Chinese urge Caution while pursuing Lust
November 30, 2007 2:50 AM Subscribe
In the wake of a highly sexified Ang Lee film, Chinese medical authorities have warned the public against "abnormal body positions".
Links SFW.
I have had abnormal body positions and wish to comment.
posted by Henry C. Mabuse at 3:05 AM on November 30, 2007
posted by Henry C. Mabuse at 3:05 AM on November 30, 2007
My feet are stuck behind my head, I'm upside down, and I seem to have lost my tongue. Please advise.
posted by louche mustachio at 3:06 AM on November 30, 2007 [1 favorite]
posted by louche mustachio at 3:06 AM on November 30, 2007 [1 favorite]
It's not called 'Lust, Caution' by mistake.
posted by darkripper at 3:21 AM on November 30, 2007
posted by darkripper at 3:21 AM on November 30, 2007
A Chinese company focusing on software to combat computer viruses has given warning that pirate downloads of the film could be embedded with viruses and 15 per cent of links were contaminated.
You have to be careful about the movies you watch. I watched the same download of Gymkata ("The skill of gymnastics, the kill of karate") that Paris watched, and now I have like total cooties. My cousin got ebola from Mrs Doubtfire. Listen to your pastor, abstinence works!
posted by maryh at 3:52 AM on November 30, 2007 [1 favorite]
You have to be careful about the movies you watch. I watched the same download of Gymkata ("The skill of gymnastics, the kill of karate") that Paris watched, and now I have like total cooties. My cousin got ebola from Mrs Doubtfire. Listen to your pastor, abstinence works!
posted by maryh at 3:52 AM on November 30, 2007 [1 favorite]
With all the hype if it's anything less than the Chinese Kama Sutra I'll be disappointed. And that's ok cause I've been used to being DISAPPOINTED ALL MY LIFE.
The way journalists get shocked, you'd swear they have no bedrooms or internets.
posted by ersatz at 4:01 AM on November 30, 2007 [1 favorite]
The way journalists get shocked, you'd swear they have no bedrooms or internets.
posted by ersatz at 4:01 AM on November 30, 2007 [1 favorite]
That article is very light on position names or descriptions. Can anyone elaborate, or should I just imagine them? I mean, I'm imagining them anyway, but would still like to know what I'm missing.
posted by poppo at 4:33 AM on November 30, 2007
posted by poppo at 4:33 AM on November 30, 2007
The film is one long, gaping close up. Allegedly.
posted by Geezum Crowe at 4:36 AM on November 30, 2007
posted by Geezum Crowe at 4:36 AM on November 30, 2007
Guangzhou Modern Hospital
I'm glad they clarified that one. I didn't do so well when I went to the Nanjing Paleolithic Friends Hospital in 1998.
Seriously, what are these positions that require the skills of a yoga master?
posted by 1adam12 at 4:51 AM on November 30, 2007
I'm glad they clarified that one. I didn't do so well when I went to the Nanjing Paleolithic Friends Hospital in 1998.
Seriously, what are these positions that require the skills of a yoga master?
posted by 1adam12 at 4:51 AM on November 30, 2007
Jeezum, Geezum, you could have found the particular positions in dispute so we could compare and contrast...
posted by From Bklyn at 5:21 AM on November 30, 2007
posted by From Bklyn at 5:21 AM on November 30, 2007
That article is very light on position names or descriptions. Can anyone elaborate, or should I just imagine them?
I swear there was a post here (maybe deleted) on the 'helicopter' video. As I remember, the guy was like the blades and the girl was the body of the helicopter. After positioning himself he went into a spin on top of her by pushing himself around with his hands and then fell off giggling. My search has proved fruitless, so maybe it was somewhere else. Imagine that.
posted by tellurian at 5:28 AM on November 30, 2007
I swear there was a post here (maybe deleted) on the 'helicopter' video. As I remember, the guy was like the blades and the girl was the body of the helicopter. After positioning himself he went into a spin on top of her by pushing himself around with his hands and then fell off giggling. My search has proved fruitless, so maybe it was somewhere else. Imagine that.
posted by tellurian at 5:28 AM on November 30, 2007
sexual gymnastics – often violent and almost always erotic
If the sex isn't erotic, what's the point?
posted by bassjump at 5:48 AM on November 30, 2007
If the sex isn't erotic, what's the point?
posted by bassjump at 5:48 AM on November 30, 2007
If the sex isn't erotic, what's the point?
Agape.
posted by Pollomacho at 6:14 AM on November 30, 2007
Agape.
posted by Pollomacho at 6:14 AM on November 30, 2007
Pretty sure you can't have agape sex.
I'll give a free sockpuppet account to the first person who finds out what these Shocking! Gravity-Defying! Physically Strenuous! positions are in the film, and links us to correlating online illustrations of Kama Sutra positions.
posted by pineapple at 6:31 AM on November 30, 2007
I'll give a free sockpuppet account to the first person who finds out what these Shocking! Gravity-Defying! Physically Strenuous! positions are in the film, and links us to correlating online illustrations of Kama Sutra positions.
posted by pineapple at 6:31 AM on November 30, 2007
Pretty sure you can't have agape sex.
The reason they don't make agapic films is because no one wants to pay $9.50 to see an overweight, middle aged, married couple doing a couple of minutes of dry humping before the Daily Show under their flannel sheets, quietly so the kids don't wake up.
posted by Pollomacho at 6:37 AM on November 30, 2007 [2 favorites]
The reason they don't make agapic films is because no one wants to pay $9.50 to see an overweight, middle aged, married couple doing a couple of minutes of dry humping before the Daily Show under their flannel sheets, quietly so the kids don't wake up.
posted by Pollomacho at 6:37 AM on November 30, 2007 [2 favorites]
For once I'm going to have to agree with China. These warnings are warranted. You kids don't know what dark powers you're so casually toying with.
Thankfully I'm older and wiser, now, but there was a day not too long ago - a day when sex was still an entirely novel adventure of discovery and experimentation. A day when books like The Story of O or the saucy bits of The Dairies of Anais Nin were still talked about in hushed, expectant tones - a day I could have used a warning like this one.
For some, first it was The Joy of Sex, or for others it was the Kama Sutra - usually a sanctified, Westernized version with terribly unclear illustrations, dimmed by translation, as if Western language and thought itself was unable to frame and present the arcane knowledges completely and truthfully.
It doesn't all happen at once - it happens in steps in increments. Sex is it's own gateway drug. The more you know...
The first time someone trying something "different" or "new" it might just be trying out oral for the first time, or a little reverse cowgirl. The next it might be mutal masturbation or the sixty-nine.
And maybe it doesn't get much weirder than that with that partner. You get married, have kids, whatever. Maybe the rest of your life is as simple as that, maybe the sex is good. Maybe it's great, and you explore a little bit. Or maybe you break up. And with your next partner, you're all too willing to help her try out those furry handcuffs she's been saving for a night just like tonight, three bottles of wine and two joints later. On you, on her, whichever. Blindfolded, wrists high, cruel mercy descending with swift hammers of aching lust. Nothing else but then and right there.
And you had no idea it could be so good.
Before long you know what it's like to have sex in a moving car, on a washing machine, in the kitchen, on the stairs, under the stairs, hanging upside down under the stairs, in the shower, in a jacuzzi and even sitting on the toilet. That last one wasn't nearly as shocking as you thought it would be. It's just an uncomfy, cold, and rather dirty chair.
You've done it in the library. More than once. In a church? Oh, dear. You practice safe sex, of course, and become a vocal advocate of it. You try aphrodisiacs. Chocolate. Ginger and ginsing. Yerba mate, yohimbe, damiana. You consider MDMA. You do yoga just to have better sex, discover Tantra and start using words like kundalini, lingam and yoni. You do Kegel exercises. You own a piece of furniture and more than one toy. You cultivate and collect fetishes in multiple meanings of the word.
The next thing you know you're inventing new positions like "yawning monkey hammer-fist fixing a nail at the gates of the Jade Palace" and adding illustrated annotations to the Kama Sutra. You find yourself making shopping lists like "eyebolts, carabiners, webbing, safety harness, playground swing, batteries and lube" and think nothing of it. You have more than one implement of spanking. You buy sex toys at Home Depot. Your vocabularly starts to include clinical-sounding terms like nerve gating and endorphin and find yourself sounding like Dr. Ruth when you talk. You've helped write a FAQ.
Soon thereafter an audacious attempt at having rather vigorous, complicated sex nearly continously for three days earns you a emergency room visit for "chafing" and "bruising", and while walking out with an OTC tube of topical antibiotics and some ibuprofen you learn to blush again - even though by now there's a picture on the web of you wearing a very well cinched corset and happily licking someone's glossy, pointed boot under the implied threat of a riding crop.
Turn back. Turn back before it is too late! Yearn for simpler things. Take warning. It'll all end in tears, I'm sure!
Or not. Go on, then. Life is short, make it sweet.
posted by loquacious at 6:46 AM on November 30, 2007 [21 favorites]
Thankfully I'm older and wiser, now, but there was a day not too long ago - a day when sex was still an entirely novel adventure of discovery and experimentation. A day when books like The Story of O or the saucy bits of The Dairies of Anais Nin were still talked about in hushed, expectant tones - a day I could have used a warning like this one.
For some, first it was The Joy of Sex, or for others it was the Kama Sutra - usually a sanctified, Westernized version with terribly unclear illustrations, dimmed by translation, as if Western language and thought itself was unable to frame and present the arcane knowledges completely and truthfully.
It doesn't all happen at once - it happens in steps in increments. Sex is it's own gateway drug. The more you know...
The first time someone trying something "different" or "new" it might just be trying out oral for the first time, or a little reverse cowgirl. The next it might be mutal masturbation or the sixty-nine.
And maybe it doesn't get much weirder than that with that partner. You get married, have kids, whatever. Maybe the rest of your life is as simple as that, maybe the sex is good. Maybe it's great, and you explore a little bit. Or maybe you break up. And with your next partner, you're all too willing to help her try out those furry handcuffs she's been saving for a night just like tonight, three bottles of wine and two joints later. On you, on her, whichever. Blindfolded, wrists high, cruel mercy descending with swift hammers of aching lust. Nothing else but then and right there.
And you had no idea it could be so good.
Before long you know what it's like to have sex in a moving car, on a washing machine, in the kitchen, on the stairs, under the stairs, hanging upside down under the stairs, in the shower, in a jacuzzi and even sitting on the toilet. That last one wasn't nearly as shocking as you thought it would be. It's just an uncomfy, cold, and rather dirty chair.
You've done it in the library. More than once. In a church? Oh, dear. You practice safe sex, of course, and become a vocal advocate of it. You try aphrodisiacs. Chocolate. Ginger and ginsing. Yerba mate, yohimbe, damiana. You consider MDMA. You do yoga just to have better sex, discover Tantra and start using words like kundalini, lingam and yoni. You do Kegel exercises. You own a piece of furniture and more than one toy. You cultivate and collect fetishes in multiple meanings of the word.
The next thing you know you're inventing new positions like "yawning monkey hammer-fist fixing a nail at the gates of the Jade Palace" and adding illustrated annotations to the Kama Sutra. You find yourself making shopping lists like "eyebolts, carabiners, webbing, safety harness, playground swing, batteries and lube" and think nothing of it. You have more than one implement of spanking. You buy sex toys at Home Depot. Your vocabularly starts to include clinical-sounding terms like nerve gating and endorphin and find yourself sounding like Dr. Ruth when you talk. You've helped write a FAQ.
Soon thereafter an audacious attempt at having rather vigorous, complicated sex nearly continously for three days earns you a emergency room visit for "chafing" and "bruising", and while walking out with an OTC tube of topical antibiotics and some ibuprofen you learn to blush again - even though by now there's a picture on the web of you wearing a very well cinched corset and happily licking someone's glossy, pointed boot under the implied threat of a riding crop.
Turn back. Turn back before it is too late! Yearn for simpler things. Take warning. It'll all end in tears, I'm sure!
Or not. Go on, then. Life is short, make it sweet.
posted by loquacious at 6:46 AM on November 30, 2007 [21 favorites]
The reason they don't make agapic films is because no one wants to pay $9.50 to see an overweight, middle aged, married couple doing a couple of minutes of dry humping before the Daily Show under their flannel sheets, quietly so the kids don't wake up.
Wouldn't that be more like a phillic film?
I'm sure you could find plenty of examples of all of these in various movies. In fact, it sounds like the kind of thing kids would have to do in a high school literature class.
posted by delmoi at 6:50 AM on November 30, 2007 [1 favorite]
Wouldn't that be more like a phillic film?
I'm sure you could find plenty of examples of all of these in various movies. In fact, it sounds like the kind of thing kids would have to do in a high school literature class.
posted by delmoi at 6:50 AM on November 30, 2007 [1 favorite]
Saw the film a couple of weeks ago
The 3 major sex scenes contain nothing a reasonably fit couple coundn't do. Mind you the first is essentially a rape.
The Chinese couples group I was with (another story) came to the conclusion that after this movie, Tony Leung could pursue a new career as a gigolo in Hong Kong.
All I know is I could have gone a lifetime without seeing Tonys balls...
posted by djrock3k at 7:36 AM on November 30, 2007
The 3 major sex scenes contain nothing a reasonably fit couple coundn't do. Mind you the first is essentially a rape.
The Chinese couples group I was with (another story) came to the conclusion that after this movie, Tony Leung could pursue a new career as a gigolo in Hong Kong.
All I know is I could have gone a lifetime without seeing Tonys balls...
posted by djrock3k at 7:36 AM on November 30, 2007
We have a review of Lust, Caution -- I actually liked it a lot better than Brokeback Mountian, and the sex is absolutely essential to the story. Nothing that happens makes sense without those scenes.
posted by muckster at 8:57 AM on November 30, 2007
posted by muckster at 8:57 AM on November 30, 2007
Sex is it's own gateway drug.
I just fell a little bit in love with loquacious right there... but don't worry, it's platonic.
posted by anotherpanacea at 9:16 AM on November 30, 2007
I just fell a little bit in love with loquacious right there... but don't worry, it's platonic.
posted by anotherpanacea at 9:16 AM on November 30, 2007
loquacious, this intervention will not go unheeded, but please, no more going through my garbage... eye bolts... I never!
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 9:43 AM on November 30, 2007 [1 favorite]
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 9:43 AM on November 30, 2007 [1 favorite]
Loquacious' post was perhaps more titillating than the movie. The sex was important to the plot and had more of a psychological importance than a Shocking! Stretching! factor. That said, as far as I remember:
(edge of bed) (side entry) missionary
reverse missionary
cowgirl
reverse cowgirl
T-square
mirror of pleasing
the mold
her legs between his and her chest
any position I missed
plus the entangled limbs position that I privately think of as "the octopus" but the internets disagree. Well, can't win them all.
I think reviews should be more focused on the fact that it's a good movie -despite it's length- than the OMG sex! Hey, who would have known people have sex? Mind, don't take your grandma with you.
Unless she's like a grandma I know. Not in the biblical sense.
posted by ersatz at 4:25 AM on December 1, 2007
(edge of bed) (side entry) missionary
reverse missionary
cowgirl
reverse cowgirl
T-square
mirror of pleasing
the mold
her legs between his and her chest
any position I missed
plus the entangled limbs position that I privately think of as "the octopus" but the internets disagree. Well, can't win them all.
I think reviews should be more focused on the fact that it's a good movie -despite it's length- than the OMG sex! Hey, who would have known people have sex? Mind, don't take your grandma with you.
Unless she's like a grandma I know. Not in the biblical sense.
posted by ersatz at 4:25 AM on December 1, 2007
loquacaious: clearly eponysterical.
posted by RikiTikiTavi at 9:19 PM on December 1, 2007
posted by RikiTikiTavi at 9:19 PM on December 1, 2007
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I know the article says the reporter "spoke to medical experts," but that gynecologist is the only person I've seen quoted in any story. I think this is marketing or silly journalism.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 2:59 AM on November 30, 2007