The right man in the wrong place can make all the difference in the world.

November 4, 2007 9:47 PM

"Blah blah blah, Mr. Freeman." Half-Life in 60 seconds. Or in 25 years. Or with sightings. (Spoilers all.)
posted by Soup (38 comments total)

Also, "Concerned: The Half-life and Death of Gordon Frohman" (though that's about the second game).
posted by Steven C. Den Beste at 10:07 PM on November 4, 2007 [6 favorites]

Today I knitted a lambda. (Out of wool! Get it!? Lambda!)

WWGFD?
posted by cowbellemoo at 10:36 PM on November 4, 2007 [2 favorites]

Half-Life in 60 seconds was extremely lame. SCDB's link, however, was excellent. If you enjoyed Half-Life 2, anyway.
posted by Justinian at 10:37 PM on November 4, 2007

previously
posted by pravit at 11:00 PM on November 4, 2007

auf deutsch, even
posted by p3on at 12:18 AM on November 5, 2007

Indeed, Concerned was great, but probably doesn't make as much sense if you didn't play HL2.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 12:25 AM on November 5, 2007

Thanks to Soup and SCDB, et al, for encouraging my HL2 obsession that has taken hold of me since getting The Orange Box. (Portal rocks!)

The cake is a lie
posted by papercake at 6:13 AM on November 5, 2007

And thanks to Stavros, I may even play HL2 now. FOV 90 FTW!
posted by cavalier at 6:17 AM on November 5, 2007

Man, I've still only played Portal out of all the games in The Orange Box. I need to get on that shit.
posted by danb at 6:18 AM on November 5, 2007

That HL2 info site is excellent.

And danb, play HL2:E2 before TF2, because otherwise you may not be able to pry yourself away from TF2.
posted by Pope Guilty at 6:21 AM on November 5, 2007

Gordon Freeman!
posted by nervestaple at 7:11 AM on November 5, 2007

Portal was truly great although I think it could have been a little more difficult. That's a minor complaint when compared to the staggering level of awesomeness involved.


I'm making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS.
posted by Justinian at 7:27 AM on November 5, 2007

SCDB, surely you mean MetaFilter's own Christopher Livingston's Concerned: The Half-life and Death of Gordon Frohman?
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 7:29 AM on November 5, 2007

Abe Frohman! Sausage King of Chicago.
posted by grabbingsand at 7:29 AM on November 5, 2007

Yeah, I finished Portal this weekend and I have to say that while the first 3/4 were good, the last 1/4 was absolutely perfect.

I have never laughed so much during a videogame...

Aperature Science! We do what we must, because we can.
posted by kbanas at 7:31 AM on November 5, 2007

Portal is, simply put, perfect. Even Yahtzee couldn't find anything bad to say about it.

But there's no use crying over every mistake. You just keep on trying till you run out of cake.

Fun fact: Still Alive is by the ever-awesome Jonathan Coulton. IKEA! (They sell things for apartments smaller than mine. As if there were apartments smaller than mine.)
posted by The Bellman at 7:38 AM on November 5, 2007

Sad fact: I listen to Still Alive every night before bed.
posted by Justinian at 7:44 AM on November 5, 2007

Crap! Now I've heard/seen the ending before I've played the game! Bad cav, bad!
posted by cavalier at 8:47 AM on November 5, 2007

(err... Portal... HL2... uh.. has no ending! Just more aliens and tire irons!)
posted by cavalier at 8:47 AM on November 5, 2007

I love you all. Think of all the things we learned. Compared to Episode One, the Orange Box is a thing of remarkable beauty. Perhaps the greatest single video game purchase I've ever made.
posted by Plutor at 9:29 AM on November 5, 2007

For anyone who hasn't seen the Zero Punctuation videos that The Bellman linked to above, I strongly encourage you to put down what you are doing, go there now, and watch all of them.

I just discovered them about two weeks ago and have been waiting with twitchy anticipation for new-episodes-on-Wednesdays to roll around ever since.
posted by quin at 10:04 AM on November 5, 2007 [1 favorite]

The cake is a lie

Uh oh. Somebody cut the cake. I told them to wait for you, but they cut it anyway. There is still some left, though, if you hurry back.

OK, the test is over now. You win! Go back to the recovery annex for your cake!

You're not even going the right way. Where do you think you're going? Because I don't think you're going where you think you're going.
posted by GLaDOS at 10:29 AM on November 5, 2007 [2 favorites]

I liked the 60 seconds version actually - it was the sound effects that did it for me.
posted by EndsOfInvention at 10:41 AM on November 5, 2007

Justinian: "Sad fact: I listen to Still Alive every night before bed."

That's not sad........

I hope.

Since I do that, too.

I love, love, love that game; while HL2 had some very nice moments Portal just took it to a whole new level. It never breaks the illusion by mentioning "Press Spacebar to jump", "Press 'W' to move forward" or giving the kind of stupid plots you're used to in jump'n'run or FPS games ("You are The One and must collect 20 magic dinguses to save the kingdom!" "You're the only one who can stop the Evil Overlord from launching his Obedience Drones, so we'll send you into his Fortress of Doom alone, with a simple sidearm and 20 rounds of ammo."). You're literally a lab rat in an elaborate obstacle course, and this refreshing honesty makes for a great game.
And the song at the end is just the cherry on top of a delicious, moist cake.
posted by PontifexPrimus at 12:28 PM on November 5, 2007

It never breaks the illusion by mentioning "Press Spacebar to jump", "Press 'W' to move forward"

Did when I played it. I think.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 1:10 PM on November 5, 2007

Wow, Zero Punctuation is great, and the Orange Box review is absolutely spot on. "Yeah I know it's not very funny to love a game but FUCK YOU. Portal is great and if you don't think so, you must be stupid."

Unfortunately he appears to be yet another bloody console gamer.

PC 4EVAH!!!!!
posted by Justinian at 2:27 PM on November 5, 2007

All the Orange Box games do, I think, at first. If you don't open the first door within a certain amount of time, they'll throw up a "Press E to Use" tip. Which I don't find annoying at all.

What illusion is there? I can fall ridiculous distances without taking damage. I can put a portal on the wall, and one beneath me on the floor, and not fall through into a pile like a dumbass.
posted by graventy at 2:29 PM on November 5, 2007

I feel FANTASTIC and I'm still alive!
posted by Justinian at 2:32 PM on November 5, 2007

Unfortunately he appears to be yet another bloody console gamer.

You think so, huh?
posted by Iridic at 3:11 PM on November 5, 2007

More Half Life fun by Chris Livingston:

Every so often, I’ll start up Garry’s Mod and foolishly load the gm_construct map. It’s a nice big arena, plenty of room to build things and play around, but productive building quickly devolves into spending hours upon hours spawning monsters, Combine soldiers, human rebels, and other NPCs to do glorious, bloody battle with one another...

To the death!
posted by Iridic at 3:17 PM on November 5, 2007

What a wonderful post. Incidentally, I hum the song to myself when I'm alone, no matter what time of day. Especially since I can't tell the time of day when I'm at work. Ever. Or the year. (So hurray for the timeline post! Now I've narrowed it down to only a few decades!)
posted by Weighted Companion Cube at 4:39 PM on November 5, 2007 [3 favorites]

I heart that I'm not the only one who simply Loves Portal.

I craved cake yesterday. I bought one. On getting home I realized that it looked unsettlingly like Portal Cake. Strawberries, icing flowers and all.

I guess there is cake after all. (At Whole Foods.)
posted by abulafa at 5:26 PM on November 5, 2007

It all makes sense now. The uncanny similarity between the acronym "ASHPD" and the name of our favorite MIA Marine Corporal. The mysterious retcon insertion of monumental asshole Arne Magnusson. And last but not least, Gordon's next big goose chase: the Borealis.

It's all one big Whole Foods advertisement.
posted by Plutor at 6:19 PM on November 5, 2007

totally hilarious.
posted by Dillonlikescookies at 11:25 PM on November 5, 2007

I said this in a thread earlier, but Portal is the Citizen Kane of the artform.
posted by empath at 8:04 AM on November 6, 2007

So, you are saying that Portal is the Citizen Kane of the artform empath? I'm still a little unclear on what you're saying...
posted by Justinian at 10:43 PM on November 7, 2007

Wait up, seriously... gimme a moment. I don't have a 360, or a machine that can run the Orange Box...

But I've heard good things, and I've tried to avoid spoilers...

So this Weighted Companion Cube, it's a sled or something?
posted by quin at 10:51 PM on November 7, 2007 [1 favorite]

Fun fact: Still Alive is by the ever-awesome Jonathan Coulton.

True story: One night after a horrible breakup, problems at work, etc. etc., I listened to "Skullcrusher Mountain" for the first time and just about died laughing.

On a lark, I sent Jonathan a letter thanking him for writing such a great song, and he almost immediately wrote back, saying that he was glad to help -- and asked if I had ever considering building a robot army to crush my enemies, since that often worked for him when he was having a bad day.

He's a nice guy.
posted by spiderwire at 1:48 PM on November 8, 2007 [2 favorites]