Charles Bronson: Not to be messed with.
January 30, 2008 5:57 PM   Subscribe

Don't Mess with Charles Bronson (Videos) Charles Bronson is not to be messed with on the street, in any man made structure, but certainly not on a train. When Charles Bronson wants to sit alone and read his paper on the subway, leave Charles Bronson alone.
posted by thisisdrew (34 comments total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
 
Don't Mess with Charles Bronson

WELL DUH
posted by billysumday at 6:18 PM on January 30, 2008


Charles Bronson sure does love his cologne.

Also, I watched Death Wish for the first time mere days before seeing The Brave One. It was a strange experience.

I read 2001 while on a plane watching Contact too. I think that's somehow related.
posted by ODiV at 6:21 PM on January 30, 2008 [1 favorite]


Charles Bronson is such a bad dude, he can sell Japanese cologne and not lose a shred of credibility.

I don't know about that...

Also, holy. shit. He's pouring that stuff on. Was that really how people rolled in the 70s?
posted by CKmtl at 6:23 PM on January 30, 2008


Also, that's a great site. Bronson!
posted by billysumday at 6:23 PM on January 30, 2008


These movies played right into the fears and frustrations of folks afraid of their crime ridden cities of the 70's. It seemed like the police couldn't help and Charles Bronson and his ilk rode into town like Shane (well, quite a bit more violent) and kicked some criminal ass. People feeling weak and vulnerable at the hands of street thugs cheered.
posted by caddis at 6:31 PM on January 30, 2008


Before Chuck Norris goes to sleep at night, he checks under his bed for Charles Bronson.
posted by amyms at 6:34 PM on January 30, 2008 [13 favorites]


He had quite a range, too. From a killer afraid of tight spaces in The Great Escape to a killer who likes kids in The Magnificent Seven, he portrayed the full range of human experience. We were destined not to see his equal in expressiveness until the advent of Keanu Reeves.
posted by DU at 6:35 PM on January 30, 2008 [4 favorites]


When I was younger I loved the movie The Mechanic.
posted by Mr_Zero at 6:44 PM on January 30, 2008


...To a killer with no name in Once Upon a Time in the West. So many nuanced tones and flavors in the killer palette.
posted by basicchannel at 6:50 PM on January 30, 2008


Apple pays Chuck Norris Charles Bronson 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
Chuck Norris Charles Bronson can eat just one Lay's potato chip.
Chuck Norris Charles Bronson doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.


For those of us who think Chuck Norris has become a sad religious zealot freakazoid weirdo conservative fundamentalist spooky creepy person, Charles Bronson can be the new Chuck Norris. At least until we learned what Charles Bronson's real political leanings are. We can keep doing this until all we have left is Bruce Willis. God help us.
posted by ZachsMind at 7:01 PM on January 30, 2008 [2 favorites]


For those of us who think Chuck Norris has become a sad religious zealot freakazoid weirdo conservative fundamentalist spooky creepy person, Charles Bronson can be the new Chuck Norris. At least until we learned what Charles Bronson's real political leanings are.

There is one...small...problem with this.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 7:11 PM on January 30, 2008


ZachsMind, hate to dissapoint but Bruce Willis is a Republican. and FWIW, Stallone recently endorsed McCain.
posted by Heminator at 7:12 PM on January 30, 2008


As he got older and stouter his dispatching of bad guys got a bit lazier...just raised his shooting arm and pop.
posted by Burhanistan at 7:14 PM on January 30, 2008


Well, ZachsMind, Walter Hill did say Willis would be the Last Man Standing.
posted by cgc373 at 7:17 PM on January 30, 2008


15 years ago I wuz detemined to watch this movie Death Wish that I'd heard a lot about. Cropped up numerous times in Mad magizine and various other places.

And by god I did.

Not a bad movie, IIRC. During the rape scene I remember going "Holy eff! That's Jeff Goldblum!!!" They spray painted her ass. 2 rude.
posted by uncanny hengeman at 7:18 PM on January 30, 2008


Apparently the lesson these street toughs don't appreciate is that you need to bring a GUN, not a knife, if you plan to fight Mr. Bronson.
posted by ferdydurke at 7:18 PM on January 30, 2008


There is one...small...problem with this.

In the same vein, Lee Marvin always struck me as a manly sort. Jesus, he's been dead over 20 years.
posted by maxwelton at 7:20 PM on January 30, 2008


Barney Fife: "Where's Otis? He's not in his cell!"
Charles Bronson: "I shot him."
Barney: "Well that's just - you WHAT?!""
Bronson: "Now I'm going to Emmit's Fix-It Shop. To fix Emmit."
posted by Iridic at 7:23 PM on January 30, 2008 [1 favorite]




Things I learned watching "Death Wish 3".
8) Stuffed cabbage smells wonderful!, indeed.
posted by NoMich at 7:35 PM on January 30, 2008



Charles Bronson: November 3, 1921 – August 30, 2003.

FRGHTENED: FAIL!
posted by lalochezia at 7:44 PM on January 30, 2008


Charles Bronson wants everyone to think he's dead, to make it easier for him to sneak up on and kill his enemies.

Oh, and Bruce Willis is a pussy.
posted by ZachsMind at 8:30 PM on January 30, 2008


Bronson was pretty tough, actually. When he was in his late 60s or early 70s, he encountered a burglar in his apartment. He subdued the guy (and broke the burglar's arm while doing so.)

And while not strictly a tough tale, Bronson did tell David McCallum that he was going to marry McCallum's wife after meeting her. Two years later, Jill Ireland was was Mrs. Charles Buchinsky.
posted by bigskyguy at 9:54 PM on January 30, 2008


i've never seen a movie where the audience erupted in applause every five minutes, except for death wish. that was a people-pleaser. it made a very simple statement, and a lot of people agreed with that statement.
posted by bruce at 12:25 AM on January 31, 2008


The Goodies book 'Disaster Movie' relentlessly pummels Bronson from almost page one. IIRC, he's characterised as only 2 foot tall, and in their 'movie' plays the back end of a pantomime Shih-Tzu (spelled Shitzu in the book), the front half played by equally diminutive John Wayne. (using memories over 20 years old here so errors may occur)
posted by Henry C. Mabuse at 12:33 AM on January 31, 2008


He wasn't always so tough. Katharine Hepburn beat him up in Pat and Mike.
posted by ubiquity at 12:53 AM on January 31, 2008


Smart Dalek! Oh man, that Telefon trailer is good. I remember catching it on Channel 4 or something late at night and being amazed that the Naked Gun had just lifted a whole scene from it without having to rewrite it at all.
posted by Mocata at 2:19 AM on January 31, 2008


The British Charlie Bronson would have the other one any time...
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 2:56 AM on January 31, 2008


Is there a writer's strike for the internet too? Is that why we are seeing meme repeats?
posted by srboisvert at 3:09 AM on January 31, 2008


He's no Lee Marvin. The douchebag.
posted by longbaugh at 4:50 AM on January 31, 2008


Hey, let's not be shortsighted. Chuck Norris and Charles Broson are both lightweights compared to the Demon King of Hardcore: Riki-Oh.
posted by aftermarketradio at 6:03 AM on January 31, 2008


bigskyguy: "And while not strictly a tough tale, Bronson did tell David McCallum that he was going to marry McCallum's wife after meeting her. Two years later, Jill Ireland was was Mrs. Charles Buchinsky."

Wait... Where did this Buchinsky guy come from... oh... wait... ok, I get it!
posted by symbioid at 9:14 AM on January 31, 2008


A quick flip through Bronson's IMDb credits reminded of his status as one Hollywood's Vague Ethnics, that curious class of dark but recognizably (and safely) caucasian actors that casting directors used to favor for roles that fell outside of WASP provenance. ANY role. In Bronson's case, that would include "Grigori Borzov," "Dan Shomron," "Chino Valdez," "Pardon Chato," "Rodolfo Fierro," "Janos Colescou," and "Bernardo O'Reilly." (And, more naturally, a slew of guys with names like "Kovac" or "Brodsky.") Other Vague Ethnics included Eli Wallach, Peter Lorre, Yul Brynner, Omar Sharif, Topol, Anthony Quinn (who was perhaps their patron saint), and Robbie "Running Brave" Benson (who was almost certainly their Antichrist.)

Today, naturalistic casting has all but killed off the Vague Ethnic as such. Vin Diesel and Dwayne Johnson (who in a previous generation might have played Mexicans, Iroquois, Israelis, Arabs, and Russians) now receive post-racial roles, characters with names like "Rick Smith" or "Xander Cage."

(Looking back over what the past couple paragraphs, I noticed that no actresses came to mind when I was listing Vague Ethnics. Surely there were female equivalents to Eli Wallach, but damned if I can think of any. Suggestions?)
posted by Iridic at 9:35 AM on January 31, 2008 [1 favorite]


Oh man, that Telefon trailer is good.

Proof that Robert Frost can drive people to murder.
posted by kirkaracha at 10:32 AM on January 31, 2008


« Older prefab   |   Octopus now goes to 11. Newer »


This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments