Poetic Table

January 30, 2008 5:40 AM

Grills made of you are worn by sellers of drugs / You are used in cars, and great for spark plugs. A periodic table of rather bad poetry about the elements. Via This compilation of periodic tables.
posted by Wolfdog (17 comments total)

Grills made of you are worn by sellers of drugs / You are used in cars, and great for spark plugs.

When I first read this I thought it was going to be a post about alternatives to traditional burials or cremation.
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 5:58 AM on January 30, 2008

Actually, "Oxygen" is the entire text of a one-line poem. I can't remember who wrote it.
posted by roll truck roll at 5:59 AM on January 30, 2008

Group ten is where you belong
For your chemical properties I long
Bendable, resistant to corrosives and heavy,
All other elements are engrossed in envy.

The whole concept is corrosive.
posted by three blind mice at 5:59 AM on January 30, 2008

Let's see... a collection of similar objects, all of them slightly different in some way. How best for one to classify them into common groups and notice trends?

That's right! All that's left is to make a periodic table of periodic tables!
posted by jcronen at 6:11 AM on January 30, 2008

Buckshot of time past,
Ducks are falling right and left.
Don't eat the paint chips.
posted by Wolfdog at 6:31 AM on January 30, 2008

I wish I knew more on
the subject of boron,
because then this ditty
would be slightly less shitty.
posted by Abiezer at 6:33 AM on January 30, 2008 [3 favorites]

So. Farewell, then,
Atom of Ununbium-277.
Your half-life
Was just 0.7 milliseconds.
Cripes.
posted by No-sword at 6:47 AM on January 30, 2008 [1 favorite]

Man, that site is enough to make C. P. Snow reconsider his position.
posted by TedW at 6:55 AM on January 30, 2008

I smell Vogons!
posted by the_very_hungry_caterpillar at 6:59 AM on January 30, 2008 [1 favorite]

I read "grills made of you" and started thinking about cannibalism. Mmmmm cannibalism.
posted by Mister_A at 7:08 AM on January 30, 2008

Come back, zinc!
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 7:13 AM on January 30, 2008

Okay, I couldn't resist, and since they have submissions shut down, here goes:

Xenon, you most noble of gases!
You make possible Edgerton and disco,
yet others inhale you,
and simply fall asleep.
posted by TedW at 7:23 AM on January 30, 2008

It's times like these we need Ernest Noyes Brookings more than ever.
posted by louche mustachio at 7:26 AM on January 30, 2008

`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borongoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.
posted by patricio at 7:37 AM on January 30, 2008

What horrors man's modern inventions
What evils we thoughtlessly spawn
Our minds full of Noble intentions
Our hearts, all too often — Argon.
posted by Wolfdog at 7:47 AM on January 30, 2008 [4 favorites]

Well, it's a improvement over stuff we used to come up with in HS chem class like "after he died, we did barium in the krypton the hill."

Mr. Parker, my Chem teacher: "...an example of a homgeneous mixture. Hey, Bobby! Do you know the meaning of 'homogeneous'?"

Bobby: "Uh....a smart queer?"
posted by pax digita at 11:12 AM on January 30, 2008

Pt, it's symbol, stands for perfectly toned.
Other elements don't compare, they always get owned.

I like the battle-rap overtones in this ode by Jill Murray. But she can't compete with Nora Nicholl's inspired drugs/spark plugs rhyme - or the moving apostrophe to platinum in the preceding stanza, ending with a cunningly judged half-rhyme:

Platinum you are the best element
And I love your periodic placement
The number 78 is sacred
And if you asked me to marry you, I would
posted by Mocata at 12:14 PM on January 30, 2008