I think I like Natalie Portman more now.
July 24, 2008 9:12 PM   Subscribe

Natalie Portman releases the fire of pain inside her body and immolates herself. Neat! (YT)
posted by badego (105 comments total) 12 users marked this as a favorite
 
Apparently the singer is her boyfriend.
posted by miss lynnster at 9:23 PM on July 24, 2008 [1 favorite]


WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT OVER
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 9:23 PM on July 24, 2008 [5 favorites]


Oh wow. I just moved into the Indian neigbhourhood of my town, so my laundromat is playing Bollywood 24/7, and I've totally been loving it. Adding Natalie Portman and freak folk to the equation makes it neither more or less surreal, but possibly more awesome.
posted by Schlimmbesserung at 9:25 PM on July 24, 2008




Funny, she doesn't look Hindu.

Beware: Pubes!

"No one has reached that circuit!"

"Grandma, I love you like a salad!"

He's going to give that octopus some kind of mammal disease.

And so on..
posted by Burhanistan at 9:27 PM on July 24, 2008


Oh, and here's the track if you want to download it.
posted by carsonb at 9:28 PM on July 24, 2008


You think you can defeat me with your rebellious beard!
posted by 5MeoCMP at 9:29 PM on July 24, 2008


That'd be a CHARLIE FOXTROT.
posted by zerobyproxy at 9:35 PM on July 24, 2008


Natalie Portman's always been a bit . . . I dunno, off the silverscreen. Sense of humor, yeah, but feels a bit forced?

Patrick Stewart seems to inhabit the same space humor-wise but does a better job of it.
posted by Ryvar at 9:35 PM on July 24, 2008


Apparently the singer is her boyfriend.

She just needs to get Devendra out of her system. It's like rabies. Or leprosy. She'll walk it off, eventually. In the meantime, sit back and enjoy the ride.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 9:35 PM on July 24, 2008 [1 favorite]


Best subtitles since What's Up Tiger Lily. I laughed, I cried.
posted by louie at 9:37 PM on July 24, 2008


Sometimes the internet gives me a wonderful gift, and I have to stop myself from asking "Why?" and instead say, "Thank you."
posted by Solon and Thanks at 9:44 PM on July 24, 2008 [1 favorite]


Is this a good or a bad time to post screencaps from Closer?
posted by bertrandom at 9:45 PM on July 24, 2008


Was that ron jeremy or jeffrey tambor (.com)?
posted by askmehow at 9:59 PM on July 24, 2008


That was amazing. I'm rendered mostly speechless.

Also: Patrick Stewart is my hero. Thank you, Ryvar.
posted by Caduceus at 10:04 PM on July 24, 2008


meh. If you're going to mock bollywood, you have to be sure you don't become it. I prefer this.
posted by dhruva at 10:19 PM on July 24, 2008 [3 favorites]


She just needs to get Devendra out of her system. It's like rabies. Or leprosy. She'll walk it off, eventually. In the meantime, sit back and enjoy the ride.

Are you kidding me? It's the other way around... As weird as Banhart is, he's secretly a completely normal guy; he's not truly weird, he's just quirky, unfortunately. They're really the opposite in that sense (have you heard Portman's rants on Israel? Good lord...)

That video, though, is trying too hard; it doesn't really hit the mark on satirizing 60's Bollywood.
posted by spiderskull at 10:24 PM on July 24, 2008 [1 favorite]


Ahem.
posted by erniepan at 10:31 PM on July 24, 2008 [5 favorites]


I wish I could get Bollywood musicals on Direct TV. The frantic musical numbers with the garish colors and the joy and the dancing!

This weekend I must grill up some Tandoori with my Sharwood's Tandoori Spice. No artificial flavors or preservatives but enough artificial color to turn that chicken, your plate, and your fingers bright magenta.
posted by longsleeves at 10:35 PM on July 24, 2008


I suppose we have been overdue for another Natalie Portman Sucks post. I think it's ironic that since hustleritas like Paris Hilton and Britney Spears are practically taboo on this site, in their absence we wind up heaping more scorn on people like Natalie who don't really deserve it -- she's so much better than them that she's at least worthy of being hated here.

You people.
posted by [NOT HERMITOSIS-IST] at 10:45 PM on July 24, 2008 [1 favorite]


That was ... completely and utterly bizarre.
posted by Xany at 10:47 PM on July 24, 2008


erniepan -- you win the thread.
posted by garlic at 10:49 PM on July 24, 2008


Oh, whatever. There's nothing terrible about a few people criticizing Natalie P. Mefites will hate on everything and anything. I once wrote a passionate rant against a cute kitty story. We're just fullfilling our snark quota at this point.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 10:52 PM on July 24, 2008 [1 favorite]


devendrabanhart.com
posted by Dave Faris at 11:11 PM on July 24, 2008


Tonite we will wed and you will learn the ways of riding the homunculus wingding.
posted by homunculus at 11:27 PM on July 24, 2008


I think I like Natalie Portman less for starring such a weak, bordering on offensive filmclip for her hairy boyfriend.

Oh, Natalie, how I adored you so!
posted by liquorice at 11:40 PM on July 24, 2008


Someone please give Patrick Stewart unholy amounts of money so he can do a sitcom called "I've seen everything" based on whatever the hell he wants to write about. Pretty please?

Oh, and I liked the cute carnage Sita tale.

Not so much this music video, meh. Poor octopus-princess.
posted by Iosephus at 11:43 PM on July 24, 2008


I'm guessing Natalie Portman is the rebellious beard in question.
posted by katillathehun at 11:49 PM on July 24, 2008 [4 favorites]


I love Natalie Portman. In a salad way.
posted by painquale at 12:36 AM on July 25, 2008


Recently it was reported Natalie left movie bosses fuming after quitting her role as Cathy Earnshaw in ‘Wuthering Heights’, the big screen adaptation of Emily Bronte's 1847 classic, despite having "seduced" them into giving her the part. A movie insider said: “It's fair to say we were seduced by her and we should have been on our guard."

What?
posted by chuckdarwin at 1:07 AM on July 25, 2008


CarsonB: "Oh, and here's the track if you want to download it."

No thanks, I just ate.

I don't get this. Was it supposed to be a satire on Bollywood? It's obviously not serious, but I can't tell if I'm supposed to laugh, or be offended, or stick bananas up my rectum, or shout paisley lawn darts at the tourists of surreal magpie derby.

PainQuale: "I love Natalie Portman. In a salad way."

To be honest, I've never really seen Natalie Portman as a salad -- sexual being. Even and especially during the Star Wars Prequels. She's pretty of course. No denying that, but I don't recall her ever being interesting to me sexually. I mean she looks like a little kid. She looks like a choir boy. Maybe that works for catholic priests, but I need some curvature. I like my celebrity skin unafraid of the occasional Big Mac.

Besides, wasn't she Matilda in The Professional? I'll pass. It's not like seeing Drew Barrymore in Charlie's Angels Two and having to remind myself she was Gertie in E.T. Major cringeworthy, but at least Drew grew up with some curves. Natalie's like, trapped in saran wrap or something.

However, damn if Natalie Portman don't make hebrew sound hot. I haven't the slightest idea what she's talking about but...


...I'll be in my bunk.
posted by ZachsMind at 1:16 AM on July 25, 2008 [3 favorites]


She just needs to get Devendra out of her system.

I'm still here Natalie. Waiting.
posted by rokusan at 1:25 AM on July 25, 2008


I liked the song. It has a good beat and it's easy to dance to. I give it a 7.
posted by Daddy-O at 1:31 AM on July 25, 2008


adding Natalie Portman and freak folk to the equation makes it neither more or less surreal

I strongly disagree. This is like my grandparents signing funk tunes. It is surreal like a coffee and a muffin at Dunkin' Donuts. No thanks do not want please take your pretend Bollywood bullshit and fuck off k thx bye.
posted by Meatbomb at 1:56 AM on July 25, 2008 [1 favorite]


erniepan's link comes from something i post here whenever i have the tiniest whisper of an opportunity - the unutterably fantastic Sita Sings the Blues, by Nina Paley (more here).
posted by UbuRoivas at 1:58 AM on July 25, 2008


spiderskull :(have you heard Portman's rants on Israel? Good lord...)

Curios I tried to google up some of Portmans views on Israel, and found - "Portman has said that although she "really love[s] the States... my heart's in Jerusalem. That's where I feel at home."" - so my google-fu is failing me. Where do I find those rants?
posted by dabitch at 2:03 AM on July 25, 2008


I simply don't understand how people can keep having fun when half of metafilter disapproves. It's like they just aren't listening.
posted by srboisvert at 2:48 AM on July 25, 2008 [6 favorites]


HAI GUYZ I GOT SOME HOT GRIZTS RIGHT HER
posted by cavalier at 4:21 AM on July 25, 2008 [2 favorites]


Was that ron jeremy or jeffrey tambor (.com)?

I thought it was Jon Lovitz
posted by poppo at 4:41 AM on July 25, 2008


Did someone say grits?

*prepares pepper and butter*
posted by sciurus at 4:45 AM on July 25, 2008


Calamari with (magic) mushrooms
posted by ElvisJesus at 5:35 AM on July 25, 2008


IT'S A TRIP!
posted by anthill at 5:51 AM on July 25, 2008 [1 favorite]


This is 'quirk' in the worst possible way. Cloying, precious, self-absorbed bullshit.
posted by mattholomew at 6:09 AM on July 25, 2008


It's a pretty good send up. I'd say it's mocking those Indian religious television dramas more than it's mocking a bollywood flick. And he gets all sorts of things right, so it's not like it's some half-assed look how crazy those Indians are sort of music video. Well not entirely anyways. For all things brown I go to Sepia Mutiny.
posted by chunking express at 6:13 AM on July 25, 2008


The video is really no more self-absorbed than some of the comments posted about it, but that's par for the course. And if it were done by some random Harvard co-ed and her boyfriend, ho hum, mildly amusing, move along. And it could have been worse -- there were no vibrating pancakes and no kittens were harmed in the making of the video.
posted by ElvisJesus at 6:40 AM on July 25, 2008


Calamari with (magic) mushrooms

Calamari is squid.
posted by Burhanistan at 7:06 AM on July 25, 2008


>Natalie's like, trapped in saran wrap or something

I see your Natalie Portman and raise you a Roy Orbison.
posted by xbonesgt at 7:34 AM on July 25, 2008


Kids: Drugs make you more interesting to you, not to me. This was so painfully "look at how quirky we are" that it just made me angry. Just because your mom thinks you're special doesn't mean you are.

Disclaimer: I am old. I thought Nirvana was a flash in the pan (it's ok, I guess, but it's not industrial) and the iPod was a terrible direction for Apple (they're going to dilute their brand!). So this guy is probably the next jazz or rock n roll.
posted by patrick rhett at 7:35 AM on July 25, 2008 [2 favorites]


I thought it was fun.
posted by everichon at 7:42 AM on July 25, 2008


More from Patrick Stewart.
posted by EarBucket at 7:51 AM on July 25, 2008


So if I need an octopus for an hour, where do I get one?
posted by These Premises Are Alarmed at 7:52 AM on July 25, 2008


The ocean?
posted by carsonb at 8:27 AM on July 25, 2008


Is this something I would need a... Um. Is this a...? Would I need...?

I don't even know what question to ask here.
posted by rusty at 8:28 AM on July 25, 2008


Your infidelity annihilates my ever-loving heart.
posted by owtytrof at 8:41 AM on July 25, 2008


Petrified stuff doesn't burn.
posted by BaxterG4 at 9:00 AM on July 25, 2008


Such fun! I like Natalie Portman a lot, she doesn't make enough anything for my liking. Now I need to rewatch the SNL rap.
posted by saturnine at 9:03 AM on July 25, 2008


I see your Natalie Portman and raise you a Roy Orbison.

I have never seen/heard of this German guy's "Roy Orbison in cling film" fetish. I... I... uhhh... is he serious or what? (Y'know, prior to the existence of the internet I would've assumed it was a joke, but the internet has taught me to never assume such a thing.)
posted by miss lynnster at 9:17 AM on July 25, 2008


Oh for Pete's sake..

On a whim I tested the theory "if you can think of something there's porn for it" and sure enough, a search for "cling film porn" reveals a website. I won't link to it cuz it's of course NSFW. You know how to google if you're so inclined. No pics involving either Roy Orbison or Natalie Portman though. I know you're disappointed.
posted by ZachsMind at 9:52 AM on July 25, 2008


My original point was that Natallie Portman doesn't need saran wrap. She's flat chested enough as it is. And flat bottomed. And just flat all over. She needs to eat unhealthy and exercise less.
posted by ZachsMind at 9:56 AM on July 25, 2008


Thanks, erniepan (and Ubu); I wasn't familiar with Annette Hanshaw, and it turns out I like her a lot (not least for giving up on the whole stardom thing and just enjoying life).
posted by languagehat at 10:01 AM on July 25, 2008


ZachsMind, I can speak for everyone when I say that nobody wants to hear about your sexual preferences.
posted by Burhanistan at 10:02 AM on July 25, 2008 [7 favorites]


She needs to eat unhealthy and exercise less.

Or she just needs to eat. Seriously. Anyone else see her in Hotel Chevalier?
posted by Solon and Thanks at 10:04 AM on July 25, 2008


Royal Rainbow @3:00! Now I want to roll them all up into my Katamari.
posted by phrenq at 10:34 AM on July 25, 2008


Calamari is squid. And soylent green is people. Full story at 11.
posted by ElvisJesus at 10:39 AM on July 25, 2008


How about we stop telling women they need to eat more, eat less, go to the gym, get breast implants, get a breast reduction, wear this, not wear that, just so that they will be more pleasing to your eyes? Can't women just exist as they are? I just don't get this whining about one that doesn't meet your standards as if that is the only reason for her existence. Complaining that a woman isn't curvy enough contributes just as much to female body image issues as complaining that she's too fat. Boyzone indeed.
posted by misskaz at 10:57 AM on July 25, 2008 [31 favorites]


Calamari is squid. And soylent green is people. Full story at 11.

You know it was an octopus at the end of the video, right?
posted by Burhanistan at 11:22 AM on July 25, 2008


Yes but calamari and mushrooms sounded better .... up until the point of having to explain the minutea of a surrealistic flippant joke. You caught me. Now where's my hari kari sword (And yes, I know the more propper term is Hara-kiri ( or Seppuku but only for true Samurai)).
posted by ElvisJesus at 11:56 AM on July 25, 2008


Oh my. I think I better not click on that link, preserve my sanity (in a Lovecraftian way) and just try to remember that I really liked Portman in "V For Vendetta" and let it go at that.
posted by willmize at 12:14 PM on July 25, 2008


I just don't get this whining about one that doesn't meet your standards as if that is the only reason for her existence.

Um, in the case of Hollywood starlets, their looks actually are about the only reason for their existence in the public eye.

If it was truly about acting ability, you'd expect to see a lot of less attractive actresses with a bucketload more talent. I'm sure they're out there.
posted by UbuRoivas at 2:06 PM on July 25, 2008 [1 favorite]


also: man, the hero in the video needs to work out more. he's as weedy as a 14yo high jumper.
posted by UbuRoivas at 2:10 PM on July 25, 2008


I mean she looks like a little kid. She looks like a choir boy. Maybe that works for catholic priests, but I need some curvature. I like my celebrity skin unafraid of the occasional Big Mac.

Besides, wasn't she Matilda in The Professional? I'll pass. It's not like seeing Drew Barrymore in Charlie's Angels Two and having to remind myself she was Gertie in E.T. Major cringeworthy, but at least Drew grew up with some curves.


Audrey Hepburn was totally gross too!!! No titties whatsoever!!! Who let that [ironing board/carpenter's dream--reader's choice] on the silver screen?!?!1

I am old and like big titties!!! Why does Hollywoodland not understand the importance of titties nowadays?!?! Women look like boys to me unless they have big titties because I am blind to other secondary sexual characteristics!!! You know you are interested in my titty-related opinions!!! Everyone is!!!

As for the video, I will thank you not to offer my God a peanut.
posted by cirocco at 2:39 PM on July 25, 2008 [2 favorites]


Anybody want a peanut?
posted by miss lynnster at 2:57 PM on July 25, 2008


Natalie Portman is "flat all over"?

I see the Americans' hatred of fit, fine women is getting out of control.

What are you all so angry about?

I've stood two feet from this chick. She's fine.
posted by Zambrano at 3:52 PM on July 25, 2008


I'll echo Zambrano, without the good fortune of having stood within two miles of Natalie. There is just something about her energy, in anything she does (except the Star Wars movies) that I simply find awesome. How can you not be attracted to awesome?
posted by meinvt at 4:01 PM on July 25, 2008


I was okay with this, sort of, right up to the octopus part. Now I think I know how my parents felt about Yellow Submarine.
posted by tommasz at 4:06 PM on July 25, 2008


If I stood two feet from Natalie Portman and Drew Barrymore, you would not hear a complaint from me. In fact I'd probably just pass out, die there, and be done with it.

MissKaz: "I just don't get this whining about one that doesn't meet your standards as if that is the only reason for her existence. Complaining that a woman isn't curvy enough contributes just as much to female body image issues as complaining that she's too fat."

I do not whine when it comes to treating women as sex objects. I may whoop and holler. I may even whinny. However, I never whine.

I prefer Janeane Garofalo over both Barrymore and Portman and it has nothing to do with weight. Not that it matters. Of course no one cares about my sexual preferences, least of all me.
posted by ZachsMind at 4:50 PM on July 25, 2008


Janeane Garofalo?

*searches*

It is said that Daria Morgendorfer, self-titled character of "Daria" was modeled after her.

*drools*
posted by UbuRoivas at 5:42 PM on July 25, 2008 [1 favorite]


Was that song in Spanish? I guess so.. but even after 29+ years of speaking the language, I couldn't grasp most of what was sung. Terrible enunciation.
posted by papafrita at 5:48 PM on July 25, 2008


I believe he's from Venezuela, which means he probably speaks Castellano. Soooooo, although it's based in Spanish that probably explains why you didn't grasp it. He may have decent enunciation... if your ears are Venezuelan.
posted by miss lynnster at 6:07 PM on July 25, 2008


"¡Hombre! Was that song in English? I guess so.. but even after 29+ years of speaking the language, I couldn't grasp most of what was sung. Terrible enunciation."

*ejects Nirvana CD*
posted by UbuRoivas at 6:24 PM on July 25, 2008


*puts drool bucket underneath UbuRoivas' mouth and takes his Nirvana CD*
posted by ZachsMind at 6:54 PM on July 25, 2008


Many years ago, when I was a young hormone-driven teen (as opposed to an old hormone-driven teen, I suppose) a friend of mine was explaining that he was high-minded enough to think it crass when guys were attracted to a woman's breasts.

"Me, I think a woman's hands are what's really incredibly beautiful."

Even with my young mind clouded by raging storms of testosterone, I couldn't help but think he was fooling himself. The point isn't tits vs. ass vs. feet vs. elbows vs. skinny vs. fat. It's the vague slump of disappointment I experience when I hear otherwise interesting and intelligent people insist that they're more open-minded because they fetishize a different aspect of the female anatomy than that other guy over there. Like what you like, that's cool! Just don't pretend that your slightly different tastes set you apart in some kind of battle for womens' dignity.
posted by verb at 9:53 AM on July 27, 2008


I agree. People really should just go ahead and like what they like.

That said, if a strange man walked up to me at the supermarket and said, "You have nice hands" he would get a much different reaction than had he said "You have nice tits." The latter would horrify me, instantly making me feel self-conscious, objectified and icky (Men who feel they have the inherent right to porn talk a woman just because she *owns* boobs even if she's wearing a turtleneck? Are really wrong. They don't.)... while the former would feel like a nice, harmless, considerate compliment and would make me see that man as someone who appreciates the details of a woman's body that she often thinks go totally unnoticed by men. When men notice and compliment the little things about us that aren't considered sexual parts of the anatomy, we REALLY do like it. Funny how that works.

It's something about women simply wanting to be seen as beautiful beyond just being a sex object and a receptacle for a penis. I know it's tough for some guys to understand but there's a GIGANTIC difference between making a woman feel beautiful and letting her know that you really wish you could fuck her like a porn star. Thus, the difference between "Beautiful legs!" and "Great rack!" One makes a woman feel beautiful. The other makes her feel cheap.

Moral of the story (YMMV)... we already know: guys like boobies. Zzzzz. But what's that? You think we have really pretty legs/eyes/hands/shoulders/feet/hair/eyelashes/skin/lips? Really? That's nice to hear.
posted by miss lynnster at 11:29 AM on July 27, 2008


How about we stop telling women they need to eat more, eat less, go to the gym, get breast implants, get a breast reduction, wear this, not wear that, just so that they will be more pleasing to your eyes? Can't women just exist as they are? I just don't get this whining about one that doesn't meet your standards as if that is the only reason for her existence. Complaining that a woman isn't curvy enough contributes just as much to female body image issues as complaining that she's too fat. Boyzone indeed.

Speaking for my comment, I'm a heterosexual female (the latter which you can see if you check out my profile.) And my question stands: have you seen her in Hotel Chevalier? I count, literally, could her ribs. I think she should eat more because I don't like the Hollywood culture of encouraging starvation and unhealthy habits. I don't see that as a boyzone issue.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 12:08 PM on July 27, 2008


That is: could, literally, count her ribs. If my "She should eat more." comment still stings with some people, I'll rephrase to say:

"She's a wonderful girl with a great personality and good acting skills. She looked, in a recent film, extremely underweight. Anyone who saw this film will understand what I mean. Barring some sort of medical problem that I don't know about preventing her from doing so, I wish she wouldn't treat her body like that. It's not healthy for her nor the many young people who look up to her, and I think being extremely underweight has always been a bad trend. Everyone has a natural body type, but how many natural body times expose all the ribs?"
posted by Solon and Thanks at 12:14 PM on July 27, 2008 [1 favorite]


how many natural body times expose all the ribs?"

Hazarding a guess...times when food is scarce?
posted by UbuRoivas at 4:51 PM on July 27, 2008


Now that you mention it... it's always been interesting to me how people emulate Audrey Hepburn's figure, since one of the reasons she was so thin when she was discovered was that she was a wartime victim of malnutrition. From this link:

(While working as a Goodwill ambassador in Sudan, she came across a 14 year old boy who was very ill.) "He had acute anaemia, respiratory problems and oedema - swelling of the limbs," she tells me. "And that was exactly the same way I finished the war; that age, with those three things, all as a result of malnutrition. I still have stretch marks on my ankles from where the skin was stretched by the oedema. And I thought, how strange to hear those same three things. And it was also a moment of glory for me, because just then a big Unicef truck came by full of lots of food and lots of medicine."
posted by miss lynnster at 5:07 PM on July 27, 2008


people emulate Audrey Hepburn's figure

They do? I thought she was known more for an extremely pretty face & great style.

(note how I am more open-minded because I fetishise a different aspect of the female anatomy than that other guy over there, assuming that there's such a thing as face fetishism, of course)
posted by UbuRoivas at 5:41 PM on July 27, 2008


Face your fetishes, ubu.
posted by Burhanistan at 5:53 PM on July 27, 2008


I could countenance facing up to them, but I feel I am OK vis-à-vis such fetishisation, and not just putting up a facade.
posted by UbuRoivas at 6:17 PM on July 27, 2008 [1 favorite]


I'm aware that many people in the world are starving - I wish they, too, had more access to food.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 6:26 PM on July 27, 2008


D'oh. I see now that I had typed "times" instead of "types." Nevermind, my apologies for being dim.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 6:29 PM on July 27, 2008


Just going for cheap laughs; no offence intended.
posted by UbuRoivas at 6:32 PM on July 27, 2008


This weekend I must grill up some Tandoori with my Sharwood's Tandoori Spice. No artificial flavors or preservatives but enough artificial color to turn that chicken, your plate, and your fingers bright magenta.

Magenta tandoori sauce? Erm.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 11:39 PM on July 27, 2008


Now that you mention it... it's always been interesting to me how people emulate Audrey Hepburn's figure, since one of the reasons she was so thin when she was discovered was that she was a wartime victim of malnutrition.

Yup. There was a contemporary interview, which I can't find online, where she stated that she didn't understand how anyone could find her glamorous because she had always loathed the fact that she was "too thin to be beautiful." So one of the great beauties of her time hated her body as much as the average woman, which I guess makes all women even, since apparently none of us are, at any weight, permitted to be content with our physiognomy regardless of the prevailing trends. Somehow this still doesn't strike me as ideal, equal though it is.

There is no record of any midcentury uptick in eating disorders caused by Audrey, although I do hold her responsible for so many faces sporting inch-long bangs and winged liquid eyeliner during that era. That was not really a good look for most. What's your basis for saying people are/were consciously emulating her figure? Paeans to Hepburn are usually all about those doe eyes and Givenchy outfits.

[I saw an inadvertently hilarious Hepburn biopic a while back, starring Jennifer Love Hewitt in the title role (SERIOUSLY) where they made no attempt to strap down the in-your-face physical difference between the two women. I should note for those unfamiliar with Hewitt that she is so blessed she used to trot around in a t-shirt reading SILICONE FREE, so that people would stop asking. Anyone who's ever said, "I love Audrey, but I wish she'd had a huge rack on her," will enjoy "The Audrey Hepburn Story." And I'm not just saying that to trick anyone who may have ever said that into watching a nigh-unwatchable biopic. Of course not!]
posted by cirocco at 11:21 AM on July 28, 2008


Well, speaking for myself, I was totally flat chested until my late teens and I was really upset when my metabolism changed because I couldn't wear Audrey Hepburn clothing. I couldn't pull any of it off, and I didn't know how to dress for someone with boobs. I felt really self conscious because I had always wanted to have her sense of style and elegance and without realizing it... a lot of that image IS tied into her streamlined malnurished figure. I wanted to wear Audrey Hepburn fashions but felt overweight that I couldn't pull them off. Finally learning how to dress properly for my own body was a revelation, I fought it for years because in order to dress well for curves you have to actually feature them. And I didn't want them. I wanted to HIDE my curves, but by doing that you never look good. At first when I started dressing for my figure it felt like I was putting myself on display... which is something Audrey Hepburn would NEVER do.

Her thin-ness was made to look like elegance, being a wisp of a thing seemed more feminine. Yet, as I got older I realized that CURVES are what are *truly* feminine. And curves should be seen as elegant but since people sexualize them it's a struggle to pull that off sometimes. Still, when the negative aspects of her figure (and the positive aspects of my own) finally dawned on me, it was like a brick in the head and I wondered how I'd been so brainwashed to think otherwise. Since then I've met many, many women who have held the same thoughts though so I know I wasn't alone.
posted by miss lynnster at 3:01 PM on July 28, 2008


miss lynnster - that sounds to me like a reasonably common coming-of-age sort of story; clinging onto the former waifish version of yourself, and only latching onto Audrey Hepburn as a convenient model for the not-yet womanly version of yourself.

I guess a male equivalent would be self-consciousness about hairyness, eg on the legs, chest & face, and doing whatever to remove or hide it, much as you see with the only semi-mature kinds of girlyboys you see in bands & a fair number of fashion adverts.

In other words, for your Hepburn, others might substitute, say, a Kate Moss, a Natalie Portman, a Bowie or a Brian Molko, and these kinds of adolescent, sometimes androgynous figures may well have found themselves a permanent place in the teenage pantheon.
posted by UbuRoivas at 4:35 PM on July 28, 2008


True. Little did I realize her look stemmed from hunger and anemia more than youth.
posted by miss lynnster at 5:09 PM on July 28, 2008


Although that said, the older women that I find most glamorously beautiful are often too thin... so I don't think it was just about looking like a child for me. Glamor, class and thin-ness always seem to be tied in social brainwashing somehow. There will always be women who agree with the Duchess of Windsor, I guess.
posted by miss lynnster at 5:21 PM on July 28, 2008


ew - that's that horrific, concave, hunched-over posture of anorexics & others who control their weight through starvation instead of exercise - no muscle to hold the frame in place.

am i allowed to say that, or is it too boyzone? it's a sickening look, in any case, and not the tiniest bit elegant.
posted by UbuRoivas at 5:36 PM on July 28, 2008


Yet, as I got older I realized that CURVES are what are *truly* feminine.

I don't see why someone can chastise the thread (if rightly so) for taking either the "she needs to eat more" or "... less" line about any given woman, yet we're ok with someone yet again defining what is *truly* feminine -- or masculine. No offence intended, miss lynnster. I just don't get it. After a while it begins to look like we look the other way whenever a particular pigeonhole plays into strengths we find comforting at any given point in time, but frankly it's all just so... tiresome.

Interesting observation about the "hands" compliment, though. I've seen -- and experienced -- that effect, for sure.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 5:54 PM on July 29, 2008


Heh. I don't often bother with "Yahoo news" but there's a thing on about Keira Knightley fighting against digital enhancement of her publicity photos for a film -- giving her boobs. This is hailed as a "victory for real women everywhere", anti-curves and all.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 7:59 PM on July 29, 2008


That was hastily said. Not anti-curves, of course, but pro-reality. But just goes to show, reality for one woman is pretty different from another.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 8:03 PM on July 29, 2008


but there's a thing on about Keira Knightley fighting against digital enhancement of her publicity photos for a film -- giving her boobs. This is hailed as a "victory for real women everywhere", anti-curves and all.

Now that is fucking fantastic news. I think that KK may just be one of those women who happens to be rail-thin. They do exist.

And it's wonderful that she's fighting against an artificially inflated body. That image is just as damaging as the artificially deflated one.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 8:57 PM on July 29, 2008


This doesn't look at all worrying or anything other than completely natural? Even just a little bit - making sure to look past the past the makeup and tan job?

Scroll down on the Keira link to see a woman who is clearly recovering from or dealing with something. Look at this literal poster girl for anorexia (NSFW.) No similarities? The shoulders, like UbuRoivas said, seem like a "tell."

It's possible that I'm completely out of sync in my view of what is a healthily attainable body size. But I don't think so. One of my closest friends is one of those people "who happens to be rail-thin" (an incredibly thin working model, actually, who made barely successful but honest doctor-assisted attempts to gain some weight growing up [in an attempt to get even a little of the curves and boobs she envied - I'm well aware that everyone has something they'd change]) and even she never looked like that. I'm a size "small" myself, so I don't think I'm just projecting some insecurity, in case someone's thinking that. Though I'll admit it's certainly possible.

I feel weird so closely analyzing a stranger's body, but that comment really threw me off guard. By all means, let's support self-confidence about one's body. I think a good way to do that is to have realistic perspectives of what body types are and can be with a realistic amount of effort, and what is a danger sign that one is struggling to obtain unobtainable (by healthy means) standards. In the Keira picture, it could just be the angle or the month - she looks more like a "naturally thin" person in the picture further down, and I do definitely think she is one of those people. I just don't think the first picture is an example of "naturally thin."

Anyway, regardless of all that, I do think it is fantastic she is fighting studios who want to digitally 'enhance' her. If there's anything less realistic and yet more sought-after than rail-thin, it's rail-thin with huge breasts.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 10:38 PM on July 29, 2008


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