odd sort of aggressiveness on the part of the kilt wearers--sort of a practiced "What are you looking at?" aura. There just seemed to be a practiced, formalized rebellious attitude expressed that seemed rather affected, especially considering the general "radical self expression" vibe of the event. Does anyone else know what I'm talking about?
posted by MrMoonPie at 8:57 AM on October 19, 2007

MrMoonPie, I do, and I try to defuse any perception that I'm comin' on like that with self-deprecating, quiet humor. But then, I'm wearing a Utilikilt with anything from a beret, pullover and boots to a jacket, tie and loafers, so I'm not trying for a traditional look anyway.

I actually had some rowdy gal challenge me with a "So, you commando, or what?" and for half a second I thought she was going to grab & yank my hemline up to check. I responded, "Where I was raised, we generally don't ask strangers about their undergarments, dear."
posted by pax digita at 9:20 AM on October 19, 2007

Lady: Is anything worn beneath your kilt?

Fella: No! It's all in working order thank ye.
posted by Wonderwoman at 10:02 AM on October 19, 2007

When my brother threw my bachelor party a few years ago, I had only two stipulations:

1) Everyone had to learn a drinking song
2) Everyone had to wear kilts

(1) was pretty much a wash, but the boys rallied and got Utilikilts and Sportkilts and one had the real deal. It was an excellent night (self Flickr link).

One thing I'd recommend: put a little Bodyglide between the thighs. Och, the chafing!
posted by RakDaddy at 10:48 AM on October 19, 2007

I know a few people who go tramping in kilts. They're very suitable for the New Zealand bush.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 1:02 PM on October 19, 2007

neokilt has that concealed pistol sleeve option. Life is good.
posted by Smedleyman at 10:58 PM on October 19, 2007

I give you guys a fantastic feed line, and what happens? Nothing.

You all disappoint me.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 2:15 PM on October 20, 2007

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