We never saw him walking on the sky.
October 22, 2008 11:49 AM   Subscribe

 
Reason #5 and #4 don't jive, to me.

"Humorous" opinions are one thing, but you can't contradict yourself within the first two paragraphs.
posted by SaintCynr at 12:00 PM on October 22, 2008


This is nerdy even for metafilter.
posted by M.C. Lo-Carb! at 12:01 PM on October 22, 2008 [2 favorites]


MY GRANDMA ALWAYS SAID THAT LUKE SKYWALKER REMINDED HER OF SKIM MILK.
posted by queensissy at 12:07 PM on October 22, 2008 [1 favorite]


Oh, come on. Luke has to be a complete idiot. How else could he defeat Darth Vader and the Empire if he wasn't one? Many guys tried it before him, all of them pretty smart, yet they all failed. And why? Because they were smart. They were smart and did things the smart way. But things are always done the smart way, meaning that it was pretty damn easy for the dark side to predict their next move. But Luke was different. He was stupid and didn't know the way things were done. So he made a few bad moves, but so what? In the end he still won -- not thanks to his wit, but thanks to his stupidity. He won because the things he did were so stupid that not even Darth Vader could see them coming.
posted by daniel_charms at 12:07 PM on October 22, 2008 [6 favorites]


Your google-fu is strong.
posted by Class Goat at 12:08 PM on October 22, 2008 [2 favorites]


After defeating the Empire, Luke went on to write several best-selling books, including Nightmares of My Father and The Complete Idiot's Guide to Blowing Up The Death Star.
posted by daniel_charms at 12:12 PM on October 22, 2008 [4 favorites]


The internet never sleeps
posted by Dr-Baa at 12:13 PM on October 22, 2008 [2 favorites]


Luke Skywalker's first lightsaber was the color blue.
Metafilter has a blue background.

Coincidence? I'll let you decide.
posted by fijiwriter at 12:13 PM on October 22, 2008


daniel_charms, you are not making me feel good about the upcoming election.
posted by Wolfdog at 12:14 PM on October 22, 2008


I remember when Star Wars was re-released in the 90's. Everyone in the theater was so juiced - when the main title came up everyone cut loose with cheers. We were EXCITED.

Throughout the film, everyone is watching in enraptured silence as their childhood replays before their eyes. Then, Luke's "But I wanted to go into Tashi Station and pick up some power converters!" line. After a beat, everyone in the audience begins making high pitched whiny sounds and laughs. We looked at our childhood love with adult eyes, saw the flaws, and found new ways to enjoy it. It was great.
posted by cimbrog at 12:15 PM on October 22, 2008 [13 favorites]


Q: Okay, follow me on this. You're an English-speaking person. Say you want to fake like you're talkin' Swedish but you don't know Swedish. So you go something like, "Kvarn ne barn coffer doofern veedin ..." You don't know Russian so you go, "Vlashski dos zhiva da blooski vaha ..." You don't know Italian so you go, "Baleeni! Lorri a vicci comma dacienda mi amore ..."

But what if you're not an English speaker, and you want to fake-speak English, or more precisely, American? How does it sound?

-posted by lpsguy

A: You know when you're talking to someone and they're being a whiny jerk, and then you stop talking and turn away and pretend to be them, only you mutter under your breath some sort of nonsense phrase, but using their tone of voice? That's it.

"But I was going to go to Toshi Station to pick up some power converters!"

"Wah wah wah waaaaah rah rah ra ra rahhhhhhh!"

-posted by blue_beetle
posted by Iridic at 12:17 PM on October 22, 2008 [8 favorites]


No mention of that in the snow speeder, his co-pilot tells him the weapons aren't ready. So instead of taking a defensive position, Luke charges towards a walker and gets the dude killed?

I'm surprised Wedge didn't just take Luke out for the good of Rogue Squadron.
posted by drezdn at 12:18 PM on October 22, 2008 [4 favorites]


And Lukey honey, stop eating sand.
posted by Metroid Baby at 12:19 PM on October 22, 2008 [1 favorite]


WATCHING STAR WARS MOVIES FOR THE CHARACTERIZATION IS LIKE READING PLAYBOY FOR THE ARTICLES, AMIRITE?
posted by aught at 12:25 PM on October 22, 2008


If I was Luke I would've been kinda pissed at Obi-Wan and Yoda after the whole rescue-Han-from-Jabba debacle.

"Force powers don't work on Hutts?! And you failed to mention this why?!"
posted by pyrex at 12:27 PM on October 22, 2008 [3 favorites]


I'm a fangirl, don't get me wrong, but I always found it SUPER annoying that Luke became a Jedi Master pretty much instantly with minimal training. I once worked out the timeline and was like--shit, you can't train to be a kindergarten teacher that quickly!

Even more annoying to me is that in the canonical novels that follow "ROTJ" he eventually sets up a Jedi Academy, where people study for years before even getting to make their light sabers--as it should be, but Christ, the guy's basically got an honorary degree.
posted by padraigin at 12:28 PM on October 22, 2008 [4 favorites]


I've made some of the same points, but with more amusing delivery.

These days, however, I get laid.
posted by CheeseburgerBrown at 12:28 PM on October 22, 2008 [1 favorite]


Well, considering there were no other Jedi left I think they sort of rushed him through the training. They were desperate to get some Jedi out there. Luke was a 90 day wonder.
posted by bondcliff at 12:31 PM on October 22, 2008 [1 favorite]


At work his lightsabre is a businesslike white?

also SaintCynr is right - you either write as if what Luke did couln't really work, or you write about the things that didn't work, but try both and it just ends up a mess.
posted by Artw at 12:34 PM on October 22, 2008


So, swift, I'm guessing you were more of a Han Solo kinda guy.
posted by piratebowling at 12:35 PM on October 22, 2008 [2 favorites]


I'm a fangirl, don't get me wrong, but I always found it SUPER annoying that Luke became a Jedi Master pretty much instantly with minimal training.

He's got midichlorians!
posted by Artw at 12:36 PM on October 22, 2008 [3 favorites]


things are always done the smart way, meaning that it was pretty damn easy for the dark side to predict their next move. But Luke was different.

Luke Skywalker: The Philip J. Fry of the Star Wars universe.
posted by Greg Nog at 12:38 PM on October 22, 2008 [10 favorites]


He's got midichlorians!

Mmm. Apparently that and a few weekends at the University of Phoenix can take you pretty far.
posted by padraigin at 12:40 PM on October 22, 2008 [5 favorites]


So, swift, I'm guessing you were more of a Han Solo kinda guy.

I liked the Emperor.
posted by swift at 12:40 PM on October 22, 2008


I tried watching Star Wars or Empire Strikes Back a few weeks ago, and despite a legion of sticky-palmed nerds, it really doesn't hold up. It is ridiculous and literally painful to watch.

The only thing I can think of is when it initially came out, it was a rollicking, cartoonish scifi that cut through the musty late 70s. Since then, the sheer inertia of first generation saw-it-21-times-when-I-was-13-type fans seems to propel it decades later.

Maybe I just don't get it. But it just seems the popularity is due to commonality among the unsung, and as such echoed artifice is mistaken as art. A lot like 4chan, really.
posted by plexi at 12:42 PM on October 22, 2008


Or the Mona Lisa.
posted by plexi at 12:44 PM on October 22, 2008


You know, plexi, it may be something you have to be exposed to at a fairly early age. I saw the first one when I was four and introduced it to my kids at about the same age, and am pretty sure I've got a couple of life-long fans now.
posted by padraigin at 12:44 PM on October 22, 2008


I don't know why people are complaining about Luke being a Jedi master when he's so inept, undereducated, whiny, and stupid. In the United States, those exact qualities can get you elected president.
posted by Astro Zombie at 12:45 PM on October 22, 2008 [8 favorites]


Oh, man, I was soooo into Star Wars (it was the first movie I ever saw in the theatre at age five or six in 1977). But, man, the series has not aged well. It's just dumb. And what I hate the most is that Lucas, when you tell him that the franchise, especially the second series (Parts I, II, III) are especially dumb, he defends the stupidity of the ideas by saying that Star Wars is meant for *children*. Yet Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith feature all of these turgid, protracted "Galactic Senate" intrigues, which I suppose would appeal to a 10 year old who likes big words but, seriously, WTF? I think the recent South Park that features Lucas and Spielberg repeatedly raping Indiana Jones, and then a Stormtrooper, hits it dead on.
posted by KokuRyu at 12:52 PM on October 22, 2008 [2 favorites]




Why shouldn't he pay attention to the one muppet who knows how to use the Force?

Luke isn't the only one who makes this mistake my friend. There are muppets being ignored everywhere you look.

While this author is funny, the five points betray a fundamental misunderstanding of both the hero myth and the concept of virtue.

I don't get why people hate on Star Wars. Get over it losers. The movies stand up over time just fine. Y'all remind me of the baboons who watch the original Star Trek and complain about paper mache rocks. I sentence you to community theater.
posted by ewkpates at 1:04 PM on October 22, 2008 [4 favorites]


Luke isn't the only one who makes this mistake my friend. There are muppets being ignored everywhere you look.

Like the way I ignore Farscape because it has muppets!
posted by Artw at 1:05 PM on October 22, 2008 [1 favorite]


But it just seems the popularity is due to commonality among the unsung, and as such echoed artifice is mistaken as art.

Ah, the old "Is Star Wars actually good?" debate. Is it just good campy fun? It is just bad movie making viewed through nostalgia? Is about hero masks and other hoity toity stuff? Is it just mindless rot? The films have become such a part of our cultural landscape that I don't think a truly analytical discussion can be had about it anymore. Either you like it or you don't, but one way or the other you have to live with it all around you.

For me, the truest Star Wars moment was actually from the movie Reign of Fire. In a post apocalyptic world with nothing but improvised theater to entertain the children, what do the leaders of our generation do? They stage Star Wars for the kids like its our generation's passion play. In an otherwise crappy movie, that scene felt so very right.
posted by cimbrog at 1:06 PM on October 22, 2008


Like the way I gnore Farscape...

Um, no. And I'm pretty sure there is a muppet you should be paying more attention to.
posted by ewkpates at 1:09 PM on October 22, 2008


OH, MAN, I WAS SOOOO INTO STAR WARS (IT WAS THE FIRST MOVIE I EVER SAW IN THE THEATRE AT AGE FIVE OR SIX IN 1977). BUT, MAN, THE SERIES HAS NOT AGED WELL. IT'S JUST DUMB. AND WHAT I HATE THE MOST IS THAT LUCAS, WHEN YOU TELL HIM THAT THE FRANCHISE, ESPECIALLY THE SECOND SERIES (PARTS I, II, III) ARE ESPECIALLY DUMB, HE DEFENDS THE STUPIDITY OF THE IDEAS BY SAYING THAT STAR WARS IS MEANT FOR *CHILDREN*. YET PHANTOM MENACE AND ATTACK OF THE CLONES AND REVENGE OF THE SITH FEATURE ALL OF THESE TURGID, PROTRACTED "GALACTIC SENATE" INTRIGUES, WHICH I SUPPOSE WOULD APPEAL TO A 10 YEAR OLD WHO LIKES BIG WORDS BUT, SERIOUSLY, WTF? I THINK THE RECENT SOUTH PARK THAT FEATURES LUCAS AND SPIELBERG REPEATEDLY RAPING INDIANA JONES, AND THEN A STORMTROOPER, HITS IT DEAD ON.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 1:09 PM on October 22, 2008 [2 favorites]


I liked the Emperor.

When I was a kid, I wanted to grow up to be Jabba the Hutt. Being a kid, I naturally assumed that a giant sluglike hermaphrodite was the sort of thing that I could grow up to be, if I worked really hard at it (I also believed that I could grow up to be an Indian, which goes to show that there were some holes in my education).

My friends all wanted to be Luke Skywalker or Darth Vader, but I could tell that that racket was for chumps. Jabba had it all, man. The rancor, arguably the coolest creature in the Star Wars universe, was his pet. He fed it people he didn't like in order to amuse himself. He lived in a palace. You never saw Darth Vader in a palace, did you? He had parties all the time. Real parties, with pretty girls and a cool band. The only party Luke Skywalker ever attended was that "nub jub" Ewok bullshit. You know that Boba Fett bad ass about whom everyone's all aflutter? Yeah, Jabba's his boss.

And that's all before the Leia slave-girl outfit.

Luke? Feh! Jabba and I are of one Force-immune mind on this one: "Silly Jedi."
posted by Parasite Unseen at 1:15 PM on October 22, 2008 [14 favorites]


Not that you all care, but I randomly plurked a Luke Skywalker quote earlier this morning. Weird co-inky-dink considering I haven't watched the movie in about 7 years. *shrug*
posted by mrzer0 at 1:18 PM on October 22, 2008


*phone ringing*

Beru Lars: Hello?
Deak : Hi, is Luke there?
Beru: No, he’s out in the back fixing some droids, Deak.
Deak: Ok, Mrs. Lars. I was thinking we could take the speeder to Toshi Station, maybe pick up some power converters. Tell ‘em I called.
Beru: I will Deak. Bye.

(next day)
*phone ringing*

Beru: Hello?
Deak: Uh, hi Mrs. Lars. Luke around?
Beru: No, Deak. He said he had some things to do before he started today, so he left early.
Deak: Oh. Well, I talked to him yesterday. I thought we were going to go out to Toshi Station.
Beru: No, his uncle wants him to fix some units in the south range this morning. So..
*CRASH!*
Beru: Oh, maybe that him now. Just a ‘sec.
*KPEW! PEW! PEW!*
Deak: ...? Mrs. Lars?
...
Deak: Hello?
*KPEW! ZZT!*
(phone cuts off)

Later...

Dear Luke,

Sorry to hear about your folks. I know you probably took it pretty hard. I liked your aunt. Your uncle too, I guess, but he always yelled at me. He was a good guy though, no offense.
Don’t take this the wrong way, but what’s going on with that old guy Ben? Why are you hanging out with him? I hear he was in a cult. And what’s this about you guys blowing up a military base? You’ve totally changed man. I know your folks getting killed by sandpeople sucked. But that’s no reason to go blowing up stuff. How many people were on that thing? You ever think of that?
The Imperial cops were all over the place asking questions about you. Weird stuff like if you ever lifted stuff with your mind or if you could choke people from across the room. A stormtrooper roughed up my brother Dave pretty bad.
Anyway, if you want to come home or you need a place to hide out, you can crash here. There’s plenty of space. The cops already searched the place, so they probably won’t come back.

See you later, I hope,

The Deaker.

p.s. I got my speeder running again. It’s fast as hell. I went to Toshi Station with Ken and we fitted some big ass power converters on it and stuff. Well, you’ll see it when you get here.

(LATER)

*ringing*

Luke: Hello?
Deak: Luke, whats up!
Luke: Deak, great to hear from you. May the force be with you.
Deak: ...
Deak: Uh, yeah. Ok. How’s it going?
Luke: Not well. I just got done training with master Yoda in the swamp on Dagobah and..
Deak: Dagobah.
Luke: Yeah, and Master Obi-Wan Kenobi’s ghost said that I
Deak: Old Ben’s...ghost?
Luke: Yeah, he said that my friends were in trouble but I shouldn’t go. But I can feel their pain in the force. So I have to rescue them.
Deak: ...
Deak: Who?
Luke: Huh?
Deak: Your friend. Who?
Luke: Han Solo.
Deak: Solo? The drug mule? He shot a guy in a cold blood in a bar in Mos Eisley like last month!
Luke: No, no, that guy shot at him first.
Deak: Luke, you have no conception of reality man, everyone saw Solo just kill this guy, toss the bartender some money and walk out to...
Luke: You’ve got it all wrong. That guy was a bounty hunter for Jabba the Hut.
Deak: JABBA the HUT? You’re mixed up with the mafia now?
Luke: No, no, the mafia is after us.
Deak: After you terrorists.
Luke: We’re rebels. Not terrorists.
Deak: ... Ok.
Luke: Look, I’ve got to go. I’m coming in to Cloud City.
Deak: Cloud City? The gas refinery?
Luke: Yeah. I’ve got to go.
Deak: you gonna blow that up too?
Luke: What?
Deak: Nothing. Look man if you want to come home, we can *click* ...hello? Luke? Aw, man he’s losing it.

(LATER)

*knocking*

Deak: (opens door) Luke?
Luke: Deak!
Deak: Uh..*looks around outside* hey. Should, uh, should you be here?
Luke: Yeah, why, what’s wrong?
Deak: No. Nothing, c’mon in. Want some blue milk?
Luke: No, thanks I can only stay a minute I’m heading over to Jabba’s
Deak:...for what?
Luke: To convince him to give up my buddy Solo. My dad, Darth Vader froze him in carbonite. I’m here with my sister, Princess Leia, is already on the inside and..
Deak: Luke, Luke, man. What are you talking about? Jabba will throw you in the Great Pit of Carkoon...if you’re lucky.
Luke: No. I’ve got two droids and...
Deak: The droids you bought off the Jawas?
Luke: Yeah. And this lightsaber and
Deak: You’ve got a sword. Luke, man, they’ve got blasters and armor and...his ship has a laser cannon on it, man!
Luke: No, no, the force is with *me*
Deak: Yeah. So...you want to check out my speeder?
Luke: No, I don’t have time. I sense events are moving through the force that...
Deak: So why are you here.
Luke: We’re going to blow up the new Death Star with some Ewoks!
Deak: ...
Luke: The Rebel Alliance sure could use another good pilot.
Deak: Yeaaaaah. I’m, uh, I’m not really political.
Luke: You don’t like the Empire do you?
Deak: Well, no. But I mean...
Luke: We’re going to kill the emperor once and for all.
Deak: Uh...he’s kind of just a harmless old guy isn’t he? He was burned pretty badly when the, uh, sorry, Jedi rebelled.
Luke: He’s a tyrant.
Deak: Well, I don’t like him, but he was voted in. I don’t know what I...
Luke:I’m going to kill him and redeem my father.
Deak: Redeem Darth Vader.
Luke: Yeah.
Deak: Ok, well. I can see this is, like, really personal. To you. I’d, uh, I’d just be in the way.
Luke: Sorry you feel that way Deakeroni. *offers hand*
Deak: Yeah. *shakes* What’s up with your hand?
Luke: Oh. When Darth Vader told me he was my father he asked me to join him to rule the galaxy, but he cut it off when I said I wouldn’t join him.
Deak: ...
Deak: Right. Ok. Well, good luck Luker.
Luke: See you. Hopefully Jabba will listen to reason and save his own life.
Deak: Yeah. I’m, uh, I hope so too.
posted by Smedleyman at 1:20 PM on October 22, 2008 [105 favorites]


posted by Smedleyman at 4:20 PM on October 22 [+] [!]

Chronysterical.
posted by stavrogin at 1:26 PM on October 22, 2008


Chronysterical.

Yeah man, that shit is dope....
posted by Dark Messiah at 1:32 PM on October 22, 2008


The only Muppets I could ever respect were the ones from The Land of Gorch on Saturday Night Live...
posted by Ron Thanagar at 1:38 PM on October 22, 2008


Ah, the old "Is Star Wars actually good?" debate

That sort of debate is for amateurs. What we really need to focus our intellectual horse-power on is.... Kirk vs. Picard; who wins the fist fight. This is important stuff.
posted by Dark Messiah at 1:45 PM on October 22, 2008 [1 favorite]


Deak: No. Nothing, c’mon in. Want some blue milk?
posted by swift at 1:51 PM on October 22, 2008


he defends the stupidity of the ideas by saying that Star Wars is meant for *children*.

This isn't so outrageous. Stars Wars is meant for children. And it shows. Which is why it is so baffling that fully-grown adults continue to invest their time & emotional energy into it.

I mean imagine if there was a post about Lassie or Herbie or the Sesame Street every week on Metafilter...wouldn't you think it was weird? It's not just weird, it's lazy. There are an infinite number of interesting bits and piece of art and culture to soak up out there, and yet a sizable contingent of folks here still have exactly the same tastes as when they were ten years old.

Being a Stars Wars fan at 30-something is like walking around with a squirt gun wearing one of those propeller caps.
posted by dydecker at 1:58 PM on October 22, 2008 [2 favorites]


OH YEAH WELL YOU ARE A BIG STUPID FACE WHAT ABOUT THAT?
posted by Potomac Avenue at 2:01 PM on October 22, 2008 [2 favorites]


Okay, first off, Kirk and Picard wouldn't have a fist fight. Kirk would do that move where he laces his fingers together over his head and just kinda clubs down on Picard's dome. Maybe a couple of tackles, or a kick. Fisticuffs? Not so much.
posted by adipocere at 2:13 PM on October 22, 2008 [1 favorite]


*hides squirt gun behind back*
posted by brundlefly at 2:14 PM on October 22, 2008


And, yeah... I loved Star Wars as a kid, but they don't hold up for me now. There are still some really, really neat things in there (like the battle on Hoth and the rancor pit scene) but they're outweighed by all the painfully bad elements.

I think the only reasons the originals are viewed as superior to the prequels are nostalgia and Harrison Ford's incredible charisma. Ford carried those movies, in my view.
posted by brundlefly at 2:18 PM on October 22, 2008


It's entirely possible to point out how stupid something is and simultaneously love it for what it is.
posted by Artw at 2:22 PM on October 22, 2008 [2 favorites]


Why is everyone tiptoeing around the fact that Luke made out with his own sister? How is that not #1 on every list of his atrocities? That kind of action has to come down as wrong everywhere outside of West Virginia. Even if it was a mistake, he's still obligated to remove his lips (and tongue? -- ooh, squick) with a cheese grater as soon as he finds out the truth. (I mean, go to prom with her, OK -- but suckface?)

(On preview, my apologies to all the sibling-humping MeFites out there. Gotta keep an open mind.)
posted by joaquim at 2:31 PM on October 22, 2008


Why is everyone tiptoeing around the fact that Luke made out with his own sister? How is that not #1 on every list of his atrocities?

Because it's fuckin' hot, dude. Who among us has not had a fantasy of the Skywalker twins writhing in a big pile of ysalamiri lizards? Who among us could be that bereft of soul?
posted by Greg Nog at 2:40 PM on October 22, 2008 [3 favorites]


Yeah. I was 5 and that was just about right.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 2:41 PM on October 22, 2008


I totally agree that Star Wars hasn't aged that well. I tried watching some Empire Strikes Back the other day and the dialogue was terrible. I mentioned this to my girlfriend and the quoted the Toshi station whine at me.

It was then I realized that I'd grown into different tastes and then I really wanted someone to do an adult oriented Star Wars. Like some espionage type show (like, when they're after the info on the 2nd Death Star) with tons of dramatic tension and "Oh Shit, he's a double agent for the EMPIRE?" moments. And you have the Bothan dude all internal conflicted about betraying the friends he made in the Rebellion but still wants to believe in the Empire but he starts to recognize that he's been fed craploads of propaganda about both the Rebels and the Empire and it's like, "shit, now the Bothan counter espionage unit is onto me, fucking hunter droids and concealed fucking blasters." And then you're shooting first all the time and you can't go back.
posted by Mister Cheese at 2:47 PM on October 22, 2008 [5 favorites]


You're all wrong and Star Wars is fucking awesome.
posted by Diskeater at 2:48 PM on October 22, 2008


I got laid off a few weeks ago so the following day I met a friend in the pub at lunchtime and spent the next 10 hours drinking. And stuff.

The following day I hid under the duvet and watched Star Wars I to VI. And it was bloody great fun. Return of the Jedi seemed a lot better (was my least favourite) and I'd forgotten how much I enjoyed II & III. (Having read a fair chunk of the Expanded Universe books after seeing III it's good to see so much of the galactic capital Coruscant.)

They're not high art. They're just a bunch of dumb space fun. The problem is the nerds. Those who invested so much nerd sweat in the original trilogy and feel cheated by either the temerity of Lucas making prequels that didn't conform to their expectations or just the fact they've grown, and those who are just so far into the damn stuff that they have fucking Star Wars weddings.

Their just a bunch of stuff that (didn't really) happened. *Shrug*
posted by i_cola at 3:06 PM on October 22, 2008


Who among us has not had a fantasy of the Skywalker twins

Not I... But I guess it's all ... *ahem* relative.

/ducks flying tomatoes.
posted by Dark Messiah at 3:06 PM on October 22, 2008


Okay, I got a chuckle out of "(After severing the Wampa Ice Beast's arm, does Luke finish him off and wait for help in the nice warm ice cave? No, he stumbles outside into sub-zero temperatures, trips, cries for Ben, and manages to knock himself out.)"
posted by turgid dahlia at 3:06 PM on October 22, 2008 [1 favorite]


Greg Nog: " Who among us has not had a fantasy of the Skywalker twins writhing in a big pile of ysalamiri lizards? Who among us could be that bereft of soul?"

My thoughts upon reading this were, in this order:
  • "What the hey? Wouldn't that be terribly uncomfortable? After all, the ysalamiri need tree branches in which they can sink their claws to draw out nutrients. It would be like making love on a pile of mixed rugs and firewood."
  • "I just recognized a fictional lizard-creature from a book based on a sci-fi movie series. By name, without looking it up. And I remembered secondary details like their feeding habits, not even the only reason they were introduced in the first place (anti-force powers)."
  • "And now I'm giving serious thought to the question whether fictional twincest would be more of a turn-on on turn-off for me."
Thank you, now I hate myself...
posted by PontifexPrimus at 3:08 PM on October 22, 2008 [16 favorites]


They're rather than their as well.
posted by i_cola at 3:13 PM on October 22, 2008


Yeah, Yoda and Obi Wan really should have chosen Leia.
posted by mr. strange at 3:21 PM on October 22, 2008


I want to see the movies from the perspective of Wedge. Always saving Luke's ass only to be relegated to a roll in the background character.

I have this vision of after the second Death Star was destroyed, Wedge, Ackbar, and Lando sitting around a bar on Bespin, getting wrecked, and bitching about how Han and Luke ended up getting all the credit.
posted by quin at 3:23 PM on October 22, 2008


WATCHING STAR WARS MOVIES FOR THE CHARACTERIZATION IS LIKE READING PLAYBOY FOR THE ARTICLES, AMIRITE?

Unless the point you're trying to make is that the Star Wars series are surprisingly full of excellent character development under the superficial layer of eye candy, not so much.
posted by rodgerd at 3:42 PM on October 22, 2008


I just watched episodes IV-XI recently, for the first time since the re-release in the 90's. Yeah, they're cheesy, but they're still fun, like the action serials that they were patterned after. I'm not going to pretend they're great fonts of depth and social commentary, they're dumb, fun cheese. Sometimes that exactly what I need.

Seriously, do people try to find deep cultural significance in Evil Dead?
posted by lekvar at 3:59 PM on October 22, 2008


"And now I'm giving serious thought to the question whether fictional twincest would be more of a turn-on on turn-off for me."

Luke and Leia: turn-off to, at most, meh.
Wonder Twins: Way turn-on. Especially if they let Gleek play too.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 4:03 PM on October 22, 2008


Why is everyone tip-toeing around the obvious. According to later work, there were over a million people on the Death Star. A million. Skywalker is a mass-murderer.

He should be up on charges.
posted by lumpenprole at 4:19 PM on October 22, 2008


What scares me the most is that I saw Star Wars when it came out in 1977 at the age of 16. It has now been 31 years AND THEY'RE STILL SELLING STAR WARS TOYS IN THE STORES.
posted by Ron Thanagar at 4:29 PM on October 22, 2008




PS- I am severely disappointed in the lack of Lando love in this thread.

As cool as Jabba is (and he is very cool) Lando is so much cooler. Not only does he wear a blue cape with a gold lining, he is the original owner of the Falcon (who taught Han how to fly, btw) and he won an entire freaking planet over a card game! And that is ignoring all the EU shit.
posted by paisley henosis at 5:12 PM on October 22, 2008


Skywalker is a mass-murderer.

I had friends on that Death Star...
posted by Rangeboy at 5:26 PM on October 22, 2008


Then, Luke's "But I wanted to go into Tashi Station and pick up some power converters!" line

I think this was RobotChicken, but apparently "the Power Converters" is the name of a troupe of strippers in a Tashi Station brothel.

Star Wars just keeps getting better.
posted by -harlequin- at 5:39 PM on October 22, 2008


Oh, man, Wikipedia is a blessing and a curse. On a whim, I just looked up the entry for Admiral Ackbar, and the name of his planet is "Mon Calamari."

Mon-fucking-Calamari.
posted by brundlefly at 5:39 PM on October 22, 2008


Okay, first off, Kirk and Picard wouldn't have a fist fight. Kirk would do that move where he laces his fingers together over his head and just kinda clubs down on Picard's dome. Maybe a couple of tackles, or a kick. Fisticuffs? Not so much.

Kirk can't do the two-handed punch down thing until he has at the very least bloodied his lip, mussed his hair, and torn his gold shirt.

But I think he wouldn't fight Picard anyway, because he doesn't have a problem with Frenchmen. It's the Irish guys' butts he wants to kick. Finnegan, Kelly, they never stood a chance.
posted by misha at 6:06 PM on October 22, 2008 [1 favorite]


lumpenprole writes "According to later work, there were over a million people on the Death Star. A million. Skywalker is a mass-murderer. "

They knew the risks.
posted by Mitheral at 6:18 PM on October 22, 2008


I continue to consume Star Wars in the form of NPR's radio serial. (They did Star Wars and Empire, 12 episodes each). Lots of fun. Especially the beginning, with the much expanded small town Tatooine high school days. Mark Hamill plays Luke again, and he's just as whiny as ever. Which I like. As a kid, Luke seemed more like an adult. Now I see him as the teenager he is.

Having watched it several dozen times on HBO in the early 80s, it's hard for me to evaluate objectively. But aside from its awesomeness, I note that it was my first exposure to political critique and also probably played a large role in my eventual interest in meditation, Buddhism, and the like. As a mythology it has served me well. Alongside the Lord of the Rings and the Matrix, it continues to infect the minds of our youth with mysticism and an anti-imperialist agenda, and for that I value it highly.
posted by flotson at 10:27 PM on October 22, 2008 [1 favorite]


Metroid Baby, thank you for the link to iharthdarth. It is hilarious.
posted by sebastienbailard at 12:17 AM on October 23, 2008


Why is everyone tiptoeing around the fact that Luke made out with his own sister?

In part because Genetic Sexual Attraction is a known phenomenon. And, I think, because it feels like a clunky retcon.
posted by Francis at 2:47 AM on October 23, 2008


Hans Solo is the hero of Star Wars, no doubt in my mind. He is a rebel, he saves everyone, he gets the girl... all classic traits of a movie hero.
posted by Titania at 3:08 AM on October 23, 2008


Alternate Ending - Luke hears the voice of Ben telling him to switch off the targeting computer and does so before firing at the exhaust port. Then, disaster! The missiles bounce off the rim before a chortling, wheezing voice comes over the radio - yes, Darth was using his vastly more powerful Jedi Mind Powers to pretend to be his former teacher.

Luke's X-Wing burns up as Darth fires red-hot laser death-beams right into his dumb, farm-boy ass.

FIN
posted by longbaugh at 4:22 AM on October 23, 2008 [1 favorite]


Yeah but he's a badass in Dark Empire.
posted by darkripper at 8:17 AM on October 23, 2008


I just watched episodes IV-XI recently

Holy shit, did they make another 5 movies when I wasn't looking?!
posted by Saxon Kane at 9:36 AM on October 23, 2008


What;s up with the movie where all the characters look like CGI Bratz dolls?
posted by Artw at 9:39 AM on October 23, 2008


Frankly I always thought Luke didn't get enough love, especially lately. I mean they stick Star Wars characters in Soul Calibur 4, and who do they pick? Ok Vader's a given, everyone loves Vader, but Yoda? Ok, i'll buy they need a gimmick character and people got their knickers in a twist over that fight scene he had in Attack of the Clones (sigh), but for the third, who do they get? The Apprentice?! Who is this K-fed looking dink anyway? They have a chance to throw in some canon and they pick some feckless dink to shill the new Forced Unleashed game? Lame. Luke and his 'unlikely hero chosen destiny' claptrap fits into the SoulCalibur mythos WAY better than Vader and Yoda. Plus, technically, they're both dead.

Speaking of, when did The Force become such an unspeakably powerful telekinetic power? Luke couldn't move his lightsaber two feet without straining, and he damn near gave himself a hernia lifting his ship, but Vader, Qui-Gonn, Obi-Wann (in the prequels, anyway) even Darth K-Fed can fling ships and buildings around like The Day After Tomorrow. Come come now.

I'm not a Star Wars geek, but I am a fighting game geek, and I for one demand some Luke.
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 10:15 AM on October 23, 2008


Well, there's Masters of Teras Kasi, as long as you can hold your lunch down while you play.
posted by Dr-Baa at 12:01 PM on October 23, 2008


Well, we don't have any indication of time (at least nothing canon) but it seems Luke can lifts an X-Wing after little training. Imagine what he could do after the years of training and pracitising of a Jedi Master. In the expanded universe he gets more time to get better and he becomes a very strong character and does a lot of crazy shits. So yeah, makes perfectly sense all that kinds of telekinetic awesomeness from veteran jedis.
posted by darkripper at 5:14 PM on October 23, 2008


Your google-fu is strong.

The google is strong in this one.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 9:17 PM on October 23, 2008


Madame Blavatsky mentioned Skywalker in her Buddhist mystical tract The Voice of the Silence:

"Then from the heart that Power shall rise into the sixth, the middle region, the place between thine eyes, when it becomes the breath of the ONE-SOUL, the voice which filleth all, thy Master's voice.

'Tis only then thou canst become a "Walker of the Sky" (25) who treads the winds above the waves, whose step touches not the waters."
posted by Tarn at 11:28 PM on October 24, 2008


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