New iPod speaker complete with tortured fish

December 18, 2007 11:26 AM

iCruel: "Even if it does live it's not [a] life worth living ... it's really just a torture box."
posted by james_cpi (62 comments total)

Actually, I'm beginning to think my monitor is a torture box when bullshit like this shows up on it.
posted by Mike D at 11:29 AM on December 18, 2007 [1 favorite]

It'd be cute to have one of these, but instead of a goldfsh it could have a little spider monkey with a snorkel.
posted by Slack-a-gogo at 11:33 AM on December 18, 2007

It'd be cute to have one of these, but instead of a goldfsh it could have a little spider monkey with a snorkel.

Or a fetus.
posted by maxwelton at 11:36 AM on December 18, 2007 [4 favorites]

Justice: Place the directors of this company in a 6'x6'x6' transparent box, with random piping-in of the Chipmunks, singing their holiday tunes. Start this now, and finish on January 2. Then, make them recover every fish that died in their torture-chamber environment, and fine them $1000 per animal. Finally, publicize their names in the paper, with their picture next to a pile of the fish that they helped to meet such a cruel demise.

And just who runs the animal control agency that said this was OK? Sick.
posted by MetaMan at 11:36 AM on December 18, 2007

Just once I want to post in one of these threads before it gets deleted!
posted by Wilder at 11:39 AM on December 18, 2007

In My town they sell Betas in circa 350 ml plastic cups they sit in those cups all day every day.
posted by Megafly at 11:43 AM on December 18, 2007

The most shocking thing about this product, to me, is the fact that it's selling. Why the hell would anyone buy this thing? People who actually want a fish probably want to watch it, you know, move around. For more than a day. People who want a decent iPod speaker would probably rather not have it attached to a container of water with a rotten carcass floating in it.
posted by Help, I can't stop talking! at 11:43 AM on December 18, 2007 [3 favorites]

Even if it does live it's not [a] life worth living ... it's really just a torture box.

And this is different from my cubicle how?
posted by dersins at 11:44 AM on December 18, 2007

And this is different from my cubicle how?

You don't have to poop in yours?
posted by katillathehun at 11:45 AM on December 18, 2007 [1 favorite]

Do you eat hamburgers for the nutritional value? Unless you're a vegetarian you're not really allowed to bitch about this.
posted by Citizen Premier at 11:45 AM on December 18, 2007

I thought this was going to be a post on waterboarding... Should've previewed.
posted by omegar at 11:47 AM on December 18, 2007

Unless you're a vegetarian you're not really allowed to bitch about this.

Um. What?
posted by tkchrist at 11:47 AM on December 18, 2007

Do you eat hamburgers for the nutritional value? Unless you're a vegetarian you're not really allowed to bitch about this.

I eat burgers because they're tasty, and as sure as I'm American, I'm going to support torture tanks for fish while I'm at it!

Seriously, though, WTF does that mean?
posted by katillathehun at 11:50 AM on December 18, 2007

I poop in other people's cubicles when they take vacation days. I call it the "torture box."
posted by Partial Law at 11:50 AM on December 18, 2007 [3 favorites]

Bob [whispered]: Unless you're a vegetarian you're not really allowed to bitch about this.
Charlotte: Okay.
posted by roll truck roll at 11:51 AM on December 18, 2007 [7 favorites]

Metafilter: Unless you're a vegetarian you're not really allowed to bitch about this.
posted by jquinby at 11:51 AM on December 18, 2007

The cows we eat sure don't live dandy lives. And they are more intelligent than fish, I believe. And yet we allow them to be tortured for our culinary satisfaction. Why can't we torture fish for our visual entertainment?
posted by Citizen Premier at 11:52 AM on December 18, 2007

Even if it does live it's not [a] life worth living

As opposed to living in an approved 10 litre tank, which is a fucking paradise.
posted by rocket88 at 11:52 AM on December 18, 2007

Unless you're a vegetarian a sentient AI you're not really allowed to bitch about this.
posted by mek at 11:56 AM on December 18, 2007

Here's a serious suggestion: pull them from the shelves and work out a deal with the Sea Monkeys company. That tank is plenty space for brine shrimp, and the Gen-X brand recognition would sell more units anyway.
posted by roll truck roll at 11:57 AM on December 18, 2007 [6 favorites]

Just once I want to post in one of these threads before it gets deleted!


How many times have you posted in a thread after it got deleted?
posted by inconsequentialist at 11:59 AM on December 18, 2007 [3 favorites]

Siamese fighting fish would scratch the hell out of that tiny tank.

I recommend declawing them first.
posted by munchingzombie at 12:00 PM on December 18, 2007 [2 favorites]

And yet we allow them to be tortured for our culinary satisfaction.

Vegetarians "allow" this to happen, too.

Well. Except for the Cow Liberation Ninjas. I heard that they stealthily, disguised as cows, sneak into abattoir's and free the herds awaiting slaughter.

GO CLN!!!
posted by tkchrist at 12:01 PM on December 18, 2007 [2 favorites]

...work out a deal with the Sea Monkeys company.

Triops FTW.
posted by jquinby at 12:07 PM on December 18, 2007

There was that one CLN tragedy. Those guys are REAL dedicated. I mean they will not break character once they don a cow disguise.

And. Well. Let's just say they were delicious!
posted by tkchrist at 12:08 PM on December 18, 2007

Human beings are scum.
posted by koeselitz at 12:09 PM on December 18, 2007

Finally, my generation has one of these.
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 12:12 PM on December 18, 2007

I'm just fascinated that it didn't raise any flags in the minds of the people designing or marketing them.

"Guys, we've been at this for days. We need to come up with something. Now, as I was walking past an aquarium recently, I noticed a sign saying, 'Don't tap on the glass.' And I thought, 'Tap... tap-dancing... music... speakers!' And then I had this great idea."
posted by Wataki at 12:15 PM on December 18, 2007

Mike Huckabee's son was one of the first people to buy one of these.
posted by Flashman at 12:19 PM on December 18, 2007

This is the kind of thing that makes me really grok Nietzsche's little horse episode. Ick.
posted by everichon at 12:21 PM on December 18, 2007

Or, what koselitz said.

"koh-sellitz", or "kozel-its"?
posted by everichon at 12:23 PM on December 18, 2007

They want to ban this? I guess it's back to my original idea of gifting fish in blenders...
posted by Bugg at 12:26 PM on December 18, 2007

"kay-selits"?
posted by interrobang at 12:27 PM on December 18, 2007

*checks calendar* Hey guys, it's over three months till April 1. Guys... Guys?
posted by localroger at 12:32 PM on December 18, 2007

It'd be cute to have one of these, but instead of a goldfsh it could have a little spider monkey with a snorkel.

Or a fetus.

Why would the little spider monkey want a fetus instead of a snorkel?
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 12:39 PM on December 18, 2007 [2 favorites]

I se a Bonsai Kitten for my speakers.
posted by Artw at 12:46 PM on December 18, 2007 [1 favorite]

It'd be cute to have one of these, but instead of a goldfsh it could have a little spider monkey with a snorkel.

Or a fetus.

Why would the little spider monkey want a fetus instead of a snorkel?

food?
posted by james_cpi at 12:47 PM on December 18, 2007

Interesting idea... but yes, WAYYYY too small for the poor fish.
posted by crazychick18 at 12:53 PM on December 18, 2007

I don't even want to click on the link but I would like to respond to Citizen Premier.

Once and for all: humans are omnivores. There's nothing wrong with being an omnivore (or a carnivore for that matter). What is morally wrong is torturing animals before you eat them. Many people, not just vegetarians, are actively opposed to this. Most people do the best they can in their circumstances to live up to their values. For instance I buy free-range meat and eggs when available and when I can afford it. I also support legislation against factory farms, etc. Being a vegetarian is a fine choice but it does not make them better than the omnivores. In fact, certain vegetarians insistence upon constantly having special arrangements made for them (and acting like they're gonna die cause their tongue touched a molecule of chicken juice) does more harm to their cause than good.
posted by Jess the Mess at 12:57 PM on December 18, 2007 [8 favorites]

I always feel vaguely bad for bettas when I see them in those little tiny containers, but they are surface breathers and don't require airflow through the water, and even when given considerably more space, they tend to be so antagonistic and territorial that they frequently won't move out of the little 4 or so inch space they have carved out for themselves.

Still, the small amount of water in this 'tank' means it's going to get filthy pretty quick. Unless people are cleaning it regularly, there are going to be some sick fish.
posted by quin at 1:05 PM on December 18, 2007

I just checked the Free Will By-Laws. Turns out, you're allowed to bitch about anything you want. Huh.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:09 PM on December 18, 2007 [3 favorites]

james pond on the ipod wow
posted by baker dave at 1:10 PM on December 18, 2007

Bugg - I guess it's back to my original idea of gifting fish in blenders...

Sorry - but that was done in 1976 - the Bass-O-Matic, if I recall (though my memory says: "Bass-Master 3000")...
posted by jkaczor at 1:18 PM on December 18, 2007

From the article:
Animal Liberation Victoria's Noah Mark said he was disgusted by the invention.
Studies proved fish had memories well beyond a few seconds and were social creatures that experienced pain and boredom, he said.

Aside from the fact that the word "proved" doesn't mean what he thinks it means...I highly doubt his assertions. Fish have no cerebral cortex.
posted by rocket88 at 1:27 PM on December 18, 2007

The cows we eat sure don't live dandy lives.

The cows I eat live out in a paddock with space to roam around and lots of nice grass and clover to eat. And there are rules specifically about not torturing them which are closely monitored and enforced. How is this comparable to putting a fish in a space which is way too small for it than adding a stressful noise source right next door?
posted by shelleycat at 1:44 PM on December 18, 2007

Fish have no cerebral cortex.

Question is - does Cortex have cerebral fish?
posted by katillathehun at 1:52 PM on December 18, 2007 [1 favorite]

Yes. It was left to him by quonsar. It smells of pants.
posted by quin at 1:57 PM on December 18, 2007

Citizen Premier writes "Do you eat hamburgers for the nutritional value? Unless you're a vegetarian you're not really allowed to bitch about this."

I only eat beef from cows that were locked in a tiny box and sold in pet stores.
posted by krinklyfig at 2:09 PM on December 18, 2007

I only eat beef from cows that were locked in a tiny box and sold in pet stores.

1,000 songs grams of fat in your pocket.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:17 PM on December 18, 2007

'Hello— I wish to register a complaint...
This parrot I purchased from this very boutique not half hour ago'
'ah yes, the Norwegian Blue...'
'It's dead'
'No, no, it's just resting...'

Look, I can tell a dead parrot when I see one...
posted by alicesshoe at 2:46 PM on December 18, 2007

These remind me of the clear platform disco shoes.
Say, why couldn't we attach something to the speakers like dildos for women and perhaps those fleshlight fake vaginas for men, one could be pink for girls blue for boys...oh, no wait, sex is disgusting, and whipping out a fish is more impressive to your friends.
Hey look the fish never leaves the screen and doesn't shut off - wow!
Banning it has (apparently) made it more popular. F'ing idiots.
I suppose you can pull the fish out of the ipond, but sometimes I really regret my "don't kill as many people as I possibly can" philosophy.
...not, uh, just over this of course.
posted by Smedleyman at 4:09 PM on December 18, 2007

even when given considerably more space, they tend to be so antagonistic and territorial that they frequently won't move out of the little 4 or so inch space they have carved out for themselves.

In tanks by themselves? They are very territorial, so when they're kept with other bettas, they do carve out a space of their own to defend. But give them space of their own, where they can feel safe, and they'll roam all over it. My betta had only a gallon and a half (I was looking at upgrading to a 10-gallon), and he was amazingly active.
posted by booksandlibretti at 5:30 PM on December 18, 2007

This hoax is viral marketing for what, again?
posted by uosuaq at 6:56 PM on December 18, 2007

But Will it Blend? That is the question.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 7:47 PM on December 18, 2007

Once and for all: humans are omnivores.
Yes. And that means that humans can survive WITH or WITHOUT killing other animals for prey. The term omnivore does NOT indicate that both are required- quite the contrary. Animals that must eat at least some small quantity of meat to survive are referred to as carnivores.

There's nothing wrong with being an omnivore (or a carnivore for that matter).
How could there be? It's not up to you. If you were born human, you can choose to survive with or without meat. The proof being that numerous champion Olympic athletes are vegetarians and vegans- some life-long.

Most people do the best they can in their circumstances to live up to their values.
Incorrect. Most people are actually selfish pricks, including myself. Please, please convince me otherwise.

In fact, certain vegetarians insistence upon constantly having special arrangements made for them (and acting like they're gonna die cause their tongue touched a molecule of chicken juice) does more harm to their cause than good.
Maybe, but any true animal lover knows that this "cause" you speak of is a lost one. We are simply refusing to participate in the unstoppable majority's speciesism. Acting like we're gonna die? Actually, we're expressing revulsion at the continued macabre gulag of human cruelty.

You do not have to eat dead muscle tissue to live. You do so out of habit and for sensory pleasure, because this pleasure is more valuable to you than the continued existence of another creature that does not want to suffer or die, but cannot escape your superior intellect, because you evolved faster. And should know better.

So, drop the animal-lover act.
posted by vegetarian at 4:45 PM on December 19, 2007

Your satire of a self-righteous vegetarian asshole would be funnier if it were a little less over the top. None of the real ones I've encountered actually come off quite so sanctimonious or dickish.
posted by dersins at 4:57 PM on December 19, 2007

"Incorrect. Most people are actually selfish pricks, including myself. Please, please convince me otherwise."

I try to live up to my values. Bar's pretty low I'll admit. Pretty much just 'don't kill people that are selfish pricks.' And I'm doing well. Haven't done that today.
'Course, the day ain't over...
(looks like a good read)
posted by Smedleyman at 11:49 AM on December 20, 2007

None of the real ones I've encountered actually come off quite so sanctimonious or dickish.

I don't know vegetarian is coming off that way to me right now.
posted by Jess the Mess at 12:56 PM on December 20, 2007

vegetarian, so if the cause is lost, your vegetarianism is what? Symbolic? However little good my volunteering at shelters and and wildlife centers and my taking in of hurt and sick animals has done, I guess I always thought that it was maybe more than symbolic, even if it didn't make a huge difference in the big picture.

But because I'm not a vegetarian, my love of animals is an act according to your holy self.
posted by Jess the Mess at 1:06 PM on December 20, 2007

And historically of course, hippie whingeing after the fact has always been more effective in preventing cruelty to animals than actual legislation.
posted by Jess the Mess at 1:25 PM on December 20, 2007

Smedleyman:Say, why couldn't we attach something to the speakers like dildos for women and perhaps those fleshlight fake vaginas for men...

You might be interested in the AudiOh, though you may have to buy it used - Not a problem for a libertine such as yourself, of course... :)
posted by Orb2069 at 8:06 PM on December 20, 2007

Yes, the cause is lost. When people are so disconnected that they commonly claim to adore something, and then proceed to have it for dinner, there is a problem, and it's pervasive. Those who are indifferent to the lives of animals can safely claim victory, since the vast majority of people aren't vegetarian, even many among those who claim to be. The next time someone asks "Do you eat fish?", I'd like to hit them with a fucking dictionary.

Anyways, legislation can't protect most animals, because the demand to consume their tissue is far too high to defeat the tyranny of the majority. You mention "the big picture"- multiply three meals a day times however many days you intend to remain alive. You'll have a rough estimate of the amount of animals you've reduced the local demand for. To me, since this number was equal or greater than one, it has already been worth it. I have no interest in rewarding a "hitman" for prematurely end another being's life, or encouraging him to do it again.

And, thanks for asking about -my- vegetarianism. It's symbolic, yes, to myself, that I refuse to participate in unnecessary cruelty to some beings that cannot possibly deserve it. I don't expect to change anyone's mind with my ranting, but it doesn't mean I have to be quiet about it. Quite the contrary, it makes people uncomfortable. I see it as protest by proxy, after the fact, for those that I love that cannot speak.

And it allows me, a moron*, for once in my life, to adopt a position that is utterly, hopelessly, unassailable. Not that I had a choice. Once Pandora's Box was opened, there was no choice but to go completely Morrissey. It might be a bit like being gay, in it's inevitablity- who would voluntarily subject themselves to such an inconvenience? I'll tell you who: someone plagued by guilt, like me.

*completely serious

PS: I love animals, they're delicious. Wheat combines kill millions of adorable critters. PETA Kills. If God didn't want us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them out of meat. etc.
posted by vegetarian at 11:43 PM on December 20, 2007