Pickled MeFi in a jar: just add snark and food coloring!
September 3, 2008 9:36 PM Subscribe
Wish you had a good tapeworm in a jar to go with your new sofa? How about a nice pickled carnivorous sea monster for the mantle? Make your own!
This is ostensibly for Halloween, but personally, I would totally have a pickled octopus on display all year 'round.
This is ostensibly for Halloween, but personally, I would totally have a pickled octopus on display all year 'round.
Thanks for presenting this blog now, so I have time between now and Halloween to make one. They look so... tasty.
posted by not_on_display at 10:24 PM on September 3, 2008
posted by not_on_display at 10:24 PM on September 3, 2008
You really can't go wrong with a recipe when it calls for you to, "Scoop out the arteries with a melon baller..." Fun post.
posted by heyho at 10:45 PM on September 3, 2008
posted by heyho at 10:45 PM on September 3, 2008
This is neat, but I can't help feeling a little bit disappointed that it isn't about actual weird curiosities-in-jars stuff.
posted by paisley henosis at 11:11 PM on September 3, 2008
posted by paisley henosis at 11:11 PM on September 3, 2008
Since the guy pays so much attention to detail I'd just point out that neither small caps nor centered text were available on 1920's typewriters. I guess. Other than that, meh. Show me a tapeworm cultivated in your own body, lovingly extracted and meticulously pickled.
posted by Laotic at 5:48 AM on September 4, 2008
posted by Laotic at 5:48 AM on September 4, 2008
A man had been feeling sick for several days. Finally he decided to try a new doctor who had just moved into town. After hearing the man's symptoms and listening to his belly with a stethoscope the doctor told him that he had a tapeworm. "Oh, is that bad? How can I get rid of it?" asked the man. "Come in tomorrow and bring a hard boiled egg and a lemon cookie," said the doctor. When he saw a puzzled look cross the man's face, the doctor said, "Trust me. I'm the doctor."
So, the next day the man brings in the hard boiled egg and the lemon cookie. "Drop your pants, and bend over," says the doctor. "What?" says the man. "Trust me. I'm the doctor," says the doctor. So, the man drops his pants and bends over. SWOOSH! The doctor shoves the egg up his rear. "Whoa! Hold on a minute, Jack!" screams the man. "Hold still and trust me. I'm the doctor," says the doctor. About a minute later, SWOOSH! up goes the lemon cookie. "Now pull up your pants and come back tomorrow with a hard boiled egg and a lemon cookie," says the doctor. As the infuriated man starts to protest the doctor says, "Trust me. I'm the doctor."
So, the man comes in the next day and he brings the hard boiled egg and the lemon cookie. "Drop your pants and bend over," says the doctor. "This again?" yells the man. "Trust me. I'm the doctor," says the doctor. So, the man drops his pants and bends over. SWOOSH! The doctor shoves the egg up his rear. "Oh! I can't believe I'm doing this!" says the man. "Hold still now and trust me. I'm the doctor," says the doctor. About a minute later, SWOOSH! up goes the lemon cookie. "Now pull up your pants and come back tomorrow with another hard boiled egg and another lemon cookie," says the doctor. As the man starts to shake his head the doctor says, "Trust me. I'm the doctor."
So, this goes on all week until one day, after the man pulls up his pants, the doctor says, "Now come in tomorrow and bring a hard boiled egg and a hammer." As the man turns pale the doctor says, "Trust me. I'm the doctor." The man gets no sleep that night worried to death about what the hammer is going to feel like when it gets shoved up in him. He almost stays home, but he still feels sick. So far the treatments haven't helped and he's afraid he'll have to start over if he goes to a new doctor.
The man comes in the next day and he brings the hard boiled egg and the hammer. "Drop your pants and bend over," says the doctor. "But, why do we need a hammer?" asks the man nervously. "Trust me. I'm the doctor," says the doctor. The man drops his pants and bends over. SWOOSH! The doctor shoves the egg up his rear. "Please!" says the man, terrified of what is to come next. "Hold still and trust me. I'm the doctor," says the doctor.
About a minute later, the man is about to pass out from terror and he is involuntarily clenching his rear as tight as he can. Then nothing happens. Several more minutes pass and he starts to relax. The man is about to straighten up and ask the doctor what happened when the tapeworm sticks its head out his rear and yells, "Where's my lemon cookie?!" And WHAM! Down comes the hammer.
posted by netbros at 6:25 AM on September 4, 2008 [4 favorites]
So, the next day the man brings in the hard boiled egg and the lemon cookie. "Drop your pants, and bend over," says the doctor. "What?" says the man. "Trust me. I'm the doctor," says the doctor. So, the man drops his pants and bends over. SWOOSH! The doctor shoves the egg up his rear. "Whoa! Hold on a minute, Jack!" screams the man. "Hold still and trust me. I'm the doctor," says the doctor. About a minute later, SWOOSH! up goes the lemon cookie. "Now pull up your pants and come back tomorrow with a hard boiled egg and a lemon cookie," says the doctor. As the infuriated man starts to protest the doctor says, "Trust me. I'm the doctor."
So, the man comes in the next day and he brings the hard boiled egg and the lemon cookie. "Drop your pants and bend over," says the doctor. "This again?" yells the man. "Trust me. I'm the doctor," says the doctor. So, the man drops his pants and bends over. SWOOSH! The doctor shoves the egg up his rear. "Oh! I can't believe I'm doing this!" says the man. "Hold still now and trust me. I'm the doctor," says the doctor. About a minute later, SWOOSH! up goes the lemon cookie. "Now pull up your pants and come back tomorrow with another hard boiled egg and another lemon cookie," says the doctor. As the man starts to shake his head the doctor says, "Trust me. I'm the doctor."
So, this goes on all week until one day, after the man pulls up his pants, the doctor says, "Now come in tomorrow and bring a hard boiled egg and a hammer." As the man turns pale the doctor says, "Trust me. I'm the doctor." The man gets no sleep that night worried to death about what the hammer is going to feel like when it gets shoved up in him. He almost stays home, but he still feels sick. So far the treatments haven't helped and he's afraid he'll have to start over if he goes to a new doctor.
The man comes in the next day and he brings the hard boiled egg and the hammer. "Drop your pants and bend over," says the doctor. "But, why do we need a hammer?" asks the man nervously. "Trust me. I'm the doctor," says the doctor. The man drops his pants and bends over. SWOOSH! The doctor shoves the egg up his rear. "Please!" says the man, terrified of what is to come next. "Hold still and trust me. I'm the doctor," says the doctor.
About a minute later, the man is about to pass out from terror and he is involuntarily clenching his rear as tight as he can. Then nothing happens. Several more minutes pass and he starts to relax. The man is about to straighten up and ask the doctor what happened when the tapeworm sticks its head out his rear and yells, "Where's my lemon cookie?!" And WHAM! Down comes the hammer.
posted by netbros at 6:25 AM on September 4, 2008 [4 favorites]
....and who could forget the fabulous, darned lovable thing in a jar?
posted by kaseijin at 8:12 AM on September 4, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by kaseijin at 8:12 AM on September 4, 2008 [1 favorite]
I do rather like this new version's addition of some bottle sanitizer to fight off bacteria. I followed the directions and made the original "thing in a jar" for a friend's birthday, and it promptly grew a thick fuzz of muck inside it.
It looked just that much creepier, but heaven forbid it ever leaked.
posted by kaseijin at 8:28 AM on September 4, 2008
It looked just that much creepier, but heaven forbid it ever leaked.
posted by kaseijin at 8:28 AM on September 4, 2008
Oooh, and this, too! Uncle Timmy Zombie's How-to's...
posted by kaseijin at 9:18 AM on September 4, 2008
posted by kaseijin at 9:18 AM on September 4, 2008
This has "Office-related Mayhem" written all over it! And my co-workers think I'm odd now.
posted by tommasz at 9:42 AM on September 4, 2008
posted by tommasz at 9:42 AM on September 4, 2008
As someone who learned to type on a manual typewriter, centering text was time consuming yet easy. Choose the midpoint where you want to center and hit backspace once for every two characters you plan to type. Type away.
posted by Tacodog at 10:52 AM on September 4, 2008
posted by Tacodog at 10:52 AM on September 4, 2008
This was unexpectedly fun. Thanks grapefruitmoon.
But I could never pickle an octopus. I admire them too much.
I think what I enjoyed best was the project maker's sense of fun in their writing. You can just tell they're tickled making this icky stuff.
On that project page there's a link to Alex CF's stuff. whoa. Seriously icky.
posted by nickyskye at 7:18 PM on September 4, 2008
But I could never pickle an octopus. I admire them too much.
I think what I enjoyed best was the project maker's sense of fun in their writing. You can just tell they're tickled making this icky stuff.
On that project page there's a link to Alex CF's stuff. whoa. Seriously icky.
posted by nickyskye at 7:18 PM on September 4, 2008
« Older A Forest of Guitars | This game, it cries? Newer »
This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments
A cannibal-themed feast.
Make-Your-Own Bleeding Heart.
How-To: Charred Corpse.
Edible roasted fleshworm.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 9:48 PM on September 3, 2008