Asparamancy

April 10, 2008 8:09 AM

Jemima Packington a Worcester fortune-teller claims she can tell people's futures by using asparagus. Ms Packington, who calls herself Britain's only "asparamancer", showed off her technique at the British Trade and Travel Fair at Birmingham's NEC. Actor Tony Robinson, Baldrick in the comedy series Blackadder, also happened to be there and had his asparagus read by her.

She says she stumbled across her asparagus-predicting skills a few years ago by chance, after some stalks fell on the floor and she made a prediction which came true.

For a more sensible take on this wonderful vegetable see Asparagus! (A Stalk-umentary)

posted by electricinca (22 comments total)

"Two spears facing away from you means what you get out of life you have to work for."

Now that's some lazy fortune telling right there.

Someone tell her about The Amazing Randi's million-dollar prize; she could buy enough asparagus to tell the fortunes of everyone in England.
posted by Huck500 at 8:16 AM on April 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

"I predict in the near future your pee will smell really, really bad."
posted by bondcliff at 8:29 AM on April 10, 2008 [5 favorites]

Every asparamancer needs a caulifamiliar.
posted by cowbellemoo at 8:37 AM on April 10, 2008 [3 favorites]

Actor Tony Robinson, Baldrick in the comedy series Blackadder, also happened to be there and had his asparagus read by her.

This must have been an interesting one. "Three and a half asparagus stalks forward, covered by 3/4 of an asparagus stalk rampant on a field of asparagus stalks: you have an optimistic disposition, a difficult boss, an uncomfortable field billet, and your next meal is rat rather than asparagus. That'll be 50p, please."
posted by vorfeed at 9:29 AM on April 10, 2008

she'd better watch that - eventually it will lead to the dark arts of neccomancy and dannonology
posted by pyramid termite at 9:36 AM on April 10, 2008

No stranger than divination by pink chicken.

What?
posted by sandraregina at 9:42 AM on April 10, 2008

How amazing. A "new" fortune-telling method that gives you the same old generic statements and advice.

Gee, let me try...

You are too critical of yourself. Nobody is perfect and you can't expect that of yourself. You possess a natural animal magnetism. The next 12 months will bring many proposals, proposals for love, career, business, or money. So much potential!

I personally liked some other lines better, from a rare work I have...

As a child you were much shorter. Even though you dislike Mondays, you find the rest of the week a drag. Though you're old fashioned in certain respects, you still like modern toilets. You find great pleasure in joy.

Though you fear rejection, you merit it.
posted by splice at 9:45 AM on April 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

And if it wasn't clear enough, I obtained the previous insights through Displayhammeromancy, which involves hitting an LCD screen with a foam hammer and observe and interpret the created patterns.
posted by splice at 9:47 AM on April 10, 2008

Only the British. Only the British
posted by Charlie Lesoine at 10:06 AM on April 10, 2008

"Stirs up lust in man and woman."

Well obviously Tony's been eating plenty...
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 10:09 AM on April 10, 2008

Is it any more insane than believing gaseous spheres light years away predicted you were going to fall in love with a metrosexual paralegal named Kevin?
posted by Bathtub Bobsled at 11:00 AM on April 10, 2008

Is it any more insane than believing gaseous spheres light years away predicted you were going to fall in love with a metrosexual paralegal named Kevin?

HOW DID YOU KNOW??
posted by lumensimus at 11:17 AM on April 10, 2008 [2 favorites]

Baldrick, I believe the phrase rhymes with Clucking Bell.
posted by DreamerFi at 11:33 AM on April 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

Maybe she misheard a reference to divination by astragalus?
posted by raygirvan at 11:36 AM on April 10, 2008

Well, it's less repulsive than stercomancy, I'll give it that.
posted by malocchio at 12:05 PM on April 10, 2008

*GLARES SULLENLY*
posted by Asparagirl at 12:11 PM on April 10, 2008 [2 favorites]

hey, I said LESS repulsive....I really should have stayed in bed today.
posted by malocchio at 1:09 PM on April 10, 2008

"Two spears facing away from you means what you get out of life you have to work for."

Here in America, two Spears facing away would've meant 3 fewer babies. (Sigh....)
posted by inigo2 at 1:25 PM on April 10, 2008

In Soviet Russia Asparagus Reads YOU!
posted by Sam.Burdick at 6:30 PM on April 10, 2008

I can only make predictions if there are crocodiles involved.
posted by crocomancer at 4:19 AM on April 11, 2008

Actor Tony Robinson, Baldrick in the comedy series Blackadder ...

Poor guy. He's brought the wonders of archaeology to the masses, given us insight into the daily lives of the little people who made the precursors to modern societies possible, walked us through a "what if?" journey on the fate of a monarchy, and bared his family and his soul exploring the sadness of Alzheimer's.

And what's he remembered for? Having a thingy shaped liked a turnip.
posted by Pinback at 5:04 PM on April 11, 2008

He was also a fairly serious politico too!

From Wikipedia:

From 1996 to 2000, he was vice-president of the actors' union Equity, helping with a huge restructuring programme which turned a £500,000 deficit into a small surplus. Since leaving, he was elected to the Labour Party's National Executive Committee, a position he held from 2000 to 2004.

OF course I prefer to think of him as the short guy with the girl-friend less than half his age... Playah!
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 5:21 PM on April 11, 2008