June 8, 2008 8:36 AM   Subscribe

Special Containment Procedures lists a collection of unusual, bizarre and often disturbing objects.

Come for the Everything Tree, stay for the Worst Thing In The World.

An exercise in Creepypasta (previously on Metafilter.)
posted by panboi (27 comments total) 17 users marked this as a favorite
I can't seem to get the site to even load...
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 8:51 AM on June 8, 2008

Oh it loads, the server just sucks. It seems to be a lame wiki of made up artifacts and such. Each page has a description of the artifact/alien device/machine gun complete with fake redacted sections and obscured dates.

Since the pages are supposed to look like real reports, it's kinda dumb to have on a wiki since anyone could go back and 'revert to previous' and learn all about that mysterious biological motherboard or the secret behind the MP5 photoshopped to look like an organic weapon.

I didn't read enough pages to see if there's an underlying story in the pages or if it's just a place for people to make up a classified story about a fiction piece of whatever.

Here's Wikipedia's take on it:
Special Containment Procedures, a series of fictional governmental documents detailing the handling of various supernatural and otherwise anomalous objects and entities.
posted by Science! at 9:00 AM on June 8, 2008

You got your 4chan in my MetaFilter.
posted by yhbc at 9:02 AM on June 8, 2008 [2 favorites] implies
posted by Nelson at 9:04 AM on June 8, 2008

Thanks Science!, that was hella concise.

I eventually waited for all of the pages to load. Yeah. Lame is definitely the word to describe it. Lame and slow.
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 9:13 AM on June 8, 2008

lame & slow & crap.
posted by msconduct at 9:16 AM on June 8, 2008

Special Containment Procedures Crew have been notified and are on their way.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 9:22 AM on June 8, 2008

Web 2.0 doesn't work for art.
posted by sonic meat machine at 9:23 AM on June 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

So is this for a Will Smith movie? I hope so.
posted by fuq at 9:42 AM on June 8, 2008

So is this for a Will Smith movie? I hope so.

Nope. Like it or not, 4chan is sort of the antidote to viral advertising. This is all 12 year olds making up scary stories without giving a shit about monetizing it.
posted by TheOnlyCoolTim at 9:52 AM on June 8, 2008

This made me laugh:

Action 326-B: Gateway of site 62 (SCP-004) is to be destroyed. This must be done regardless of personnel or facilities remaining within the site. Remnants of the Gateway — or the gateway itself if destruction proves impossible — are to be contained in the same manner as SCP-579. High Command will then issue further instruction.

In the event of an unsuccessful Action 326-B, no further action will be necessary.
posted by TheOnlyCoolTim at 10:21 AM on June 8, 2008

Let's just say it. This is some seriously dumb shit. Seriously.
posted by Seekerofsplendor at 10:36 AM on June 8, 2008

I like it, but then I also like Warehouse 23.
posted by contraption at 10:54 AM on June 8, 2008

I love stuff like this. Thanks. The site is too damned slow though.
posted by joelf at 11:12 AM on June 8, 2008

I read one of them. I rather liked it, for what it is. Little bits of imagining, created whole from the mind of a human being. Like archaeological finds, from which one can posit a back story.
posted by Goofyy at 11:34 AM on June 8, 2008

There's nothing awesomer than this type of thing when it's done right. Unfortunately, not many of these particular ones were.
posted by xbonesgt at 11:48 AM on June 8, 2008

I like this line from the guidelines for authors:

The secret underground shadow government doesn't resort to typing with the caps lock on when they want to emphasize that something must be done "at all costs".
posted by xchmp at 11:53 AM on June 8, 2008

Like archaeological finds, from which one can posit a back story.

Actually, what I love about things of this sort is that they suggest two back stories: one for the described object, and another for the author of the piece. "Make up a bizarre or impossible object" is such an open-ended prompt that at their best, these things read like the Archetypes that populate some particular dork's subconscious.
posted by contraption at 11:56 AM on June 8, 2008

Nice idea. But easily ruined by inappropriate diction.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 12:39 PM on June 8, 2008

I don't usually go for this sort of thing. I found the x-files disappointing, haven't had any real urge to watch 'Lost', and I even find old Twilight Zones somewhat overrated. For some reason, however, I'm really digging this.

I think in part its the brevity of each article. I don't feel cheated by the implausibility of something which took me a minute to read the way I do after blowing a half hour on bad writing and commercials.

SCP-11, in particular, gave me chills and made me smile.
posted by Reverend John at 2:13 PM on June 8, 2008

I haven’t quite been able to shake the notion that SCP-100, The Porta-Potty From Hell, reads like a surreal account from an Iraq War vet... but its only been about 30 minutes and counting.
posted by Huplescat at 2:27 PM on June 8, 2008

Some of us can be H. P. Lovecraft.

Some of us are just hideous mockeries; the desire to be horrifying reflected in pale, vacuous eyes. Claw like hands, raking on keyboards, like the sound of rats in the ceiling. And load times which the human mind cannot fathom.

That being said, 12 year olds making up scary stories is exactly the kind of intel you need when your goal every October 31st is screaming 12 year olds.
posted by Kid Charlemagne at 5:13 PM on June 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

These and Warehouse 23 reminded me of the miniseries "The Lost Room." They also reminds me of Borges, in a fan-fic sort of way. It might not be the best writing, but perhaps it will inspire someone with more talent.
posted by bashos_frog at 6:06 PM on June 8, 2008

very much like the lost room. All this needs is a watch that can make hard boiled eggs.
posted by joelf at 10:09 AM on June 9, 2008

It's certainly worth bookmarking to go back to for a quick laugh. The variable dog was pretty funny.
posted by Kronos_to_Earth at 1:05 PM on June 9, 2008

Reminds me a bit of Monday Begins on Saturday by Boris and Arkady Strugatsky. The latter is much better done, but I enjoyed some of these.
posted by wretched_rhapsody at 1:13 PM on June 9, 2008

Boris and Arkady Strugatsky

Yes, I was just coming in to mention Roadside Picnic, which inspired Tarkovsky's Stalker.
posted by Dean King at 2:03 PM on June 9, 2008

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