Under the wide and starry sky / Dig the grave and let me lie: / Glad did I live and gladly die, / And I laid me down with a will.
June 22, 2008 9:31 AM   Subscribe

Ugly [single link photobucket post]
posted by orthogonality (141 comments total) 25 users marked this as a favorite
 
Why you make me cry today? Why?
posted by brain cloud at 9:47 AM on June 22, 2008 [2 favorites]


Damn you orthogonality, damn you.

*hugs Ugly--tightly*
posted by hadjiboy at 9:53 AM on June 22, 2008


No.
posted by rtha at 10:05 AM on June 22, 2008


It kind of undermined the story to have a widdle cutesy kitten in the pic instead of the grotesque, pox-ridden abomination described.
posted by RokkitNite at 10:05 AM on June 22, 2008 [7 favorites]


.
posted by jayCampbell at 10:06 AM on June 22, 2008 [1 favorite]


RedditFilter?
posted by effbot at 10:08 AM on June 22, 2008


No, Ugly, is was then that I carried you.
posted by shakespeherian at 10:10 AM on June 22, 2008 [28 favorites]


Ugly gave me worms.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:11 AM on June 22, 2008


This story didn't do anything for me. It's probably because I'm insanely attractive and couldn't really empathize or understand Ugly. I mean unbelievably attractive. I stop traffic. Also, it was hard to read.
posted by allen.spaulding at 10:14 AM on June 22, 2008 [10 favorites]


:'(
posted by nitsuj at 10:16 AM on June 22, 2008


One would have to have a heart of stone to read the death of Ugly without tears

of laughter.
posted by matthewr at 10:17 AM on June 22, 2008 [3 favorites]


I hate cats
posted by fullerine at 10:19 AM on June 22, 2008 [1 favorite]


Hey asshole, why don't you try to

[spoiler!]





save the sweet, starved-for-affection kitty BEFORE it






[spoiler!!]




gets mauled to death?
posted by Lou Stuells at 10:20 AM on June 22, 2008 [9 favorites]


Well, this explains early dating experiences.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 10:22 AM on June 22, 2008 [1 favorite]


Orthogonality, you sonovabitch. And what hadjiboy said, double.
posted by illiad at 10:26 AM on June 22, 2008


*weeps* Now I need to go hug PointyCat.
posted by pointystick at 10:30 AM on June 22, 2008


I'm kinda wondering why the writer didn't try to help the cat sooner.
posted by Liosliath at 10:34 AM on June 22, 2008


Whoops, didn't preview. What Lou Stuells said.
posted by Liosliath at 10:35 AM on June 22, 2008


How is he supposed to know that the cat's going to try humping the dog? Is he a mind reader?
posted by stoneegg21 at 10:39 AM on June 22, 2008


Hey asshole, why don't you try to save the sweet, starved-for-affection kitty BEFORE it gets mauled to death?

Well, that's no way to learn a valuable lesson.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 10:42 AM on June 22, 2008 [1 favorite]


I'M IN YUR APARTMENT DIE-ING IN YUR ARMS.
posted by three blind mice at 10:43 AM on June 22, 2008 [38 favorites]


Dammit. The tears welled until they spilled over.
posted by Stewriffic at 10:43 AM on June 22, 2008


Thanks for making my Sunday sadder, asshole.

(so sweet!)
posted by notsnot at 10:43 AM on June 22, 2008


So trite. EmailforwardFilter.
posted by m0nm0n at 10:45 AM on June 22, 2008


The cat loved three things, fighting, eating garbage and "love". In humans, this would be a promiscuous, overly dramatic alcoholic who would posted to AskMe and gotten almost universal scorn.

God, cat lovers are annoying sometimes.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 10:52 AM on June 22, 2008 [7 favorites]


Tuesdays With Ugly
posted by revfitz at 10:55 AM on June 22, 2008


May CeilingCat forever watch over this impoverished angel. Altus cattus diligo vos.
posted by cowbellemoo at 10:57 AM on June 22, 2008 [2 favorites]


So the morals of the story are; when unpleasant situations arise, don't do anything until it's too late, and be sure to use others' misfortune as an opportunity to make yourself feel something. Awesome - I'll pass that on to my kids.
posted by forallmankind at 11:02 AM on June 22, 2008 [16 favorites]


I think it's much better when you combine two Metafilter posts into one.
posted by eperker at 11:04 AM on June 22, 2008 [49 favorites]


Agreed. I also like the imagery of the story disappearing off into space forever....
posted by forallmankind at 11:10 AM on June 22, 2008


I thought this was going to be about those ugly-ass Bruno Maglis.
posted by StickyCarpet at 11:13 AM on June 22, 2008


I like that this story starts with a creature receiving universal scorn and ends with someone being surprised that said creature is starved for affection. "Gosh, I thought for sure that Ugly was completely satisfied being pelted with rocks and drenched with hoses. Who knew?"

Additionally: why is the moral of the story to "be Ugly"? What does that mean? Eat more garbage? Be even more desperate for attention and approval? Suckle strangers? I understand that the author is attempting to promote acceptance, but I don't think that's what the final phrase necessarily implies.
posted by Help, I can't stop talking! at 11:23 AM on June 22, 2008 [6 favorites]


This reads like a creative writing exercise. Keyword; maudlin.
posted by gallois at 11:29 AM on June 22, 2008


Well I, for one, think I've learned a valuable lesson... if you want to avoid suffering a horrible death, don't trust anyone.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 11:30 AM on June 22, 2008


;_;
posted by Arturus at 11:43 AM on June 22, 2008


This cat was brain-damaged.

We cry because we're ugly and brain-damaged and desperately hope that someone will let us snuggle as we die.
posted by jayCampbell at 11:43 AM on June 22, 2008 [2 favorites]




Why did the cat cross the road?
To die. In the rain.

At any rate, the real story here is the income disparity between cats of different socioeconomic backgrounds. It left Ugly impoverished on the street, without access to proper medical care, until he succumbed at last to gang violence.
posted by Krrrlson at 11:58 AM on June 22, 2008 [13 favorites]


I like that this story starts with a creature receiving universal scorn and ends with someone being surprised that said creature is starved for affection. "Gosh, I thought for sure that Ugly was completely satisfied being pelted with rocks and drenched with hoses. Who knew?"

Seems to me like he's surprised that even inches away from death, the cat was still looking for affection. And that he's surprised that with all he's been through, Ugly still reaches out for compassion.

And the moral, well... is it really that surprising that he would be inspired by the cat? If you simply drop your cynicism, and realize that people can be moved and affected by all sorts of things, it's not really that hard to grasp.
posted by ORthey at 11:59 AM on June 22, 2008 [2 favorites]


Why do I have the (very bad) feeling that this image will be forwarded to me by GF's mother any day now?
posted by vertigo25 at 12:33 PM on June 22, 2008


God, cat lovers are annoying sometimes.

You must love cats a whole lot, then.
posted by loquacious at 12:45 PM on June 22, 2008 [5 favorites]


it's a sad story but - people would throw stuff at him and he'd curl around their feet? they'd spray him with a hose and he just stood there? he decided that it would be a good idea to love a couple of huskies?

ugly wasn't real smart, was he? either that or someone was dosing his cat food with e
posted by pyramid termite at 12:49 PM on June 22, 2008 [1 favorite]


Is this one of them object lesson in meta posts?
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 12:51 PM on June 22, 2008


wow...i didn't know i could vomit from both ends at the same time.

i guess i learned something, too!
posted by sexyrobot at 1:05 PM on June 22, 2008


[via] (not the story, but the combination of the story+pic)
posted by kaytwo at 1:06 PM on June 22, 2008


The cat loved three things, fighting, eating garbage and "love". In humans, this would be a promiscuous, overly dramatic alcoholic who would posted to AskMe and gotten almost universal scorn.

Ugly's MeFi name is jonmc.

I keed! I keed!
posted by five fresh fish at 1:06 PM on June 22, 2008


25 Den a lawyr d00d ax "Boss, how I gits to liv forevr?" 26 Jebus ax "Wut duz da r00lz say?" 27 Lawyr d00d sez "U shd luvz Ceiling Cat wit hart an soal an bodee an brainz, an u shd luvz ur naybor as much as u luvz ur self." 28 Jebus sez "Dats rite. Do dat an u liv." 29 But lawyr d00d ax "But who beez mai naybor?"

30 Jebus sez "Wons up on a tiem, a d00d goed frm Jerusalem to Jericho. But OH NOES! Him get beeted up an robd an stuf, an him almost deded. Srsly! 31 Den priest d00d walk by an ignor him. 32 Den Levite d00d walk by an preten not seez him. 33 But Samaritan d00d seez him and sez "OMGWTF?!!! Iz u ok?!" 34 An him helpd hurted d00d an givs him fud 35 an takz him to vet an promisz to payz vet bill.

36 So wich won of dez tree wuz naybor to him dat got robd?"

37 Lawyr d00d sez "Him dat was nies to him." An Jebus sez "Dats rite. So do liek dat."
posted by carsonb at 1:24 PM on June 22, 2008 [6 favorites]


eperker WINS!
posted by liza at 1:35 PM on June 22, 2008


". . . And that's the story of how 'Ugly' got his name changed to 'Delicious!'"
posted by freshwater_pr0n at 2:01 PM on June 22, 2008 [4 favorites]


I'm sorry - I must need better glasses. The effect was somewhat spoilt by my wondering at the strangeness of Ugly trying to suckle the narrator's car.
posted by raygirvan at 2:31 PM on June 22, 2008 [2 favorites]


You guys, this shit's not funny. This is exactly how my brother died.
posted by Astro Zombie at 2:31 PM on June 22, 2008 [4 favorites]


You guys, this shit's not funny. This is exactly how my brother died.

Suckling a narrator's ear?
posted by Caduceus at 2:35 PM on June 22, 2008 [1 favorite]


Uh, injured cats often purr.
posted by nicwolff at 2:39 PM on June 22, 2008 [2 favorites]


You guys, this shit's not funny. This is exactly how my brother died.

Suckling a narrator's ear?


Well, he died as he lived.
posted by PlusDistance at 2:46 PM on June 22, 2008 [2 favorites]


So trite. EmailforwardFilter.

I actually read this story years ago in a forwarded email, so you're 100% correct.
posted by MaryDellamorte at 2:59 PM on June 22, 2008


Okay, did anyone read this trite piece of manufactured fluff and actually experience an epiphany? Sheesh, I hope it would take more than that.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 3:08 PM on June 22, 2008


The story, with animated gifs and music from cats... in the environment that surely spawned it, a geocities site.
posted by HuronBob at 3:13 PM on June 22, 2008 [3 favorites]


Orthogonal to best of the web.
posted by thedaniel at 3:28 PM on June 22, 2008


I was basically unaffected by the story, but the site HuronBob posted had me in peals of laughter, something about the gif of the cat trying to hug the girl who walks towards it over and over again in an endless loop, and the clip art of the man charging towards the cat with his lawnmower is oddly compelling.

I am slightly astounded that it doesn't appear to be in jest.
posted by emperor.seamus at 3:44 PM on June 22, 2008


If the little kitten could have spoken, I think he might have said these magical words....

"I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I've watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. All those... moments will be lost in time... like... tears..in rain". "Time...to die.".
posted by Senator at 3:48 PM on June 22, 2008 [1 favorite]


I hate cats

It must suck to have to live that way.
posted by Liquidwolf at 4:01 PM on June 22, 2008 [1 favorite]


Some people are not born awakened.
Their eyes open as another's close.
posted by batmonkey at 4:26 PM on June 22, 2008


It must suck to have to live that way.

Only the ear is affected.
posted by stirfry at 4:31 PM on June 22, 2008 [1 favorite]


a geocities site.

Ahhh, Comic Sans... the perfect life-lesson memorial anecdote typeface
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 4:36 PM on June 22, 2008 [1 favorite]


you must love cats a whole lot, then.

Grilled, not fried.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 4:38 PM on June 22, 2008


(I've seen abused animals lick their abuser as they are kicked; I've seen animals denied love their entire lives after a few short weeks of human affection in their beginnings endure agonies in hopes they may be pet at the end; I've seen neglected and tormented human children latch on to any being willing to show them kindness, even when every other gesture was evil; I've watched allegedly sentient humans - "higher animals" - do these things to weaker beings and laugh and jeer and make "high fives" over twitching bodies and mewling cries...I could choose to joke about such things, I suppose, but then that would make me almost as much of an asshole as the people who caused such pain in the first place. Instead, dear orthogonality, I thank you. Sometimes reading about someone else's epiphany, knowing that one other person has stopped seeing suffering as banal and hilarious, is enough to give one just a little hope, even though it has blossomed from something so foul and egregious.)
posted by batmonkey at 4:42 PM on June 22, 2008 [3 favorites]


Fucking animal abusers. Fuckers. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuuuuuuuuuck! It doesn't matter if you were only observing something like this happening, it's just as bad as if you did it yourself if you don't act like a motherfucking grownup, step in and help. You don't have to adopt the cat yourself, but would it kill you to take a half hour out of your day to take it to a shelter? Or even CALL a local shelter for pickup?

JESUS FUCKING TAPDANCING BUBBLE TEA-DRINKING CHRIST. This is the second horrific thing I've heard along these lines this week. The other one? Some asshole boyfriend kicked out the eye of this lady's daughter's baby dachshund. When they came home, he was smoking a fucking cigarette on the porch and tried to blame it on the other dog in the house. He's going to court this week. He'll get a slap on the wrist and probably do it again. I wish to God someone would stab him somewhere so he could never reproduce.

THIS IS WHY I DO NOT OWN A GUN. If I did it would just be too damn tempting to avenge all the lost and lonely animals who suffer terrible things at the hands of we supposedly superior beings.

You know, this shit may be total emailforwardFilter, but in the greater scheme of things, we have a very big problem in this country with animal abuse, and short of tying everyone down and making you all watch that sob-inducing Sarah MacLachlan ASPCA commercial over and over and over again with your eyes pried open like Clockwork Orange, I don't know what it's going to take to get people to wake up and realize that animal abusers are sick fuckers who richly deserve everything I'd happily lavish upon them if given half a chance. Innocent animals. What the fuck did they ever do to these people to deserve such abuse?
posted by bitter-girl.com at 4:43 PM on June 22, 2008 [5 favorites]


Not a fan.

It's not because I don't appreciate the sentiment, but the whole story/image combo is so overwrought and drippy that it trivializes the horror of animal abuse.
posted by Kadin2048 at 4:58 PM on June 22, 2008 [5 favorites]


Here's what I got from it, your reaction, as evidenced above, may differ:

The cat loved to fight, and root in garbage, and make sweet rutting cat-love to the lady cats.

He wasn't an indoor cat, he wouldn't have wanted to be. Neutering, a bowl of milk, dry cat food, these were not for Ugly. That's why the narrator didn't try to take Ugly in. The cat would have lived longer, but he wouldn't have been happy coop-ed up indoors, wouldn't have understood why he couldn't go out and enjoy the delicious garbage and the rumbles with dogs.

He died as he lived, wild and free. There's a line by Kipling, I can't find it now, about the graves of the dead of WW1, where he writes about one soldier who (paraphrasing) "paid the cost to live and die as he would".

Or as Robert Louis Stevenson put it in "Requiem":

UNDER the wide and starry sky
Dig the grave and let me lie:
Glad did I live and gladly die,
And I laid me down with a will.

This be the verse you 'grave for me:
Here he lies where he long'd to be;
Home is the sailor, home from the sea,
And the hunter home from the hill.
posted by orthogonality at 4:59 PM on June 22, 2008 [1 favorite]


I'm not sure learning lessons about being human from a cat is the best idea.
posted by frenetic at 5:00 PM on June 22, 2008 [2 favorites]


Please won't someone think of the ugly, scabby cats?

First they came for the ugly cats, and I did not speak up for I was not an ugly cat.

Can't ugly cats all just get along?
posted by Nelson at 5:10 PM on June 22, 2008


bitter girl...

Fucking animal abusers. Fuckers. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuuuuuuuuuck! It doesn't matter if you were only observing something like this happening


you DO know this is fiction, right???
posted by HuronBob at 5:24 PM on June 22, 2008


To everyone who is self-righteously condemning the more cynical of us. This "Ugly" story is not about the cat. It's not meant to make the reader say, "I hadn't thought about it, but animal abuse is really terrible!"

It's all about the human telling the story. The human who couldn't be bothered to do anything to help the animal until it was way too late. It's a story about a person looking at a terribly hurt animal, and saying "Gee! That cat has taught me to be a less shallow person! I can't wait to go find a cute picture of a kitty cat/design a website and write up my story in maudlin prose - that'll show the depth of my humanity."

The story isn't about the narrator's regret over his or her failure to act, or over human actions in general. It doesn't end with the narrator wondering why people are so ugly to ugly things. It ends with a cutesy pun about the dead cat's name. Hell, the entire story is a build up to the pun.

No sincerity whatsoever. Forgive me if I don't shed a little tear over this hack's work.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 5:25 PM on June 22, 2008 [4 favorites]


MetaFilter: Ugly
posted by bwg at 5:27 PM on June 22, 2008


HuronBob, you DO know that this may be fiction, but that these things happen more frequently than we'd care to admit in real life, right??? See, for example, the sad story of the dachshund in my post.

And it's indicative of a deep level of sickness in our society that people are capable of laughing off the hackery (because, presuming this story isn't true, it is awfully hacky, as Solon and Thanks has pointed out) while forgetting the fact that stories like this DO happen every single day. THAT is why I am angry. Usually the animal in question ends up actually dead or maimed, and that doesn't lend itself to cutesy internet crap. We all too quickly become inured to animal abuse.

What disturbs me even more is that there very well could be a grain of truth in the story. When's the last time you saw an animal in need of help and didn't stop to give it? I was raised to believe it is not only the right thing to do, but the only possible thing to do. Most people, it seems, have not been similarly socialized. And in the worse instances it results in blinded dachshunds and stomped kittens...not just shitty internet JPGs that are easy to mock and ignore.
posted by bitter-girl.com at 5:39 PM on June 22, 2008 [1 favorite]


He wasn't an indoor cat, he wouldn't have wanted to be. Neutering, a bowl of milk, dry cat food, these were not for Ugly. That's why the narrator didn't try to take Ugly in. The cat would have lived longer, but he wouldn't have been happy coop-ed up indoors, wouldn't have understood why he couldn't go out and enjoy the delicious garbage and the rumbles with dogs.

I am currently engaged in Year 5 of the positive control of this experiment. It's been an adventure.
posted by Tehanu at 5:47 PM on June 22, 2008 [1 favorite]


I could choose to joke about such things, I suppose, but then that would make me almost as much of an asshole as the people who caused such pain in the first place.

Yes, mocking some poorly-written fictional prose that's barely readable because of the crappy layout is just like kicking a cat! We are bad, bad people!
posted by five fresh fish at 5:54 PM on June 22, 2008


Hey, bitter-girl, eff off. There are far more tragic things to feel bad about than hypothetical cats. Get a grip on yourself.
posted by five fresh fish at 5:56 PM on June 22, 2008


Meh. I suppose "eff off" is a bit of an overreaction. Sorry.
posted by five fresh fish at 6:00 PM on June 22, 2008


The moral of the story is: If you try to hug a huskie, it will maul you.
posted by LogicalDash at 6:04 PM on June 22, 2008


I think the moral of the story is, if you are ugly, it helps if you are a cat, but only towards the end. And suckling is endearing but only when you are dying and you are a cat. Yes, I think I have gleened a powerful lesson.
posted by Foam Pants at 6:06 PM on June 22, 2008


And it's indicative of a deep level of sickness in our society that people are capable of laughing off the hackery

no, it's a sign of health that people are reacting to this kitschy story that is basically waving a poor animal around like a bloody flag in order to make some kind of schmaltzy point that people should try to act more like abused animals - or something - it didn't even have the dubious moral of being nicer to our animal friends - no, it actually encourages us to be too stupid to avoid those who would maul and abuse us because we should just "trust" people and hoses and huskies like ugly did

in fact, if i were a cat, i would feel insulted and angered that this storyteller dared to imply that cats are that dumb and lacking in self-preservation

this is contrived manipulative tripe and is the kind of tale told by people so they can feel good and caring about themselves for believing it - even if, in their complacency, they support other horrible things such as our current war without giving it a second thought
posted by pyramid termite at 6:08 PM on June 22, 2008 [4 favorites]


Hey five fresh fish, right back at you. Just as other terrible things in the world are right and appropriate to be angry about, so is this. The difference is that we generally don't have vultures hanging out on the roofs of soup kitchens across North America, while we do have an awful lot of animal abuse cases. Too many.
posted by bitter-girl.com at 6:09 PM on June 22, 2008


five fresh fish:
Sometimes, even fiction has lessons to teach. Have you never heard of a parable?
posted by batmonkey at 6:10 PM on June 22, 2008 [1 favorite]


Oh jeez louise. No. Just no. What's next, do we make an FPP on some douche's "Footprints" webpage? What the fuck, man.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 6:10 PM on June 22, 2008


What's next, do we make an FPP on some douche's "Footprints" webpage?

you mean "doucheprints" don't you?
posted by pyramid termite at 6:13 PM on June 22, 2008


I suppose "eff off" is a bit of an overreaction.

Don't worry about it. Overreacting is par for this Really Lame Thread.

I agree with any comment that says that this image is a bad way to raise awareness of animal abuse.
posted by artifarce at 6:14 PM on June 22, 2008


you mean "doucheprints" don't you?

Awwwwwww...

That reminds me of a story
posted by kittens for breakfast at 6:14 PM on June 22, 2008 [2 favorites]


I cried too.
The mentally ill are the Ugly of humanity. The meds make them fat, the high dosage necessary to subdue their fears make their expression vacant, shakes and tremors are a frequent side effect. At best they are tolerated, most times they are shunned, in the worst cases they are thrown in jail. Strike that last part: in the worst cases they are beaten to death.
posted by francesca too at 6:17 PM on June 22, 2008 [3 favorites]


"...we generally don't have vultures hanging out on the roofs of soup kitchens across North America..."

not yet we don't, missy, not yet..... but you can be darn sure I'll be taking my shotgun with me when I go get lunch tomorrow....
posted by HuronBob at 6:18 PM on June 22, 2008 [1 favorite]


And, on post -- sorry, five fresh fish. Plus, yes to batmonkey. I would hope that even if the story is schmaltzy and stupid and probably not 100% true it might cause someone out there to think about the underlying problems that DO exist out there.

I readily admit that I am horribly, horribly biased in favor of protecting animals after seeing far too many examples of this kind of thing, including one of my own, who had been locked in a box and left to die with his brother at the tender age of two weeks before his rescue. This doesn't mean I don't give a damn about dying children in Sudan. However, I am able to actively help, advocate, and fundraise for something I deeply believe in right here close to home, and I do. It's how I was raised -- from a very early age my mother taught me that animals cannot speak for themselves and that we should speak for them when we can.
posted by bitter-girl.com at 6:22 PM on June 22, 2008


Everyone's taking it as just being about this one animal or just fuzzy critters, which confuses me.

I think the value of this and the way it is written is much like discussion of mustard seeds and Good Samaritans and encountering one's teacher upon the path.

Just because some people are overly literal-minded and viciously cynical doesn't mean everything that raises emotion based on sympathetic details (fictional or non has nothing to do with it) is baseless or worthless. For them, maybe, and that's fair. But there are those who only learn from the hardest fall, and can only make connections when given every possible thread and directions on how to tie them together. This doesn't invalidate how they learn. It shows there is a way to reach even that type of mind. And that has value.

And for those getting freaked out because some respondents are more empathetic and react more strongly to stories of this type...may I advise a long walk culminating in a liberating leap into a cool body of water, preferably one contained on all sides by land?
posted by batmonkey at 6:32 PM on June 22, 2008


"....a cool body of water, preferably one contained on all sides by land?"

?
posted by HuronBob at 6:45 PM on June 22, 2008




As opposed to those bodies of water contained by air?
posted by artifarce at 6:47 PM on June 22, 2008


I'm thinking the point that is being missed is that this particular set of individuals is probably going to motivated to cat saving action by statistics, true accounts, and honesty... fictional characters in tear jerking one page Internet spam will probably only elicit...ahhh, let's see...maybe sarcasm, or humor?

This convinces me to save another cat (of which I have five of, all rescue cats) about as quickly as "footprints" gets me to church on Sunday.... in other words, not at all.... in fact, I may evict one of these little pointy eared freeloaders out just on principal....and blame it on Ugly!
posted by HuronBob at 6:51 PM on June 22, 2008 [1 favorite]


4chanest of the web.
posted by Citizen Premier at 6:53 PM on June 22, 2008


artifice & huronbob:
I thought y'all liked wordplay :(

Try one more time then memail me :D
posted by batmonkey at 6:53 PM on June 22, 2008


er...artifarce, not "artifice". A mistake not quite ironic, but amusing nonetheless. I hope you'll pardon me...?

Also, on non-preview:

huronbob:
Again: why just cat-saving? There's a deeper point in there.
posted by batmonkey at 6:57 PM on June 22, 2008




If this post saves just one ugly scabby stray yowling rutting cat's life, it will have been worth it.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 7:05 PM on June 22, 2008 [1 favorite]


CKmtl, the problem is, I think, we could make a case that ALL bodies of water are eventually touching (therefore "contained") land on all sides, otherwise they would go off into infinity... Perhaps the sentence could have just ended with "...a liberating leap into a cool body of water."

bm... I guess I'm just adverse to looking for "deeper points" in poorly written spam....
posted by HuronBob at 7:09 PM on June 22, 2008


I think, we could make a case that ALL bodies of water are eventually touching (therefore "contained") land on all sides

Actually, it's the exact opposite way around. It's all the land that's contained by water. Take a look at a world map some day: mostly water, a little land.
posted by five fresh fish at 7:24 PM on June 22, 2008


Just as other terrible things in the world are right and appropriate to be angry about, so is this.

I agree: this monstrously bad web page with its overwrought story is very much indeed something to be angry about.
posted by five fresh fish at 7:26 PM on June 22, 2008


I don't think Ugly was suckling his ear out of affection. No. He was whispering "GET ME TO A FUCKING HOSPITAL!!! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU WAITING FOR ASSHOLE!!!" Yep. Thats what I think.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 7:59 PM on June 22, 2008 [2 favorites]


Wasn't this written by Jack Handey? Also, in my old neighborhood there was a cat similar to Ugly but we all called him Lucky. Glass half full.
posted by Sailormom at 8:08 PM on June 22, 2008


Only the ear is affected.

That joke is affected.
The ear would be effected.
posted by Liquidwolf at 8:27 PM on June 22, 2008


Lucky the half-faced cat
posted by Artw at 8:27 PM on June 22, 2008


Thank you for making my point.
posted by bwg at 8:49 PM on June 22, 2008


Lucky 2006, lucky 2007.
posted by Artw at 8:50 PM on June 22, 2008


I think someone in this thread needs a hug.
posted by SPrintF at 8:55 PM on June 22, 2008


I hope you'll pardon me...?

Hey, if Ugly can pardon the human race, then I surely can pardon you for mistyping a confusing, dumb user name. (there's also an Artifice Eternity on mefi)
posted by artifarce at 9:19 PM on June 22, 2008


This is incredible.

I'm not sure the right way to say this, but basically, this is not for you, average MeFite.

This is not meant for the kind of person who has absorbed most of the philosophical writings on existence, death, morality, and ethics.

This is not meant for people who are activists for abused animals, or are advocates for international aid to places with made-up sounding names like "The Sudan".

This is not meant for people who want to have semantic arguments about how lakes and oceans are really the same thing, if you only judge by water containment methodologies.

It is absolutely comical to see how many people "don't get it". Plate of beans, meet Ugly the cat.

Astounding really. Most people here are so fucking smart they can't even absorb this tiny throw-away platitude, meant for people with appliques on their sweaters and who use their computer for email forwards and 20 minutes of Yahoo Games before bedtime.

It would be like a modern day surgeon trying to use a flint knife.

There is nothing to see here, there is no larger point, it is not deep, it is not complicated, it is a heartstring tug for the sub 130 IQ's out there in the cheap seats of the internet.

This isn't for you MetaFilter. Don't. Just don't.

And by the way, some of you must have spam filters made from alien technology. Based on your reaction to this, some of the stuff I receive on a daily basis from well-meaning women in my company would make some of you fling yourselves off the top of your brownstones. I'm not kidding.

Do you know there are people that send little pre-made prayers in emails? With animated .gif angels and everything?
posted by Ynoxas at 9:23 PM on June 22, 2008 [6 favorites]


It is absolutely comical to see how many people "don't get it".

Oh my God this thread is SO great! Now we get the "smart people who with all their book learnin' just don't get it like ordinary folks."

All we need now is a hooker with a heart of gold and a cop who gets shot 3 days before retirement.
posted by drjimmy11 at 9:59 PM on June 22, 2008 [3 favorites]


Ynoxas:
This isn't for you MetaFilter. Don't. Just don't.

See, I feel the same way. If only I could build a time machine and whisper same into orthogonality's ear before he clicked 'submit'...

obligatory lols

Your argument is really confusing - the gist seems to be "this is shitty and lots of dumb people think it's profound, so you should stop making fun of it".
posted by thedaniel at 10:05 PM on June 22, 2008 [1 favorite]


Ah... but that was when the ugly cat was carrying YOU!
posted by Artw at 10:24 PM on June 22, 2008 [2 favorites]


That joke is affected. The ear would be effected.

Er, no. To "effect" something is to cause it to happen. To "affect" something is to influence it. The original quote is "It must suck to have to live that way." Only the ear is affected. The ear is not caused by the sucking: it is influenced by it.
posted by five fresh fish at 10:39 PM on June 22, 2008


drjimmy11: A swing and a miss. Would you like to try again? Surely you want to expend some more effort on this tripe. The hint would be in my post, where I said that there was nothing to get. But yet, here we are.

thedaniel: Again, a swing and a miss. It has nothing to do with making fun of it. It is trite, schmaltzy, ridiculously saccharine garbage. It is not worth making fun of, but it is not offensive if you do. It is simply superfluous.

It has to do with MeFi being the wrong audience for this.

Stuff like this doesn't "work" for tragically hip, hyper-self-conscious ironic sarcasm. This is the equivalent of walking into your aunt's house and finding a needlepoint "God Bless Our Soldiers" slogan over one of the doors.

There's nothing more to it. There's nothing to analyze or deconstruct. It has no deeper meaning. The person who made it was done in 5 minutes and moved on to something else. Watching people trying to weigh the heady implications of Ugly's nomadic and independent existence is either offensive, or embarrassing, or both. It's both really.
posted by Ynoxas at 10:41 PM on June 22, 2008 [1 favorite]


Do you know there are people that send little pre-made prayers in emails? With animated .gif angels and everything?

Were there true justice in this world, they'd be mauled by huskies and Ugly would be alive.
posted by five fresh fish at 10:42 PM on June 22, 2008 [4 favorites]


To attempt to be a bit more clear:

It is not offensive to make fun of it, because it is garbage.

It is offensive to try to analyze and deconstruct it, because it is garbage.

Or maybe I'm just sad because there's a little bit of Ugly in all of us, and some are more Ugly than others.
posted by Ynoxas at 10:45 PM on June 22, 2008 [1 favorite]


OK, sure, this is a poorly designed image with a trite story about a hypothetical cat, and Metafilter may be a bit too snarky of a locale for it to be discussed, but I still say that anyone who abuses an animal deserves a good hard kick square in the nuts.
posted by BillBishop at 10:46 PM on June 22, 2008 [3 favorites]


Ynoxas, you were right the first time, when you described your own routine as offensive and embarrassing.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 10:47 PM on June 22, 2008


I don't like animal abuse, nor do I like the abuse of the mentally ill, poor people or immigrants, for that matter. But I don't need contrived mawkishness to raise my awareness about whatever issue du jour champions decide MUST be disseminated to the proletariat. Makes me want to kick ... something.
Besides, the cat probably already got his revenge.
posted by peacay at 12:00 AM on June 23, 2008 [1 favorite]


"To give my total to those I cared for."
Total what? Total of dead cats I have collected?
posted by tellurian at 12:27 AM on June 23, 2008


Oh jeez louise. No. Just no. What's next, do we make an FPP on some douche's "Footprints" webpage? What the fuck, man.

posted by kittens for breakfast at 1:10 PM on June 23 [+] [!]


Flagged for conflict of interest.
posted by UbuRoivas at 1:38 AM on June 23, 2008 [1 favorite]


Stuff like this doesn't "work" for tragically hip, hyper-self-conscious ironic sarcasm.

Yes it does. You just need to play a Celine Dion midi file in the background.
posted by UbuRoivas at 1:46 AM on June 23, 2008


This blatantly manipulative story turned out to be quite the tear-jerker for me anyway. I cried. I couldn’t help myself. Yes, I cry, even when I know I’m being played. It got under my skin and inspired me to recount the following long-winded tale.

It reminded me of a little kitten I had the pleasure of knowing, for a brief time, about 5 years ago when I was traveling around Thailand. My then-boyfriend, Gabriel, and I spent about a month on Koh Lanta, which is a beautiful island (or cluster of islands, really) on the Andaman Sea. It was always gorgeous and sunny while we were there. Soft sand, palm trees, amazingly delicious Thai food served right there on the beach—post-card style paradise.

Well, one day we were just finishing up breakfast and standing up to head back to our room, when I noticed a pretty lifeless-looking kitten lying by a rain barrel near the restaurant’s kitchen. She didn’t seem to be moving. My heart sunk, predictably, but I tried to shrug it off. I try to steel myself against these sad sights when traveling in places like Thailand, because suffering animals (and suffering people) are much more a part of the scenery, more highly visible than my privileged American lifestyle has made me accustomed to, and I just can’t go to pieces every time I see this kind of suffering, right?. I can’t save every one of them—I JUST CAN’T!
So I turned away from her, determined to go on with my morning, but it suddenly registered with me then that in my last glimpse of her, she appeared to take in a deep breath. I went over to get a closer look, and she was, in fact, alive.
Still, though: on her way out, from the look of things. Nothing to be done, I told myself. Gotta walk away now.
But then I saw the ants. They were swarming around her, particularly her feet, which were red, and bloody-looking. I saw the ants crawling around her still-breathing body, making her little feet twitch helplessly, and I decided that I wouldn’t be able to just leave her there for the ants. I know, ants need to eat too, but it was too wretched to knowingly let them pick her apart. If nothing else, I would take her back to my room, and give her a clean, dry, soft, quiet place to die.

For all I know, the nice people who ran the bungalow had drowned her intentionally. Cats at that bungalow were generally tolerated and shown some measure of affection, but hey, maybe they decided that there were getting to be too many cats around, and drowning kittens was a convenient method of population control. I have no way of knowing. In any case, they must have thought we were insane, picking up this little wet rag of a dying cat and taking it back to our room with us.

I have to tell you: we fell in love with her immediately. She was so affectionate—nuzzling her little head into our arms and purring when we rubbed her neck and tickled her ears. We named her Angel (I know), but she was precious in every sense. She was soft and white and tiny. Even her disturbing little wheeze was haunting and sweet. She sounded like a little cricket. We let ourselves love her even though we knew she would probably die.
We expected her to die. We prepared ourselves.

But she did not die.
She showed enthusiasm for drinking water and eating canned tuna from our fingers. It was great! We were elated. This cat was going to make it. We would sort out the paperwork and bring her home with us, by God. I can’t save them all, but I can save this one! A drop in the ocean, but so what? It will matter.

We caught a truck ride into town and purchased baby formula, cat food, a baby bottle, and some little baby toys for her to play with from one of the tourist shops. Then we ran across the street to the chemist to purchase something that would kill her fleas (she was covered with them). The best they could come up with was some scabies medicine. It would have to do.

Back in the room, we filled the sink basin with cold water (it’s all we had) and got her wet. Beneath her wet, white fur were so many fleas she looked speckled. We tried to apply the insecticidal soap as quickly as possible, because she was clearly upset. This weak, loving little ball of fluff quickly became a yowling, struggling mess. It’s standard for cats to hate baths, so even though she fought fiercely, I didn’t think too much of it as it was happening. (At that time, I hadn’t yet considered that the bungalow staff might have tried to drown her on purpose just a couple days earlier.)

We hoped that with the blood-suckers off her and some proper nourishment, we would now help her to become even stronger and healthier.
But the bath really took it out of her.
She had fought us so hard, it seemed, that she had exhausted what little energy she had left in her. The next day, she was no better. She was withdrawn and didn’t want to walk around much and she refused food and water. We asked our friend Mud (Muhammad) if there were any, um, “hospitals for animals” on the island? He laughed as though we had just asked him if there were any dance clubs for dogs there. It was nothing short of ludicrous to him, and to almost everyone else we asked on the island. The big island had only finally been wired for electricity a year earlier. There was only one hospital for humans—itself a huge pain in the ass to get to. No, there are no fucking hospitals for animals.
But we did find one nice cat lady in town who knew of a vet on Krabi. It was the closest, most developed city. The trip would take 4 hours. The final ferry had gone for the day, though, so we would have to wait until the next morning.

When we put her in the aerated cardboard box we devised for transport, Angel swatted and hissed at us wildly. She seemed confused and frightened. I felt awful closing the lid on her, but we had to go. I needed to help her get well or put an end to her suffering as quickly as possible. We wrapped a thin sarong around the box, still allowing her to breathe, but concealing her from prying eyes. I wasn’t in the mood for any more derision from locals or possible interference with our plan.
When we finally got to Krabi, we hired a taxi and tried to convey in our lame English (and even lamer Thai) that “we want this hospital for animals, you see?” A fine and helpful man, our driver zipped us frantically all around town searching for the place, asking friends and random people on the street until finally we found it. It was a pet store with a small section in back dedicated to treating sick animals. The taxi driver followed us in and helped translate for the vet. The vet listened to Angel’s chest with his stethoscope and shook his head. After some discussion with the taxi driver, we understood that he was saying she had pneumonia. He looked at us and waved his hand back and forth. “Pifty-pifty,” he said. 50/50.
He gave her some antibiotics and sub-cutaneous fluids from an IV bag and asked us to come back tomorrow.
“If she is not better tomorrow, or if she gets worse…can you…kill her?” I asked. “Can you put her to sleep?” He didn’t understand, but the taxi driver assisted. Once he understood, the vet shook his head quickly and said “No, no. Can’t.”

So we rented a hotel room and hoped that she would improve by morning. The hotel manager assumed Angel’s box contained a stereo, and we didn’t bother correcting him.
We left Angel alone in the room for a while to go out and find food. We wrapped her up in the sarong for warmth and comfort.
When we came back, we noticed that her breathing hadn’t improved. It seemed to be getting worse. Gabriel held her, cradling her in the sarong, and she allowed us to stroke her head gently. It seemed to soothe her. We looked down at her with so much love, knowing she probably wouldn’t make it, but still hanging on to the hope of “pifty-pifty” I had never felt my heart ache so much. I wanted her to live so badly, but she took her last breath there in Gabriel’s arms. At least she wasn’t suffering anymore.
Gabriel and I both cried hard. It was horrible. It was the worst.

I’m sorry I didn’t do better for her. I am inexpressibly glad that I got to love her, that I let myself love her.


----
This is an incredibly long comment. Hope that doesn't bother anybody. Delete as needed, but I though I'd share.
posted by apis mellifera at 3:21 AM on June 23, 2008 [7 favorites]


In keeping with the above posts... I must say that I hadn't seen this "story" and while it is sappy and drippy, considering I have a rescued cat I often refer to as "broken" it did pull on my hearstrings. I could totally see DebaserCat taking a hosing or allowing rocks and such to be thrown at him. He is completely devoid of any fight/flight survival skills, and it's a wonder he managed to live long on the streets before I happened upon him. He's a perfect cat to have around small children because of this, though... We do have to watch them, however, when we have some over, as he won't fight back worth a shit.
posted by Debaser626 at 6:58 AM on June 23, 2008 [1 favorite]


Ynoxas, you were right the first time, when you described your own routine as offensive and embarrassing.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 12:47 AM on June 23


That thud you just heard? That was irony making a dead-cat bounce off your forehead.
posted by Ynoxas at 7:23 AM on June 23, 2008 [1 favorite]


We're too judgmental. All of us. And negative. It's depressing.

Why not ignore it if it's not interesting to you on any level, if you don't feel like getting meta about it is your cup of tea?

To me, it's interesting as a parable, as someone's realisation about the draw of succor, and, yes, in what tropes are helping people get through the day-to-day. And, another wee piece of my brain holds onto a completely different set of evaluations on the off-chance it's not entirely fictional.

I've never seen this one before, and it has details that really occur (evinced by the passionate response of animal rescuers), grotesque affection (always an emotional draw), and even a pun. Also, if you look closely at the pic behind the words, it's not a traditionally cute animal at all but a gnawed and filthy calico from the sidewalks of some non-US town. It pays on all fronts.


If this had truly been inappropriate, a mod would have deleted it, right? I mean, if all those complaining had simply flagged and moved on, that's what would have happened, I assume?
posted by batmonkey at 9:11 AM on June 23, 2008 [1 favorite]


No, batmonkey, posts get deleted if they break the guidelines. As much as some Mefites might want, a posted story being dumb is not necessarily a rule-breaker. Also, I don't think anyone is arguing that the post is inappropriate, just dumb. I recognize that just because I dislike something that doesn't make it inappropriate. Since there is conflicting opinion on a non-guideline-breaking post, then I think those holding opinions have a right to express them. Would you rather an echo chamber?
posted by arcticwoman at 11:17 AM on June 23, 2008


A parable for what?
posted by five fresh fish at 5:09 PM on June 23, 2008


it's a parable for the ability of the human mind to take any happening and concoct a narrative about it that makes it about "ME"
posted by pyramid termite at 6:21 PM on June 23, 2008 [4 favorites]


> RedditFilter?

No no, has to be 4chan. They're all mushy sentimentality over there.


> There are far more tragic things to feel bad about than hypothetical cats. Get a grip on yourself.

fff is blind to the humanity of our animal, vegetable, and mineral brothers. Back to the zafu, grasshopper.
posted by jfuller at 7:49 PM on June 23, 2008


I'm not blind to the humanity of our veggie and karst companions! Not at all! That incident involving that dolomite outcropping was an accident! And the carrots — well, the carrots just deserved it, that's all I'm going to say.
posted by five fresh fish at 9:15 PM on June 23, 2008


Chase, the cat with no face. Kinda icky.

Actually, really icky. But at least Chase isn't a dead cat.
posted by five fresh fish at 10:10 PM on June 23, 2008


Oh, no, an echo chamber would be terrible.

It just seemed that some folks felt mortally wounded from the presence of the post, that's all.
posted by batmonkey at 11:08 PM on June 23, 2008


The thread this spawned is worth so much more than the image itself. Not saying I agree with anyone's take on what's going on here, but it's really interesting to see it being fought out like this. Like Ynoxas said, this isn't meant for this crowd, except that it sort of is, if you follow the link that shows where the story and background image first got put together: 4chan, in a move that was not far off from your description of "tragically hip, hyper-self-conscious ironic sarcasm".

Where you're wrong, Ynoxas, is in thinking that the analysis of garbage as more than garbage is bad. This particular image was created in the context of ironic celebration of garbage as garbage; or rather, a celebration of garbage for garbage's sake that exists somewhere between irony and sincerity, which is where most of what we call 'irony' in this sense really is. The transfer of the image from that context to this one drastically reframed the image: on 4chan it was one of many 'sadfilter' images, whereas here it stands alone, without context, without the predisposition to process it flippantly, and most critically with the encouragement of discussion about and solely about this particular image.

Based on that, and given the mixed and convoluted set of contexts that lead to the production of the image and its placement here, people have had a wide range of reactions to it. People have been reading into it the assumptions that were written into it at different stages of production— the maudlin and poorly thought through moralism of the original text; the ironic referentialism and runaway meme-building that is the hallmark of 4chan, here given with the garish combination of text and image; the plate-of-beansing set up for by it's posting here to metafilter— all informed by the culture of metafilter and our own personal biases and pet causes. The differences in readings of fundamental values of the image plus individual biases lead to widely varying interpretations and interpolations of the meaning of the image and its presence here; all of which combined to produce the argument that is the thread above.

That's all interesting. That's all here, that's all part of what there is to be analysed about this image. So while you're right on the one hand that the original text is not "for" the mefite crowd, it is also true that the meaning of a work does not stop with the intentions and contexts of its original creation; especially since this particular image does not have a linear genealogy, but rather passed through several contexts to get the particular combination of image and text that is presented here.

tl;dr: Plate-of-beansing needs no justification beyond people willing to do it.
posted by Arturus at 11:28 PM on June 23, 2008 [1 favorite]


pet causes
posted by UbuRoivas at 11:59 PM on June 23, 2008


Occupation: Student

Quel surprise.


Gender: Cute.

Forgiven!


Boy, this fall I start grad school and I'm licking my chops at the prospect of what this life change represents, as I prepare to TA. This is bad.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 12:04 AM on June 24, 2008


pet causes

I swear I didn't do that on purpose.

Occupation: Student

I never claimed not to have my own set of biases and predispositions. For what it's worth, I nearly stopped and scrapped the whole thing after I found myself using the word 'genealogy' like I did there. Sometimes I think having this much theory in my head qualifies as an infection. And this sort of shit isn't even anything close to my field of study. It's just crawled into my head and made a nest for itself, and now I can't get it out.
posted by Arturus at 12:40 AM on June 24, 2008


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