Chuck Norris doesn't endorse.
November 18, 2007 2:49 PM   Subscribe

My fellow Americans, behold your next President.
posted by EarBucket (80 comments total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
 
That's it America. Close it up, and throw away the key.
posted by jokeefe at 2:54 PM on November 18, 2007 [4 favorites]


DO.NOT.WANT
posted by pyramid termite at 2:56 PM on November 18, 2007


The same ad done by Colbert would have made my week...still, props to Huckabee, even if I don't heart him.
posted by uosuaq at 2:56 PM on November 18, 2007


I hereby propose a constitutional amendment prohibiting presidential candidates from attempting to be funny, unless they were already a comedian before they ran.

Seeing political discourse reach this level is like a roundhouse kick to the soul.
posted by Riki tiki at 3:00 PM on November 18, 2007


haccckkkk. ptooey.
posted by drhydro at 3:00 PM on November 18, 2007


I don't think a sense of humor hurts. It's way better to have Chuck Norris as your go-to guy than to resort to mudslinging the other guys.
posted by SassHat at 3:07 PM on November 18, 2007 [2 favorites]


"I'm Mike Huckabee, America's next Official Cardboard Cutout."
posted by thewalrusispaul at 3:09 PM on November 18, 2007


My idiot brother-in-law is gonna love this. He lives for Walker, Texas Ranger reruns. This may actually motivate him to vote, which is bad news for planet Earth.
posted by words1 at 3:09 PM on November 18, 2007 [2 favorites]


Gov. Huckabee did more to help poor people in Arkansas during his tenure than Sen. Clinton, Edwards and Obama combined in their tenures in the Senate. Now, I don't agree with his social views or his heinous views on Guantanamo, but his aid to the poor cannot be disputed.

This ad was funny. Huckabee is funny. And of all the GOPer's in the race, he is the one I would most like to be president. He seems to take his religion seriously, not just the hating parts.

MeFites, start your engines. Fueled by, of course, self-righteousness. If only it were an alternate fuel.
posted by iknowimaloser at 3:11 PM on November 18, 2007 [3 favorites]


I LOL'ed. There, I said it.
posted by AwkwardPause at 3:14 PM on November 18, 2007 [1 favorite]


I used to enjoy all those ubiquitous "facts" about Chuck Norris until I found out he was a wacko right-wing Christian.

Not so funny anymore.
posted by newfers at 3:14 PM on November 18, 2007 [2 favorites]


Made me laugh. I don't heart Huckabee either, but I'll give him credit for having a sense of humor.
posted by adamrice at 3:17 PM on November 18, 2007


The Obama campaign wants you to know that Ceiling Cat is Watching you masturbate.
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 3:21 PM on November 18, 2007 [4 favorites]


I don't like Huckabee's ideology, but that's awesome.
posted by hjo3 at 3:22 PM on November 18, 2007


That's fucked. I hope the guy who actually wrote those gags sues their asses off.
posted by dobbs at 3:26 PM on November 18, 2007


I thought that was pretty funny, and I'm a Commie Canadian. In fact, Canada is pretty hoops if the Dems get in. Both Obama and H. Clinton are competing to see who has more of a hate on for NAFTA, which is just bad news for Canada.
posted by KokuRyu at 3:27 PM on November 18, 2007


That was entirely too surreal for laughter.
posted by zennie at 3:27 PM on November 18, 2007


iknowimaloser, what did he do? I'm not doubting you, I just don't know and I'm curious.
posted by psmith at 3:28 PM on November 18, 2007


This ad was funny. Huckabee is funny.

edward gibbon was funny, too
posted by pyramid termite at 3:32 PM on November 18, 2007


...and yes the point of a spell-checker escapes me.
posted by Elim at 3:33 PM on November 18, 2007


WTF? If anyone of us had posted another link to this stale meme it would have been deleted. How come a would-be president gets a free ride using a 5 yr old joke?
posted by HyperBlue at 3:40 PM on November 18, 2007


I'm Mike Huckabee, and I'm a plagiarist.
posted by Astro Zombie at 3:41 PM on November 18, 2007


My trolly-sense is tingling.
posted by liquorice at 3:43 PM on November 18, 2007


So... at this rate we'll be seeing LOLcats by next election?
posted by edgeways at 3:43 PM on November 18, 2007 [1 favorite]


Mike Huckabee is hip to internet trends from two years ago.

Chuck Norris didn't just suck George W. Bush's dick, he inhaled it.

I'm Mike Huckabee, and I approve this message.
posted by fungible at 3:44 PM on November 18, 2007 [1 favorite]


How come a would-be president gets a free ride using a 5 yr old joke?

Because it's funny...and it's best of the web.
posted by KokuRyu at 3:45 PM on November 18, 2007


LOLPREZ
posted by pyramid termite at 3:46 PM on November 18, 2007 [1 favorite]


Mike Huckabee is hip to internet trends from two years ago.

...which puts him ahead of Ron Paul, who is still stealing from Howard Dean in '04...

And this far funnier and less cringeworthy than Hillary & Bill Clinton's "Sopranos" homage earlier this year. And it's encouraging to see that there are still some right-wingers out there with a better sense of humor than "Mallard Fillmore". I thought the often-horrendous Ben Stein was the only one left. But if he became the running mate of Al Franken to make the "Franken/Stein" ticket, I'd love it but still never vote for it.
posted by wendell at 3:59 PM on November 18, 2007 [1 favorite]


LOLPREZ!!!! edgeways got it "edgeways"!
posted by wafaa at 4:05 PM on November 18, 2007


Satirical jokes are being turned into political reality? Oh, that is so going to help America.
posted by five fresh fish at 4:09 PM on November 18, 2007


iknowimaloser does not understand about profile page at this time? perhaps you could chill?
posted by snofoam at 4:15 PM on November 18, 2007


Um. You realise that's just information you provided in your MeFi profile, accessible to anyone who clicks on your handle?
posted by liquorice at 4:15 PM on November 18, 2007


psmith, sorry I haven't responded. He broke rule #1 for Republicans. He raised taxes. He also refused to deport illegals whose children went to Ark. schools. Even set them up with scholarships, if they qualified. His social views are not mine nor are his defense policies, but his heart seems to be in a place closer to mine than the rest of the field of candidates, even if his political views are not.
posted by iknowimaloser at 4:18 PM on November 18, 2007


his heart seems to be in a place closer to mine

Go fuck yourself and your mother, you worthless piece of shit.

Jesus H. Nachos, or anybody but Mike Huckabee!
posted by carsonb at 4:23 PM on November 18, 2007 [1 favorite]


Stupid liberal profile pages and their 'information wants to be free' bias.
posted by empath at 4:24 PM on November 18, 2007


Also: MeFites, start your engines. Fueled by, of course, self-righteousness. If only it were an alternate fuel.

Kinda seems like you started this. That sentence pretty much ruined any chance that anything that followed from you would be respected. Dial back the anger and try again.
posted by ColdChef at 4:25 PM on November 18, 2007


And five for fighting, you're so observant. Do you possibly live in Williamsburg, Brooklyn? Oh, that's right, I can check. Canadian. The insufferably smug yet ineffectual capital of the world.

I knew choosing imaloser would be easy prey for the lazy. Helps me weed out the insignificant.
posted by iknowimaloser at 4:25 PM on November 18, 2007


iknowimaloser got the equation wrong. It's PLUS Anonymity.
posted by carsonb at 4:26 PM on November 18, 2007 [4 favorites]


MeTa
posted by empath at 4:30 PM on November 18, 2007


JDGoodall JDGoodall JDGoodall JDGoodall JDGoodall
posted by Mikey-San at 4:31 PM on November 18, 2007


And fuck you all for defending him. Or better yet. Defend him. What defense is there for posting my name? Gimme one.

Holy shit, JDGodall, why did you join MetaFilter today, if all you can do is pick fights with everyone? Perhaps you should check out Little Green Footballs or something.
posted by KokuRyu at 4:36 PM on November 18, 2007


What defense is there for posting my name? Gimme one.

Well, that's easy.

If you didn't want people to know your name, you would have used a fake one in your profile, or left the "full name" entry blank. So he's not revealing anything that you haven't revealed to all of us already, and your posting it to metafilter implies your consent for other people to see it.

All assuming that this isn't performance art shooting for the fastest joined-to-banned time ever, anyhow.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 4:37 PM on November 18, 2007


I'm here for the FPP, not the flameout.

I LOL'ed, too. Chuck Norris is an anti-evolution nutso, but the jokes are still funny.

Mike Huckabee is funny, too. I think most of his ideas or only a little more sane than Chuck Norris's, but...

can't this still be funny?
posted by coolhappysteve at 4:38 PM on November 18, 2007


Also, who knew that Jane Goodall was such an asshole?

Go back to your chimps, bitch.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 4:38 PM on November 18, 2007 [5 favorites]


Commercial: not funny.
Thread: funny.

Also, how come in the entire commercial, you never heard the word "Chuckabee?" I mean...it's right there in front of you!
posted by ColdChef at 4:40 PM on November 18, 2007 [2 favorites]


Both Mike Huckabee and iknowimajdgoodall are both parodies, one of a politician, the other of a MeFi user. Mind, the latter's parody ends when he gets perma-banned this week. We'll be waiting almost a year to see Mike's banning.
posted by five fresh fish at 4:40 PM on November 18, 2007


Anyone need a spare both?
posted by five fresh fish at 4:40 PM on November 18, 2007


can't this still be funny?

I dunno. Part of me says, "This joke is really, really old to me, so I can't find it very funny aymore." The other part of me realizes that Norris is a Creationist, and then I come to the conclusion that I absolutely can laugh at stupidity.
posted by Mikey-San at 4:41 PM on November 18, 2007


Also, how come in the entire commercial, you never heard the word "Chuckabee?" I mean...it's right there in front of you!

MIND. BLOWN. How did they miss this?!
posted by Mikey-San at 4:45 PM on November 18, 2007 [1 favorite]


That was... surreal. It took a joke about the ridiculous over-macho approach of contemporary GOP politics and played it straight. I don't know what the joke was... that "yeah, you got that right, we really are big dicked mofos who will plow down the enemies and convert them to christianity"? Or "can't you see how ridiculous this looks when we play it straight? obviously we're not that stupid."

It's weird because you wouldn't see a similar ad on the left, with them all pretending to be commies or something, but this ad basically counts on the fact that more people are viscerally happy with the idea of military dictators than wishy-washy manipulative socialism, so you can say, hey it was "just a joke" (even if you never have to explain exactly what joke it was meant to be) but still create an image of yourself as a badass fascist. It's going for the lizard brain.
posted by mdn at 4:47 PM on November 18, 2007 [1 favorite]


iknowimaloser: you're right, that was probably gratuitous. He posted your real name in a google-searchable thread. Uncool.

However, you shot yourself in the foot. Before, when people searched for your real name, they would find this thread and its (combative, but pretty innocuous) accusation that mefites are self-righteous. Now, because of your overreaction, they'll find you stomping around throwing a profanity-laden temper tantrum, which makes you look five hundred times more idiotic.

When you associated your username with your real name, you should have understood that you could no longer count on practical anonymity. Yes, even though you apparently didn't understand that it was going on your public profile.

Maybe you'll be lucky and the mods will delete Elim's excerpt of your profile and all the traces of your flameout. They don't owe it to you, but maybe it'll happen. Either way, please take this as a lesson to choose your words carefully whether you think you're anonymous or not. Don't be a greater internet fuckwad, as carsonb was kind enough to link.

In a related topic, no matter how long you've been lurking the site, it's bad style to sign up and immediately start shitting all over the members of the community. Yes, there's a lot of self-righteousness on Mefi (*points to self*), but as you've demonstrated today it's easy to criticize the mote in thy brother's eye and ignore the beam in thine own.

On preview: looks like most of your flaming is already doused, but my point stands.
posted by Riki tiki at 4:49 PM on November 18, 2007


I'm Mike Huckabee, and good ol' Chuck Norris here will help you get a whiff of my desperation.
posted by blucevalo at 4:58 PM on November 18, 2007


What defense is there for posting my name? Gimme one.

Surely the fact that Jane Goodall joined MeFi is reason enough.
posted by Rumple at 5:02 PM on November 18, 2007


Here, at the bottom, no one can hear you say *chill*
posted by mistersquid at 5:02 PM on November 18, 2007


Ak -- bringing up ROU's rear. dang.
posted by Rumple at 5:03 PM on November 18, 2007


If you think this is funny then just wait til you see his "All Your Base" ad!!!

So topical...

Next up is one based on "Where's the beef?"
posted by GavinR at 5:05 PM on November 18, 2007 [1 favorite]


The "securing the borders" thing in 2008 will be what last election's "gay marriage referendum" was: a ploy to get the angry and ignorant to the polls (and thus vote for Republicans).

This right wing scam has its roots in the so-called "right to life issue" in 1980, in which the stupid masses helped elect Reagan (the beginning of the end of democracy as we know it in America).
posted by wfc123 at 5:11 PM on November 18, 2007


Though it didn't LOL, I think this is pretty funny as far as something coming from a Republican presidential candidate goes. Certainly a lot funnier than that Barack Obama cameo on SNL, which was just wrong on several different levels.
posted by dhammond at 5:12 PM on November 18, 2007


I DO appologize about posting the Name!

Heck most of us don't put our real name in Infact mine say, Name: Elim.

Who was I to know your real name was used. Damn... But the point was, your so new that if you do talk about how mefi is this and that, Who cares? If your not new than use your damn reall account and let us know.

That being said, I think I like Huckabee way more now than last week, but his politics are not to my liking at all.
posted by Elim at 5:17 PM on November 18, 2007


WTF? If anyone of us had posted another link to this stale meme it would have been deleted. How come a would-be president gets a free ride using a 5 yr old joke?

It's funny because of the source. Like John McCain singing Streisand songs in a maroon suit was funny -- it works because you don't expect these sorts of people to have a sense of humor beyond the occasional scripted late-night talk show quip.

Will Ferrell telling a lightbulb joke? Not funny. The pope telling the same joke? Hilarious.
posted by hjo3 at 5:28 PM on November 18, 2007


You know who else was funny?
posted by tzikeh at 5:38 PM on November 18, 2007


Ak -- bringing up ROU's rear. dang.

That was you? [Takei] In the dark I always thought it was Rod Steiger.[/Takei]
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 5:42 PM on November 18, 2007


Mike Huckabee is such a neo-con that when he was born the Middle East carpet-bombed itself to get it over with.

If Mike Huckabee and Ann Coulter were ever in the same room together, the Rapture would occur immediately.

Mike Huckabee isn't running for president; he's riding a giant eagle for president.



...i got nothin.
posted by mayfly wake at 5:44 PM on November 18, 2007 [2 favorites]


Not bad, but I still prefer Mike Gravel's ads. Too bad he's been shut out.
posted by homunculus at 5:58 PM on November 18, 2007


I'd like to see Pearl kick the living crap outta both Norris and Huckabee. THAT would be funny!
posted by ZachsMind at 6:02 PM on November 18, 2007


suckabee
posted by fleetmouse at 6:04 PM on November 18, 2007


Walker told me I have AIDS.
posted by machaus at 6:08 PM on November 18, 2007


Narrator: In A.D. 2007, war had already begun.
Governor: What happen ?
Mechanic: Somebody set up us the debt.

Operator: We get signal.
Governor: What!
Operator: Main Youtube turn on.
Governor: It's you!!
CATS: How are you gentlemen!!
CATS: All your base are belong to us.
CATS: You are on the way to ridicule.
Captain: What you say!!
CATS: You have no chance to survive in the elections make your time.
CATS: Ha Ha Ha Ha ....

Operator: Governor!
Governor: Take off every 'INTERNET AD'!!
Governor: You know what you doing.
Governor: Move 'INTERNET AD'.
Governor: For great justice.


Huckabee 2007. For great justice.

posted by ersatz at 6:57 PM on November 18, 2007 [5 favorites]


Licensed under Creative Commons
posted by ersatz at 6:58 PM on November 18, 2007


I think it's great that Chuck Norris is running for Prez and Huckabee for VP. Good luck to them.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 7:02 PM on November 18, 2007


I also have to say that, while I find both of them despicable policy-wise, I'd be lying if I didn't get a smile out of this. I would definitely shake Huckabee's hand if I someday years ran into him in an elevator for this ad.

I'd then punch him repeatedly for gay rights, gitmo, creationism, creationism again (cause, dude, are you retarded?), the death penalty, the war, gay rights again, and torture. And a good hard slap for abortion rights. I can understand both views there, so just a slap.

But hey, he's earned that handshake.
posted by John Kenneth Fisher at 7:32 PM on November 18, 2007 [3 favorites]


Here I would like to post a link to Naomi Watts saying 'Ffffffuckabee's!'
posted by shakespeherian at 8:57 PM on November 18, 2007 [1 favorite]


Yeah, Mike Huckabee is about as funny as a bucket of AIDS. We Arkies will wait for the rest of y'all to catch up to what we figured out about him years ago, since most of the national media is doing fuck-all to actually look into his record..

Gov. Huckabee did more to help poor people in Arkansas during his tenure than Sen. Clinton, Edwards and Obama combined in their tenures in the Senate. Now, I don't agree with his social views or his heinous views on Guantanamo, but his aid to the poor cannot be disputed.

Yes, he changed his views on the poor, but don't be silly. This is a man who withheld state emergency funds to help tornado victims because the legislation that provided for those funds listed such natural disasters as "acts of God," and goddamn if he wasn't going to hold on to that money until the wording was changed. This is a man who claimed to be a champion of health in Arkansas and withheld state money for poor victims of AIDS to get drugs. This is a man who used tax money as his own personal family slush fund. His aid to the poor can absolutely be disputed.
posted by middleclasstool at 10:45 PM on November 18, 2007 [2 favorites]


Whether he helped the poor in Arkansas, or not, he did pardon Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards. Would Giuliani do that?

Bill and Hillary didn't...
posted by paulsc at 11:28 PM on November 18, 2007


Huckabee had better line readings than Norris.
posted by oncogenesis at 12:36 AM on November 19, 2007


As I type this, this is #1 "Mike Huckabee" image on Yahoo search.
posted by lodurr at 5:39 AM on November 19, 2007


I'm not Mike Huckabee, and strangely, I approve of this message.
posted by blue_beetle at 7:11 AM on November 19, 2007


As soon as I saw the words 'Chuck Norris' I knew not to click.

Too much World of Warcraft, I guess. Someone created a plugin for the game to block Chuck Norris jokes. It was, at one point, the most used plugin downloaded.

Once is funny. Twice is still funny, but not as much. When it hits twenty, I want to hit people.

Oh, and Mike Huckabee, based on the reports I've read, is just as corrupt as every other politician, except he doesn't hide it as well (the Salon story on him goes into it).
posted by mephron at 10:40 AM on November 19, 2007


Mike Huckabee is great. He rocked Wait Wait Don't Tell Me. And his wife more or less called Pat Robertson a pandering phony for endorsing Rudy (also on npr). Too bad every single position he takes is absolutely batshitcrazy.
posted by nax at 7:08 PM on November 19, 2007


Larry Flynt Endorses Dennis Kucinich
posted by homunculus at 11:34 AM on November 20, 2007


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