ADA-Compliant Pornography

April 1, 2008 11:09 PM

Porn for the Blind is a not-for-profit organization dedicated to producing audio descriptions of sample movie clips from adult web sites. This service is provided free of charge. [NSFW]
posted by basicchannel (32 comments total)

"She is... uh... licking the, um, shaft of the penis. And, uh, she is giving a partial handjob. Uh... she has recommenced the oral sex, focusing mainly on the head. Fade to black."
posted by papakwanz at 11:14 PM on April 1, 2008

The only way that could be made less erotic is if they...

No, there's no way that could made less erotic.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 11:19 PM on April 1, 2008 [1 favorite]

Can I just say that I'm very disappointed by the guy who recorded the milfhunter clip. Very unprofessional.
posted by papakwanz at 11:20 PM on April 1, 2008 [3 favorites]

This is bizarre. The "big tits, round asses" clip is almost poetic.
posted by dismas at 11:26 PM on April 1, 2008

I just can't decide whether I think this is for real or not. In either case, it's totally fascinating. And kinda hilarious--". . .the page is light green. At the top of the page is the 'Big Tits Round Asses logo. . . inside the house, they engage in a wide variety of sexual acts, flashing in rapid succession. . ."

However, if this is intended sincerely then I'd suggest that horny blind folks find an audio book version of "Delta of Venus" instead.
posted by flotson at 11:29 PM on April 1, 2008

These people don't know what they're doing, it's Gianna's Big Tittie Tune-Up.




... well, it is!
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:31 PM on April 1, 2008 [3 favorites]

Strangely, it is not Section 508-compliant.
posted by basicchannel at 11:36 PM on April 1, 2008 [3 favorites]

Finally! Something for those of us who are looking for at-home work, but aren't spontaneous and/or uninhibited enough for phone sex.

I've been told I am a very enthusiastic reader and a descriptive narrator, where do I send my application?
posted by amyms at 11:37 PM on April 1, 2008

Perhaps this would help better: 8-tracks of 69
posted by carsonb at 12:18 AM on April 2, 2008 [3 favorites]

Someone should tell NY State Governor David Paterson about this.
posted by ornate insect at 12:21 AM on April 2, 2008 [2 favorites]

If those people don't stop jerkin' it to porn, they're gonna go... oops! Too late!
posted by PeterMcDermott at 1:02 AM on April 2, 2008 [11 favorites]

Descriptive Video Service movies are all and also hilarious to we droll folk with sight. My favorite, of course, has a sex scene: Top Gun.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 2:01 AM on April 2, 2008

I'm betting on hoax.

(Gianna 4eva though!)
posted by loiseau at 2:02 AM on April 2, 2008

What a terrific idea. Especially as so many blind people must have been at some point, extremely enthusiastic masturbators.
posted by rhymer at 2:53 AM on April 2, 2008 [10 favorites]

I'm also betting on spoof, inspired by this.
posted by johnjreiser at 3:41 AM on April 2, 2008

All credit for getting Truman Capote to do the Bang Brothers one

"I think I'll have to watch it about five more times, thank you."

Oh and Milfhunter is like some sort of beat poetry...
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 3:50 AM on April 2, 2008

The idea of this totally made me think of this (and I think the next couple of) Achewood strip.
posted by opsin at 4:32 AM on April 2, 2008

Gyah, I missed johnjreiser's post there... Damn!
posted by opsin at 4:34 AM on April 2, 2008

I'm so glad April Fools Day is all done.
posted by chunking express at 5:05 AM on April 2, 2008

Lots of dead, blind kittens on April first.
posted by mctsonic at 5:23 AM on April 2, 2008

I prefer my porn in braile.
posted by Pollomacho at 5:53 AM on April 2, 2008 [1 favorite]

Playboy in braille
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 6:27 AM on April 2, 2008

I remember once seeing a cartoon where a dog was describing the centerfold of a magazine to a blind man while the blind man masturbated.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 7:42 AM on April 2, 2008

I would've thought that Gianna Michaels would bring eyesight to the blind.

Also, this is amazing.
posted by stinkycheese at 8:45 AM on April 2, 2008 [2 favorites]

This is really great, I'm sure there are many ways to describe porn scenes, ranging from pathetic to really funny. I'm going to download some and listen to them during my morning endless commuting chore.
posted by nicolin at 10:58 AM on April 2, 2008

This made my DAY. I think that some of these clips may be appearing in a mashup for the local DJ Trainwreck competition!
posted by Unicorn on the cob at 11:12 AM on April 2, 2008

The only way this could work is with auctioneers....or horse racing announcers.

Aaannn!Shestakingoffherblousetheblouseiscomingoffherecomestheblouseit’soffandshesgot: Greattits
Greattits
aandthey’rebouncingasshejerkshimoffshe’sjerkinghimoffrunningherhandupanddownupanddown - along- his- penizzzzz.
Hiz peenizzz.
...
And *that’s* a handjob...

A hand-job...

Paying two to one.

Aaannnd! nowshesrubbinghisballstheballsarebingrubbedshesrubbingandrubbingtheballs

etc.
posted by Smedleyman at 11:13 AM on April 2, 2008 [20 favorites]

I'm reminded of this photo of a Braille Playboy in Tarryn Simon's great exhibition and book An American Index of the Hidden and Unfamiliar.
posted by hot soup girl at 11:57 AM on April 2, 2008

Deaf porn (real, and definitely NSFW).
posted by tits mcgee at 12:57 PM on April 2, 2008 [2 favorites]

Until they provide Helping Hands for Amputee Porn Hounds, I'm gonna have to say 'Discrimination.'
posted by jonmc at 4:44 PM on April 2, 2008

"hey, you keep doing that you'll go..never mind."
posted by jonmc at 4:45 PM on April 2, 2008

The "Crossing Midnight" comic had, early on, a blind Yakuza boss visiting a strip club, with a henchman to give concise descriptions of the scene. It was odd, like someone reading the descriptions from a script.
posted by Pronoiac at 12:33 AM on April 5, 2008