Like nailing Jello to the wall.
October 7, 2008 9:28 PM   Subscribe

"Nailing down Senator Obama's various tax proposals is like nailing Jello to the wall." Well, how hard is it, really? Initial attempts are not too promising. Some creative engineering fares better, but not a whole lot. Of course, Jesus can help. Oh well -- at least you can set it on fire. posted by limon (33 comments total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
posted by Artw at 9:38 PM on October 7, 2008

What if you nailed some nails into a board, and then molded the jello around the nails and board? Then you keep them both around 40 degrees forever.

Or use liquid nails.

What if you froze the jello with nitrogen?
posted by drezdn at 9:41 PM on October 7, 2008 [1 favorite]

Ugk... You can't NAIL jello to a wall... you have to talk it into it...

No means go!
posted by wfrgms at 9:49 PM on October 7, 2008 [1 favorite]

Why is the "orange flavour" red?
posted by pompomtom at 9:54 PM on October 7, 2008

Well I thought this was going to be a thorough reasoned discussion of Obama's tax proposals. But I guess life isn't always what you thought it would be, so I've chosen to be happy with a Jello engineering post.
posted by Salvor Hardin at 9:59 PM on October 7, 2008

Why is the "orange flavour" red?

Why do you hate America so much?
posted by lumensimus at 10:02 PM on October 7, 2008 [5 favorites]

Clifford Stoll proposed a solution way back in 1995 in Silicon Snake Oil: "First nail the slab of Jell-O to a horizontal board with a grid of ten-penny nails, spaced an inch apart. Then tip the board up and nail it to the wall."
posted by Creosote at 10:03 PM on October 7, 2008

...also, the bloke who's pre-molding holes in should freeze the jell[oy] before deploying.
posted by pompomtom at 10:03 PM on October 7, 2008

So Herschel comes up to me. I want to tell you a joke, he says.

Okay, I say.

So what's nailed to the wall, polka dotted, and whistles?

What, I ask.

Jello! He says.

But Jello isn't nailed to the wall, I say.

Maybe someone nailed it there, he answers.

But Jello isn't polka dotted, I protest.

Who is to say someone couldn't paint some polka dots on it, Herschel says.

But Jello dosn't whistle, I cry out.

Ah, that, Herschel says, winking. That I threw in to make it hard.
posted by Astro Zombie at 10:07 PM on October 7, 2008 [6 favorites]

My name is GuyZero and I approve of this post.
posted by GuyZero at 10:07 PM on October 7, 2008

Exploring the links, I wound up here and was disturbed.
As the blade punctured the surface, the outer layers quickly peeled back. Plunging the knife in further, we found that the many layers of condoms somewhat resembled an artichoke heart...
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 10:26 PM on October 7, 2008 [1 favorite]

That jello ramen nailed to a board is truly disturbing.
posted by puke & cry at 10:35 PM on October 7, 2008

The first thing I thought when McCain said that is "you put the jello in a cup, stupid!" Then the second thing I wondered is who would win in a fight between a hatchet, a scalpel, a pipe and some jello. I think that Obama would win, metaphorically speaking. A-ha would be the first loser.
posted by iamkimiam at 10:36 PM on October 7, 2008

Whew. I wasn't listening closely and I thought they were talking about nailing Palin to the wall.
posted by wendell at 10:48 PM on October 7, 2008

for some reason this reminds me of a field mouse that ran between my buddies five iron and the ball at the most inopportune moment of its life.
for reasons that ..

oh now i remember, good luck nailing that to the wall.
posted by lacol at 11:59 PM on October 7, 2008 [1 favorite]

More fun to nail somebody on jello.
posted by twoleftfeet at 12:03 AM on October 8, 2008

I thought they were talking about nailing Palin to the wall

To a cross, wendell. The evil meejah are gonna nail her to a cross.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 12:45 AM on October 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

John McCain didn't have any Jello – or a wall to nail it to – for 5 1/2 years.
posted by Poolio at 12:49 AM on October 8, 2008 [3 favorites]

I put mine in a zip bag. It's only been a few hours, but so far, so good.
posted by cookie-k at 12:56 AM on October 8, 2008

Given McCain's Jello difficulties, shouldn't this have been a McCain/Cosby ticket?
posted by jamstigator at 1:57 AM on October 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

I propose nailing the next candidate who uses a folksy aphorism to the wall. Possibly encased in jello.
posted by nax at 4:42 AM on October 8, 2008 [2 favorites]

From the New York Times:

"Q: What do you make of the fact that John McCain was ranked 894 in a class of 899 when he graduated from the U.S. Naval Academy?

A: I like to think that the reason he ranked so low is that he was out drinking beer, as opposed to just unable to learn stuff.

What do you think of Sarah Palin? I’m in love. Truly and deeply in love.

She attended five colleges in six years. So what?

Why is the McCain clan so eager to advertise its anti-intellectualism? The last thing we need are more pointy-headed intellectuals running the government. Probably the smartest president we’ve had in terms of I.Q. in the last 50 years was Jimmy Carter, and I think he is the worst president of the last 50 years."

According to Charles Murray, dufus, the right presidential candidates should be nailing the jello shots. Not.
posted by nickyskye at 4:50 AM on October 8, 2008

posted by StickyCarpet at 5:20 AM on October 8, 2008

someone should make a jello McCain face and nail it to a wall :)
posted by liza at 7:05 AM on October 8, 2008

Wow, that first link leads to some pretty in-depth discussion about the differences between jam, jelly, preserves, fruit butter, and marmalade.
posted by bookish at 8:48 AM on October 8, 2008

Well I thought this was going to be a thorough reasoned discussion of Obama's tax proposals

Seriously, could we have one? Because I'd like to just see where his numbers are coming from. How exactly is he going to cut taxes for anyone with the economy in free fall and a colossal deficit? And before it starts, I'm not saying McCain's any better.
posted by mattholomew at 9:47 AM on October 8, 2008

It was a stupid line for McCain to use, every professional desert hanger out there knows that you freeze the Jello, drill a pilot hole, at which point you can either use a framing nail, or a wood screw to attach it to whatever board you choose.

This is just basic stuff here. I suppose that he thinks that using brownies as a load bearing structure is "difficult" too. What an amature.
posted by quin at 10:15 AM on October 8, 2008

That is my new favorite misspelling, BTW.
posted by quin at 10:19 AM on October 8, 2008

Seriously, could we have one?

Here's a side by side comparison of the each candidate's plan
posted by drezdn at 10:25 AM on October 8, 2008

Seriously, could we have one?

Here's a side by side comparison of the each candidate's plan

...which does little to bolster confidence that either candidate can provide clarity around their specific numbers or that they're going to do anything about the deficit:

In several important ways, the candidates' speeches and web sites differ from the plans as we've outlined them above, and, in several cases, descriptions of proposals provided by campaign advisors strike us as implausible.

Senator Obama says he would subject high-income taxpayers to additional taxes "in the range of 2 to 4 percentage points more in total (combined employer and employee)" starting "a decade or more from now" to help shore up Social Security. Nonetheless, his campaign advisers insist that there is no specific proposal. We estimated the cost of Senator Obama's proposals assuming that the Social Security proposal would impose a 2 percent income tax surtax on adjusted gross incomes over $250,000 and a 2 percent payroll tax paid by employers on employees' earnings above that threshold and that all of the provisions-including the higher payroll tax-are fully effective immediately. Under those assumptions, the Senator's proposals would reduce revenues by $2.6 trillion over 10 years, or about $390 billion less than the proposals as described by his campaign advisers.
posted by mattholomew at 11:26 AM on October 8, 2008

The Center for Tax Policy analysis has some good stuff - although do make some weird assumptions.

Like saying, "These projections assume the 2001 and 2003 tax cuts expire in 2010 and that the Alternative Minimum Tax is fully effective" when one thing McCain has actually been clear and consistent on is keeping those Bush cuts (except a few bits of gristle).

The also seem quick to assume things about McCain plans in a way the other analysis does not - which may be a requirement of their role. I don't know. But it's freakish when you see it side by side with so little footnooting or "this cannot be known as he said this and this other thing and then also this thing."

The big story, of couse, is that BO HQ has been pretty up-front and consistent about their first-term plans - and about what kind of push-back they could get.

But we all know there's always room for Jell-O.
posted by Lesser Shrew at 4:19 PM on October 8, 2008

Party pooper here.
posted by Marla Singer at 1:00 AM on October 9, 2008

Tax proposals, of course, don't take into account tax deductions or credits on an individual basis. How many people pay the alternative minimum tax instead of the rate for their tax bracket?
posted by ben242 at 9:55 AM on October 9, 2008

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