Tase Me Bro...err Sis?
January 7, 2008 2:36 PM Subscribe
Today at CES, Taser International unveiled a "handy new holster that holds not only your stun gun but a music player too." "The TASER MPH (Music Player Holster) is a combination MP3 player and TASER C2 holster."* The C2 Personal Protector is available to consumers "in four designer colors," including leopard print, red-hot red and fashion pink. It's what they call "Fashion with a Bite."
Do not want, bro.
posted by miss lynnster at 2:41 PM on January 7, 2008
posted by miss lynnster at 2:41 PM on January 7, 2008
Set taser to fun!
posted by furtive at 2:42 PM on January 7, 2008 [19 favorites]
posted by furtive at 2:42 PM on January 7, 2008 [19 favorites]
10,000 songs volts in your pocket.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:43 PM on January 7, 2008 [2 favorites]
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:43 PM on January 7, 2008 [2 favorites]
Finally, some real competition for the iPod!
posted by shakespeherian at 2:43 PM on January 7, 2008
posted by shakespeherian at 2:43 PM on January 7, 2008
I hope these will as common to see as bluetooth headsets. And then I hop they will be used on people with bluetooth headsets.
posted by Astro Zombie at 2:45 PM on January 7, 2008 [2 favorites]
posted by Astro Zombie at 2:45 PM on January 7, 2008 [2 favorites]
iFuckYouUp.
posted by shakespeherian at 2:48 PM on January 7, 2008 [3 favorites]
posted by shakespeherian at 2:48 PM on January 7, 2008 [3 favorites]
"Let innovative design, unparalleled performance, and breakthrough style help you make a statement."
Channeling The Onion already. Someone tell me they don't mean it ...
posted by BrokenEnglish at 2:48 PM on January 7, 2008
Channeling The Onion already. Someone tell me they don't mean it ...
posted by BrokenEnglish at 2:48 PM on January 7, 2008
I hope the jacks on the Taser aren't the same size as the ones on the iPod...
posted by ZenMasterThis at 2:50 PM on January 7, 2008
posted by ZenMasterThis at 2:50 PM on January 7, 2008
And just in case a "thug" decides to attack at a very delicate moment.....
posted by Xurando at 2:51 PM on January 7, 2008 [2 favorites]
posted by Xurando at 2:51 PM on January 7, 2008 [2 favorites]
Comes preloaded with:
Gimme Gimme Shock Treatment
Shocking Blue
everything by Michelle Shocked
Shock the Monkey
Future Shock
Electro-shock Blues
etc.
posted by Camofrog at 2:56 PM on January 7, 2008 [2 favorites]
Gimme Gimme Shock Treatment
Shocking Blue
everything by Michelle Shocked
Shock the Monkey
Future Shock
Electro-shock Blues
etc.
posted by Camofrog at 2:56 PM on January 7, 2008 [2 favorites]
The only thing good about this is that it's really going to raise the bar for next year's Darwin Awards.
posted by Slack-a-gogo at 2:57 PM on January 7, 2008
posted by Slack-a-gogo at 2:57 PM on January 7, 2008
Camofrog: Comes preloaded with:
Celine Dion (just in case the taser battery goes out)
posted by Slack-a-gogo at 2:59 PM on January 7, 2008
Celine Dion (just in case the taser battery goes out)
posted by Slack-a-gogo at 2:59 PM on January 7, 2008
<>
Nowadays it's amazin' raising young.
Rule #1: keep your fazers on stun.
<>
posted by kosem at 3:04 PM on January 7, 2008
Nowadays it's amazin' raising young.
Rule #1: keep your fazers on stun.
<>
posted by kosem at 3:04 PM on January 7, 2008
I totally failed in my attempted deployment of the faux King Geedorah tag.
posted by kosem at 3:05 PM on January 7, 2008
posted by kosem at 3:05 PM on January 7, 2008
I'm wondering if you could knock out the computer controller of a car with a Taser. I know they're vulnerable to high voltages under some circumstances.
Killing a few random, probably already unhealthy people is apparently acceptable to us, but if they turn out to be dangerous to cars...
posted by jamjam at 3:06 PM on January 7, 2008
Killing a few random, probably already unhealthy people is apparently acceptable to us, but if they turn out to be dangerous to cars...
posted by jamjam at 3:06 PM on January 7, 2008
Never understood this sort of gaity connected with weaponry. You don’t see people doing this to, say, a drill press. Ah, don’t get me started.
posted by Smedleyman at 3:24 PM on January 7, 2008
posted by Smedleyman at 3:24 PM on January 7, 2008
The iProd.
Dance, you fucker.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 3:32 PM on January 7, 2008 [9 favorites]
Dance, you fucker.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 3:32 PM on January 7, 2008 [9 favorites]
I think the widespread adoption of tasers is sure to lead to a great deal of hilarity on the streets of America. I for one look forward to the entertainment.
posted by clevershark at 3:38 PM on January 7, 2008
posted by clevershark at 3:38 PM on January 7, 2008
Metafilter doesn't do tasers well. Nobody does, because they're made of fail.
posted by Free word order! at 3:45 PM on January 7, 2008
posted by Free word order! at 3:45 PM on January 7, 2008
It's what they call "Fashion with a Bite."
It sure does bite.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 4:04 PM on January 7, 2008
It sure does bite.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 4:04 PM on January 7, 2008
the widespread adoption of tasers
I know that there is a widespread adoption by law enforcement, but I've never heard anything to indicate that the general public is doing so. I realize that there is a significant difference between a taser and a basic stun gun, but stun guns have been available for quite some time and I don't recall hearing many stories about their use or abuse.
posted by ericales at 4:11 PM on January 7, 2008
I know that there is a widespread adoption by law enforcement, but I've never heard anything to indicate that the general public is doing so. I realize that there is a significant difference between a taser and a basic stun gun, but stun guns have been available for quite some time and I don't recall hearing many stories about their use or abuse.
posted by ericales at 4:11 PM on January 7, 2008
Boy howdy, if I saw a lady packin' one of those in leopardskin I'd romance that filly AND be sure to stay on my toes!
posted by Turtles all the way down at 4:24 PM on January 7, 2008
posted by Turtles all the way down at 4:24 PM on January 7, 2008
Oh my God. This is almost a case of life imitating art.
Here in Australia we have a program on TV called Newstopia (kind of like The Daily Show) which did a story a few weeks back about how, given the success of the iPhone, Apple is going to release the iGun.
Monkeys is the craziest people, indeed.
posted by Effigy2000 at 4:25 PM on January 7, 2008
Here in Australia we have a program on TV called Newstopia (kind of like The Daily Show) which did a story a few weeks back about how, given the success of the iPhone, Apple is going to release the iGun.
Monkeys is the craziest people, indeed.
posted by Effigy2000 at 4:25 PM on January 7, 2008
I know that there is a widespread adoption by law enforcement, but I've never heard anything to indicate that the general public is doing so.
They've only been marketed to individuals for a short time (maybe a year), so it's not quite there yet, but I think it's a bit like MP3 players -- the Apple of the taser world will come along and soon enough it'll be on everyone's Xmas list.
posted by clevershark at 4:31 PM on January 7, 2008
They've only been marketed to individuals for a short time (maybe a year), so it's not quite there yet, but I think it's a bit like MP3 players -- the Apple of the taser world will come along and soon enough it'll be on everyone's Xmas list.
posted by clevershark at 4:31 PM on January 7, 2008
Can we just label the taser as a lethal weapon and be done with it already?
posted by flatluigi at 4:52 PM on January 7, 2008
posted by flatluigi at 4:52 PM on January 7, 2008
That's great and all but I'm looking for something even more hip and trendy. Don't they make something that'll brand Hello Kitty's face into my hide as I get electrocuted?
posted by Parannoyed at 5:09 PM on January 7, 2008
posted by Parannoyed at 5:09 PM on January 7, 2008
If only there was also speaker setup...perhaps with a fish...that you could tase?
posted by Smedleyman at 5:10 PM on January 7, 2008
posted by Smedleyman at 5:10 PM on January 7, 2008
I really love how Tasers now look so good and play such cool music. Pretty soon everyone will have one and life will be pretty damn close to perfect I think.
I'm not forseeing the Taser that doubles as a lipstick case however.
posted by Camofrog at 5:26 PM on January 7, 2008
I'm not forseeing the Taser that doubles as a lipstick case however.
posted by Camofrog at 5:26 PM on January 7, 2008
Well, gotta do something to compete with the much older designer Stun Gun market.
UZI Micro Stun Gun Pen Size 300,000 Volt by UZI
1 Used & new from $34.06
Home & Garden: See all 23 items
Hey, it's in the right section, isn't it?
posted by drstein at 5:45 PM on January 7, 2008
UZI Micro Stun Gun Pen Size 300,000 Volt by UZI
1 Used & new from $34.06
Home & Garden: See all 23 items
Hey, it's in the right section, isn't it?
posted by drstein at 5:45 PM on January 7, 2008
"Pretty soon everyone will have one and life will be pretty damn close to perfect I think."
posted by Camofrog at 11:26 AM on January 8
I'm just trying to imagine what that world would be like...
posted by Effigy2000 at 5:54 PM on January 7, 2008
posted by Camofrog at 11:26 AM on January 8
I'm just trying to imagine what that world would be like...
posted by Effigy2000 at 5:54 PM on January 7, 2008
I can hardly wait to read about the dumbshit who puts his cellphone up to his ear, only to find he's mistaken his Taser for his cell.
Oh, how I will laugh.
posted by five fresh fish at 6:21 PM on January 7, 2008 [1 favorite]
Oh, how I will laugh.
posted by five fresh fish at 6:21 PM on January 7, 2008 [1 favorite]
OTOH, I can completely understand why a woman would want to carry a Taser (especially if she has to go places where she might be at extra risk) and since most women prefer pretty things, I can understand why they make them pretty too. Like the pink handguns.
But adding an audio player is simply too weird for me. They should build in a camera instead to capture the perp's expression as they are Tazed; this gets instantly uploaded to the Tazed Sucka! channel on YouTube.
posted by Camofrog at 6:57 PM on January 7, 2008 [1 favorite]
But adding an audio player is simply too weird for me. They should build in a camera instead to capture the perp's expression as they are Tazed; this gets instantly uploaded to the Tazed Sucka! channel on YouTube.
posted by Camofrog at 6:57 PM on January 7, 2008 [1 favorite]
They should build in a camera instead to capture the perp's expression as they are Tazed.
Well ... there is the optional TASER CAM (Audio/Video Recording for Enhanced Accountability) available to consumers for just $499.95.
posted by ericb at 7:59 PM on January 7, 2008
Well ... there is the optional TASER CAM (Audio/Video Recording for Enhanced Accountability) available to consumers for just $499.95.
posted by ericb at 7:59 PM on January 7, 2008
Well ... there is the optional TASER CAM (Audio/Video Recording for Enhanced Accountability) available to consumers for just $499.95.
Hm. Well I'll be darned. And for just $500. It's not very pretty though.
posted by Camofrog at 9:06 PM on January 7, 2008
Hm. Well I'll be darned. And for just $500. It's not very pretty though.
posted by Camofrog at 9:06 PM on January 7, 2008
I think the idea is that if it contains a music player as well, you're more likely to bring it with you. If you don't have it with you, it doesn't do you any good in a real emergency, but since most of the time it'll just be dead weight, it might as well do something useful besides waiting around for you to need it.
I can see the thought process that went into it, and I don't think it's the worst idea in the world, but they need to find a way of marketing it that doesn't parody itself quite so effectively.
posted by Kadin2048 at 9:15 PM on January 7, 2008
I can see the thought process that went into it, and I don't think it's the worst idea in the world, but they need to find a way of marketing it that doesn't parody itself quite so effectively.
posted by Kadin2048 at 9:15 PM on January 7, 2008
I would wonder if they can be used to forcibly cancel car alarms, jamjam.
Whoops, been done.
posted by abulafa at 9:21 PM on January 7, 2008 [1 favorite]
Whoops, been done.
posted by abulafa at 9:21 PM on January 7, 2008 [1 favorite]
Wow maxwelton, I stand corrected. Although given the hello kitty vibrator, I should have suspected everything was up for grabs.
posted by Smedleyman at 7:46 AM on January 8, 2008
posted by Smedleyman at 7:46 AM on January 8, 2008
This serves as an awful reminder that here in the UK we may as well still have rationing and the Attlee government: civilian use of tasers is discouraged by law. Tasers and the Segway. This will be as terrible a problem for our sportsmen and sportwomen when Segway Taser Jousting sweeps the sporting universe as our current handgun regulations are for target shooters.
posted by tannhauser at 8:49 AM on January 8, 2008 [2 favorites]
posted by tannhauser at 8:49 AM on January 8, 2008 [2 favorites]
Segway Taser Jousting
Oh, fuck yeah!!!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 9:27 AM on January 8, 2008
Oh, fuck yeah!!!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 9:27 AM on January 8, 2008
I'd expect this sort of thing in Bogota, America is fucked.
Oh, come on, we've been making smaller-sized pink handguns for years and we haven't slid off the deep end yet have we?
What are you looking at?
posted by Pollomacho at 9:38 AM on January 8, 2008
Oh, come on, we've been making smaller-sized pink handguns for years and we haven't slid off the deep end yet have we?
What are you looking at?
posted by Pollomacho at 9:38 AM on January 8, 2008
...given the hello kitty vibrator, I should have suspected everything was up for grabs.
Taser + vibrator <--- now THERE'S an idea!
a very, very bad idea.
posted by LordSludge at 9:45 AM on January 8, 2008
Taser + vibrator <--- now THERE'S an idea!
a very, very bad idea.
posted by LordSludge at 9:45 AM on January 8, 2008
Taser + vibrator <--- now THERE'S an idea!
Don't stop tasing me, bro! Don't stop!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:03 AM on January 8, 2008
Don't stop tasing me, bro! Don't stop!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:03 AM on January 8, 2008
Institutional sadism is one of the last signs of a civilization in decline, but this really takes it to a new level. I am wholly disgusted.
posted by ikkyu2 at 7:35 PM on January 8, 2008
posted by ikkyu2 at 7:35 PM on January 8, 2008
A recent advertisement for consumer TASERs in PC Magazine showing a businessman in an airport + snapshots of wife and kids and the tagline "There when I can't be" totally freaks me out.
posted by flotson at 5:49 AM on January 9, 2008
posted by flotson at 5:49 AM on January 9, 2008
Freaked out, as in There when I can't be? Except I don't think you'll find her self-applying in his absence.
posted by five fresh fish at 7:03 AM on January 9, 2008
posted by five fresh fish at 7:03 AM on January 9, 2008
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posted by Space Coyote at 2:38 PM on January 7, 2008