Conan the fruitarian

November 13, 2007 3:50 AM

It's not just an apple. It's a power apple.
posted by klausness (30 comments total)

GET TO THE CHOPPA ORCHARD!
posted by C17H19NO3 at 4:06 AM on November 13, 2007 [1 favorite]

T4?
posted by Poolio at 4:10 AM on November 13, 2007

I was most impressed by the poorly translated blog, purportedly written by the apple himself.
posted by Rocky Dennis Memorial Inner Beauty Pageant at 4:12 AM on November 13, 2007

upgrade the image of the apple to a successful and healthy premium product

I'm not aware of any claims that the apple is a dying, unhealthy product....
posted by bassjump at 4:14 AM on November 13, 2007

Is this an inappropriate time to make a "plo chops and applesauce" joke?
posted by the dief at 4:29 AM on November 13, 2007 [4 favorites]

Possibly, but I'm glad you didn't let that stop you.
posted by pax digita at 4:38 AM on November 13, 2007

Every apple can be traced back to the farm it was grown on.

RFIDelicious
posted by greenskpr at 4:41 AM on November 13, 2007

Why do these apples need to be enjoyed IMMEDIATELY? Can't I wait until lunch? Why do I have to have one RIGHT. FUCKING. NOW.

I feel as if a ridiculously strong Austrian apple farmer is getting ready to hold me down and ram apples down my throat.
posted by chuckdarwin at 4:43 AM on November 13, 2007 [1 favorite]

To each his own fantasies...
posted by Wolfdog at 4:45 AM on November 13, 2007

I AM MR FREEZE! LET'S KICK SOME ICE! YOU'RE NOT SENDING ME TO THE COOLER (APPLES)! ICE TO SEE YOU! WHAT KILLED THE DINOSAURS? THE ICE (APPLES) AGE! If revenge is a dish best served cold, then put on your Sunday finest. It's time to feast! ON APPLES
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 5:09 AM on November 13, 2007

Oh, this is great. My oldest & dearest friend is from Trofaiach in Styria, and she always gives me crap about Arnold being my governor. I just sent her an e-mail giving her grief about this. Ha!

Thanks!
posted by miss lynnster at 5:11 AM on November 13, 2007

I've always liked my fruit free of personality. I'll stick to my local apples, thanks.
posted by tommasz at 5:18 AM on November 13, 2007

I find this alarming.
posted by hal9k at 5:23 AM on November 13, 2007 [1 favorite]

It's his orchard where I grew and ripened to be as large and flawless as I am.

I'm confused ... is this the apple or Arnie speaking?
posted by nomis at 5:26 AM on November 13, 2007

Why does it make sense to ship an apple from Austria to the US? Besides, it's a spawn of the Golden Delicious, which is successful for it's shelf life, not it's flavor (not today, anyway - maybe in the past, but the flavor that made it and the unrelated [except by name] Red Delicious popular has long been bred out of existence through selection and long-term cold storage before bringing them to market). By which I mean, screw you, Arnold apple, I have access to locally-grown Honeycrisps and Sweet Sixteens and Haralsons and McIntosh and many, many other delicious, successful healthy apple varieties.

Haven't found anyone nearby selling a Black Limbertwig though. Still want to try one of those.
posted by caution live frogs at 5:26 AM on November 13, 2007

Power apples, pumped chock full of steroids, presumably...
posted by Termite at 5:33 AM on November 13, 2007

GRANNY SMITH FOREVER!
posted by grubi at 5:35 AM on November 13, 2007

Unleash the Power of Apples!!

A bushel of apples packed in each bar, plus a secret ingredient that unleashes the awesome power of apples!!!
posted by milarepa at 5:40 AM on November 13, 2007

I was hoping to find a slightly more butch apple than the Pink Lady or Honey Crisp that I could enjoy with my man friends at the dog fights.
posted by The Straightener at 5:40 AM on November 13, 2007 [1 favorite]

Pfft, this is no newtown pippin.
posted by sugarfish at 5:56 AM on November 13, 2007

Give me Liberty (apples) or give me.......aw nevermind.
posted by spinturtle at 6:35 AM on November 13, 2007

Those are the first apples I've seen that can be described as cheesy.
posted by LeLiLo at 7:06 AM on November 13, 2007

IT'S NOT A TUBER!

I got nothin'.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 7:13 AM on November 13, 2007

This is even worse than the time he endorsed that Austrian beer, "I'll Be Bock."

...and I thank you.
posted by PlusDistance at 7:16 AM on November 13, 2007

Did they pump! *clap* It up?
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 7:19 AM on November 13, 2007

Enjoy Arnold with all senses...

omgomgomg the tables have TURNED. Sometimes I cant get "this is called biting" out of my head all day.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 9:46 AM on November 13, 2007

Don't you mean "Pomme! *clap* It up!"
posted by ericbop at 10:29 AM on November 13, 2007

That pun was so bad, you should be deported to Austria.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 12:44 PM on November 13, 2007

Picture.
posted by klausness at 4:06 PM on November 13, 2007

...and it looks like someone else has also uploaded some photos of the Arnold Apple to flickr...
posted by klausness at 4:12 PM on November 13, 2007